Chapter 7

After an hour of red tape and exit interviews Selena was released to her parents’ custody until her identification and residency could be established, much like they had for Joe. By the time they arrived at the Marriott and got into the suite Joe and Selena had still barely spoken to each other, spending their time looking into each other’s face and touching. It was obvious that they had resigned themselves to not seeing each other ever again.

Scott and Betty had tried several times to start a conversation with the two of them, but there was a wall of emotion around them that was understandable.

“Let’s leave the two of you alone to work out the emotion, the time spent apart, and the answers to the million questions you have for each other.” Betty said after confiding with Scott.

They showed them to one of the rooms of the suite where they had already brought some clothes from their closet, new accessories and personal items for them. The room was small, a queen bed, desk and office chair, an easy chair, a dresser that served as a TV stand. It was essentially a small version of a standard room, with full bath, no closet, just a clothes rod and shelf. Joe sat in the easy chair and Selena on the edge of the bed opposite him. They held hands and looked into each other’s eyes.

“It’s like we were tossed off the earth.” Joe said, talking first.

“Did we survive?” Selena asked.

“Understand, in my mind I’m only a few weeks removed and when I “woke up” you were all I thought of, all I cared about. After I learned it had been all of this time I thought you were either dead or had started a new life.” Joe said, his voice quivering.

“I spent all of that time, counted each day, in abject fear of being damned to hell. My only peace and solace was alone in my bed at night, thinking of you, but not quite knowing WHO you were, because you would never abandon me like you did.” She said looking away, averting her eyes for the last few words.

“Abandon you? I was SAVING you! You were incoherent with your eyes fixed. I was in such pain I would have thrown myself to my death, except I had to be sure you were OK. Something was driving me away and I knew neither of us would survive if we went together. When I sit and try to relive that time I remember walking along a deserted freeway, although cars and trucks, ambulances filled the other side. I knew the hospital was close and I tried to get off by following a storm drain or something, and I fell. My body turned into a big intense hurt and I went out, thinking I was dying. The next thing I am cognizant of was waking at Edison ... and wanting to see you soo badly!” Joe said as he fell forward crying into her arms.

Selena held him tightly, but there was still a coolness about her toward him. She broke into tears and hugged him saying, “but you left me there to die, you were the only one who knew ... EVERYTHING!”

Joe pulled away from her and shook his head forcefully saying “No, no, no, NO, NO, NO!! I remember it like it just happened, because to me, IT DID! That ambulance was my only way of saving you, making sure you got the care. I had to keep moving, something drove me. But, I was looking for the hospital those guys said they were going to. Essy, I was so confused, wracked with pain, and living on adrenaline. I couldn’t drag you any further with me because I didn’t think I could make it ... and don’t ask “make it where?” because I don’t know!! Everything about the time after I left you is a miasma. I was running as fast as I could and one foot was nailed to the floor. Don’t think I left you to die. If I thought you would die I would have stayed with you and died with you. I can’t live without you.” He said pleading for her to understand.

“Essy ... it’s so good to hear you call me my pet name. I love to hear you call me that.” She said as she pulled back and looked into his eyes, before hugging her head to his shoulder as if to reminisce over some special moment.

“You ARE my Essy! No matter what state I was in, when I returned to normal, you were all I thought about. I was so sure you were gone, because no one would tell me anything. I spent three weeks trying to convince them who I was and they kept waiting for me to wake up as someone else. I didn’t understand that 9 years had gone by.” Joe said before his eyes welled up and he fought off weeping or out and out bawling before his bravado broke and he sobbed and blubbered.

Joe reached for her once again and held her to him as his tears flowed while screeching through his sobs, “I just wanted YOU and to know you were still alive!”

Selena had never seen Joe so emotional, so engulfed in his fears and feelings.

“Joey, Joey, I’m here, WE’RE here and I still love you more than ever!” Selena said as she pressed herself to him and pulled him back onto the bed with her.

“I’ve just ... just ... just had this feeling you were a little aloof about it all ... Like you didn’t trust me or think I was...” Joe mumbled through his tears and blubbering.

“JOE! Nine years of not knowing quite who I was, where I was and not knowing if YOU were dead or alive. For more than half of that time I was convinced you were out there with someone else and I was dead. I’m still discovering. Be patient with me.” She told him as she held him to her and gently stroked the back of his head.

As she held him she felt something pressing against her lower belly.

“Oh God Joe, I’ve been waiting for that. I’ve even worried you might not find me sexy anymore, I wanted you so badly!” Selena said as she clasped him tightly and pressed herself to him.

Joe’s tears finally stopped and he gathered himself as he lay atop her and raised himself to talk to her, pressing his hardness against her.

“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, how could I not find you sexy, not to mention the fact that I love you! When I would sit and reminisce about us I always had the image of us together in Jamaica. Your body golden, your hair like spun gold, and you wanting me every moment.” Joe said almost shyly afraid the words might open a memory she wasn’t sure of.

“Ohhhh, Jamaica! God Joe, I’ll never look like that again!” She said almost embarrassed, her ardor fading fast.

“Are you kidding me? You still ARE the woman I was with in Jamaica. All you need is some sun on that body and the ocean in your hair.” Joe said as he knelt himself up and took the bottom of her shirt and pushed it up to reveal her breasts, as she made no effort to stop him.

“Am I still a young girl there? I know my titties have changed.” Selena said in disgust.

“Selena, my love, if we lived together every day of the last 9 years they still would have changed. But, you’re just wider and your nipples sit a little more on top when you stand. I’ve been admiring them through your shirt since I first laid eyes on you today.” Joe said as he bent to kiss one before she pushed him away.

“No, my Mom and Dad are right out there!” She scolded him.

“You don’t think they put us in here for just this reason? I want to be inside you! We can LOCK the door. Don’t you want me to make love to you?” Joe asked frantically.

Selena looked at Joe sternly before her face melted into a tearful mess as she tried to squirm away from under him but he held her fast wanting to know what the matter could be.

“What is it? Don’t you love me? Is there someone else?” Joe demanded, searching for a reason.

“No, no, no! “ She blubbered through her tears, “If there’s someone else it’s me! From the first time I was allowed to be alone in a room to sleep I think I masturbated every night thinking of you. Afterwards I was filled with guilt because I thought I was in my afterlife, in a limbo, and the only thing keeping me there, away from heaven, away from hell, were my sins. In Catholic school they told us that it was a sin to enjoy your body like that. But I couldn’t give you up! You probably think I’m crazy now and want to put me back in the hospital. The nuns said masturbation would make us crazy, and I’m the proof!”

Her crying subsided now that she had it out in the open, but she looked at Joe both hopefully and fearfully. He smiled softly at her and lowered his lips to hers and kissed her softly, and whispered...

“You know you’re not crazy, and you know that enjoying your body, relieving your tensions, and wanting your lover aren’t wrong. Think about it. You were paranoid that you were being judged by a greater being, and we certainly will be someday. But to judge what’s morally wrong and morally right, our conscience is the real jury. If you believe in your heart of hearts that something is wrong, and you do it in spite of that, you’ve sinned against yourself. If you believe that we are a reflection of God, then you’ve also sinned against God. How could wanting your lover near, wishing your lover near, and taking the next best road to pleasure to make it seem he were near, be bad? Does God want us to deny ourselves pleasure when we judge it to be morally right and just?” Joe preached.

“It, ... it seemed so right at the time I would do it, but in the morning I’d almost always have guilt and regrets, but I’m never sorry I did it.” Selena said as her mind was still building moral structure after the years of haze.

She looked to be thinking far away from the situation and turned a cold stare to Joe.

“But how do you, or how did you, morally justify all the women you bedded down before me? Were you the worst sinner of all?” She asked, but not in a tone of judgment.

“Morally, I knew I wasn’t killing someone, stealing from someone, or lying; those are the worst sins. I knew I was gratifying myself, and fulfilling pleasure that was sought after. I knew I wasn’t leading someone on. We both knew what we wanted. Socially, many would frown upon my behavior then, and the church, no matter what denomination, might have called it sin. But, I never believed it damaged my relationship with God; That sounds smug and self-serving, but think of this scenario; A person who puts 13 doughnuts in the bag and tells the cashier there are 12, A person who puts a gun to the head of another and pulls the trigger, and A person who sexually satisfies himself and a consenting partner. If they were all to die at the same time, would God deal equal punishment, the denial of life everlasting in heaven to each of them? Who committed the real sin?” Joe said making a moralizing point.

“Joe, I see and understand your point, and I agree with it as we talked about all this when we first devoted ourselves to each other. Just understand that at the time, when I thought I was in Gods holding room, my mind was warped and I still have to put it all into perspective. I want to make love to you. My pussy is leaking through my underwear, my mouth hungers for the taste of you, but that whole morality thing hangs over me and my parents being on the other side of that door to hear us is the same as if God were here in the room. Don’t laugh at that.” Selena conceded and made her point.

“We can just be quiet! What’s the worry?” He asked.

“I spent the better part of 9 years holding back myself, trying to be quiet as I pleasured myself. I want to be myself with my love. Do you know how long I’ve been looking forward to this moment, felt guilt over how I fantasized over it? I am not going to spare myself one speck of the pleasure, and I can’t do that with my parents on the other side of that door!” She said quite convincingly.

“I suppose I understand, but it’s still love we’d be making.” Joe said hoping to make a point.

“OK, my love. Let me make love to you with my mouth and just as you’re going to pour your seed over my tongue, please don’t make a sound. Just quietly cum in my mouth and as I suck the last drops from your hard penis in my mouth, just lay still and smile.” She said smugly as she reached for his crotch.

“Touche’.” He said softly as he pushed her hand away and got up.

He straightened his clothes and walked towards the door.

“That’s it, that’s all we have?” Selena said starting to panic.

“Calm down, I’m going to take care of something.” Joe said as he opened the door and went into the living area of the suite.

“Is everything OK?” Betty Hanson said as she was startled to see Joe so quickly.

“Yes, everything is fine, she just has one problem.” Joe said taking a deep breath and then exhaling, not sure how to word his request.

“Could you two go to lunch for an hour or so? She says she can’t “be herself” with her Mom and Dad in the next room. She loves and respects you both too much. Please understand. She’ll be OK.” Joe said sheepishly, not being able to look her straight in the eye.

Scott stood up and extended his hand to Betty.

“Come on Bett, I think I understand. If we were apart for a long time it might be the same thing if those two were on the other side of the wall.” Scott said with a little grin on his face, despite a slight tone of disdain in his words.

“SEX is important, Scott and she’s NOT 18 anymore. Besides it’s intimacy she ... um, THEY want and YOU would be just...” Betty started to say before Scott spoke up.

“ALRIGHT, I GET IT!!” Scott said as he extended his hand to Betty and headed toward the door.

Joe smiled to himself as if he had won a small victory of life and went back into their room and locked the door behind him.

Selena was in the bathroom and she called out that she would be right out.

“I took care of the intimacy problem.” Joe said by the door.

“I know, I listened behind the door. Thank you. My Dad is going to be protective again for a bit. Humor him.” She said behind the door as Joe heard the handle turn and she opened it.

Selena stepped out naked with one hand over her thick bush of pubic hair and her vagina. “I’m sorry, I know you like to see my pink, but they wouldn’t let me shave at the hospital.” She said demurely as if offering herself for judgment.

Joe’s voice caught in his throat as he admired her body as he drank in her sexy shyness.

“Oh my God!” Joe said, his voice quivering as if he were about to break up. “You ARE the most beautiful woman God ever put on the earth.” His voice trailing off as a tear escaped his eye...

Selena walked to him kissed away the tear, put her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder, now sobbing herself.

“I never thought I would ever feel you like this again.” She said as she stood back and began to unbutton his shirt.

Joe went to help her but she pushed his hand away and continued unbuttoning until she took it just below the collar tips and pushed it over his shoulders to let fall off his arms.

She smiled a devilish smile as she brought her hands to his belt and noticed the bulge growing already.

“You’re such a beautiful man, I can’t wait for this.” She whispered as she unbuckled the belt and drew down his zipper.

She took hold of the top of his pants and pushed it together to unslide the clasp, letting his pants fall with the weight of his belt and things in his pockets.

She stood back and knelt to inspect the long scars on his legs from his knee replacements. She ran her fingers over them and looked up at him long and pouty.