It was one of those days.
Masie woke up with a terrible headache from the mother of all hangovers.
It was not just one of those run of the mill hangovers that people laugh and shrug off with a clever joke. She reached for the alarm to turn the bloody thing off and managed to knock her eyeglasses into the crack between the table and the bed. That meant she would have to get up and move the bed over so she could fit her arm in between them to retrieve her spectacles.
Not that she really needed them for anything important she only needed them to see.
When she had her glasses in place, her vision was great, but her head was ready to explode. Now her lower back was beginning to twinge with the familiar clutch of her ages-old pinched nerve. It had to be the way she stretched in a rather odd angle on her knees next to the bed trying to locate her glasses. She pictured herself explaining to the doctor,
"I was on me knees next to the bed and I had to stretch get into the crack when I felt me back go!"
So when she approached the first step at the top of the stairs, Masie was somewhat distracted and missed it by a mile even with her glasses on her head. All she could think about was making a beeline to the kitchen cabinet to retrieve 2 of the miraculous muscle relaxants and get them down into her tummy. She knew it took a couple of hours for them to start working on her lower back muscle before the inevitable spasms would commence in a few short hours.
When she came back to full consciousness at the bottom of the stairs, she remembered yelling something like,
"Oh shite!" or was it "Fecking bleeding hell!"?
Whatever, it was not something to be reprinted anywhere except in an erotic short story.
As she limped out into the kitchen, Masie realized she now had a blossoming center of pain in her left big toe and her bum was shockingly shattered as well from the jarring bounce down several steps. She was uncertain as to the best course of action would be first. She settled on the muscle relaxants and then set up a pan to soak her injured toe in a warm solution. Reaching back, the attractive mature woman inspected her nicely curved bottom for signs of any injuries. Her well-padded buttocks were uninjured except for her pride.
The kettle was up and her toast and jam ready when the phone ran with an irritating sound that set her hangover back on red alert. Thinking quickly, she managed to squeak out,
"Hello! You have reached Masie. Just leave a message after the beep. Beep!"
"Hello, Nurse? Are you there? This is the assignments desk. We need you for the early shift. The flu bug is running rampant."
Masie was poised to shout into the phone.
"Are you fecking out of your mind? I am walking wounded, mate!"
"Listen, Masie. It really is vital. I know you just did a double but we need you badly. I will make it up to you."
Masie snorted in sarcastic disbelief.
Could anything else happen to make this a perfect day?
Her question was answered when she arrived at the hospital. There was a new staff member at the reception. Instead of the cheerful face of the perennially bright and cheerful Debbie, she was greeted with a hatchet-faced hound from hell.
"You are in the Seven South ward today, Nurse. Please get a move on, it is already ten minutes past the start of shift."
When she arrived at the unfamiliar ward, Masie saw that there were only 9 patients. That was the first good thing that had happened to her thus far today. Her assistant was a husky male attendant with a funny sounding high-pitched voice that sounded out of place on a man of his size. She took in his carefully manicured hands and the scent of some exotic cologne and concluded he would not be trying to corner her in the wardrobe any time soon. She reached the bedside of the last patient and read the chart.
Complications of infection due to vasectomy operation. Note: all charges willed be billed to hospital finance office.
She stifled a giggle so as not to wake the sleeping patient. When she bent down and looked closer, Masie was startled to discover the patient was her ex-hubby affectionately termed "The Jerk". She had always concentrated her efforts to avoid close proximity to his person at all times since the acrimonious divorce almost five years ago.
She silently backed away and approached the male attendant whose name was Ronald.
"Ronald, there's a good chap. See the patient at the end of the hall? He is resting now but he told me he would prefer you to tend to his "you know what" when he wakes up. He seems a bit lonely and is very uncomfortable around females."
Masie punctuated this declaration with a very confidential and noticeable wink that brought a glint to Ronald's eyes.
She giggled all the way to the lift for the mid-day break.
Every lunchtime, Masie would head to the physical therapy pool to get in a relaxing swim. The exercise usually brought her body to a peak of glowing excitement and ready for anything that came her way. There were only a few staff and patients in the pool area so Masie had plenty of space to do a number of brisk laps without interruption.
.... There is more of this story ...