Chapter 12

The next two bridge games were cancelled because of seasonal scheduling conflicts. Other than the conversations about the bridge games, Aggie and Carla had no further discussions of what they aired at Aggie’s house over tea. Three weeks after that indescribable day though Carla called and wanted to have lunch again. “The things I would like to talk about are of such a private nature though; can you come to my house? I just don’t want to take the chance of other’s hearing even a smidgen of our conversation.”

Hmm Aggie thought this lady must have something in her past that she wants to talk about.

Two days later they met at the Addebury house. Aggie let her hostess set the tone and rhythm of their meeting. As they were enjoying dessert and tea Carla said, “I have to admit Aggie—and you are indeed an Aggie—you have certainly had all of us fooled, playing the part of the upstanding pastor’s wife.”

“I’ve never played a part Carla,” Aggie retorted. “Before last year I lived my role entirely without guile. This last year my actions, apart from being as good a pastor’s wife to the congregation and the community have been in complete conformity. The other side of my life—the secret side—is no wickeder than reading a sexy book, looking at pornography or fantasizing wild sex with strange men. As far as I’m concerned it is my right to enjoy my sexual side. Phillip doesn’t suffer nor does anybody else. I am living with complete absence of guilt.”

Flashing a smile Carla shrugged her head and said, “Yeah that’s what I mean Aggie.” But she was thinking what kind of BS do you think you’re shoveling?

Catching the inference Aggie, with a nonconfrontational smile, said, “We are all responsible for our own thoughts and actions Carla. I just want you to know I am totally comfortable with my own thoughts as well as your judgement. Most of all though I would like to make you aware of a way that you can enjoy your sexual potential as much as I do ... and without guilt.”

Carla’s face became a mask of confusion.

“Who knows Carla; we may just be the odd ones who are disenchanted but I doubt it. I know that there are lovely pastors who can go beyond the egotism of the be-all and end-all to their congregations yet are ideal husbands. But there are also men like Phillip and Reggie who are withholding satisfaction from their wives while having sex with other women both in their minds and with their bodies.”

“See Aggie?” Carla said in amazement, “you just seem to have an uncanny ability to be in any situation and always deal with it as if it were merely a sneeze or a hiccup.” She reached over and patted Aggie’s hand lovingly. “It took me a few days to get over our last conversation ... you rattled my cage pretty hard. Through your effort though you have unloosed parts of my life that I have stuffed in the basement of my memory.”

Holding up her hand Aggie murmured, “You don’t need to make any confessions to me Carla. What has gone on in your life belongs to you. I’m not looking for sensationalism.”

“But because of our luncheon I have chosen to dwell on them deeply Aggie and I want to tell you how it has affected me. I want to view what you told me about your experiences with a complete absence of judgement. You told me that before you had your seaside affair you never considered sex as a major component of your marriage. Maybe I’m being too snoopy. But when you married Phillip were you a virgin?”

“Absolutely Carla I was a babe in the woods.”

“And you never suspected Phillip of paying around on you?” Aggie shook her head. “But you knew it the night you smelled um...”

“ ... the scent of Kasey’s pussy on his hand? Yes.”

“God Aggie I can’t believe how naturally you use those words.”

“We’re friends Carla. They’re just words.”

As her face turned deep red Carla confessed, “I lost my virginity when I was fourteen. It happened at church camp ... with a youth director who was studying to be a minister.”

Carla O’Shea grew up in a religious family that was continually active in their church. At an early age she began feeling the mysterious pull of religion in her life. At the age of thirteen she joined the youth group that was being led by a young divinity student by the name of Brad Feller. Along with most of the girls whose hormones were raging Carla developed a crush on the handsome young man. But unlike most girls her strong libido made her resistance to exploring sex with boys almost unbearable.

When she began puberty, it wasn’t the normal kind of exploration that brought on masturbation. It was the distinct excitement between an itch and an ache that seemed to vibrate at the confluence of her vaginal lips—happening strongest just before her periods. The first time she touched herself it was to quell the itch. But soon the touching became an ache that could only be calmed with gentle manipulation. Soon the ache became a blissful journey that ended in ecstatic spasms.

Her parents were tight mouthed about sex, of no value in helping her deal with her struggles. But they were so vocal about girls with loose morals that Carla masturbated in shame. She began thinking of herself as one of those “loose girls.” During this period, she dwelt on keeping herself pure for marriage which she hoped would end up with a minister of the gospel. It was to this end that she hoped for her strong sexual drive to be sanctified.

The nineteen-year-old Brad Feller was a divinity student who had just become youth director. Feller appeared to possess all the attributes necessary to someday become a successful man of God. It was only natural for Carla to dream that someday she might become Mrs. Brad Feller.

By everyone’s standards Brad was a rising star. His failing was that he was a horny devil. At the same time, he was an exceptionally well-schooled lover. Brad was an expertly covert flirt who had the ability to single out any girl of his choosing, one like Carla O’Shea who lived with a highly elevated libido.

Unlike most of the girls in her youth group Carly, as he called her, had become physically mature at a young age, trumpeting her sensual vibrance to the sexually astute Feller. She was easy prey for such a practiced rogue who, like Svengali, mesmerized her into an obsessive desire for him. It was on her first summer mission trip to an Indian reservation that Brad changed Carla’s life. She had fallen off a ladder and twisted her ankle. The caring youth director took her to the infirmary where they taped her ankle. He then took her back to the facility where they were all staying. Everybody was out working on Indian houses, so it was easy for him to seduce her.