Chapter 3: A Different Life

Our next session was fascinating. As requested, I went into Doctor DeVire's office first while Natalie waited in the reception area.

"You mentioned that things were much improved between your wife and you. Can you tell me about it?"

"Yes. I came home the other night in a good mood and I suggested to her that I would like to make love to her. I told her I wasn't angry and wanted her to know that I loved her."

"How did she respond?"

"I don't think she quite believed it at first, but with very little persuasion, she agreed. The aftermath was quite amazing. It was like turning back the clock ten years. No one is more surprised than me."

"Humph. That is quite interesting, but as I said, not as surprising as you might think," she paused. "I believe the root of your wife's unhappiness was you, Walter. No ... don't get all upset now. I don't mean that in an accusatory way. The reason I say that isn't that you don't love her or treat her well. In a way, you treated her too well."

I must have looked both surprised and confused.

"Have you always tried to do what your wife wanted you to do?"

"Yes ... I suppose so. I always wanted to make her happy."

"And over time, did this translate into your willingness to do whatever to please her?"

"I guess so."

"And the more you did what she wanted, the more she asked of you?"

"Probably so."

"Then, the asking became demands?"

I nodded. I could see where she was going with this.

"And then, in the last two years, despite your attempts to do everything she asked, she exhibited signs of dissatisfaction and even anger?"

"I get what you're suggesting, Doctor. All this developed because I let it happen."

"Well, that's the simplified version, but yes ... that's pretty much what's been happening. You became her servant, not her husband."

"So ... she lost respect for me?"

She nodded. "Her frustration and anger was a manifestation of her inability to get you to resist. To put a stop to her demands. To say no to her. She didn't want a slave, she wanted a husband. Someone to lead, not to follow."

"And you figured this out in just a few hours with each of us? That's a pretty quick diagnosis, isn't it?"

"Yes it is, but I'm fairly certain I'm right. One of the reasons that I had both of you together for the first two hours was I wanted to see how each of you reacted with the other. Your aggressive questioning in the first few minutes was quite revealing. You weren't happy with the way I was isolating you from Natalie. In the past, you might have just accepted that, but that's not what happened. You reacted, and Natalie's reaction to your reaction was quite revealing."

"So you think my taking a stronger role in our family life is the answer?"

"I think it will be a big part of it. That doesn't mean you should become the flip side of the coin ... selfish and domineering. But Natalie responded almost immediately when you pushed her into realizing how fragile your marriage was. Tell me how life has been around your house in the past weeks."

"Better. I mean, she is a little more verbal, involved ... I'd say happier. Having sex was just a natural extension of the way we were both feeling. Now ... it seems like she's another woman. As if the past couple of years didn't exist."

"Oh, they existed all right," she said with a stern look. "But this new, restored Natalie comes with a warning."

"A warning?"

"Yes. Natalie is, by nature, a submissive personality. It isn't difficult to dominate her, as you have recently proven. Did you not wonder why she put up so little resistance to your unequivocal insistence that she seek professional help?"

"No ... but ... I didn't give her any option."

"True, but just the same, you might have thought that with her belligerent attitude in the past months, she would simply refuse to cooperate. That didn't happen, did it?"

"No. In fact, if anything, she was passive. Any idea that she wouldn't do what I wanted I quickly stomped on. I wasn't going to take no for an answer."

"Yes ... and that's the dangerous part. A submissive personality can be persuaded to follow the instructions of a dominant personality. You have become a dominant personality in her mind. You're going to have to learn to temper your leadership. I'm sure you don't want Natalie becoming the servant that you once were, do you?"

"No ... you're right ... I don't."

"I'd like to talk to Natalie now, and then when we've finished, I'll see both of you. All right?"

I nodded my agreement and stood as she went to the door.

"Natalie, would you come in now please."

My wife stood, looked at me for confirmation, then timidly walked into the doctor's office, the door closing behind her.

I sat in the waiting room, lost in thought about what the doctor had said about Natalie and her personality. It made sense, but I wasn't sure I understood just what it meant for us in the future. I could understand the warning she gave me about abusing my ability to control my wife.

Natalie and the doctor were only alone for about fifteen minutes when the door opened and the doctor asked me to return. I sat down beside my wife, but she didn't turn to look at me. Instead, she was facing directly ahead. I assumed she was deep in thought about something.

"Well, this has been a fruitful process I believe," the doctor began. "I'm very pleased to see that the attitude towards each other has changed for the better. I would like to meet and talk with you a couple of months from now to get a progress report. That should give each of you enough time to settle into a routine and be able to fully understand your feelings toward each other and your life in general.

"Do you have any questions?" she asked.

"Do you really think we are okay, now?" Natalie asked.

"I think you're both on the road back, but you're not all the way there yet. Both of you need to work at this to make sure what you've recovered is permanent. What happened to you didn't happen overnight, and it won't be solved overnight. I think Walter knows what he has to do for his part. Do you understand what you have to do on yours, Natalie?"

"Yes. I have to speak out when I'm not happy, but not in an angry way. I have to make my feelings known to Walter. You said that it's all right to argue, as long as we don't make it personal, and as long as we both work to a solution."

I was surprised at my wife's comments. Doctor DeVire had said nothing to me about her role. I was to be the leader without becoming a dictator. But she mentioned nothing to me about what Natalie must do.

"Yes ... exactly, Natalie. Each of you is an equal partner in your marriage. You must always understand that principle if you are going to make a long-term success of it."

I was reasonably satisfied with the doctor's comments. There was nothing contradictory in them, just common sense. I didn't feel the need to add anything.

Having decided there were no more questions, we rose and walked back to the waiting room where the doctor asked the receptionist to make an appointment for two months from now. We were given a single card with the time and date before we left.

"Well, what do you think?" I asked Natalie as we drove home.

She shook her head, a solemn look on her face. "I wish I knew how it got so bad, Walter. I never wanted it to." Her voice expressed her sadness.

"It's nothing we can't fix, dear." I saw her nod out of the corner of my eye as I concentrated on the late morning traffic.

"What she said at the last about an equal partnership," I paused. "That wasn't exactly what she said to me."

Again, I saw her head turn toward me, but she didn't respond.

"It's important that each partner feels they are on an equal footing with the other, but, in reality, someone has to be the leader. Can you understand that?"

"Yes."

"It doesn't mean that person gets to make all the decisions, but when it comes to the important things in a family, one of the two has to be the final arbiter. The doctor says that's my role," I said, casting a glance at Natalie.

She didn't react right away, but after a few moment I heard, "Yes, that makes sense."

"Are you all right with that?"

"Yes," she answered immediately. "I trust you. You'll do the right thing."

I was pleased and turned to smile at her. "I think we should stop at Mallory's for lunch. Maybe we have something to celebrate, and there's another thing I want to discuss with you."

She nodded her agreement as I turned right toward the restaurant I had chosen.

We were seated immediately and I ordered a glass of wine for each of us. Once again, I was aware of the tension that we had been under in these sessions and it was time to unwind and talk.

We reviewed the menu specials and ordered our lunch, making inconsequential small talk for a few minutes.

"There was something else you said you wanted to talk about," Natalie said.

"Yeah. Here's something I want you to give some thought to. I'm not happy in my job. I do it very well and I'm rewarded reasonably well for that, but I have an obnoxious boss and no real long-term future. I think we need to discuss a change."

"What would you do? You're the only source of income in our household," she said, looking a bit alarmed.

"I've been thinking about going out on my own. I've been doing some calculations and estimates for what I could pull from my existing client base. I know what our company charges for my services, and even if we got three-quarters of that from two-thirds of my customers, it would make the business viable." I sat back and waited for Natalie to react.

"What would you be doing? Would it still be tax accounting?"

"To start with, but I have an idea that I could expand into tax avoidance strategy for some of the key clients. Get them out of problems before they get into them. Make it a package service. Other private firms do it, but not in our area."

"Can you do that all by yourself?"

"To start with, but I had an idea that you could help too with general office management. To begin with, I'll operate out of our home until we can establish enough customers to support a proper office."

"You want me to help. But I don't know anything about taxes."

"What you can help me with is administration. Filing, mailing, scheduling appointments, keeping track of billing and payables. Basic things that would save me valuable time and give you something to contribute."

"Do you think you can make this work? I mean, will we be able to keep our lifestyle like it is now?"

"I think if we plan this right, we can double our income, if not more. It will be our own business. No one to answer to but us. Yes ... I think we can make this work," I finished emphatically.

She looked at me without expression, thinking long and hard about my proposal.

"You really want to do this, don't you," she said at last.

"Yes ... I really want to do this," I smiled in return.

"Then, let's do it," she said immediately, raising her wine glass in salute.

We touched glasses just as our lunch arrived. Suddenly, I was hungry, and judging by Natalie's actions, she was too. I took that as a good sign.

Natalie watched me compose my letter of resignation that evening, then sat with me as we told the children what the plan was. There were some unknowns, but the smiles on their faces told us that they supported what we wanted to do. Just as importantly, I learned how much more they appreciated our bringing them into the discussion. It was another step in rebuilding our family, and an important one for our future.

When I delivered my letter to Peter Minshull three weeks later, I was anticipating a rather unpleasant response. I had given myself plenty of time to make sure I was doing the right thing for the right reasons. I had also used the time to prepare myself for this change.

Instead of exploding as I expected, he seemed to be in a daze, not knowing what to say.

"You're really resigning, Walter?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes. I plan to start my own consulting business. I don't feel I have any future beyond where I am now in this firm, so I'm going out on my own."

"But ... but ... you're a valuable employee. You're at the top of your salary scale. We really respect what you do here."

"Then why have I been passed over for promotion twice? If I'm so respected, why has no one ever had the courtesy to tell me just what my shortcomings are?"

"You're too valuable where you are," Peter blurted out in unintended confession.

"Yeah, I figured that out. So ... you can easily understand why I would want to try my luck on my own."

"Look, Walter, maybe I can get them to waive the salary ceiling for you. Perhaps a dedicated assistant." The little man was getting desperate.

"Those are all things you might have done some time ago, but didn't. I let you take advantage of me, so don't feel too bad, Peter. It's as much my fault as yours. Oh, and don't bother with getting me to sign a non-compete clause, because I won't. Goodbye."

And with that, I turned and left the office, picking up the box of personal possessions that I would take with me. I knew my former employer wouldn't want me to stay knowing that I was going to be in competition with one of their divisions. I suspected I might get a call from the legal department, but I would deal with that when it happened.