Chapter 7

It was a bleak and dark place. I was walking on a ground of rough metallic rocks. The air was heavy and smelled an awful lot like burning sulphur. Far to the horizon, streaks of light flashed again and again, showing clouds of smoke and ash that went high up to the sky, suggesting that it was either an erupting volcano or flashes of lightning.

"Where am I? How did I get here?"

"Hello, little one," came a voice from behind.

I turned around, expecting to see a 10 foot monster with clawed feet and scary face as befitting this environment.

I was pleasantly surprised to see who it was, "Mother?"

Her form was hidden behind a swirling cloud of white ash, though the silhouette was enough to show that it was a feminine figure. Not to mention this overwhelming presence, that choked and embraced at the same time could only be hers.

"Mother, where are we? How did I come here and why?"

A short pause. Then she spoke in a low voice, slow and clear as if speaking to a child, "So many questions. Why can't the young ones just say 'yes mother' or 'thank you mother'?"

She continued, "Wasn't it you who called me in the first place?"

Huh? I did?

"You have questions, do you not? I just happened to be the one who heard it. I am also about the only one who got the answers and willing to answer your questions for you. That was why I brought you here."

Mother continued, a slight annoyance can be heard from her voice, "Well, that and the fact that it had become impossible to ignore your screams. I was woken up many times from my slumber when your screams reverberate throughout Yenne Velt. I could've sworn you screamed louder than Delilah, which made you the first to scream that loud since two thousand years ago."

I looked downward, feeling like a child guilty of stealing cookies from the cookie jar, "I'm sorry, Mother. But this is all very confusing. I don't know what's going on and why I did what I did".

Her voice softened, "What did you do, child? Tell me everything".

"Well, I often went out in my sleep to feed on men, once I even fed from a child. I ... why did I do that, Mother? In my dreams I had this horrible shape, like a demon from hell, with bat-like wings, a pair of ram's horns and a tail. What was even more annoying was that I was female!"

She turned her head towards me, or at least I thought she turned her head towards me. It was really hard to tell when she was behind a veil of smoke. The penetrating gaze I felt on me however was unmistakable.

"What was so bad with being female? Last I checked, half of the human race was female. Being female is not the end of the world. Besides, I'm female, do I have to shiver in disgust every time I acknowledged that fact?"

"You know what I mean, Mother. There's nothing wrong if you're BORN female, but I wasn't born as one. I ... I don't think it would be very healthy to lead a double life that."

"You just have to take it like a man, oops, he-he, woman since that is your true form, my dear. You are a Lili. A demoness of the highest caliber, only slightly lower in rank to the princes and princesses of Sheol, and their advisers. It is your job, to consume as much male essence as you can and introduce corruption based on carnal lust to the men you feed from."

"But why a demoness? Why female? I'm a guy, Mother."

"Nothing's wrong if you choose to remain a male, but if you do, you will slowly die. Die in the most torturous state that is, since you will not be able to feed in your male form. Your male form will also consume your own Lilin energies. So you will end up starving to death, killed by your own body."

As she said that, she stepped out of the cloud, first revealing her perfect long legs, her tiny waist, her gorgeous bosom and the most beautiful face I've ever seen. Wait, hold on.

"You're not Mother. Who are you?" I cried, unable to control my fear.

She fixed her gaze on me, as if daring me to cross eyes with her, "Every single one of your sisters called me Mother. I don't see why you should call me anything else."

She stepped closer to me as I took a step back away from her, "Or did you mistake me with someone else? Gaea for example?"

"You ... you knew about ... Mother Gaea?"

She dropped her head closer to mine, at the same level with her chest, making me wonder if I was really that short or if she was really tall. Her blood-red hair falling around her face like a curtain. "That was a really mean trick Sarai pulled on me. The deal was that I get you when you turn 18. Then when you were 18, she pleaded for me to allow you to be free for as long as she lived, which I consented to because of her previous deeds for my cause and because of that pesky Barbiel's intervention."

As she continued, I can see and feel the heat from the fire in her eyes, "Then before she died, she made a pact with Gaea to keep you away from me and deny me of my own CHILD!"

I recoiled as the ground beneath me shook and cracked, sending rock fragments up to the air ... I winced as a couple of those sharp rock fragments hit my face.

Then she calmed down somewhat, the fires in her eyes becoming fainter, "Sarai made a mistake though. She asked Gaea to keep me away from you, but she didn't realize that Gaea didn't care at all about a single human. You would've been better off if she had left you in the care of Barbiel. My opportunity came when Gaea asked you to make a choice, which you chose wrong, and caused her to break her promise to Sarai".

"You mean ... the one about the wooden chair and the golden throne?"

"You're catching on. Your choice — the golden throne, made Gaea angry. That was expected as she never was able to understand human desires. It also showed that you are indeed my child as only a child of mine would be so greedy as to choose a throne made of gold."

Her hands touched my face; it felt hot, soft and calming, like the feeling of a heated mattress in the coldness of winter.

"Well, that's all behind us now. Sarai can't do anything about it anymore since she's in that prison they call Purgatory."

She stood straight and continued with a fiercer tone, "And she better stay there because if I ever get my hands on her, I'll cancel the deal and she'll be back as one of my Lilim. Then she'll know what hell really means."

"Umm, Mo ... Mother, you kept talking about Sarai just now. Who's Sarai?" I asked, still keeping my distance.

"Why, Sarai was your human mother of course, the one who gave birth to your human body. The one whom you knew as Samantha Alders. Didn't she ever tell you anything?"

I was shocked, mouth agape as I recognize what this means, "Then, she was also..."

"Yes, she was a Lili too. Just like you. The only difference was that I claimed her when she was 7 days old, and got her when she was 12. I claimed you when you were 3 days old, but I only got you after 20 years. It was an extremely annoying wait."

"Was she a guy too?" I asked, feeling horrified over the idea.

She laughed heartily at my question, then she said, "No, my dear. She was born female. I don't prefer recruiting boys as they tend to get shy and guilt-ridden the first few times. They also develop multiple identities shortly after to deal with their guilt."

Then she fixed her gaze on me, though this time, with a smile of interest and a better mood. "But you, you were a natural. You did things by instinct. You didn't even remember your human self until that second time with your soul mate. If I didn't know any better, I would've thought that you were a True Lilin"

I was feeling very confused, "Wait, wait, Mother, back up. What did you mean by 'soul mate'?"

She pushed my chin upwards with her fingers, so that my eyes were looking straight at hers, "I'm talking about that man, Chris Reynolds of course. You fed from him two nights in a row, didn't you?"

I frowned, clearly showing my disgust over the whole idea, "Mother, we were not even friends. We didn't see eye to eye with each other. Heck, he even broke my left leg with a hockey stick once because he was jealous that I went out with Cathy Thomas. How could we possibly be soul mates?"

She sighed, then she held out her left hand to me.

I hesitated, since I wasn't very sure that she didn't mean to obliterate me, "Take my hand, child. Don't worry, I don't bite my own girls."

Still not very sure that she didn't mean me harm; I took her hand, wondering when she would zap me with some kind of energy bolt.

"That's my good girl. Relax, we're going to take a journey to the past, and you will understand why I said that he was your soul mate," she said to my very male Patrick Willows self.

"I'm not a girl, Mother! The only thing girly about me is my long, beautiful hair!"

She looked at me. Then snapped her fingers, and said, "Easily remedied".

I was confused, "What do you mean?"

She flicked her right wrist, "See for yourself".

I felt the air become denser and soon enough, the air in front of me solidified becoming some sort of a mirror. My hands immediately flew to my crotch.

"It's gone! Mother, this is not what I meant!" I said as I gazed horrified at my sizable boobs, narrow waist and gorgeous hips.

We were in a bedroom of some sort. A bed was tidily propped against one wall with a pair of drawers flanking it. On the corner facing the bed stood a large armoire, one of its doors open. There was a book rack and a work desk next to the armoire. The book racks were lined with difficult books, such as those written by Nitche, Karl Marx, Stephen Hawking, Mark Twain and Shakespeare. What a boring person.

"Mother, where are we?"

She looked at me in a strange way, "You don't recall this place? You were only here yesterday."

Huh? What does she mean by ... oh hell, I know this place. That armoire, that desk is exactly as I remember it. Gah! Even he is sleeping on the bed. I need to get out of this place.

Mother must've sensed my anxiety because she said, "We're not going anywhere. We are going to watch!"

I must've panicked, I certainly felt that way, "But he'll wake up and I don't want him to see me here. Please Mother, let's just go."

"You don't need to worry. We're not travelling through time, we're just exploring your memories. So in his," she gestured to his sleeping form, "eyes, you don't exist. At least, not this you."

Then I felt something weird happening behind me. It felt like something big was pushing through a small, elastic hole. I turned around, and saw the air behind me ripple and distort, then a hand with long nails appear from it. Soon enough, a full form appeared. There was no mistaking it. There was no mistaking that ram's horn, that tail with arrow-shaped point, the long blood-red hair and that large black bat wings. There was no mistaking ME.

The demon me crawled on the bed, towards the sleeping figure.

"Wakey wakey. Mm mm, you smell so delicious. Come on stud, wake up and let me eat you," she said in a lusty, sensual voice.

She was licking his forehead when he opened his eyes and said, "Oh wow, you're back. I thought you wouldn't come again after last night."

She pressed her body on his, while at the same time purring soft words that would've weakened any man, "I don't know about last night, but I think you would enjoy tonight. Would you like me to make you happy?"

I turned towards Mother. I really did not wish to see any more of this.

Mother noticed my desperate looks and said, "Oh fine. I was actually looking forward to watching this. Let's just fast-forward to the end."

She raised her right hand and made a clockwise spinning motion with her index finger.

I fought my feelings of vertigo as the world around me moved at a speed 4 times than normal. It ended soon after it started.

I saw my demonic self lying on top of him, his left hand rubbing the base of her tail while his right was massaging the bones of her wings. She was purring with pleasure, " ... ooh ... don't touch that!"

He then squeezed her buttocks. Then with a grin, he said, "Why, you've known me your entire life, Pat."

She looked startled by that and soon after, she opened her mouth and screamed god-damned loudly. It was not just loud, I even felt it in my brain, as if my brain's vibrating or something. I covered my ears with my hands, despite knowing it wouldn't work, closed my eyes and hoped for the best. Even through her scream, I could hear the sound of glasswork breaking around me.

Then it all stopped. When I opened my eyes, I found that I was already somewhere else. Mother stood in front of me, rubbing her forehead.

Still rubbing her forehead, she said, "Now you understand why I couldn't sleep? That scream even reached Yenne Velt. It was even worse than the time when Delilah found out that the Philistines destroyed Samson's eyes with her help."

"You mean the story about Samson and Delilah? I thought that was the intention?"

"No, she never intended to let them capture Samson or have them destroy his eyes. She just thought that by destroying Samson's strength, he would be hers solely and no longer God's pawn. I assume the money wasn't a bad motivation either. Though we're not here to talk about Delilah. You can ask her about it yourself when you come to Yenne Velt one day."

She looked around, "Do you recognize this place?"

I didn't even need to look around to know where I was. I could never forget this smell of lavender and sage, as well as coriander and paprika from the kitchen. This was my house, the one I grew up in. The one that became empty after my mom was buried.

I turned around and saw two figures, one a blonde teenage girl sitting next to the bed, the other a thin, youngish looking brunette lying on the bed. The brunette's eyes appear unfocused as if she was looking at a far away place. The teenage girl was holding her hand, telling stories and dreams. There was no mistaking it, we were in mom's bedroom, shortly before her death.

" ... and when I get a job one day, I'll get a nice home far from the city and then you will come to visit me. It will be so cool, we can have some girl talk, and we can go out shopping and maybe we can go on a vacation together. Wouldn't that be awesome?" said the girl, in an obviously fake cheery voice. Even from here, I could tell that she wasn't fooling anyone with her attempt.

"That was my sister," I said, "we're here the night mom died."

A drop of tear fell to my cheek.

" ... and then, when I get married, and I got a child, I'll let you name her. I won't forget you, mom. I promise. You can come visit any time you want."

I turned around, and saw myself, the other me, standing behind the open door, listening to my sister's voice. I remembered that time. I was afraid and torn. Afraid because I was scared that mom would die, and I couldn't bear the thought of living my life without mom anywhere close by. Torn because I so wanted to cry, but I simply couldn't do that. After all, only sissies cry, right?

Oh I remembered how much I wanted to storm in there, to hold her and never let go back then. How I wanted to do as Little Tell did, to tell her how much I wanted mom to be part of my future life. To tell mom how much she meant to me. I remembered having the idea of shaking her lifeless body and telling her not to leave us.

A voice broke through my revelry, "Enough with the waterworks. It's about to start."

I turned towards Mother, "How could you say that? She's one of yours too, wasn't she? How could you not be sad looking at her in that state?"

Mother gave me a look as if saying, 'you're weird.'

"She's a Lili. She has a dual existence. She won't truly die. You'll see her all healthy and perky soon enough."

I looked at her as if she was insane, "What? What are you saying..."

My mouth dropped as I saw a sliver of light emerged from mom's body. It slowly resembled a humanoid shape, albeit with whitish bat-like wings and whitish tail. She looked down at Little Tell, landed behind her and gave her sleeping form a gentle hug. Then she walked to the door, her wings fully-spread and hugged the other me who was holding back tears next to the door.

I remembered that feeling. It was like being caressed and embraced by a fog. It was cold, but not overly so. It felt comforting like having a bath after a long day. Then she seemed to melt into the floor and was gone.

I suddenly thought of something, "Mother, you said this was my memory. I don't remember seeing that when mom died".

"Of course you didn't. But you're referring to your human sight. Human eyes can't see many things because it was trained to not be able to see those things that it didn't need to see. You mind saw everything, but translated little. Nevertheless, this was in your memory as your Lilin eyes were also looking at the same scene."

The scene changed.

We were standing in the living room of which I knew instinctively as the living room in the same house. It must've been a different time though. There was an obvious festive atmosphere now.

"Your family house, but can you guess the 'when'?" Mother asked.

I looked around, spotting first some snow on the windowsill, which suggested that it was winter. A large fir tree stood next to it. I thought it must be Christmas. The large tree brought back memories of a happier time; when Little Tell would cry and scream and beat dad if she thought the tree was too small; when Little Tell would ride on Dad's shoulders so that she could put the angel at the top; and when Dad would pass presents from under the tree on the morning of Christmas.

Little Tell might not be so little anymore, though she still love large trees. That reminded me, we didn't discuss about buying a tree at all. I wondered if it was possible to get one now.

The smell of cookies brought me back from my revelry. It reminded me so much of mom's cooking. She was a wonderful cook. Her Christmas feasts were simply that, a feast. My favourite was her honey and coriander combed turkey and oregano chicken. Little Tell preferred her coleslaw and Garbanzo-Pasta Salad.

"The day before Christmas Eve 2004. Almost 14 months before mom got too weak to do anything. In five days, mom will break the news of her condition to Little Tell and me. Little Tell will cry and hug her tight and tell her to go for chemotherapy. Mom will then say, 'we'll see'."

"Pretty good. Though I simply can't understand what all the trees, decorations and gifts are about."

"It's called Christmas, Mother. Have you ever celebrated anything?" I said, as I became more comfortable and less afraid of her.

"Oh sure I did. I celebrated Adam and Eve's exile from Heaven by giving them their first taste of a hurricane," she said as she giggled merrily.

I rolled my eyes as I pictured Adam and Eve being at the mercy of the strong winds, "Whatever. What are we doing here anyway?"