Chapter 25: Moira

I went to bed alone, but I woke up between Gary and Saralinda. It was nice to feel so loved, but it did make it harder to get up to go pee. I managed by pulling Saralinda into a hug, rolling her on top of me, and after a little cuddle during which she didn't really wake up, rolling again, leaving her next to Gary.

After, I looked at the clock – seven – the sun was up and we should be too. I stood in the bathroom, looking in the mirror. How could I already be more than thirty? Almost 35 ... I thought about Joanne leaving us to start a family. Did I want to find a husband and have babies? I shuddered. I couldn't imagine it. At least, not now, not yet! But if not yet, when? Never?

Family...

I thought about my mother's bitterness. Lord, I know she tried to hide it from me, but I could tell she'd hated being stuck in the life she had. And I was part of what kept her from escaping. Only not really. Dad and Indiana were safe to her – it was what she knew, and what she thought she deserved, I think. For the thousandth time, I gave thanks to Furthurmore and Gary for taking me away.

Family ... Gary? Saralinda? The thought of her made me feel fuzzy and warm, but also scared me. I loved Gary, no doubt about that. And he loved me. But ... There was always that 'but' with Gary. I couldn't have Gary. That's what Joanne had finally, fully realized. Nobody could have Gary.

So where did that leave all of us? Joanne was leaving – quitting. Kate was bitter. Simone was all entangled with Tori. And I was entangled with Saralinda. Would we all quit? Was the status quo a long-term option, or would we all just drift away, to be replaced by new, younger, girls? Where would I be at forty? At fifty? Lord sakes, this wasn't getting me anywhere. I stripped off my pajamas and got into the shower.

After my shower, I got the others up, and Gary took us to that nude beach. That man.