Chapter 11: Married

We left the Nurses Office, turned left at the stairs and ascended, two at a time. Why we never missed a step and fell was beyond me ... I wasn't paying a lick of attention to the steps. I was watching her, she was watching me.

"SURPRISE!!!" The whole Court House staff was waiting at the top of the stairs. From the well-wishing I'd have to say everybody in the whole damn town had been watching us for the past two years.

Even the judge was there, with the Sheriff, his deputies, and the days docket (in orange with cuffs and a waist chain.) and the jury. There was a "It's about Time: Get Married" cake and "grape juice". Or so they said. It had a good kick for "juice".

The Registrar had our application for the license waiting, all we had to do was sign it. My Dad was there with a white painted stock, chrome plated shotgun..."Formal Wedding" printed in wedding script on the stock ... That caused the biggest laugh.

Every present was a gag gift ... yup, even a ball-gag. Handcuffs, ankle chains, leather collars ... one said HIS, the other said HERS. I got the big one ... HERS, she got the small one ... HIS.

The sheriff presented me with my very own chain gang ball and chain. The real thing! Someone had gone through the trouble to make a "promise paddle." (Promise Paddle: Oak paddle with one inch holes drilled in it.)

There was one small flat box and two good sized ones, one big one was labeled, "For when he's gone." Yup, dildo. The other big box read, "For when he's bad," Butt Plug. Big one too.

"I'll be good!" I yelled.

The hit of the day was the label on the small box, "For when she's gone." Inflatable sheep.

Where do these people find this stuff?

The Sheriff presented Wendy with a little .32 LadySmith. "for your purse, little lady." I got the box of shells.

"SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH!!."

I manned up, "You guys asked for it.

"I've been in love with this woman since she was 12"

"11," she said.

"Ok, 11," I agreed. "We're getting married in three days right here in this court house and his Honor is doing the deed! ... don't look shocked, Judge ... you know this has been coming.

"We don't want or expect presents and the party is at the Moose Lodge ... the booze and food is already paid for! This is a formal wedding, clean jeans, farmer-alls, and clean boots. You should wear a shirt but I don't expect some of you will. ID at the door, right, sheriff?"

"Right," he said.

"After the honeymoon, we're off to college. My Dad wanted us to go to University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. Mom wanted us at Eastern Michigan in Ypsilanti. They are both far enough from home to make sure we don't visit.

"We're going to honor them both, go to Michigan State and come home every weekend. We both want to keep up with our Champion football team! I expect you'll hear about us. I hope it's good, but don't count on it."

Lots of laughter and cheering.

I turned to the prisoner, "Jimmy, you're invited too."

"Thanks, Dave. Your Dad is prosecuting this one. I don't imagine I'll be getting off. I did do it, ya know. Wendy, you're getting the best man in town. You don't have a chance at being unhappy."

The wedding went off with one hitch. Otto, Charlie, and the big guy showed up.

When the Judge got to the, "If any man here can show just cause why this man and this woman should not be joined together in Holy Matrimony, let him speak now or forever hold his peace," part, Otto went for his piece.

"I'm holding my piece," he yelled and started waving it about.

I don't know what he was expecting but I know what he got.

Post war America was full of returned and returning combat trained survivors of violent confrontations between two or more armed combatants. Everyone had guns. Everyone knew how they worked and everyone was a good shot. Americans do not lie down and die because some idiot has a firearm. Americans shoot first.

Daddy had the joke Wedding Shotgun and cut him in two. The collateral damage included Charlie. The big guy raised his hands.

Daddy, the sheriff, the coroner and the Judge had a confabulation by the Bench. There were some raised voices ... Daddy hauled out his wallet and showed the judge something. The judge got big eyed, the sheriff got big eyed, the coroner shook Daddy's' hand. Smiles all around.

"Justifiable Homicide! Case dismissed." said the judge and banged his gavel. "First time I ever had an objection. I always wondered what would happen if someone Did object, Now I know." He eyed the crowd. "Anyone else want to object?"

That got a huge laugh, nervous but laughter.

He shook back his robes all around. "Let's get these two married."

He did.

We did.

Jimmy got probation and shook our hands, along with three quarters of the town.

Party time. Typical, eventful, drunken brawl down at the Moose. We didn't attend. I knew better.

We had an unusual honeymoon. Lake Michigan is big enough that you can't see either shore from the middle. In 1960 The Chessie System RailRoad ran Rail Car ferries across the lake every day in the summer and weekends during the winter. The Badger and the Spartan were two of the most modern lake boats in existence.

The Spartan, launched in 1952, and the Badger, launched in 1953, ran from Ludington, Michigan to Milwaukee, Manitowoc or around the Kewaunee Peninsula, through the Sturgeon Bay Ship Canal, to Green Bay, Wisconsin ... Five bucks one way or EIGHT dollars round trip.

For 12 dollars you could book a stateroom, or for 20 dollars, a suite! Round trip!

Thanks to my railroad friends, while the rest of the town was tearing up the Moose, we rode the train from Saint Johns to Ludington and camped in the honeymoon suite on the Badger for two weeks ... as good as an ocean voyage on the Queen Elizabeth but cheaper and you're never more than 4 hours from land. Two hundred eighty dollars plus food, for two weeks of American Rail Road Dining Car service. The Queen liners cost £1,499.00 plus food, one way, for 5 days and 4 nights and you had two formal dress dinners, required attendance, at the Captains Table.

We had a wonderful time for a lot less money.

I'll admit we never saw the light of day for the first four days. Hunger finally drove us to the dining room. Evidently, we were doing something right because the Captain came into the dining room just to shake our hands. The porters and the waiters all came in, stood around our table and sang some very naughty songs.