Chapter 10: Lily

As was the way at Micester High, the news that Lisa and I were no longer a couple spread rapidly and by the time I got to school on Monday morning the whole of the school knew. I even had people commiserating me as I walked up the stairs to the common room.

“I can’t believe she dumped you. What was she thinking?” Clarissa said as we walked to Mr McCarthy’s room for Maths. “You were the best thing that ever happened to her!”

I shrugged. “Someone came along that’s going to be even better for her. Lisa and I both knew it wasn’t ever serious between us. It had to end sometime.”

“You’re taking it really well. When Kelly dumped you were a mess.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t in love with Lisa.”

“And you were in love with Kelly?”

I nodded.

“Weren’t you a bit young to be in love? You were what, sixteen?”

“You can be in love at sixteen. It’s the fiercest type of love, the kind that burns the strongest. Trouble is that it rarely lasts.”

Clarissa thought about this while we walked then asked, “So how old do you think you have to be before you find real love? The kind that lasts a lifetime.”

“Any age, I guess. I think if we’d have worked at it, Kelly and I would have lasted a lifetime. But we wanted different things from life and both of us knew we couldn’t make it work long term. Kelly chose to get out before she got hurt too badly. I didn’t have that luxury.”

“You fell for her pretty hard, didn’t you?”

“Yep.”

“Do you think it had anything to do with losing your parents?”

I stopped walking and Clarissa was a couple of steps ahead of me before she stopped and turned to look at me. “Sorry. I’ve put my foot in it again, haven’t I?”

“No. It’s just ... I’ve never thought about it like that. No-one’s ever suggested it before, but you might have a point.” I shook my head to clear it. “Damn, I think you might have a point.”

We started walking again but I was too busy thinking about Clarissa’s suggestion to talk. She let me think, but when we got to the classroom and before we went in, she said, “They didn’t deserve you, you know. Kelly nor Lisa.” She touched my arm and went in. Somewhat stunned, I followed.

Aside from my breakup with Lisa, the Monday morning gossip was once again about the star of a Del Stevens basement party. This time I didn’t recognise the name, but she was, apparently, a girl in Year Twelve. A sixteen-year-old new to the school this year. So at least I wasn’t the focus of everyone’s attention.

Lunch was excruciating. When I’d been with Lisa, our little lunch group had grown to six. Lisa and Lauren joined me and Kevin, and because they were there, Billy’s girlfriend (and my ex), Ellie, also joined us. But Lisa had asked Lee to the dance over the weekend, and they were sitting together at a different table, leaving me with two loved-up couples who were doing their best not to rub it in my face but not quite succeeding. I ate as quickly as I could and left them feeding each other chips.

I didn’t fancy going in the common room, which was always full at lunchtime. I’d have to put up with everyone asking if I was okay and I wasn’t in the mood. Despite what I was telling everyone, I was a little upset about breaking up with Lisa. She was a nice girl and I cared about her. No, I wasn’t in love, but I did care about her. I’d miss going out with her.

And as much as I hate to admit it, I had started to assume I’d be getting in her panties sooner rather than later if we’d stayed together. Her confirmation of that hadn’t helped my mood. And the thought that she’d now give her virginity to Lee after I’d paved the way for him ... You can see why I wasn’t in the mood for people.

Truth was, apart from the one for old time’s sake with Kelly at the start of term, I hadn’t had sex since splitting up with her and a year is a long time to have to deal with pent up sexual energy with your right hand. Mrs Palm and her five daughters can only do so much. Sure, it was pretty easy to get hold of hard-core porn on the internet if you knew where to look (and let’s be honest, most seventeen-year-old boys know where to look) but no matter how high the definition of the video, it’s not the same as a real live girl.

I knew the library would be full of the younger kids—it always was at lunchtime—so I decided to use one of the classrooms opposite the common room to review the essay I’d written for Miss Pattison’s class. We were due to hand in a first draft for her to look at that afternoon.

When I opened the door to the first room, I heard someone softly sobbing. I looked all around, and behind the door, but couldn’t see anyone. I should have just walked out and looked in one of the other classrooms, but then I wouldn’t have been me.

“Hello? Is there someone in here?”

The sobbing became a brief wail then softened to quiet sobbing again. I stepped inside, trying to work out where the sound was coming from. I could just make out the top of a blonde head behind the last desk in the far corner. I crept over to her—it had to be a girl, boys didn’t sob like that—cautious but curious. She sat in a little ball, hugging her legs to her chest, her head buried in the gap. I didn’t immediately recognise her.