Chapter 4

We woke up slowly the following morning. There was thankfully none of the trauma and recriminations of our previous time together. We cuddled and kissed as we savoured our combined warmth beneath the duvet. Her hand caressed my cock and she stripped back the sheets to admire me. I watched with baited breath as she took me in her mouth, sucking me diligently to completion and not withdrawing until I'd expended my final spurts. She swallowed everything indulgently and then nestled contentedly back into my embrace.

"Let's go and clean up," I suggested.

After running a hot bath, I returned to carry her from the bed and deposit her gently in the water. I knelt on the tiled floor, diligently washing every part of her. Afterwards, I perched her precariously on the edge of the tub and reused her water. She soaped her hands and lovingly ran her hands over every inch of my body.

We spent an eternity drying each other. Then I helped her back to the bedroom, watching in fascination as she reattached her artificial limb. Once dressed, we cooked up breakfast and I departed to avoid being in the house when her parents returned and have them jump to the correct conclusion.

"You were out late last night," Dad challenged as I wandered into the house.

"Yes."

"Where did you end up?"

"At Alice's," I replied truthfully.

He glanced up and we exchanged a significant look. He grinned and I smiled back tentatively.

I was floating on air when I walked back over to Alice's later in the day. Her parents had returned and were both in jubilant spirit.

"Come in, Paul," Phil greeted, "We've got some fantastic news. David has just asked Alice to marry him."

The rollercoaster plunged down the next dip, taking my stomach with it. Alice cast me a desolate look as her mum prompted her to display the diamond ring on her finger. David seemed happier than I'd ever seen him and I put on a brave show for his benefit.

I reluctantly accepted a glass of bubbly and took a tentative sip, attempting to quell the bile that was rising in my stomach. I stayed for a polite period and then made an excuse to leave. Alice hurried to see me out.

"I thought..." I started to say.

"He took me totally by surprise. I didn't know what to do."

"You could have said no."

"I just couldn't."

"Do you love him?"

"I think so, yes."

"You don't sound so sure. What about last night?"

"Don't make this any harder than it needs to be."

"I love you, Alice. If I'd have asked you to marry me last night, what would you have said?"

"I don't know. You didn't ask and David did."

"Jesus."

"He needs me, Paul. His guilt over what happened has been eating away at him."

"Don't let him use you as a crutch."

"That's not even funny," she snapped.

"It wasn't meant to be."

"I should get back," she sighed. She closed the door as I wandered back home.

"What's wrong?" Mum asked as she noted my despondency.

"David and Alice are getting married."

"That's good news isn't it?"

I glowered at her. "He gets to be the first to kiss her, the first to fuck her, and now he's taking her from me forever."

"PAUL!" she scolded. I walked past her up to my room and locked the door.

A tentative knock drew me out of my brooding melancholy. I opened the door and let Dad into the room. He put his arms around me.

"I'm sorry, son. I know how much you think of her."

"Yes," I confirmed miserably.

"When's the wedding."

"I've no idea. Tomorrow, next month, next year, who knows?"

"Have you told her how you feel?"

"She knows how I feel but she's got this misplaced idea that she's helping David snap out of his guilt trip by agreeing to marry him."

"It's her decision."

"I know. It's just so fucking unfair. I love her so much and there's nothing I can do."

"Of course there is. Until she signs that slip of paper, you can do everything in your power."

"If it was anybody other that David, I'd agree with you. I can't stab him in the back for the sake of my own desires."

"Just be there for Alice. Don't ever give up. I had to fight for your mum and I never regretted it for an instant."

Thanks, Dad."

I have no recollection of what I purchased for Alice's eighteenth birthday. I only vaguely remember attending her party, sneaking away early like a wounded animal as Alice posed for pictures, bracketed between Phil and David, as she celebrated her entrance into adulthood.

I returned to university, managing to move back into student halls again for the final year so that I could be situated close to the department and the library. I didn't bother attending Fresher's Week, turning up only the day before the start of lectures. My next door neighbour was a pretentious prat of a business student called Bruno. He demanded to know why I'd not been around for Fresher's Week and I immediately told him to mind his own fucking business.

Needless to say he ensured that I became the floor leper, but I can't really say that I cared one way or the other. I'd hear them returning from their drunken orgies as I was studying the finer points of cosmology and breathed a sigh of relief to be exempt from it all. Young impressionable girls circled around the jerk and I fervently prayed that he'd slip up and impregnate one of the little darlings.

Physics is a hard subject and each year it got even harder. I abandoned all attempts at a social life and devoted my entire existence to study.

I returned home at Christmas and was cajoled into accompanying Alice and David for a curry. Alice had restarted her final year at college whilst David was micromanaging every intricate detail of their forthcoming wedding. Alice talked for a short time about her course and then enquired about progress with my degree.

"We've booked the Grange," David interrupted, "but the earliest they could fit us in is next summer."

The Grange was a five-star hotel that was currently THE place to get married. He proceeded to tell me which company was providing the cars, who was taking the photographs and even where the flowers were being sourced. I wanted to tell him that I didn't give a shit, but was just too polite to do so.

As the meal progressed, he progressed onto the one subject that I cared even less about: football. He reeled off the latest list of transfers and the league positions of various clubs as though the news was of earth-shattering significance. I responded by relating some fascinating aspect of quantum mechanics. He yawned and asked if I was following the latest plot of a popular TV soap opera. I replied that I didn't own a television.

It was with deep sadness that I realised David had slid inexorably into mediocrity. I wondered how he would ever provide Alice the intellectual stimulation she deserved.

I let him prattle on; nodding in agreement at what I hoped were the appropriate places before finally welcoming the end to the evening. What more I could do to reach through to Alice, I had no idea.

Spring 1996

The penultimate term literally flew past and I was home for Easter, cramming every last nugget of information into my skull. I met Alice in the street and asked how her course was doing and which universities she was applying for this time around.

She replied that the course was going well but that she'd postponed application to university indefinitely due to her upcoming marriage.