Chapter 3

I was out of condition. Not surprising, really, though I had been doing some quite strenuous work at the company.

We'd driven — Petra had driven — out of town, through Hathersage, Hope and Castleton, and up Winnats Pass to the car park at the foot of the foot-path up Mam Tor. Having got out, Petra got a small backpack out of the back seat and locked up and we set out up the hill.

Mam Tor is sometimes called 'The Shivering Mountain' because one face of it is very unstable shale, but there's a good path up to the summit, paved by volunteers to reduce the erosion which had become a serious problem. I didn't get far before I was puffing. Petra slowed and took my hand; it felt ... right.

"Take it easy ... you are out of condition, aren't you?"She laughed, gently, releasing my hand. I reached out and held hers — she frowned slightly, but didn't pull away and we climbed on, rather more gently. With frequent pauses to rest; for me to rest, that is, we finally reached the top, and we could see Edale below us to the one side and Castleton and the Hope Valley on the other, the Hope Valley cement works (in my view) a blot on the landscape. Okay, maybe a necessary blot, but still a blot. There was a fresh breeze, exposed as we were. Crows mobbed a buzzard that had been peacefully soaring on the updraught, their hoarse cries carried easily on the wind. There was a hollow, facing the valley below, a little below the cairn at the summit; Petra pulled a picnic blanket out of the backpack and spread it on the ground, and then sat on it. She delved again, and came up with a couple of bottles of water and cereal bars, holding one of each out to me.

"There's room here for two," she said.

"So there is," I responded, sitting next to her, glugging half the bottle and taking a bite of bar. It seemed the most natural thing in the world to slip an arm around her and for her arm to slide round my back.

A popular author in the forties and fifties was an engineer who wrote fiction in the evenings as a relaxation — Nevil Shute. You may be more familiar with the films that have been made of his books, like 'A Town Like Alice' and 'On The Beach'. In his autobiography he wrote of the endless calculations of stresses in the structure of the R100 airship, of which he was Deputy Chief Engineer. (No computers to model stress calculations, only slide-rules). He spoke of the revelatory experience that occurred when the final, absolute, correct solution was reached. It may not make sense to you, but sitting there with Petra it seemed that I experienced something similar. As my emotional world fell into place, so did other things.

Okay, I'm a nerd. I'd hope I'm not entirely insensitive, but I am adept at missing the right moment and the right thing to say. You see, there on the hill-top, I saw a solution to something that had been puzzling me for months. Even when I was emotionally 'switched off' I was functioning intellectually and I had been sure that one of the processes the company was using was inefficient. I just couldn't get a handle on what was wrong; but there on the hilltop it suddenly came clear. I suppose I must have been 'somewhere else' for several minutes as my mind worked through an alternative process, because the next thing I was aware of was Petra standing.

"I think we'd better be getting back," she said.

I was full of my inspiration and didn't stop to consider the expression that flitted across her face as I excitedly poured it out.

"I'm happy for you," but her voice was flat.

She didn't hold my hand as we descended the hill.

I was vaguely unsettled, but too busy in my head to consider anything other than my engineering problem.

It was a silent ride home.

The Chief Engineer was initially sceptical, then interested, then excited. The MD was delighted. I was up to my ears in work for several weeks. My supervisor was sure I had material for a Doctoral thesis. When I finally came back to social reality from my mathematical exhilaration I wanted to share it with someone. My parents' reaction was on the lines of 'very good, dear, we're proud of you' which, while pleasant wasn't exactly satisfying. Petra! Of course! She'd understand ... if I could find her. I didn't see her at Uni. She was never at home when I called. She didn't answer her phone, or return calls.

Steve said; "She's around, but I don't think she's very happy. Actually, I think she's cross with you." He wasn't much help aside from that.

In the end, I cornered Mum. I couldn't remember the last time I took a problem to Mum.

"When did you last see her to talk to?"

"That Saturday I bought the Atlas, and we went into Derbyshire."

"Tell me ... exactly what happened."

So, I did. Mum nodded, thoughtfully. "There you were, touching, together, in a romantic setting, and suddenly you go off in a technical dream and switch off your connection. Now, Jim. What do you want?"

What did I want? I wanted my friend ... I said so.

"I think," Mum said, "Petra was hoping you were more than a friend. Think about it and see if she's important enough to you, for you to eat some humble pie."

The rally season was here. I took the Atlas to the Hope Show and parked a few machines away from Charles Newton and his model 18. He asked after Petra.

"She's not speaking to me. In fact I haven't even seen her for weeks."

He grunted, then, "come along, you need to talk to Natalie."

We found her admiring the Heavy Horses. I didn't want to take her away from her pleasure, but she smiled and said, "Friends are more important than horses ... or motorbikes," with a sideways grin at Charles.

After I'd retold as much of the situation as I could I wound down and Natalie frowned and thought for a while before speaking.

"Oookay ... let's establish a base-line here. How important is she to you? Don't just blurt something out, think about it. How do you feel about spending the rest of your life without Petra in it?"

"I ... can't bear to think about it."

"Right, then. The day the two of you climbed Mam Tor. How were you feeling before you had your technological revelation?"

That was easy. "All was well with the world. That was why I was able to see the answer to the problem."

"Jim, do you love Petra?"

"Why, yes, but — it's different than Susheela."

"Of course it is. She's not Susheela. Jim, Petra is in love with you. It's perfectly obvious to everyone who sees you together. I'm pretty sure you are, or at least could be in love with her. How would you feel about spending the rest of your life with her?"

I thought about that. The idea made a warm glow inside me. I could see in Natalie's and Charles' faces I didn't need to answer ... my own expression had done it for me.

Deciding what I wanted was easy. Achieving it was something else. I couldn't even see Petra as she was clearly avoiding me. In the end, I went to her house and asked Elaine Wilson for a chat. By the end I think I'd won her over. To some extent, anyway; she seemed to be sympathetic.