Chapter 5

Rainy is fourteen. She is wearing a simple white cotton dress, white patent leather pumps, and a yellow ribbon in her hair. Her father is preaching in front of a group of about two-hundred in a large tent. He is a powerful, charismatic man, handsome and slick.

"And God smote the bastard children of Sodden and Gomorrah for their lesbian and homosexual behavior, just as we must fight the decadence in our society." His voice trembled as he spoke, his face red and sweaty. He looked right at me and continued. "Our children! We must remain steadfast in the eyes of the Lord for them, for they are the hope of our new society, a society where queer freaks are cast asunder to burn in hell..."

He went on, and on, and on, and I quietly died inside with each of his words, knowing I was the freak he spoke of in his sermon. I made the mistake of telling my mother about my strange feelings for girls at age ten. She said nothing at the time, but soon my father started to abuse me to rid the queer, figuring all I needed was a man to learn not to have such evil thoughts. I figured I needed it too, after all, Daddy knew God, and God hated queers.

After church each Sunday and Wednesday, he took me to the basement. Lighting incense and candles, we started the ritual. I stripped naked and prepared, sitting my small frame on a cot, bowing my head and waiting patiently as he prayed to God, "Dear Lord, may ye forgive this young child for her wicked ways. May she be sanctified in our blessed union—my sacrifice for her benefit, and I shall derive no pleasure from the act."

After he prayed, he sanctified me. At first, it hurt, but I learned to lie quietly and let him sweat, because it only took him a few minutes to finish. My mind would go elsewhere, to sunny fields of grandeur, running in forests with animals, anywhere to crawl away from his actions.

I continued to wallow in guilt, because as much as he sanctified me, I could never rid the attraction in my heart for girls. After a while, I learned to hate him as much as I hated myself—and her—my mother; she betrayed me. Nonetheless, I feared God would send me to hell if I stopped this act of cleansing; surely, this was God's will.

Rainy is walking home after leaving Coobie.

The brimming sunlight beat down on my furrowed brow; glinting light from every window seemed to reflect her image, and her challenge. Could I remain sober for a woman, just a woman?

But, this was no ordinary woman. Ordinary women were a dime a dozen, cheap sex to be used at my whim and cast away. With her, I couldn't cast away, and felt hooked like a small minnow as bait for a wondrous mermaid.

In a sudden rush, an evil sensation moved through me; a prescient certainty whispered roughly in my head, urging me to move quickly to my RV. I took off as fast as my legs would carry me, tripping headlong over an unseen pile of bricks as I turned a corner. Fuming about my inadequate flip-flops and wiping the gravel from my scrapped knees, a premonition of catastrophe shot forth like a meteor, Felicity, Herman, danger!

Only pains of anxiety swept my senses, the injury to my knees not felt. Standing, I continued my sprint, kicking off my sandals and leaving them behind. My feet soon bled with cuts and abrasions, leaving a bloody trail of footprints in my path.

Arriving at the scene, Herman sat on the ground with his head bloodied. Upon seeing me, he screamed, "Those motherfuckers hurt my kittens!"

Crying with his hands in his face, he punched the ground in anger. I approached him, crouching low and giving him a hug. A few of the park neighbors milled around, but only Dear Old Miss Winters, in her late seventies, tended Herman's wounds. He pointed in the general direction of my RV. I stood and turned.

As I walked closer, my stomach cringed as the metallic smell of blood hit my nostrils. Over my doorway, five small kittens hung by the neck, their bodies covered in blood. On my door written in a sickly red scrawl, were the words, Die Faggot. Enraged and sickened, I fell to my knees and puked.

Felicity came up to me and meowed, rubbing her soft body against my leg and seeming to want me to move. Standing while spitting out the last remains of the foul bile in my mouth, I walked toward the cat, sensing her urging me to follow her. After walking a few yards with her ahead of me, I saw the reason for her anxiety. Lucifer lay in a heap on the ground, hanging on to the last glimmer of life. Reaching for the prone kitten and picking him up, I felt warmth and shallow breathing. Felicity hissed, indicating her stress. I considered what to do for a few seconds, holding the kitten close to my breasts.

With sorrow drumming in my heart building at a frenetic pace, I wished nothing more than to absorb this dying cat's pain.

Then I felt it, a slight tingling in my lungs, my mind falling into some type of sully trance. With bizarre streams of energy flowing through my veins, and my body feeling as if I were soaring in the lofty skies, I looked down upon myself holding the kitten from a vantage point in low-slung clouds. Gradually, the animal and I glowed in a hazy light, shifting from two beings into one spinning vortex. Lightning sparked from the spiraling whirlwinds, and a kitten mewled in frightened rage. Great pain leapt from the kitten, shaped as a thousand steely knife points, plunging into my body. Such agony—my body shook in terror! The world soon glowed in a fuzzy light, and then all went deadly dark.

Hold on,
thy destiny harkens;
the power springs in uproar;
stand strong young warrior,
the future awaits,
hold on!
Your lover cometh to save thee.
Hold on!

"Rainy," I felt her, black death turning dull gray.

"Rainy!" I heard her! Dull gray turning to thin shafts of light.

From a sun-bright cavern, a hand reached out, taking firm grasp of mine and pulling. Imprints of a kitten burned on the insides of my retina; exploding colors burst in rich multi-patterned constellations. I screamed, "Coobie!"

"I'm here, feel me Rainy—feel my mind in yours, come to me." Arms tightened around my body, and warmth surrounded me. My pain eased into a tidal pool, soon evaporating into fluttering butterflies.

"Coobie?" I asked, breath short and sweat streaming in rivulets from my cool skin.

"Rainy ... come to my voice. Rainy, wake up!" her strained voice cried in agony.

My eyes felt weighted down by massive doors as I tried to open them. Feeling a warm cloth wiping my face, the weight released, and I opened to the streaming sun beaming through the window of my RV.

"I thought I lost you," she sobbed, her warm tears falling from her face a few inches above mine.

"What?"

"I sensed something wrong soon after you left my shop, and I..." she stopped, the emotion of the moment too overwhelming. I craned my neck upwards, kissing her lips and feeling the pain rushing through her body, a pain she had taken from me at a great cost.

She hugged me firmly, her shoulders shaking in a stormy release of emotion. I patted her back, whispering with great effort, "I'm okay ... I'm okay, are you?"

"Yes, effects will go away quickly," she murmured, and then continued, " ... so I took off after you, only to arrive here and see you on the ground holding that kitten. It didn't take me long to realize what you'd done. You have such strength, Rainy, the power to see others, but this also allows you to absorb other's pain."

Trying to sit up, Coobie said in a rush, "No. Lay still, the effects will soon pass. You had no heartbeat. If I would have arrived a few minutes later ... you'd be..."

"Dead?" I asked. She nodded.

"You don't know how to control it, Rainy. You can't use it until you do." A steadfast resolve sounded through her words as she tilted her head slightly, sighing with a small huff of tepid air.