Chapter 10

The next run the Fearless Foursome went on wasn't quite as big of a financial success as their last endeavor, but it did add somewhat to several of the Desperados reputations. It was later in the summer and they were on their way to a mandatory annual run on a river about a hundred miles away.

One of the old ladies was driving Larry's truck with plenty of iced down drinks, tents, and other provisions in it. After about fifty miles on the highway their fearless leaders got dry throats so they stopped at a roadside park to chill out for a while and have a few cold brews.

Crank, a cool dude who had been in the club for several years, had some incredibly untimely bad luck. He had to leave the pack to take his old lady back down the road to a convenience store to pick up some freakin' Tampons. The Fearless Foursome were lounging around on a picnic table enjoying some cold brews and watching some of the other club members playing like children on some nearby playground equipment.

Mad Mike walked up to their picnic table and said seriously, "Just look at that. Those idiots are playing on that merry-go-round and those swings just like a bunch of stupid half-wits." His frown changed quickly to a crazy grin. "It looks like a lot of fun, I think I'll join them!" He laughed maniacally and ran off.

The Foursome had to laugh at Mike's impromptu insanity. Mike was a hell of a mind trip, Rick thought. He was a cold-blooded killer with all of the morals of a hungry tiger, but most of the time he exhibited the sense of humor of a sick adolescent. Rick's attention was diverted by his old lady's throaty laughter. He looked over at Michelle's exquisite face and figure in intense appreciation. Michelle was undeniably the most attractive of the club's many old lady's and she was also one of the most devoted and loyal.

Rick conscientiously worked at giving her the attention and love she deserved. He gave a silent thanks to the Powers That Be that not only Michelle but also Snowman's old lady, Cat Woman, was over their "Hell Week" for the month.

Snowman looked over at Rick and asked, "Hey Slick, did you hear Vaporlock and Scag got married on the last Sturgis run?"

"No Bro, I hadn't heard about that." Rick admitted. He thought about it a moment then he continued, "I didn't even know they'd made the run this year. Getting married on the Dakota run isn't exactly a guarantee of a happy marriage is it? Think about it, do you know of any couples who got married at Sturgis who were still hitched two or three years later?"

"No, actually I can't say that I ever have." Snowman answered. "But there must be something to it or Vaporlock wouldn't keep doing it, he's been married to a different woman at each one of the last three runs!" All of the four got a quick chuckle out of their friend's weird behavior.

Snowman called their attention to the approach of what appeared to be a citizen biker on a new Japanese touring bike. The rider slowed and then he coasted to a stop as his rice rocket sputtered and then died. The young man finished braking to a complete stop. He put down his kickstand and got off his bike; he nervously eyed the large pack of Harley riders out of the corner of his eye as he checked his bike over.

Most of the Desperados had seen the citizen by now and were watching him in amusement. Of course, an amused expression on any of these people's faces was often very scary to a non-biker. Snowman and Rick strolled out to the road as the young man took the cap off of his gas tank. He looked in the tank then he cursed mildly.

"You out of go juice, Pilgrim?" Rick asked in his very best John Wayne imitation.

The youth looked up at the dangerous looking bikers in anxious anticipation of trouble yet to come. He saw no graceful way he could avoid answering them so he nodded affirmatively. "It's a new bike, but I'm afraid my gas gauge must have gotten stuck on half full."

"That could be a big problem, Pilgrim!" Rick told him grimly as he pointed stiffly down the road. "You could just trust us to watch your new Jap bike for you while you walk a couple of miles back down that way or you could walk about five miles down the other way..." Rick smiled openly and then he dropped the phony accent. "Or, I could just give you some fuckin' gas and you could ride your bike out of here!"

The young man gave an audible sigh of relief at Rick's last words and Rick turned away. He went over to his own bike and took a screwdriver out of his saddlebags. Rick took a last swallow out of his beer; he poured the warm dregs on the ground and then he loosened a hose clamp below the valve under his gas tank. He put about an ounce of gas in the can; he rinsed it around then he dumped it out. He filled the can with gas, then he replaced the clamp, and then he took the can back to the citizen biker who was now surrounded by all of the curious Desperados and their women.

"Let me take your picture helping a rice rocket rider, Honey." Michelle called brightly to him. "No one will ever believe this story if they don't see it for themselves!" She went to get their camera out of their saddlebags. Rick, Crazy Larry, and Mad Mike took turns getting their pictures taken while holding the can upturned over the Jap bike's tank and standing with one arm around the shoulder of their nervous new friend.

Snowman had a bright thought he shared with them. "This picture would make a hell of a poster for the biker rags!" Not wanting to be outdone, several of the old ladies added picturesque scenery to the pictures by raising their shirts and posing sexily all over the rice burner. Mama Juggs had Michelle take her picture with the back of the red-faced young rider's head nestled snugly in her cleavage and with one of her famous breasts resting heavily on each of his shoulders.

Mad Mike had one of his frequent, usually perverted ideas and got a long, thick link of sausage out of the provisions in the truck. Mike unzipped his greasy jeans and posed with one of his ham-sized fists holding one end of the long sausage link in his pants, while the other end dangling in the open gas tank as he drank greedily from an upturned beer can! When Michelle saw what he was doing, she laughed so hard it was almost impossible for her to hold the camera steady as she quickly snapped several pictures of him!

The Desperado's raunchy but totally harmless fun was interrupted by the dreaded arrival of a Texas Department of Public Safety patrol car with two patrolmen in it. They peered at the citizen type surrounded by the rough looking Desperados. Mad Mike calmly shook the sausage a couple of times as if he had just finished urinating in the tank then he stuck the big sausage into his pants and zipped them up! "We were having way too much fun again, and here's the fun police." Rick admitted.

"Are you all right, Sir?" One of the troopers asked as the patrol car stopped.

"Sure. I got no fuckin' complaints." The giant Mad Mike drolly told the officer in his deep bass voice as he calmly finished zipping his pants.

"I was speaking to that young man that your buddy is holding around the neck!" The officer replied. Mad Mike shrugged; he looked at the ground and stuck out his lower lip like a kid who'd just had his feelings hurt. The Pilgrim told them sheepishly, "Yes, thank you, Officers. These nice people have been helping me; I ran out of gas and they were kind enough to give me some."

These officers had the same attitude of a lot of professional lawmen in the United States. Any Harley riders they encountered in a days work were automatically elevated from innocent bystander status to that of criminal suspects. They decided to do the routine cop thing and shake down the Desperados; they knew for certain they would probably make several busts.

The two climbed out of their car and the younger and more aggressive of the two asked the Bros, "Let me see all of your identifications, please." Rick felt a sinking feeling in his stomach; a beautiful trip was about to go all to shit.

As the Desperados reluctantly began to pull out their identification cards Crank and his old lady came riding back up. Rick knew that Crank's coming back to the pack with the law present showed a lot of intestinal fortitude because he had a couple of outstanding warrants out on him for assault.

Crank was not only loyal; he was also a quick study from the old school. "Officer! Officer!" He yelled excitedly; he pointed back in the direction from which he'd just come. "There's been a terrible wreck up the road about ten miles. There's blood and guts and screaming people everywhere!" The excited troopers didn't ask any more questions. They piled back into their patrol car and tore out of the rest stop with their tires squealing and their sirens screaming.

"Well, that was a very timely wreck." The Pilgrim spoke up. "Bad luck for the people involved, but good luck for all of you!"

"What wreck?" Crank laughed crazily. "We'd better get the hell out of here before them cops get back. They're going to be very pissed off at bikers for a while!"

"Crank 'em up!" Crazy Larry yelled loudly. The entire club went instantly into action. Rick shouted to their new friend as he cranked his scoot, "Follow us, Pilgrim. You might be in for trouble, too, just for being seen with us. Try to look like you ain't with us. Some of our friends might see your rice burner and our reputations are pretty well shot already."

The Desperados didn't slow down for the next fifty miles except to stop at a convenience store to add more gas to Pilgrim's tank and to get more beer. Rick was busy picking up a couple of six packs, but he was still observant enough to notice the woman clerk was eyeing Mad Mike's bulging britches leg in incredulous amazement.

Michelle saw the gleam of mischief that appeared in Rick's eyes and she wondered what was up. She moved close enough to hear him as he drew Mike to the side and whispered to him. "Hey, Bro, I think that good looking woman clerk over there has developed a case of the hots for you!"

"You really think so, Slick?" Mike whispered back. "You're a sensitive man yourself. Tell me the truth, do you think that she's attracted to my magnetic personality, could it be my innate personal charm, or do you think she could possibly be in love with my manly two foot long cod piece?"

"Oh, Bro, I'm sure that she's been attracted to your aura of sensitivity, your informed intelligence, and the refined air of culture that surrounds you." Rick returned. Mike was very encouraged by Rick's remarks. He strode confidently over to the clerk and made a crude offer to her in an attempt at picking her up, but the plucky woman rebuffed him with a counter offer to call the police if he didn't leave the premises of the store immediately!

Dana had been helping Pilgrim fill his gas tank, while she was watching him she decided he was kind of cute. She told him she would pack with him until they got to their campsite. Larry put them in the lead now with Dana doing the navigating. He told the Bros that with Pilgrim a hundred yards in the lead, they could always tell any of their friends who saw them that the Desperados were chasing the rice burner instead of riding with it!

By the time they arrived at the river, Pilgrim was considerably more laid back. Dana had used the skinning knife she invariably carried on her belt to cut the collar and sleeves off his shirt and then she threw the scraps away, except or one band she tied around his head. She had also repeatedly sliced the bottoms of his designer denim britches legs to make what she considered to be some real cool streamers; then she had turned him on to a mind-altering bottle of righteous tequila.

There were several other groups of bikers from friendly clubs already at the campsite. Most of the Desperados had friends and acquaintances among them. Their first few hours were taken up in greeting old friends and in setting up their camp. Before Dana took Pilgrim off in the bushes to rape him, they found out he was a college kid on vacation. He was working on his senior year of law at Texas State University and had been touring Texas before returning to the capitol.

Larry tolerantly told him that even though he was a law student, he was welcome to chill out and party hearty with the club for a while if he wanted to. Dana promptly dragged the Pilgrim into the bushes with her. The rest of the day was hectic with bike parts being swapped, races being run, and with other competitive events. Snowman and Cat were happy when they won first place in the weenie race.

For the uninitiated, this is an interesting competition during which the biker rides slowly under a mayonnaise or mustard covered weenie hanging from a tree by a string while his old lady attempts to stand up and bite the wiener from her position on the bike behind him. Poor Michelle, who was usually exceptionally competitive at everything she did, merely succeeded at getting irritating mustard in one formerly radiant blue eye.

In another contest they competed to see who could carry the most people fifty yards on a Harley; it was amazing to see how many of the bikers were piled onto some of the overloaded bikes. Rick scored a nearly new carburetor at a reasonable price from one of the Bros who was selling some slightly used parts. He put it on the Bitch immediately and after a little adjustment he was really pleased with the way the bike started and ran. This put him in a great frame of mind for the rest of the day.

The Desperados won all but the last of the tug of war events. With the overwhelming bulk and muscle of Larry and Mike anchoring the end of the thick rope, they had beaten all of the clubs except for the Raging Dragons. Mike proposed that they give their friendly rivals a big surprise, so as the Desperados dragged the Dragons right up to the line, Larry roared a command to his men to let go!