Chapter 28: And In the End

I always knew she was broken.

"Where's mom?" sobbed Julie, our daughter.

"I don't know darling," I replied as calmly as possible.

"Doesn't she love me?"

"More than life. She has some things she has to find out. She's on a quest."

"Like King Arthur?"

"More like Queen Guinevere but yes."

When placed in her arms after giving her life, the third of my new children in a little over a month, Bess had looked proud at me and Julie through her exhaustion. "She's got your eyes!" she insisted.

"But they're brown," I said.

"It's not the color."

Devi insisted Meir had my eyes and so did Amy when Sophie appeared. At least Sophie's were close to my blue, though lighter and a shade green.

All three women worked hard at motherhood, rotating nighttime observation while the other two slept with me. Bess surprisingly seemed the best at it, the most passionate. She and her big belly gloated over the two earlier births and even more when Julie joined the baby boy and girl.

The following two years both Devi and Amy worked hard to return their bodies to fitness. I'd join them after work to exercise and take martial arts lessons. Except for twice a week when Bess counseled at the King Abuse Center, she stayed home with the kids. Her body softened and widened. Careful with our food intake, she never got flabby, but perfection had gone. I loved every inch of it. But we had mirrors.

Sophie, my daughter's namesake visited. Julie married van der Rott and sent Sophie out to all parts of the world instead of going herself.

"She's expecting as well," said Sophie after I picked her up at the airport and brought her home and she cooed over my children. "It must be in the Dutch water." We talked about things since we'd last met.

"Have you seen Greg the Hell's Angels leader?" asked Bess.

"Yes," said Sophie, handing her a letter. "He wanted me to give you this."

"Did you ever..." began Bess.

"Never. He called and asked if I might be seeing you. I told him I'd let him know when I planned it. When I got the promotion or whatever and Julie sent me to America I let him know. You know I don't like men so much except..."

"I know," said Bess. I heard the sadness. "You must be tired. I'll heat up the stew and after you can rest with Joe."

"You don't mind?" asked Sophie.

"Of course not. You love him too." She minded, but Sophie didn't notice or didn't want to.

As soon as she finished the stew which she praised highly she pulled me up the stairs. We entered the master bedroom where she quickly stripped naked. "Fuck me Joe. I'm dripping. You can use your fine tongue later."

I went to my bedside drawer to get a condom, a box bought anticipating a hoped for reunion.

"Don't bother Joe. I'm clean. I want it naked inside me."

"Are you on birth control?" I asked.

Sophie chuckled. "I'm not ready yet for you to conceive in me. Maybe in a few years. I began birth control over a month ago when I realized I'd be here. Hurry."

I stripped naked and crawled between her fine porcelain petite legs and shoved in. I found a slippery and clinging pathway. She screamed a couple minutes later. A few minutes of hard pumping and I joined her during her second cum.

We made love for the next two days. I asked Bess to join us a couple times. "She wants you Joe," she said. I heard moans next door and hoped the ladies enjoyed each other in my absence.

Monday morning early I drove Sophie to the airport. She held me like she couldn't let go. She cried. I cried too. I guess I had room in my heart for one more. "You'll be late for work," she said still clinging. We chuckled tearfully. "This is why I avoided you." She pulled away, came back for one last intense kiss, mouthed, "I love you," and ran off.

Later that morning Amy called me at work sounding frantic. "Bess left," she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"She packed. I tried asking. She ignored me. She left a note."

"What's it say?" I asked through the lump in my throat.

"'I'm sorry.'"

"You're sorry?"

"No Joe. That's all it says."

"You're kidding?"

"I wish I was."

I told my boss the situation. Unfortunately I had a couple of crucial depositions.

"I'm sorry Joe," said my boss. She sounded sorry.

"I've been hearing that a lot," I said.

"What?" she said as gently as possible.

"Never mind. I'll be there."

"Will you?"

"You still have that pick me up?"

"Of course."

"I'll join you in a second."

She only allowed two gulps of her fine single malt scotch. The deposition business distracted me.

When I got home my ladies looked stony and puffy eyed. Their babies occupied their laps asleep. I heard a scream. "Julie needs you," said Amy.

I calmed my daughter down with stories of Arthur and Guinevere and Lancelot. Devi handed me the note. Bess scrawled it on the back of Greg's letter. I read the letter.

Darling Bethesda,

You told me not to love you. You told me you had no heart to love. I figured I don't either. But I do of course. I have a wife. I care for her. In the Angel's way, she belongs to me. You did too. I had to force you. I knew your weakness.

Most men could never imagine the little Jew being your true love. As you know I'm not most men. Please forgive me for treating him badly and by doing so treating you badly. He's a man, a real man. Maybe more than me. Maybe a lot more than me. I conform to my position. I like it, but I understand its cruelty and believe it or not I get bothered from time to time.

What am I saying? You know. You know my weakness. You are my weakness. I may have cried before, invisibly when my father died or holding back bravely when my body got battered and torn, but never in a woman's presence until you came along. It felt good. You felt good. Despite my cruelty, and you know it was only that desperate act of threatening Joe when I was cruel to you, you let me love you.

I wish you were here. I miss you with all my heart and soul. You've taken chunks with you.

Love, Greg

I felt empty. I couldn't even cry.

"You know I can't really find out," said Julie on her phone in Amsterdam once I finally tracked her down.

"When Sophie gets home, maybe she could make inquiries. Greg contacted her."

"I know. He contacted me. I refused. He understood."

"But Sophie didn't so..."

"Okay. I'll talk to her. It'll be a couple weeks."

"Thanks. And congratulations on the wedding and the baby."

"Thanks Joe. With my most sincere feelings I hope she comes home soon."

She didn't. Devi and I called any connections we could find from her past. Her PI friend Brian hadn't heard from her as had none of the others. He agreed to track her down.

"If she tells you not to tell me where she is, just let her know I need her and can't live without her. Just tell me how she is."

"If the subject doesn't come up, I'll let you know her location. If it does, you know I won't..."

"I know Brian. I appreciate your friendship."

"As I appreciate your importance in her life. I'll bill you expenses."

"Just bill me what you bill others," I said.

"I'll give you the Bess discount, friend. It's the least I can do."

"Thanks."

Brian reported over the next three weeks. She hadn't gone to Amsterdam--both he and Sophie knew that.

Sophie called me. "I'm so sorry Joe. I didn't mean to cause trouble."

"I don't blame you. She gave us her permission. If anything it's my fault."

"But I'm selfish. I needed you. I love you. I had one chance to have you again."

"I love you too Sophie. Even if I didn't you're too cute to refuse."

Laughing, she said, "You too."

"Right!" I said in doubt.

"You are goddamnit. So how was it your fault?"

"She said yes but her eyes said no. I guess my desire for you made me ignore her eyes."

"And how is it not my fault?"

"I know Bess more than anyone. I knew she ... I don't know what she wanted. Maybe I didn't want to know. I love you Sophie, but..."

"I know darling. If I can find a way to find out if she comes here I'll let you know."

"I'd appreciate that," I said.

A month later, Jim called. "I found her. She doesn't want to see you. At least not yet."

"What do you mean? Did she say she planned on coming home?"

"No, but when I gave her your message she cried. I never saw her cry. She'll come home. I don't know when."

"How did she look?"

"She's ... fine."

"Not very convincing," I said.

"No. She's healthy and everything. She just doesn't look ... like she did."