Chapter 16: Life Is Simple Without Trust

We went to a bar where a room had been reserved and the party progressed as expected. I avoided drinking too much – one hangover per weekend was sufficient – and found the heaving, over-stimulated men more than entertaining enough to make up for the half naked woman that was dancing for them.

It was arousing enough to wish I had someone to pounce on and share the arousal with. If Joey hadn't betrayed my trust. If I could look at Pharaoh and not think of how much I loved Joey.

And I did love him. It was revolting how much. I wanted him so much that thinking of his smile was enough to get a rise. But I will not be made a fool of.

I went outside for a breath of fresh air. The bar had a small Zen garden and I studied the pattern for a moment. Everything had a pattern, even my life. It veered away from happiness or joy. It steered me toward misery and emptiness. Why should I meet Joey only to lose him again and again? Why would he betray me?

"Kaiba-san?" Fujita came out and joined me. "Are you alright?"

"Fine. Thank you."

"Are you enjoying yourself?"

"I should be asking you that – it's your last night of freedom." I echoed the sentiment that the others had expressed several times throughout the evening.

He chuckled. "She's a little stressed with the wedding plans but normally Biko is very sweet. She's not as demanding as they make her out to be." I nodded.

He stood silently beside me for a few minutes and then I heard him to turn around to leave. "Fujita, may I ask you something?" I had to clear my throat twice to get the question out.

"Certainly."

"How could you forgive her?"

He stopped walking and was silent for a time. "I had to." He said softly. "There was an emptiness in my life without her."

"But how can you trust her? He betrayed you."

If he heard the slip, he didn't mention it. "It was hard to. At first. But I love her. And in the end, I discovered that I was happier with her – even if I wasn't sure I trusted her – than I was without her."

"I see." I could never be happy if I didn't trust him.

"And," he hesitated. "And I might not have been as honest with her as I should have. She said that she couldn't have betrayed me because I never trusted her in the first place. In order for her to be faithful, I must have faith."

"And you believed that?" I scoffed.

He chuckled. "I have less than twelve hours to figure that out myself."

"I should think the answer is simple. If you do not believe in such nonsense, don't marry her."

"Logic is simple, relationships are complex." He sighed. "Women are beyond comprehension."

"Not just women." I added.

"Love. Love is beyond comprehension."

"How do I even know he loved me to begin with?"

He put his hand on my shoulder. "Faith. If you believe he did, then he did. If you believe he still does, then you have to trust him."

"How can I trust him?" I snapped. "He's living with the bastard!"

"Oh." The hand stayed on my shoulder, but I could feel Fujita's sudden stress.

I realized that I was close to embarrassing myself so I took a deep breath. "I have kept you from your guests for too long. Please, do not concern yourself with me; I am fine. I'll return in just a few minutes. I just need another moment to clear my mind."

"It took me a month to stop being angry and another month to stop being hurt." He said. "Only then was my mind clear." He gave my shoulder a squeeze and left.

Eventually, I returned to the festivities. The dancer was engaging in her third and final performance for the evening – a lap dance for the groom. Fujita was enjoying it, but trying not to show it. Several of the other guests were a glass or three past prudent behavior and were yelling out suggestions for Fujita to try. The poor groom was struggling not to touch the woman although no one would have faulted him for it. Even I had to admit she was skillful. When the song ended, she stayed seated, facing Fujita and asked for a large glass of water. When she received it, she poured it down herself so that it spilled into his lap. Then she got up smiling; they were both drenched leaving everyone wondering just how far things progressed.

After she left, the party ended quickly. Most of the guests went home but the wedding party was staying at Fujita's apartment. "Kaiba-san, you are welcome to stay as well." He offered.

"You have enough houseguests, I should think."

"But you'll be escorting Miko to the wedding, won't you?"

I paused. "I had not been invited."

He waved it away. "Please. Come, as my guest."

"I'd have to go home at any rate. I'm not dressed for a formal event." I no longer owned clothes for a formal event.

"Borrow something of mine. We're close in size. And if my sister doesn't see you tomorrow, I have no doubt she'll come find you." Several of the groomsmen agreed.

A cab was flagged down and we all piled into it. Fujita's apartment was a good-sized one and there was space for everyone to lay out a mat.

I lay down, closed my eyes and immediately had visions of Joey and Pharaoh. Dancing. Stripping. Lap dancing. I woke hard and sweating. I went to the bathroom and relieved my bladder and other needs, then tried to go back to sleep. Only to return to the same dream. Joey, sitting in my lap, gyrating. Pharaoh grinding against me in a g-string.

I got very little sleep.

We all slept later than expected, but still had time for coffee and breakfast before dressing. Fujita's pants were a little shorter than I'd like but serviceable. The shirt was a little large, but with a vest over it, it was hardly noticeable. I desperately needed a haircut.

I rode with Gorou to the temple. He chatted on, catching me up on office gossip as if I knew who any of these people were or cared who contributed to the coffee fund and who kept donuts in their desk drawer. He was especially long winded about the commuter trains and how crowed they were. I had never considered the difficulties of getting to and from work. Transportation was always provided for me. But it occurred to me that all of KaibaCorp's staff could not afford the expensive city or the affluent suburb and many – most of them – probably faced this same issue daily.

It also explained to me how people could live two hours from where they worked. They took the high-speed train.

Miko-chan was thrilled to see me and sighed constantly about the bride, the music, the décor, the guests, the service and everything else that reminded her that she wished she were the one getting married. I didn't say it but I agreed. I wished I were the one getting married. I wished I could trust someone to that degree. That there was someone in my life I could hold on to forever.

There wasn't and there wouldn't be. My parents were dead. My Father delighted in taking hope from me. My lovers had been a string of disappointments, culminating in Joey's betrayal and making me wonder if Pharaoh would ultimately led to more grief than he was worth. Even my brother, whom I adored, I knew would one day have to choose between his needs and mine. In the end, they all betray you. Maybe Father was right.

I didn't eat much at the reception. I had hoped to leave early, but Miko-chan pleaded with me. "If you leave, they'll all start asking if you're my boyfriend and why aren't you my boyfriend and when am I going to get married and all of that. Most of them are from out of town – if we wait til they leave, I won't have to think about them until the next wedding!"

"Simply tell them the truth."

"That I couldn't get a date for Tenchi's wedding? Are you kidding? They'd throw every boy they knew at me trying to get me set up and married off!" She sighed again. "It may not be love, but at least I like you."

She leaned her head on my shoulder and I realized something. She did like me. Few people did.

"Thank you."

"For what?" She asked.

I smiled. "I'd prefer not to tell you."

She rolled her eyes. "It's like having another brother." She put her head back down and we stay that way until social convention forced us to dance or socialize.

Tenchi and Biko looked at each other the whole day with eyes so full of love and faith that it hurt to see them. I caught him alone, just for a moment and asked him, "What did you decide?"

He glanced over at his bride and smiled again. "I believe. I have faith." He looked back at me. "But only because I believe she has faith in me. It's like a house of cards – belief and faith hold each other in balance, doubt is the wind that blow them apart." He bowed. "Thank you, Kaiba-san. You've helped me more than I have helped you."

"I'm glad to have been of some use." I replied.

Belief and Faith. Smoke and mirrors.

Eventually the bride and groom left and good grace allowed the guests to begin leaving as well. It was 11pm when a cab dropped me off at Honda's apartment.

Pharaoh was sitting on the futon. "Thank Ra." He sighed as he dialed the phone. "He just walked in." He told whoever answered the other end. Then he offered the receiver to me.

I took it warily. "Hello?"

"Where the hell did you go, dude?" Honda sounded frantic. "The police found your bike Friday and told me to start looking for your body!"

"My body?" I didn't understand the statement until I remembered what drove so many people to suicide. "No Honda, if I was going to use self annihilation, I would have done it years before I met you."

"Are you, you know, ok?"

"I am Kaiba."

"So not an answer but whatever. Call Joey." He ordered.

"I hardly think..."

"CALL JOEY!" He hung up.

I looked at the phone for a moment. Why call the mutt – so we could argue some more?

"Speed dial 5." Pharaoh said.

"Why?"

Pharaoh actually smiled. "Because all Honda would tell him is that the police found your bike but they were still looking for you. Your lover has called almost hourly for two days. I confess that I too, was concerned. He and I had some time to get re-acquainted." He stood up and crossed the room to me.

"You and Joey? Re-acquainted?"

"Among other things, we talked about the pressures of loving you." He ran his fingers through my hair and then held my face. "And the fear of losing you." He kissed me. My knees wobbled. I wanted to push him away, but no part of my body was able to respond to anything. When his lips parted from mine, it could have been seconds or hours that had passed. "I explained to him that, despite my best efforts, you had not tumbled into my bed. And I assured him that if you were to tumble into a bed, it would be mine. And so, he and I have declared a truce."

"A truce?" My brain was still a bit numb.

"While he is still away, I have time to remind you of our past. When he returns, you will choose – him or me." He looked at me when I didn't respond. "I thought it a rather elegant solution. No comment, Prince?"

"I think my fever has returned. I must be delusional."

"I knew you would not leave us." He whispered. He kissed me again, not as deep but lingering. "Call him. He is quite anxious to speak with you." Pharaoh let me go and left.

I ate first. I had some concern about Honda returning before I made the call but my growling stomach could no longer be ignored. And I needed some time to decide what to say to Joey. Belief and Faith.

He didn't actually say that he and this Diesel were sleeping together; I inferred that from the kiss. As far as I know, really, Joey was being his typical flirtatious self and simply was not giving a firm 'no' at the moment. Joey is extremely affectionate – even with Honda and Mutou, Joey does more touching and petting than I would have allowed any other lover. His accusations of me were most likely an exaggerated response to hurt feelings from being wrongfully accused himself.

I am Kaiba. Why on earth would he even consider another man? My fears are most likely groundless. I may even owe him an apology. As Fujita pointed out – in order for him to be faithful, I must extend him some faith.

He would apologize to me, I would apologize to him, and we would put the whole incident behind us.

There was cold fish in the refrigerator and left over noodle soup. I had that, two aspirin and most of a pot of tea before I stopped procrastinating and made the call.

"He just went to sleep," an unfamiliar voice answered in Japanese. "So if they haven't found the body, I'm not waking him."

I presumed it was Diesel answering the phone and already I disliked him. "Have I reached the residence of Joseph Wheeler?" I said ignoring his entire statement.

"Who is this?"

"This is a call for Joseph Wheeler. Is this his residence?"

"It might be. Who wants to know?"

"This is Kaiba Seto."

"Oh. You." I didn't respond and eventually he put the phone down and I heard him calling for Joey in the background.

I heard the pounding footsteps as Joey ran to get the call. He ran to me. "Hello? Tak?"

I couldn't help being pleased that he actually ran, but Diesel answering the phone bothered me. "Yes. I'm fine. I went to see a co-worker and I didn't recharge my phone."

"I was losing my fucking mind, Tak!" He snapped at me. "God Damn! Honda just about lost it when you didn't come home."

"I didn't think anyone would worry."

"You don't live alone anymore, Tak. People actually care if you vanish for three-fucking-days!" he took a breath. "You can't do that shit anymore. I don't care how mad you are at me; you don't do that to Honda, OK?"