Klutz
Chapter 18

Copyright© 2011 by MisguidedChild

"Do you know what time it is?" Jack asked when he answered the phone at 5:30 Monday morning.

"And a happy Monday to you Jack," Bill said grinning. He knew his brother got up about 5:30 so he really wasn't disturbing his sleep. Bill just thought it was fun to catch him early on a Monday when he was at his grouchiest.

"Tell him that you aren't the only one he wakes up when he calls this early on Monday," Bill heard Linda say in the background.

Bill's grin broadened.

"I'm supposed to tell you..." Jack started.

"I heard her," Bill said laughing as he cut in. "Tell her this is the only time of the day that I am sure of catching the two of you together."

"Why is it so important to catch us together?" Jack asked without repeating the message.

"Oh, nothing much," Bill said. "I just wanted to make sure your schedules were clear for a little party we're having up here in a couple of months."

"Damn it Bill," Jack said. "You could have coordinated something like that anytime. Why is it so important for us to come up to a party?"

"Well, actually it is more than just a party. Tim is getting married," Bill said grinning.

"Really?" Jack exclaimed. Bill could hear him sitting up in the bed.

"Yep," Bill said.

Linda asked, "What?"

"Tim's getting married," Jack repeated for Linda.

"Put that thing on speaker," Linda ordered.

Bill heard a click then Linda asking, "How the hell can Tim be getting married? He just got up there Friday."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Bill said in a very put upon voice. He sighed and said, "I think it has something to do with the altitude up here. Anyway, he is pretty nervous about it so I decided to get married with him. We're going to have a double wedding."

There was a stunned silence from the other end of the phone for a very long moment. Finally, Linda said, "Go to hell Bill. And don't call this early on a Monday morning in the summer. The kids are out of school so I don't have to get up so early."

"Damn it Bill," Jack yelled. "Why the hell are you calling at this hour with this kind of bullshit?"

"Well, I did want to talk about the schedule on the project this week after we talked about our wedding plans but if you don't want to talk about the wedding then I'll just do the schedule the way I want," Bill pouted.

"Call back when you want to be serious and for God's sake don't call again before I have a chance to get some coffee," Jack yelled.

Bill could hear Jack shifting on the bed because Jack was reaching to hang up the phone while he was yelling. "Maybe this wasn't the best idea," Bill thought to himself. Bill and his brother had been pulling jokes on each other since grade school. The practice continued through high school and college. The only change after they left school was they were able to get more inventive and they both had evil minds when it came to jokes they could pull on the other. Bill heard Linda's voice before that fateful click that broke the connection.

"Wait a minute Jack," Linda said. "Bill, are you still there?"

"Yep," Bill said cheerily.

"Now don't bullshit me. Is this a joke?" Linda asked.

"Nope," Bill said just as cheerily. Sometimes he thought that Linda was the sharper of the husband and wife team.

The silence on the line was deafening. Finally Jack broke the silence. "Shit," he said softly. "You aren't kidding are you?"

"Nope," Bill said laughing. "We're going to have a double wedding and thought all of you might want to come up for it."

"Bill, if this is a joke I am going to strangle you," Jack said angrily.

"No joke little bro," Bill said with a laugh. "I'm marrying my bookkeeper and Tim is marrying a friend of hers."

"How can you get married?" Linda asked plaintively. "Isn't there a time limit that you have to know someone before you get married?"

Bill lost it when he heard the question. It was just about the same question the girls had asked. "According to Ruth, that's Susan's friend that is marrying Tim, the time limit is 24 hours so we all qualify," Bill said after he got control of himself.

"Damn," Jack said again. "How could you let someone talk you into getting married? Women have been trying to tie you down for the last 20 years."

"It was the other way around Jack," Bill said still chuckling at Linda's question. "Tim and I both had to talk them into it."

"Be careful Bill," Linda warned. "That is an old strategy that women use to get a man. It works pretty well too. That's how I got Jack."

"Hey," Jack protested.

Bill cut him off before he said anything else. "There is one favor I wanted to ask you Jack," Bill said. He was serious now.

"Sure, anything big bro. You know that anything I can do I will," Jack said.

"Well, Tim and I had always planned on being the best man at the others wedding but we can't do that if we are getting married at the same time," Bill said. He sounded deadly serious now. "I talked it over with Tim last night and we would be honored if you would be the best man for both of us. Would you Jack?"

"Hell yeah," Jack said with a little catch in his voice. "It would be my honor." He was starting to choke up and that wasn't a manly thing to do. So, he did the only thing any self respecting man would do in a situation like that. He made a joke. "I get extra pay though if I have to carry two rings."

The men laughed and Linda cried. Bill said he would call back in about an hour to talk about the project. He apologized for waking them so early but said he couldn't wait to tell them. He did admit that he wanted to mess with Jack though.


Just before 7:00 AM Bill and Susan arrived at the construction site to the sound of a small plane revving up on the tarmac less than 100 yards away. The planes were so loud on the site that they would spend a lot of time yelling while working and Bill made a mental note to pick up a bullhorn. It was a good thing the little airport shut down at night other than for emergencies or Tim would never get any sleep. Tim was backing and turning his truck while Ruth directed him. They watched for a moment and had to laugh at the look of confusion on Tim's face when he tried to figure out what direction to turn when Ruth wind milled both her arms.

"Why is he moving the 5th wheel?" Susan asked as the trailer started going off at an angle.

Bill was chuckling but answered saying, "We decided to position it so the back windows look out over the whole site."

Susan shrugged and asked, "But why?"

"Well," Bill said as he watched Tim and Ruth. His lips twitched again when he said, "We were talking about the threats of sabotage from Brian. If he really tries something we can probably catch it firsthand but we can't put the fate of a million dollar project in 'probably'. We are putting security cameras in the windows of the 5th wheel and another one on one of the airport buildings. If anyone tries to do anything while we aren't here or at night we will know about it."

"Hey Bill," Tim yelled. "Can you give us a little help here?"

"Yeah," Ruth yelled back for Tim. "We've been trying to get this right for 20 minutes and I need to get to work."

Bill grinned at Susan and asked, "Should I rescue them?"

Susan grinned back and nodded.

They both climbed out of the truck and Bill yelled back, "Do you want me to drive or be the target?" The noise from the small plane intensified as it revved it's engine to taxi towards the end of the runway.

"Target," Tim yelled in frustration. "I can't run over Ruth because she might decide not to marry me but I can run over you."

Susan got out of the truck and yelled, "You can't run over him either Tim Rogers. I won't let Ruth marry you."

Ruth's deep booming laugh rolled across the construction site. "That's sweet," she said in a voice loud enough to echo off the surrounding mountain tops. Ruth didn't seem to have a problem talking over the airplane. She walked to the side of the truck and climbed up on the running board to kiss Tim through the window.

"None of that now," Susan said laughing and poked Ruth in the side.

Ruth grabbed Susan's wrist with one hand and Tim's neck with the other to prevent the kiss from being broken.

Tim's foot slipped during the kiss and the truck lurched back. The 5th wheel jackknifed and one corner nearly punched into the side of the truck.

"Stop," Bill bellowed.

All of them jumped but Tim stopped the truck. He set the brake, got out, and walked back to see what had happened. Two more inches and the side of the truck would have been crunched as well as the 5th wheel.

All four of them looked at it in silence for a moment. Finally Bill said, "OK, new rule for the construction site. No kissing while operating powered equipment."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one for a construction site before," Tim mused. "Should I add it to the booklet we hand out at the construction meeting on Wednesday?"

Bill thought a moment before saying, "I don't know. Do you think it will apply to anyone else on the construction crew besides us?" His grin broadened and he chuckled before continuing. "I guess we shouldn't add it in. Every rule is in response to something happening and they will just wonder where that particular rule came from."

Tim grinned and nodded before walking back to the cab of the truck. He straightened the truck and 5th wheel while Bill got into position to direct him. Susan stayed beside Bill but was silent.

Tim finally got into position and Bill started directing him back as if he were directing an airplane. It only took a moment before they had the 5th wheel exactly where they wanted it.

After Tim turned off the diesel Susan quietly said, "I'm sorry Bill."

Bill could barely hear her over the noise from the airport but he understood what she was saying. He put his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"It's OK honey," Bill said gently. She could hear him fine because his mouth was near her ear. "Nothing was damaged and no one was hurt. We just need to be careful. OK?"

She only nodded against his chest. She liked it when he held her like this. She liked it a lot but she was a scared too. She had been Miss Disaster for a long time. So many relationships had been lost because her boyfriend got a broken arm or leg or their car or truck or other property got messed up.

The noise intensified as the little plane that had been making such a racket reached the end of the runway and revved its engines again preparing for takeoff. Bill watched the plane as it skittered down the runway and became airborne. The quiet was almost a physical relief as the plane disappeared towards the valley. Susan felt a poke in the ribs accompanied by Ruth saying, "None of that now."

Susan looked around and smiled at Ruth but she didn't move. "Why?" she asked. "We aren't operating power equipment." She really liked it when Bill's arms were around her. Ruth's expression said that she liked the way Bill was holding her friend and was glad for Susan.

"Thanks for the help and, ah, what's happening so early boss man?" Tim asked.

"I just wanted to make sure everything was set with the cameras today," Bill said nonchalantly as he looked out over the construction site. "Surveyors will be here in about an hour and getting that on camera will be important."

"I said that I would take care of it," Tim said. He genuinely sounded like he was hurt at the mistrust.

"That was just his excuse," Susan said drily. "The girls were getting ready for school and, ah, well..."

Ruth burst out laughing. When she got control of herself she asked in a falsetto, little girl's voice, "Did big bad Billy get embarrassed by the little girls?"

Susan was laughing at and with her friend but Bill said, "Damn it Ruth. They were running back and forth to the bathroom in bras and panties."

Susan was still laughing when she said, "The first time Mandy ran down the hall like that Bill dropped his coffee cup."

Ruth hooted and Susan continued with less hilarity. "Judging from his, ah, other reaction the girls would be a good warm up act if I could ever get him into a bed without an audience."

"Suu-san," Bill wailed.

Tim rolled his eyes and said, "Women will talk about anything."

"Why didn't you just sleep with him last night?" Ruth asked frowning.

"Because Bill decided we should wait until we get married because of the example we would set for the girls," Susan grumped.

"Bill decided?" Ruth asked. She looked back and forth between Tim and Bill before asking, "Did you guys talk about this?" she asked angrily.

"No!" the men said in unison.

"Guys don't talk about things like that," Bill said earnestly.

"Yeah," Tim said. "Young guys will brag when they get lucky and maybe some immature grown up guys but no guy would talk to another guy about not, ah, about not, ah..."

"I know what you mean," Ruth said mollified by the explanation as she rescued Tim.

"Did Tim decide the same thing?" Susan asked shocked.

"Yeah," Ruth said drily. "And he used the same reasons. 'We've got to set the right example for the girls'," Ruth mimicked Tim and she almost had the sound exactly right with her deep bass voice except he added a girlish lilt to the recitation. "I almost had him talked into it before the girls barged in yesterday," she huffed. "Oh well. I'll keep working on him. Do you want me to talk to the girls Sus?" Ruth asked.

"No," Susan said thoughtfully. "Maybe they'll make him lose control and I'll get lucky. Besides, I think Bill should do it if anyone does. After all, he's the only one it bothers."

"Me?" Bill asked in a strangled squeak. He didn't know if that strange sound that came out of his mouth was because of the get lucky comment or the thought of talking to the girls about wearing more clothes.

Tim had to laugh. He had never heard his friend make a sound like that. Ruth laughed at a sound like that coming from such a big man.

"Sure," Susan said. "You are the one that it bothers. You are the one they are probably doing it for. Plus, they listen to you better than they listen to me." She paused for a moment thoughtfully before continuing. "Maybe they were just in a hurry this morning. Jimmy was picking them up early because they have a pep rally before school starts."

"I, ah ... I don't know if I can talk to them about something like that," Bill said doubtfully.

"Sure you can Bill," Susan said with conviction. "You can do anything."

"Oh yeah," Bill said. "What do I say? Hey girls, wear more clothes because you're tripping my trigger?" he asked sarcastically.

"No," Susan said blithely. "That's the way I would do it. You put a lot more thought into things like that so you will think of a better way to tell them. That's another reason you should talk to them if anyone does."

 
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