Chapter 8: Chris

I had a rough couple of days. After the incident at breakfast when I'd discovered that Sarah wasn't really a friend, I'd immediately left and got on the first plane to fly home. I'd realized why Helen had been so short with me lately. She didn't trust me. Maybe someone had given her idea that I was cheating on her. I had to let her know that I never had and I never would. I loved her only. And I loved her more now than when I first fell in love with her at six years old.

I left the airport and got back into my beloved Black Mustang. I made short work of the drive from the airport to our suburb. The house felt strange as I left the garage and walked up my driveway to the door. Just before I put my key in the door, my next door neighbor, Ricky Ricardo came running up to me. "Chris," he said. It came out "Kdeese," his thick Cuban accent obscured my name. Ricky was a great musician and band leader but he simply murdered the English language. I couldn't make out a word he was saying.

Luckily for me his wife Lucy, came over and told me that Helen had been taken to the hospital. I drove right over here and had to wait for over an hour while they pumped her stomach. I had to fill out a whole bunch of medical forms and explain my whereabouts to the medical staff before I was allowed to see her.

I just knew that somehow it was my fault that my wife had tried to kill herself. I sat at her bedside with all kinds of questions running through my mind. Was her suicide attempt related to her thinking I was cheating on her? Had I somehow driven her to this?

When Helen finally woke up I got the whole tragic story from her. Helen still loved me, as much as ever she'd said. But we had a couple of issues hanging over our heads. The first was that she'd heard from a friend of hers that I'd been cheating on her. Since she was older than me she bought into the fact that I might be tired of her and ready for a younger, fresher woman. I thought it ironic that the only woman I'd ever looked at was the one she hired to spy on me.

She'd hired the private eyes to find out if I was. If I'd cheated on her, she'd be destroyed by it but she loved me too much not to fight for me. So she just wanted to know who she'd be fighting against. She would never let me go without a fight.

I determined right then that nothing would ever separate us. No matter what it might be, we'd be together.

Then there was a more serious problem. The first one could have simply been viewed as a misunderstanding. The second was far worse. Part of the reason that Helen had been acting so strangely lately was because she was keeping a secret from me. A Few weeks back, she'd been raped. She was so embarrassed by it that she never said anything to anyone about it. After a few days she'd become depressed and withdrawn into her shell. She was sorry that she'd shut me out, but she was just so ashamed.

She'd recently also discovered that she was pregnant and she just didn't see a way out of that. She was afraid to face me with the news that she was carrying someone else's child, especially when she'd put off having children of our own.

She saw no way out so she'd decided to take her own life.

It was a lot to process, in a short amount of time. I pulled her to me hugging her and told her that nothing would ever separate us. I also told her that loved her too much to let her go. We both cried and I held her until her nurse came in and told me that I could come back the following day, but I needed to go home.

The nurse also told me that. It would be a while before Helen could come home. She had to stay in the hospital for 72 hours for observation, and then she'd have to be evaluated by a therapist, before she would be released.

When I got home I went inside and sat down on my couch. Things were moving way too fast for me to process them.

Someone knocked on my door. I got up to answer it, and saw that it was Lucy Ricardo again. She handed me a sealed envelope with my name on it. She told me that a woman had knocked on her door and told her to give me the envelope. I thanked her and went back inside.

Lucy hadn't wanted to leave. I think her natural curiosity and penchant for getting into trouble, made her really want to know what was in the envelope.

Alone in my living room I opened the envelope and was shocked like never before as my world the way I knew it ended. Inside the envelope was a note with only thirteen words. The note was scrawled in crayon so no one would ever recognize the handwriting.

"Don't be a sucker. She's cheating on you. It's his baby. She's lying."

There were also a couple of really terrible pictures. One picture was a close-up of Helen's face. She had dried sperm all over her face especially around her mouth. The second picture showed Helen and some old guy, that I didn't recognize fucking on my sofa. He had his dick rammed up her ass, and from the expression on her face, she loved it. There was also an audio tape where Helen told some other woman the whole story.

By itself I'd have dismissed the note. The pictures could have been faked, but I recognized Helen's voice and together all three pieces of evidence were enough to rip my heart out.

I spent the evening curled up on my couch. After a while I realized that I was lying on the same couch that Helen had fucked that guy on, and I almost threw up.

I'd always thought that I would love Helen forever. I guess that deep down inside I still did love her. But I just couldn't wrap my head around the way she'd treated me. I had evidence that she'd cheated on me. At the same time she had so little trust in me that she'd had someone following me around to see if I was cheating on her. The worst part of all though was the way she'd calmly looked me in the eyes and lied about it all.

I didn't even know if she'd really tried to kill herself. Maybe she'd just done that to get my sympathy started so she could tell me her pack of lies.

The next morning I called my boss and told him I needed some time off, to take care of some personal issues. I guess most guys would have ran back to the hospital and thrown the papers and the pictures in Helen's face. They'd have demanded to know who the guy was and how long it had been going on.

My problem is that I'm simply not very confrontational. I was hurt very badly. But I just needed to get away from the source of my pain. Seeing Helen in my condition would only make things worse. I needed to go away to think about something other than my problems, so I could heal. I guess it sounds cowardly but let's face it we're all different. This was my way of dealing with it.

I signed up for one of those racing camps where they teach you how to drive your car better. I got a session that was due to start in two days and hit the road.

I didn't really think I needed to learn to drive better. It wasn't like I wanted to be a race car driver or anything, I just wanted to try something new and get away from my life. I called my lawyer from the car and had him start drawing up the papers for a divorce.

I guess here, I also deviated from conventional wisdom. How does a man love a woman so much that he can barely breathe without thinking about her one day, and the next day want nothing to do with her? It doesn't seem possible. But when that man over the course of a few short hours has been repeatedly lied to and deceived and begins to believe that the whole thing was done just to cover up the fact that the woman he loves thinks he's a fool and doesn't love him, It becomes very possible. I know that I still had very deep feelings for Helen. I also knew that despite her words to the contrary, Helen didn't love me.

I explained the situation, and the pictures and the note. I even played him part of the tape. He told me how sorry he was and agreed to take care of it for me.

The camp was in Arizona so I had a lot of time to think on the drive down there. Just before it got dark, my cell phone rang. I thought it was my lawyer but it was Helen. Apparently this was the first time they'd let her have the phone. She'd supposedly been frantic with worry all day.

"Where've you been honey?" she asked.

"Helen, maybe you've got me confused with Robert," I said coldly. "I think you dialed the wrong number by mistake. This isn't your honey. It's just your dumb assed husband who's loved you since he could barely walk." She stopped talking and I could hear her breathing but she didn't say anything.

"Over the past few days I've learned a lot about people Helen. Maybe I've been too trusting or just stupid, but that's over now," I said. "Please don't ever call me again. I've already instructed my lawyer how I want to handle the divorce. I'll give you until the end of the week to get everything you want out of my house. Then I'm putting it on the market."

"Please Chris, I know I fucked up," she said. "We need to talk about this. I think I'm going through a mid life crisis or something. I'll get Therapy. This doesn't have to be the end of us. We can get past this. I'll never see Robert again. I'll put the baby up for adoption or whatever you want. Don't leave me Chris. You can't leave me. You love me."