Chapter 37

Present – Stacy – In the bushes

I empty Ben's golden rifle into the damn tiger and thank God as the sneaky bastard finally dies right at my feet. I hear a noise, turn with my rifle and see it's Samantha and the whole darn news crew. I really wish this rifle held more rounds, because I would go out in a blaze of glory and take that damn nosy Samantha bitch with me (I really hate her because she works for the Jennifer bitch who's keeping Ben and I apart). I lower the rifle then there's a hell of a noise behind them. They turn with their weapons and OH HELL NO! THEY'D BETTER NOT! I pull one of the revolvers and shuffle the best I can with my pants still down around my ankles...

Present – Samantha – Transporting Stacy

When there's a hell of a noise behind us, the whole team turns as Stacy's horses crash through the bushes. They look like rabid, runaway freight trains that are headed right at us. The men prepare to fire when, I can't believe it...

Present – Stacy – In the bushes

I put that damn nosy Samantha bitch in a headlock, press the revolver against her head and yell, "If you shoot my horses I'm going to cap this little bitch!"

Everyone turns, looks at me and Samantha's damn husband yells, "No one puts a gun to my wife's head!" Then he charges at me with his wheelchair...

Present – Samantha – Transporting Stacy

Things are totally out of control! The crazy-assed Stacy bitch has her arm around my neck and a gun against my head and my darling husband is racing toward her with his wheelchair! I am pissed off because no one puts a gun to my head and someone is going to get hurt if I don't do something. So I twist away from her and punch her in the nose...

Present – Stacy – In the bushes

That damn little bitch just punched me in the nose - no one does that to me! I yell, "Alright bitch it's time you get your boney ass kicked."

She taunts, "Well come on you fat fucking prima-donna!"

Her husband yells, "Sam she's mine, back off!"

Samantha responds, "Like hell she's yours. I'm tired of this bossy prima-donna bitch and I'm going to whip her ass and teach her a lesson. You men stay out of this and that's an order!"

We begin to fight and I realize that fighting with your pants around your ankles is damn hard. So I begin to think, 'what would Ben do?' The answer immediately hit me and I kick off my pants. When they hit the boney bitch in the face, I charge...

Present – Frank – Watching the fight

Shit! Two women fighting is hot as hell and it's even better because one of them is my sexy young wife and the other is naked from the waist down. I check and realize I've had the camera on the whole time. I figure what the hell, bring it up to my eye and begin filming this for real. It's not every day you get to see your wife rolling around in the dirt with a half nude woman.

They're women and it's not like they are really going to hurt each other. They are pulling hair, punching, biting, kicking and swearing like sailors. My brother Emanuel comes over and says, "I'd sure like a copy of this video."

I answer, "Shit we're going to make a fortune with this video on the internet."

Emanuel questions, "Did you notice what the horses are doing?"

I answer, "No, what are they doing?"

He responds, "They're stomping the hell out of the dead tiger."

I look up, see the horses and notice something else. I ask Emanuel, "Who's watching the news van."

He looks around and yells, "Shit! Not again!"

Present – Stacy – In the bushes

What the fuck! Did I just hear something about this fight being taped? I decide it's time to end this bullshit fight so I do what Ben would do, I knock that damn nosy news bitch out! Jump up and see all the bastard men are leering at me and sure enough the camera is running and the little bitch's husband is filming the hell out of me.

I quickly cover myself and yell, "You damn pervert! I want that tape."

He laughs and argues, "Like hell you're getting this tape."

I announce, "If I don't get that tape there's going to be hell to pay because you didn't have my permission to tape me."

Emanuel runs back into the clearing and announces, "Forget the damn tape, give it to her because we have a bigger issue - someone stole the news van..."

Present – Linus, Matt and Jim – Somewhere in Texas

We find the closest truck stop, pull in and stop, gear up and head inside when we realize we might have made a major mistake...

Present – Ben – Somewhere in Texas

The truck begins to slow which wakes me up and I'm sure glad it did. The damn faces were back in full force! You would think with fewer of them they would be less of a problem, but hell no! They are more insistent than ever about 'their retribution.'

I open my eyes, see we're at a truck stop and Stinky Pete comments, "Damn boy! That must have been some hellacious nightmare. Do you have those every time you sleep?"

I reply, "It's not really something I want to talk about. Are we close to Dallas?"

He drawls, "Yeah, this is the last good truck stop before Dallas. Now bring your gear since it's time I buy you a meal."

We jump out of the truck cab, head toward the truck stop and I question, "Won't the other drivers worry about me if they see me 'like this'?"

He smiles and declares, "Not if you're with me they won't. However if you had walked in by yourself..."

He doesn't get a chance to answer as we're at the door of the truck stop. He walks in with me behind him. At first everyone yells out his name, then they see me and my Situational Awareness kicks into overdrive!!!

Present – Jens – At the cabin

Damn! If I'm not sleeping, then no one's sleeping! Sharik and I head to Maria's room. I bang on the door and yell, "Maria, we're having a meeting. Be in the library in five minutes." Yeah that was fun as hell, now to act like even more of a pain in the ass.

I get to Liz and Bernie's door, pound on it and yell, "Liz we need to have a meeting, be in the library in four minutes."

Now to wake up Jack and Masha but their room is the furthest away...

Present – Jack – At the cabin

Hells Bells! Jens is making enough noise to raise the dead and has even disturbed Ivan. Masha is comforting him but I'm not happy.