Chapter 32

"Who are you again?" I asked the man in the muscle tee shirt, standing at the foot of my bed, calling what I presumed to be my name. I had sort of gotten used to not knowing for sure what was happening around me.

"I'm Royce and you are Lucy Ayers. Now if you pick up that laptop beside your bed and open the file marked 'This is your life, you can find out almost everything that has happened to you since you lost your memory," he said.

I knew how to open the file, which surprised me. "It says here I was shot in the head and almost drowned?" I asked.

"That's right, and you ask me that every morning and next you are going to ask if your hair has grown back. The answer is yes and no. It covers the scars from all the surgery, but you haven't had it styled."

"I looked you up and it says you are my body guard, are you also my friend. I seem to think that you are," I commented.

"I am anything you want me to be Lucy, but if nothing else, I am your friend," the man said.

"From the fact sheet I know how old I am, but how old are you?" I asked.

"I'm twenty-seven and unmarried. Before you ask again I am not gay, I have been tied up for a while." he said.

"Then you should go out and find yourself a nice girl and get married. It says in the bio that I have a daughter named Cindy who is twenty-one and in college maybe she would do." I suggested.

"I don't think that is a good idea," he said.

I shrugged and moved on. Tell me Royce am I getting any better or am I just one step up from a radish?" I asked.

"The doctors have explained it to you many times, but since you cant remember shit, I am the one now who has to do it and I'm no doctor," he said.

"Before you go on, tell me what you are, besides my bodyguard," I asked.

"I'm and ex con you turned into a hero," he said with a strange look on his face.

"I see, so now tell me who I am," I said.

"I can tell you who you were and I can tell you what your condition is, but that is not nearly enough to explain who you are. You should read your biography to get all that. You always want to know what happened to your brain since you don't remember much." he said.

"Yeah Royce, tell me that," I said dreading the answers.

"For one thing your memory is gone for the most part. I have heard this so many times I know the story as good as any doctor," he said.

"Will my memory come back?" I asked.

"It is possible that bits and pieces will return but not a great deal and not much at a time. Consider yourself lucky, since you have enough of your brain working to know when you are hungry and how to eat.

The tell you every time they come in that the brain is like a computer. More truthful would be the computer is modeled on our brain. We actually have three kinds of memory. It's like when your computer comes on. There are something that are almost hardwired into it. It's all that shit that happens in order for the computer to start.

Your hard wired memory works fine. Your problem is how to make your life work with big ass gaps in your memory and the fact that your memory isn't exactly what it should be.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. How do you make toast? What are the steps?" He asked.

"I put bread on a baking pan and put it under the broiler till it is brown," I said beginning to understand.

"What is your best friend's name?" he asked.

"I have no idea," I admitted.

"How do you load your .38 revolver?" he asked.

"Do I own a .38 revolver?" I asked.

"Yes, how do you load it?" he asked.

I explained how to load a revolver in detail. "So somethings are gone and some aren't," I suggested.

"Yes, but almost nothing new gets written into your long term memory. You are like a computer without a hard drive. You short term memory works pretty well. If you asked for pizza in a restaurant, you would know if they brought you a donut by mistake. The next day you probably wouldn't remember that you had pizza the day before." I said.

"So, everyday is a blank slate for me?" I asked.

"Yes," Royce said.

I lay there quietly for a moment then asked, "I can't afford this place can I?" I asked looking around the facility.

"I have no idea what your finances were before, but your ex husband Jeff stepped up and took care of things for a while. That is until he managed to seize the assets of every person involved in the criminal conspiracy that put you here. That man is a genius at finding hidden assets or maybe it's Sam who is the genius," Royce said.

"Who's Sam," I asked.

"Your legal secretary," Royce said.

"So, I was a lawyer?" I asked.

"Technically you still are, or so says Jeff your ex, who is also a lawyer," Royce said.

"Ah okay, so am I always going to have to live here?" I asked.

"Actually no, you can leave anytime you feel ready, or so I'm told. Now read your file and then we can start the day." Royce said.

The file was a combination of an index of names an big events in my life, and a kind of biography. Most likely written by my children. I seemed to have two kids, so that would be interesting. Theoretically I could open the file read the bio every morning and then keep it handy for the index. If I did that the doctors thought I might manage on my own. Well some thought so and some didn't it seemed on a closer reading of the file. I had my doubts as well but I wanted to try. The file informed me that I had be working toward this for six months. Why I felt ready to face the world that day and not the day before I had no idea. I doubt that anyone else would either. Like the file said I could still think and be rational, I just forgot everything I had done once I went to sleep.