Chapter 5: Two Years!!!

Thunders were clapping high in the sky. There were flashes of lightening in the sky, taking pictures of our actions. The heavens were seriously crying, for all of mankind's iniquities, shedding tears in the hope that it will be enough to purge the world of evil; that it will be enough to absorb our pains. But no matter how many tears it shed, the pains will still be there, the sorrow forever etched in our hearts.

It was the 18th day of August, 1997. We were at the cemetery where dad had been buried. It was a Monday and it was summer so there wasn't anything preventing us from visiting his grave. We had left at first light. We hadn't even spent a whole five minutes in that place when it started raining. We were both crying for our loss, the pain we felt.

"I miss you Rob, I really do miss you." Mom was crying fully now. I waited for her to say what she had to say.

"It has really been tough without you, Robby. At first I thought I couldn't do it, that my world has crashed before me. Everything is so crazy that I don't know where to begin." Sniff; "But since I realized that I had Eeej with me, it has been somewhat bearable. He doesn't act his age. Sometimes, he acts all grown up that I have a hard time believing he is just ten. He reminds me so much about you that it is difficult to be near him. He has grown into a handsome man that I know you'd be proud of." That part was said with a smile through her tears. "But he's always alone. He says he has to take care of me, that it was your last wish of him. Sometimes I wish he could be like other boys his age, sometimes I feel like I am denying him the chance at life. He will hear none of it though."

"I just wish you could come back to me, that all these craziness will go away. But then, it will all be a fantasy and I will end up being disappointed. I still miss you and I know that wherever you are that you are happy. I love you." That was when the floodgates opened. I didn't even try to stop her; this was one day she was allowed to cry to her heart's content.

I stepped forward from where I stood, took my mother's hand and began; "You told me to always be strong, taught me to always look for the good in every situation. When you died, you left a space in my heart where you used to be, a space in my life where you used to be. I still miss you and every now and then, I still find myself waiting for you to walk through the door. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I miss you so much it hurts. You told me to take care of mom, every day I ask for strength to do what you asked me to do. She still misses you and it breaks my heart hearing her cry in the night, seeing her so lonely and in pain. I don't know what to do. I can't do it, I can't take away her pains, her sorrows and it's killing me. Please come back, please... ?" I couldn't say anymore, the pain seized my whole body, the emotions took over my senses, and I broke down crying. It was the hardest I had ever cried. And you would have thought the pain should have lessened.

Mom was crying with me as well. For the longest time, we cried to our hearts' content, we cried till there were no more tears to shed. As if by concession, we both stopped crying. The weirdness of it all had us laughing like madmen, cracking our ribs.

"What was that?" Mom asked after she regained some level of control. I felt so light.

"I don't know." I replied. "I guess it's dad's way of telling us to stop crying."

"He always had an unconventional way of doing things, doesn't he? Death didn't change anything at all."

We gathered whatever control we had left in us. We were silent for a moment. Mom took my hand and said; "We love you, Robert Williams, don't ever forget that. You will always be in our hearts. Don't be a stranger." With that said, we turned and left.

The drive home was silent, each of us lost in thought. I was still in my introspective mood when we got home. Mom took the day off from work. We never said much about anything to each other. The day went slow; it's always amazing how slowly the day can go when you want it to pass by quickly.

It had been two years since the day that my father left this world; it had been two years of trying to adjust to life without him. It wasn't easy but we had no other chance. A lot had changed since that day that he passed away. I was ten for one, mom was working. Although the pain was still there, we had gotten used to life without him, except for few exceptional days.

One of the major changes in my life was the dreams I kept having of dad. They were always the same. I would be in a field playing alone; it was a very green field. Then mom and dad would appear from nowhere and start playing with me. One look at the me in that dream, you would know that was the happiest he'd ever been. Then, without preamble, dad would collapse on the ground, his whole body covered in blood. I would rush to him, my hands covered in his blood. In his dying moment, he'd look at me and say; "Take care of her, protect her with your life." He would give up his ghost right after that moment and I would scream. Waking up, the tears would start rolling. I had no rest whatsoever. And it happened every day.

I never told mom about the dreams, I didn't want to cause her more pains. I read a lot on the subject of dreaming about a dead lost one. My subconscious was finding it difficult letting go, so in order to keep him fresh in my mind, my subconscious devised a means of not letting go, manifesting in my dreams. It's the short and inaccurate analysis of the whole thing. The dreams were recurring on a daily basis because I had a strong bond to him; he was three things rolled into one for me. It's still all confusing.

Another major change was that we were treated as outcasts in our neighborhood. Before, when my dad was alive and immediately after dad's death, we were invited to almost every party held in the neighborhood, both from people we didn't know and those we knew. These parties helped us a lot in getting through the pain as it made us realize that people still cared for us. Little did we know that our lives were to change?

The change was subtle, we didn't realize what was happening until it was stark clear. It was a day in 1996 when mom went to talk to Mrs. Coker. Mom didn't have much human contact, so I was always happy to see her maintaining that link with her friend. It was about 40 minutes since she left when she came back crying. At first, I was confused because there was no explanation for her behavior. Her mood was always better whenever she went to talk to Mrs. Coker.

"What's wrong mom?" I asked her after I had regained control of my senses. Mom still wouldn't talk to me. "Are you going to sit there and cry or are you going to tell me what went wrong?" I said tersely. Over the ensuing months, I had learnt to always be assertive especially when dealing with mom's mood swings. That always got her talking as it did on this particular occasion.

"It's Mrs. Coker." Mom got out between sobs. I was surprised that Mrs. Coker would be the cause of my mother's moodiness. "What happened with Mrs. Coker?" My terse tone was still there, letting her know that I wasn't letting her off easy. That got a reaction from her as she looked at me with an 'if looks could kill' gaze that could have actually killed were it a bullet, I didn't flinch. Seeing that I wasn't going to relent, mom told me what happened.

"I went to see Grace (that was her name, finally) for our occasional meeting." I nodded; that part I knew of. " ... When I got there, she wasn't around, but her husband was. So I stayed with him, waiting for Grace to come back since Martin said that she was going to come back early. We were making general conversation about work and life when Grace came home. She shot me a look that would kill, called me aside and started accusing me of trying to seduce her husband. Me, seduce her husband, how could I do something like that to a friend?" The sobs came then. I allowed her to cry out her emotions. " ... She said that most women in the neighborhood wouldn't speak to me because I am seducing their husbands. Tell me Eeej, how can I seduce someone else's husband when I haven't even finished mourning my own yet?" She broke down completely.

I went to her sobbing figure and plopped down on the floor with her. Losing my terse voice, I said; "Come now, come now, this is no reason to cry. So what if they accuse you of trying to seduce their husbands. I say that they are jealous, jealous of you because you have something that they don't have. You are better than them in any way possible. You are beautiful, smart and most importantly, you take care of a nine year old alone while they have to rely on their husbands. You once said that people are always going to talk about me, that I have to be strong enough to ignore them and go on with our lives. Or have you forgotten what you said?"

She looked at me fiercely and for a moment it looked like she was going to hit me. I actually braced myself for the hit. "You know, it's not good to use my words on me?"

"But how am I supposed to have fun with you?" She smiled. Thank God I was making a progress.

"How did you get so smart to know what to say to me?"

It was meant to be a casual question, but it got me thinking. "Honestly? I don't know. I mean, I had no clue what to do, then it just came to me. I don't understand it."

Mom looked at me silently for a moment, then replied; "I am glad it came to you, that it always comes to you. Thank you for being a good boy and for taking care of me."

"I wish you could stop hurting. If there is a way I could take away the pains, I would. But I don't know how. I am here for you, anytime."

"Someday, you are going to make some lady happy." It was the first time mom said that. I never thought much about it though.

It became clear to mom and I that we were no longer welcomed in the neighborhood. The women would shoot daggers at mom with their eyes, but for reasons I don't know, she was unaffected by their attitude. I actually asked her about it, but she said;

"Someone told me to man up and face the world, that people are always going to talk about us, that I was to be strong and go on living my life. Or have you forgotten?" I laughed. It was good seeing mom take up this positive attitude.

No matter how we were hated in my neighborhood, no one had the guts to come to us and out rightly say something derogatory to our face. Before long, they became old news that we never paid them enough attention.

School was another matter all together. My supposed friends were still treating me like dirt. This time around, it tripled. Spending most of my lunch time in the library, reading like it was the only thing I had going for me, which indeed it was, my mind became sharpened, particularly with the philosophy books I had been reading. I found out that I could use the process of logic to make and win arguments in class. I found out that philosophy introduced me to other disciplines, making me have basic knowledge on practically almost everything I came across. As a result, I was indisputably the teachers' favorites. This angered my friends that they would sometimes call me names. At first it got to me, but mom came to the rescue. I did so well in my examinations that I got a tuition free session from the administration of Greater Minds. Mom was really happy when she learnt of it as was I. It made me feel good that I could help out in whatever little way I could.

That we were never going to be as comfortable as we were when dad was alive was a given. Financially, we weren't rich, but we were comfortable. Mom was still working and at least things were going well enough until the last few months. Mom would come home highly irritated. I would ask her what the problem was, but she never told me. I could have used the assertive tone on her, but I knew that whatever was bothering her, that she would tell me in due time.

Someone once said that life is like the swinging pendulum, never at a place. The bob of the pendulum oscillates in particular pattern, going back and forth, to and fro. That is how life is. Sometimes your life seemed so balanced that you think life couldn't get any crazier even in the midst of craziness. Life is never balanced.

When we lost my father, I thought that was the hardest blow that life could ever dish to me. I was wrong. It was the 23rd day of August. It was a Friday, and we were invited to one of mom's friends from work house. Her daughter was celebrating her birthday. I had forgotten what it felt like to be in a gathering of children closer to my age, so I naturally enjoyed myself to the fullest. It was nice that I did for the events of the next few months would daze me.

We came home to a gathering of people on our house property. There were different looks on the faces of the gathered people that I couldn't discern properly. I was confused, contemplating what we had done this time to invite trouble upon ourselves. As if by concession, the people gave way for us to go through them. We stepped forward and were shocked by what we saw. There, where our house once stood, was a pile of debris. It was breathtaking that we were speechless.

"Oh, not again!" I exclaimed when I was able to find my voice again. Mom was speechless, dumbfounded, and confused. Several emotions played on her face and then she collapsed. It must have been more than she could take for she fainted. I rushed to where she was and I just couldn't hold it in. The tears started coming again.

"Mom ... mom ... mom? Please wake up mom ... It will be okay. Please mom, wake up. I will make it okay." The sobs were too choking for me. I didn't know what to do. Have you ever seen a madman in a flurry of activities? That was what I was like. I was surrounded by people, our neighbors and they were just looking at me. I rushed from one person to another, from couple to couple, begging them to save my mother, to help my mother. "Please, someone please do something. My mother is going to die, please do something."

The cries must have penetrated through her shield. Mrs. Coker came forward, held me to her and tried to calm me down. I held onto her as if my life depended on it, for indeed, my life depended on it. "Please save my mother ... Please save my mother..." I continued to wail, pressed unto Mrs. Coker's bosom.

That got the husbands going. They started making arrangement to take my mother to the hospital. Before I knew it, I was in car, with my mother going to the hospital. Mom was admitted into the hospital and taken to the ER. Staying in the hospital's lounge room while mom was at the ER was the longest time of my young life. Mrs. Coker was there with me, never letting go, comforting me. She held me to her bosom all through the whole wait.

When the doctor who had been with mom came out from the ER, he was assaulted by a barrage of questions. When he was able to calm us down, he told us mom's situation. Mom was in shock when she collapsed, the shock had blocked the passage of blood to her brain because her heart was taking up much of her blood. Significantly, we were lucky that we brought her to the hospital when we did. There may be some damage to her brain, but that was indeterminable, pending her regaining consciousness. Mrs. Coker was broken. She cried that had she not been stupid, that maybe nothing would have happened to mom. Being with mom during her mood swings, I was able to reassure her.

Mom woke up around ten that same night. Mrs. Coker wouldn't leave her side. Mr. Coker wanted me to go home with him, but I was adamant. If Mrs. Coker was going to be with mom, then I should also be there with her. At first, she was disoriented, but my presence, coupled with that of Mrs. Coker's was enough to calm. No mention was made of our burnt house.

Following due check up by her doctor, mom was discharged from the hospital. Mrs. Coker offered us a place in her house. Mom was reluctant in accepting her offer (who wouldn't be), but Mrs. Coker was able to assure mom that whatever misgiving she had was all in the past. It was Mr. Coker that picked us up from the hospital.

When we got to the Cokers', mom wanted to immediately go see if there was anything that could be rescued from the burnt house, but Mrs. Coker wouldn't hear any of it.

"Beth, if what is left of the house could survive yesterday, then I think that it can also survive another night." Mrs. Coker said to mom's obvious dislike.

Mom looked at me for any response. I shrugged and said; "Don't look at me; you know that if it were up to me you wouldn't go near that house again." Mom shot me a look that could have killed was it a bullet. But she finally saw the truth in our stance, so she visibly sagged, the strength draining from her.

"I know, it's just that I want to see to what extent we can start over from."

"Who said that you have to start over now?" Mrs. Coker asked mom. Both mom and I looked confused. "You are both welcomed to stay here, Beth." Mom and I must have looked really shocked because she added; "I know that I acted foolishly, accusing you of trying to steal my husband..." She came to where mom was seated; " ... But I've realized the error of my ways now. When I saw EJ crying, asking people for help, I almost lost it. I realize that I was foolish over something that was really inconsequential. I am sorry Beth, for everything." She hugged mom who looked over her shoulder at me. I just shrugged. What was I to do?

We were able to get few things from the house, mostly stuffs that were saved from burning by being near non flammable material. Some of my books were burnt to shreds, but I was lucky that most of my books on Philosophy were saved.

We settled into life at the Coker's with relative ease. Once mom got over her suspicion of Mrs. Coker's apology, she was able to settle down in our new home. Mom and I would have wanted to bunk together, but there was no telling how the Cokers would react to that. Mom was given the guest room, and I was bunked with Mike, Mrs. Coker's oldest son. He wasn't happy that I was sharing his room with him as was I, but he was gracious enough to not complain verbally. We accommodated each other, but were never friends.

Mom, due to her medical situation, didn't go to work for three days, though she notified her boss about her predicament. On Thursday, mom went to work early because she wanted to start early on her overdue work. I expected her to come home in the evening, given the nature of her job. I was surprised when she came home about an hour since she left, with her eyes puffy, maybe from crying too much. Over the years, I had grown accustomed to seeing mom in tears, and each time I saw her in tears, it always broke my heart. That time wasn't different. I went to her, never bothering to ask her what went wrong, and knowing that she would tell me when she thought it was time for me to know what the problem was. Though, I held her to me.

We were like that when Mrs. Coker came out. She came over to where we were, surprise etched on her face. "What happened Beth, are you alright?" She rained the question on mom which just served to intensify her sobs. I held my hand up, signaling to her to stop with the questions. She looked like she would protest, but thought better of it, although you could still see the curiosity on her face. She wasn't the only one.

Mom seeing that we were just going to wait her out decided that it was better to get on with answering the questions. She stopped sobbing, looked at Mrs. Coker then at me, opened her bag and brought out an envelope. She handed it to Mrs. Coker who tore the envelope and read through the letter.

"Oh my God!" She exclaimed. Whatever was in that letter was getting the best of my curiosity. " ... But how, Beth? What happened?" more questions. Finally, I couldn't hold it in again, so spoke up; "What is in the letter?" I asked no one in particular.

It was Mrs. Coker that took pity on me and replied; "Your mom was fired from work."

If you ever watched some of these cartoons, you'd see when something out of the ordinary happens; there would be some 'BOING' sound on the screen. That was what happened when I learnt that mom had lost her job. "What? How is that possible?" I asked no one in particular. I took a deep breath, calmed down, took mom's hand and asked her what happened. And she told us. It was a tale on its own.

Mom's boss, Mr. Segun Ajao was a man who believed in the old principle of back scratching (whatever that was). Right from the time that mom started working for him; he'd been trying to get mom on his bed. Mom had at first, thought that it was just a silly office joke, so she didn't take him seriously. But in the following months, he had followed it up with a gusto that had left mom bewildered. Understandably, mom resisted his approaches, first subtly, then vehemently stating that she wouldn't give up her pride for a job. He'd threatened mom with dismissal, but mom had stood her ground. Then, not coming for work for three days had given him the leverage to dispose of mom. Mom had cried, pleading with him to see if she could be hired back, but he'd said in simple language that the only way mom was getting her job back was by spreading her legs for him. Mom left after that.