Chapter 3

Pregnant? I just stared at her in disbelief! Could this get any worse? Wouldn't this ever end? Slowly I said, "What makes you think that?"

"I'm almost three weeks late for my period. And I have been sick and throwing up almost every morning for the last week."

I just kept looking at her. She waited, her eyes darting all around but not looking me in the face. Finally she blurted out, "Aren't you going to say anything?"

I just shook my head, "Congratulations I guess, so who's the father?"

She looked shocked and desperate. "Alan! You are! I would never do that to you!"

"What the fuck does that mean? I never thought you would screw around on me either. But you have been doing that for over six years now!"

"No, no Alan! Dan had a vasectomy six, seven years ago. He can't be the father!"

"And how do you know he had a vasectomy? Because he told you so?"

"Yes, yes!"

Slowly I said, "So you believe Dan, the same man who told you he had an open marriage?"

Lisa's mouth gaped open, she tried to say something and nothing came out.

"And that means if you were depending on his vasectomy to protect you from pregnancy that also means you were having sex with him bareback, right?"

Lisa looked confused, "Bareback? What do you mean?"

I just exploded, "How dumb can you be! Bareback means you screwed him without a condom! You let him dump his cum in you without a rubber!" Shit! I just shook my head in disbelief. There was another visual that would haunt me at night!

Lisa put her hands over her face and cried.

"Well, Lisa, when you go to doctor to get your pregnancy test you better have them do a full blood test as well for STD's. And if you didn't know it, STD stands for 'sexually transmitted disease!' You know syphilis, gonorrhea and things like that! I will be calling the doctor tomorrow for my appointment." I turned and walked out the door to go pick up Maddy.

This revelation put me further into a funk. The stupidity of it all just made me want to scream. How could my perceptions of Lisa be so different from reality? How could I have lived with this woman for over six years and not know her?

The next day I started my second shift job at the auto plant. My classes would start in a couple of days but I would be done everyday in time for me to get home before Maddy got home from school. I would watch Maddy until Lisa got home and I had to leave for work. The good thing about my schedule was I would be seeing less of Lisa. The bad thing was I would be seeing less of Maddy.

I also called the attorney and made an appointment to see him that afternoon. I told him about the latest development and wanted to know what impact it would have on the divorce petition. He said the judge would not approve any final divorce action pending the birth of the child and resolution of any paternity issues. Even though I had already filed, he said I might as well plan on not pushing for a court date until then.

Since the petition had been filed, the public notice came out in the newspaper's weekly court actions. I didn't bother to mention it to Lisa. The day after it came out she called me from work and started crying and screaming at me, "How could you? How could you do this to me?" She hung up before I could answer.

She didn't say anything when she came in the door that night and I didn't either. The next day my Dad called. Said they had seen the divorce petition and wanted to know what was going on? I told him that I wasn't ready to talk about it yet but as soon as I felt able I would come over.

Over the next couple of days a couple of the guys I was close with from our old gang phoned. They wanted to ask about the divorce notice and what had happened. I told them that it was too painful to talk about. They said all our friends were just aghast and couldn't figure it out. We had seemed so happy together. I just said, "Shit happens," and eventually it would all come out. Until then I didn't feel like there was anything to add.

About the middle of the week I decided to give Pat Burris a call. When she answered I said, "Hi, this is Alan. I wanted to touch base with you and see how you were doing?" She said, "It's been rough but getting better. I filed for divorce and Dan is moving out this weekend."

"Yeah, I heard. Dan called Lisa and told her the news. She took it hard when she found out you really didn't have any open marriage." I sighed, "Calling my wife an airhead is somewhat of an understatement."

"What about you? How is it going at your end?" Pat asked.

"Well, I filed for divorce too. But we have had a complication. Lisa thinks she is pregnant."

"Oh shit! I guess that changes things. What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know. Lisa says I'm the father but it turns out her and Dan have been having unprotected sex all along. This also affects you. You might want to get tested."

"Damn it, that makes him just as dumb as she is! Yeah, I better get tested too. I'm sure she's not the only one he has been fooling around with. I will get that bastard for this!

But if it makes you feel any better I can clarify the paternity issue for you. Dan is shooting blanks. He had a vasectomy about six years ago. It was just about the time I found out he was cheating on me the first time. I guess he felt it was his license to screw around."

"That's what Dan told Lisa. But I didn't think I could trust anything Dan told her." I thought for a minute, "Do you think I could get a copy of the medical report when they tested him after the vasectomy?"

"Sure. We should have all that stuff in our medical files. I will have a copy made and mail it to you." We made plans to talk the following week to compare lab results and then hung up.

The rest of the week I never spoke to Lisa more than five minutes. She would come in the door from work and I would be going out the door to work. When I got home after my shift it was always after one in the morning. She would get Maddy ready for school early and drop her off on the way to work.

I would get up a couple of hours later and head over to the university to attend classes. After class I would pick up Maddy, spend a couple of hours with her until Lisa got home. And Saturday and Sunday was my first National Guard Drill weekend.

Saturday evening the three us had dinner together for the first time all week. Maddy was missing me something terrible and she let me know it. She was also fascinated with the uniform I wore home and my new short haircut.

We spent all evening playing together until her bedtime. I was about falling down from exhaustion from the schedule I was keeping and headed for bed as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Lisa stopped me, "Alan, we haven't spoken all week. We need to talk."

"No, you need to talk. I need to sleep. Tell you what though, you hold that thought and tomorrow after I get home from drill you can tell me what's on your mind." And I went to bed. The good thing about being so tired is I didn't lie awake agonizing over Lisa having sex with someone else. Or agonize over me not having had any sex with anyone even myself for these past six weeks!

I had time at drill on Sunday to think about where things were going or weren't going with the divorce. I had gotten Dan's lab report from Pat in Saturday's mail. It confirmed he was sterile. It got me thinking about what led to Lisa getting pregnant again.

With all the turmoil I had totally forgotten she had gone off the pill several months previous. She said that they were causing her to gain weight and were giving her headaches. At the time I could not understand why she wanted to stop completely. I suggested she see her doctor and have him suggest another type of pill, or discuss other birth control options. But she was adamant that she needed to go off the pill now and couldn't wait to see the doctor. It was confusing to me since whenever we talked about having another child she couldn't make up her mind.

So when she stopped we half-heartedly practiced the rhythm method and tried to avoid her fertile period. On occasions I would use a condom but she never asked me to. Now I had to wonder, did she go off the pill because she sensed things were going to come to a head juggling her lover and her husband? Was she afraid of what would happen if it all came out? Did she think she could bind me to her with a pregnancy? Maybe she thought getting pregnant was one way of forcing herself to stop screwing around?

After Maddy went to bed that night we sat at the table and I gave her the opportunity to talk. Nervously she kept twisting her hands together, "I have an appointment to see my OB/GYN tomorrow. I wanted you to know."

She cleared her throat, "I ah, called Dan a couple of days ago. I asked him again about the vasectomy. He laughed when I said you were questioning the paternity of the baby. He repeated again that he had it done years ago." She looked down at her hands, "I just want you to believe me when I say you're the father."

I took the envelope out of my pocket and put the lab report in front of her. She opened it up and read it. "Where did you get this?"

"I got it from Pat Burris. It seems Dan wasn't lying to you this time."

I thought for a few moments, "Lisa, if the pregnancy is confirmed I won't push for a court date until the baby is born. My attorney tells me a judge isn't likely to approve the divorce until paternity is established anyway."

Pausing again to think about what I wanted to say, and how much I hated to say it, "If you are pregnant then I will concede the child is probably mine, unless the baby's blood type contradicts that. And as difficult as it is for me to live here with you I will offer you a choice. I can stay here and help you and Maddy through the pregnancy and until you get back to work. Or I can move into an apartment close by and be available as much as I can to help with Maddy or whatever else you need help with."

Lisa looked at with me relief, "Thank you Alan. I don't want to go through this alone. Please stay." She looked away again and said timidly, "Would, would you move back into our bedroom again, since you are going to be here awhile anyway?"

I shook my head violently from side to side, "No, this doesn't mean reconciliation, or all is forgiven or my plans have changed. I will do what's best for our kids. Just accept it."

I didn't tell her that the thought of sharing a bed with her made me sick.

"Okay, Alan and thanks. I want you to know how much this means to me." She paused and looked me in the eyes for the first time in days, "Alan, I am so sorry!" And she got up and left the table.

About a week after the divorce petition was published I finally went over to Mom and Dad's and told them that Lisa and I had been having problems and I was the one who had filed for divorce. But after I did that we found out Lisa was pregnant so we decided to put the divorce on hold. Mom wasn't satisfied but the news about Lisa being pregnant distracted her. I knew she figured the divorce wouldn't happen because of it. Mom and Dad thought a lot of Lisa and I knew it would break their hearts when I moved out.

For the rest of the winter term my schedule remained unchanged. School was going well. I was hard pressed to find time to study but everything looked good for graduation. Lisa went to the doctor and the pregnancy was confirmed. Our blood tests all came back negative which was somewhat of a relief. Maddy continued to complain about not seeing me enough. I did my best to make up for it on the weekends, playing in the snow, taking her sledding, taking her to the mall or to the movies.

Living with Lisa and being essentially separated was weird in the extreme. We avoided each other and worked at not being alone in the same room at the same time. Every time I looked at her I would get pissed all over again. But I also found I was still sexually attracted to her. The thought of dating again depressed me. It didn't help that I couldn't figure out a way to attempt it with my schedule and given the fact we were still living in the same house. I was relying on Rosie and her five friends for some relief.

I couldn't or wouldn't ask Lisa what she was doing or who she was seeing socially. Pat didn't know if Dan was seeing her or not. I assumed she was staying home nights since there was never any mention of babysitters.

A few weeks into the term I woke up in the middle of the night with an unfamiliar, but not unwelcome feeling in my groin. Lisa had snuck down the stairs and gotten my shorts open and was slurping away on my hard cock with more enthusiasm than she had shown in the last two years of our marriage. I wanted to kick her off the bed but you know what they say about a stiff prick having no conscience. After a few more minutes of great head, she stood up and swung her leg over my cock and slowly lowered herself onto me. I was not surprised to see she didn't have a stitch of clothes on. Lisa came with a groan as I entered her fully. She sat there with her eyes closed for a few minutes. Finally she looked down at me and she hissed, "Fuck me Alan, please fuck me!"

Without thinking I rolled her over and under me without breaking our connection. I reached under her hips and lifted her ass and legs as high as I could and started pounding my cock into her. Lisa started wailing and thrashing around like she was having one continuous orgasm. I slammed into her as hard and as deep as possible without caring how she felt. I could feel myself working out all my frustrations, all my anger and all my hate into that one physical act.

Finally with almost a scream I came, and came, and came. I stayed there, covering her for what seemed like an hour before I finally rolled off of her. My mind was a total blank. We both laid there in silence gasping and heaving and trying to catch our breaths. After a while Lisa got up, picked up her robe, looked down at me and said simply, "Thanks Alan," and walked up the stairs.

I have to admit the whole thing confused me. And that set the pattern for our relationship until Lisa got too big for sex. Once every week or two Lisa would wake me in my bed in the middle of the night. I never knew what night it would be or what time. And I couldn't make myself kick her out of bed when I woke up enough to realize she was there. I still didn't want to talk to her but I didn't instantly get angry anymore when I saw her.

One subject I did bring up with Lisa was what plans she had for living arrangements after the baby was born. Every time I brought up anything concerning our separation she would start crying. But I felt she had to face the facts and think about the future. When the baby came she would need another bedroom for the baby. I suggested we look for a three bedroom townhouse or duplex or maybe even a house to rent. It would be best to get moved before the birth and before I moved out.

She reluctantly agreed and after about a month of looking we found a house that was in a decent school district and would be within her price range given her income and the anticipated child support I would be providing. There were even a couple of apartment complexes within walking distance that I thought might be suitable for me when I moved out.

We arranged to move at the end of the term. It seemed everything would come to a head about the same time. I would graduate, my temporary job would end and we would move, all within a couple of weeks.

I have been attending the National Guard drills for about three months now. To be honest the weekends there were kind of boring and uneventful. The big push was to be ready for the summer annual training period when most of the units would move to Camp Grayling in northern Michigan for fifteen days.

One of the things I discovered after a couple of drills was that the guard had a wide variety of opportunities for full time employment. I had no desire to work on the assembly line forever or to go back to construction again. I decided to see what they had to offer.

I put together my resume and starting applying for positions. I found that with my prior service and the fact that I was completing my degree this semester made me very attractive to the guard officers that were doing the interviewing.

After two or three interviews I was offered and accepted a position in the central supply facility. The money was less that the assembly line but the opportunity for advancement was much better. I asked for and was given a start date that would allow me to finish classes and to get the family moved.

The end of the semester came and Mom and Dad insisted on having our entire family over for a celebration. I was the first one to complete college in our family although eventually all my brothers would complete theirs. Everyone fussed over Lisa and avoided the subject of divorce.

With the help of family we got moved and settled in. I set up my bedroom in the basement again after everyone had left. Maddy was thrilled with her new and bigger bedroom and was looking forward to having a new brother or sister. She even liked her new school and loved her new teacher. I started my new job and was trying to get used to working days and wearing an Army uniform everyday.

Since the holidays I had become something of a gym rat. I worked out at the YMCA almost daily. Running, swimming, racquetball and weights were all part of my weekly routine. With the exercise, my schedule and loss of appetite due to stress I had lost almost thirty pounds. When I looked in the mirror I marveled at the changes in just four months. The beard and mustache were gone. My hair was cut short. Even my face was thinner and harder. It was quite a change. Even Lisa had commented on it a couple of times.

Being home again evenings I went back to the routine I had of leaving the house or going down into my basement room after Maddy went to bed for the night. Socially we had very little contact with anyone other than family. I had joined the American Legion and started stopping there once a week with some of the people I worked with. Lisa had become somewhat of a recluse since the filing become public. I knew she did visit her sister regularly and I had overheard her speaking to Connie on the phone a couple of times. Other than work she pretty much stayed home.

The little contact I had with the friends from our old social circle was quite enlightening. It seems it became common knowledge that the reason for my filing for divorce was infidelity on Lisa's part. That apparently led to some speculation that pointed to some past behavior of John's and Craig's. It seems that their spouses had become suspicious and now the entire group was unraveling with accusations and denials of other suspected indiscretions. I couldn't help but think they were getting what they deserved.

Lisa was approaching the seventh month mark when she asked me if I intended to be in the hospital room with her when she delivered. I hadn't given it any thought since when Maddy was born it wasn't that common. But the last few years that had changed. I asked her what she preferred me to do. She said she wanted me there. But it would require I attend birthing classes with her for about six weeks. I decided since it was very likely this might be my last child, it was something I should experience.

As a result we were spending more time together, discussing the pregnancy, the baby, Maddy's school and any other safe subjects. One night as we were returning from the birthing class, without looking at me, Lisa said, "You remember me telling you I started therapy last January?" Not sure I wanted to hear about this, I said, "I remember."

"I need to tell you what the therapist has to say about my behavior. Will you listen?"

I pulled into the driveway and turned the car off. I turned to her and said, "Go ahead."

She sat there, staring out the window for a few minutes. Finally she said, "You know what my family was like when I was growing up?" I nodded and said, "Yes." She had told me all the stories in our first few years of marriage. In a lot of ways it was pretty grim.

"Dad cheated on Mom repeatedly until he got so old and banged up he couldn't physically do it anymore. Dad would disappear for days and Mom would track him down in some bar and drag him away from some woman. They would argue and fight over it and bust each other up. Both my brothers took after Dad in his drinking and cheating. Everyone knew about it and talked about it. Neither of them could keep their marriages together because of it."

She turned and looked at me. "My sister married to get away from Dad. Ironically she married someone just like him. He drank and cheated just like the rest of the family. In fact, he even hit on me when I was fourteen." She shook her head, "He scared me and I told my sister. They separated for awhile because of it." She shrugged and said, "But then again they separated at least a half a dozen times before I was out of high school."

"The thing is I can remember my sister fooling around with other men during those separations. I know since she would have me babysit when she was going out on dates when she had thrown her husband out of the house."

Lisa was silent for a few minutes. "My therapist said that growing up in that environment taught me at least on some level, that infidelity was accepted and even expected. Everyone did it. And when I married, my husband eventually would do it to me, so in my mind there was nothing wrong with doing it first. In fact 'Do it to him before he did it to you' was an appropriate reaction."

She started crying, "And then I met you. You were nothing like my Dad. And your family is nothing like my family." She wiped her eyes and said, "But the therapist said that subconsciously I never accepted that there was a difference."