Chapter 2

As I drove home I could barely see through the tears in my eyes. This was the saddest day of my life. Everything I had believed in was shattered. Lisa had been everything I needed, and once upon a time I was everything Lisa needed.

Why had that changed? Was it all just a fairytale? Were the signs always there and I was just too complacent, to wrapped up in my own world to see them?

I got home before midnight. I paid off Carol, thanked her and sent her on home. I looked in on Maddy and again marveled on how beautiful, how special she was. I tried not to think what the next few days or weeks would bring. The phone started to ring. I unplugged all of them, dead-bolted the doors and went to bed. I was so exhausted I fell instantly asleep.

Amazingly I slept about seven hours and felt better than I deserved. Maddy would probably sleep at least another hour so I started on my preparations. I knew that I was in for another exhausting day.

Around noon I plugged the phone back in. Within minutes the phone rang. When I picked it up I heard Lisa, voice shaking, "Can I come home now?"

I answered, "The door is unlocked" and hung up. I started thinking about what was coming and knew the only way I could get through it was to harden my heart, let my anger out and demand answers. Since the day I met Lisa I had never raised my voice to her and never felt anything other than love toward her.

About twenty minutes later she came in the front door. From where I was sitting in the kitchen I could watch her. She looked around nervously like she hoped to see Maddy. Finally she slowly walked through the living room, dropping her coat on a chair.

She saw me at the dining room table where I often worked, with my briefcase and business files in front of me. We both looked at each other for a few minutes and finally I said, "Sit."

She dropped into a chair and said, "Where's Maddy?"

"She's at my Mom and Dad's. They are keeping her tonight." She slowly nodded.

She looked closely at my face, "First time I've seen you clean shaven in years."

"It was time," I simply said.

Lisa looked haggard like she had not slept. Her makeup was all washed off and her eyes were red and swollen, "Whose car is in the driveway?"

"My brother's, he is using the truck to help someone move this weekend."

Small talk exhausted, we sat silent for a few minutes. Lisa was having trouble looking me in the eye. Finally she cleared her throat and said, "Alan, what you think you saw last night wasn't what it seemed."

I just stared at her in disbelief! She was actually going to try to lie her way out of this, "I see." I pulled out our address book from under some papers and flipped it open to the 'Z's' and held it open in front of her.

I pointed to the initials she had put there, "Jerry Drew is a stock broker, Sharon Hughes is a real estate agent and Steve Ostrander owns his own automotive services company. Don't you think a reputation for honesty is important to them? Do you think any of them would lie for you if subpoenaed to give a deposition under oath in a divorce action?"

The shock on her face dissolved into tears as she put her hands over her face and leaned over the table, "Oh god, oh god, no!"

"I was there from the time you arrived at the club until the minute you read my note. I know where you were going from there and I know who with. I just didn't have the heart to follow the two of you out to his van."

I watched her shaking her head in disbelief. "Lisa, I want the truth from you, all of it. From the beginning of our marriage until now! If you try to lie to me I will know. A lot of things have become clear to me this week and I want to know everything!" I was practically yelling in her face as I finished.

Lisa shrunk into her chair and turned away from me. She started to get up but I grabbed her by the wrists, "Sit down! You are not going to run away from this, or from me!"

She collapsed back into the chair and covered her face with her hands refusing to look at me. I got up and poured some vodka and tomato juice into a glass and put it front of her. I wanted her to talk and talk freely. I knew she didn't handle confrontations well. That, combined with the emotional shock and a little vodka I hoped would help get at the truth.

After a while she put her hands down and looked at me pleadingly, "Alan, please. I love you." She closed her eyes and shook her head side to side, "God, I never thought this would happen!"

"What? That you would screw around on me or that you would get caught? I think I know which one it is!" She started sobbing again. I waited a bit. Finally I said, "Tell me about Dan Burris."

She started to dry her eyes and took a drink. Almost whispering she said, "I met Dan at the club. He was one of the guys in the gang we always sat with. We danced quite a bit together and just kind of hit it off."

"That is certainly an understatement!" I said harshly. "And when did you start fucking him?"

She cringed when I said that. She turned away from me and said slowly, "We ... we started sleeping together around June. He's married, no kids. He is older than us. He and his wife have an open marriage."

"And I bet you just happened to forget to tell him that we 'did not' have an open marriage. Didn't you?"

Lisa didn't say anything. "Come on Lisa, you are leaving out a few things aren't you? He makes a lot of money. He wears expensive clothes. He and his wife drive expensive cars and live in a very expensive house."

She looked at me in shock, "How ... how did you know?"

"I have been doing my homework. That's a high roller crowd you have taken up with, quite a different lifestyle than ours, or at least from mine."

She gulped down some more of the drink and I got up and got her a refill. "Tell me, where did this 'sleeping' occur and how often?"

She looked down at her hands. She started talking so low I had to strain to hear her. "Usually every Friday after leaving the club we would go to his van and, uh..." She sat silent.

"What? You can't describe it? Screwing? Humping? Fucking? Or even making love?" "After watching the two of you all evening it was obvious you are lovers!" Bitterly I said, "Anyway, it's a little late for you to try to spare my feelings!"

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes, "What do you want me to say Alan?"

"I want you to say 'I'm sorry!' or 'it was a mistake!'" I shouted. "But an affair that has lasted nearly six months is not a mistake, is it? And the only thing you are sorry for is that you got caught!"

She started crying again and didn't say anything.

"Where else did you go? His house? Our house? Hotels, motels?"

She wiped her nose and took another drink, "We went to his house once, a motel a couple of times, but never our house."

"His house and his bed?" I asked. She just nodded. "So where was Mrs. Dan?"

"She was out of town for the weekend."

"What else Lisa? Come on, don't be shy! I'm sure there's more."

She sat silently for a few minutes, nervously gripping her glass and staring into it.

"We would meet for lunch once in a while. No sex, just lunch."

Quietly I said, "Anything else?" She shook her head no.

Slamming my fist on the table I said, "Aren't you forgetting your big sailing weekend!"

I didn't think it was possible for Lisa to turn any paler, she had to be on the verge of passing out. I grabbed her as she started to slump to the floor. Recovering she took a pull from her drink, hung her head in her hands and started crying again. Finally she gasped out, "How ... how do you know these things?"

Shaking my head, I said, "Lisa, don't you get it? You are busted! You were ratted out! There are no secrets left."

"Now tell me about the weekend you were too busy working to go up north with your husband and daughter."

Shuddering she hugged herself with both arms, "Dan has a friend who owns a sailboat he keeps over in Saugatuck. He invited Dan and I, and Connie and a guy she's been seeing to go sailing over the weekend. You were already planning to work at your parent's so I told you I had to work so I could go and you would take Maddy with you."

I just looked at her disgustedly, "I guess it no longer bothered you to outright lie to me. And how ironic, you practically refuse to set foot on a rowboat on a tiny lake where Mom and Dad have their cottage but you are willing to spend a weekend on Lake Michigan sailing!"

Not looking up she said, "We ... we really didn't sail much. The water was calm and we took the boat down the coast a bit and anchored about a half mile from the shore. And I had a few drinks which helped me relax."

I just stared at her, "So tell me what you did anchored offshore with all that privacy and all that relaxing? Did you run around the boat naked and have wicked sex with anyone and everyone?"

Practically stuttering she said "We ... we did sunbathe nude. But I only had sex with Dan in the cabin a couple of times." She paused for a minute, and I just stared at her, waiting, "And then later when Dan and I stayed the night on the boat in the marina." Then closing her eyes, "And then when we took the boat out again on Sunday."

I felt a sharp pain in my gut as it came back to me that we did not make love that Sunday night when I got back home. In fact Lisa went to bed early, claiming she didn't feel well. The only time I can remember of missing a weekend when she wasn't having her period. Now I knew why.

Sarcastically I said, "Wow, you had quite a sex filled weekend! You just had nothing left to give when your poor clueless husband came home after being away from his loving wife for three days!"

Lisa didn't say anything just starting crying again and shaking her head.

We just sat there awhile, Lisa sobbing quietly, and I lost in my thoughts. I finally got up and refilled her glass and put it in front of her. I didn't have to force myself to be angry anymore. I was angry.

Lisa looked up at me tiredly, "Please, please I need to go lie down." Lisa's voice shook and her hands could barely hold the glass to her lips. She was starting to slur her words a bit and I knew exhaustion and alcohol were affecting her.

I glared at her, "Not yet Lisa, we are not done here!"

Crying she said, "Please! I've told you everything."

"Somehow I don't think so. It's occurred to me to wonder how it is that you were able to so easily slip into a long term affair and keep it hidden. No change in your behavior, no change in your attitude toward me." I paused then said, "Could it be it was because this wasn't your first affair? That you have cheated on me before?"

Lisa looked at me with her mouth open, trying to say something. Then she closed it and looked away and tried to talk again. It was obvious she was trying to figure out what she could get away with and in her condition she was having a tough time of it.

I shook my head, "Lisa, don't try to lie to me again! It won't work. Other people have been telling me things about you for years and I didn't believe them. I refused to believe them. Not my loving wife. I want to know everything. And I want to know now!"

Lisa slumped back into the chair, her eyes dull and half shut. Exhaustion and defeat were written all over her face and posture.

In a monotone, she said, "Before Dan, I had hooked up with another guy down at the club. Only a couple of times and then he stopped coming down there."

I kind of figured as much from what the caller said but I wasn't interested in that. I said flatly, "Before that Lisa."

Lisa shut her eyes and sobbed once, "The year before you started the business I messed around with a couple of guys when you were working nights at the assembly plant."

"And they were?" She opened her eyes and whispered, "You know don't you?"

I gritted my teeth and said, "Say it!"

She said, "John and Craig."

I could almost feel the 'clunk' as that piece of the puzzle fell into place. The suspicion had been in the back my mind the last couple of days. Lisa was probably the best looking woman in our social circle. And if John and Craig had hit on every good looking woman that they knew, why had they not hit on her?

Of course the answer was they had. But Lisa had never mentioned it. She would have if they had been unsuccessful or if she had been upset about it. And of course John and Craig wouldn't tell me. But they hinted at it after having a few too many beers. And I was too trusting to take them seriously.

Not only had my wife betrayed me. She had betrayed me with the two people that I thought of as probably my best friends. And one of them also happened to be my business partner!

Sarcastically I said, "Did you do them together or one at a time?"

She just stared in front of her, eyes focused on nothing, "You remember that time when Craig was stopped by the cop a mile from here for DUI? The cop let him off because he said he was going to his girlfriend's house just a few blocks away."

I just grunted. I knew what was coming.

"He came in and we had a couple of drinks. Maddy had been asleep for several hours. The cop followed him over here and wouldn't leave. He just sat in his car in front of the driveway. Craig suggested we turn off all the lights and act like we had gone to bed. So we did. When we went into the bedroom we started making out." Her voice dropped, "You know what happened next."

"Yeah, I know. Craig has told the story about the cop several times with a very different ending. At least it is when I'm in the crowd."

After a few minutes of silence I said, "And John?"

"A couple of weeks later John showed up on a Friday night after happy hour. He was pretty loaded. We sat on the couch, watched TV and had a few drinks. He started feeling me up and kissing me. He said he wanted me. I was having my period and told him that. He put my hand on his hard-on and told me he was really horny. I don't know why but I told him I would give him a blow job."

I just stared at her in disbelief, "Let me guess! A come-in-your-mouth blow job, wasn't it?"

Her head jerked up and her mouth hung open. Finally she sputtered, "He, he was supposed to warn me!" Realizing how absurd that sounded, she looked away from me and hung her head. Not only was it turning out my wife was a slut, but she was a dumb slut!

"Yeah, John loves to tell that story in the bar after a few beers. Except in the version I heard the recipient of his cum is Debbie Dawson." It was little consolation to me that Debbie's husband Dave was probably as clueless as I was.

I was sure Craig had told John he had gotten into Lisa's pants and she was easy. There were no secrets between those two. And of course John had beat feet to our door knowing I was working nights.

Lisa was crying continuously now and rocking back and forth mumbling incoherently.

"Lisa, Lisa!" I had to shout at her to get her attention, "Look at me. How many times did you screw around with them?"

Without looking up, she said, "Craig, he, he came around a couple of times after that. But then you started telling me what players they were and talked about everything they did. I got scared and I told both of them not to come over anymore."

Now I was really wondering if at any time in our marriage she had been faithful to me. I sat there thinking about it. Taking a shot in the dark, I said softly, "And when I was in the Army? Tell me about that Lisa?"

Looking at me blearily she said, "Alan, please. Don't make me."

"Tell me Lisa, tell me now!"

I could see her withdraw into herself, not able to resist anymore. "Once when you were on border patrol for the week, Ken Machado came over to take some pictures of Maddy. He had some hash with him. After Maddy went down for the night, he talked me into trying it." She looked up at me in desperation, "Alan, we had been having sex every night since I got there. You had been gone four or five days and I was horny. After smoking the hash I just lost control!"

Ken Machado was a soldier in a different unit we had met when we first got to Germany. He and his wife had a baby boy about Maddy's age. We got together a few times for dinner and play dates for the kids before his wife went back to the states. I heard they were having problems at the time she left. Now I knew why.

"And after that?" I said quietly.

"He would come over once or twice every time you did your rotation to the border. I never smoked the hash again but we, we kept having sex."

"Well that certainly explains why he still calls a couple of times a year to invite us to visit him in New Orleans." I said sarcastically.

Lisa collapsed on her arms on the table and sobbed over and over again. I just looked at her. I was sure there was more but I didn't think she could talk coherently. And to be honest I don't think I could stand to listen to it. After awhile Lisa stopped crying and wasn't moving anymore. I think she was asleep.

I just sat there dazed and lost in my thoughts. Finally I got up and shook her arm. I said, "Lisa, get up! Get up and go get cleaned up!" She finally roused herself, pulled herself out of the chair and without looking at me staggered down the hallway into the bathroom.

As I heard the water in the shower turn on, I reached into my briefcase and turned off the recorder. As it sunk in what I had heard, I jumped out of chair, threw open the sliding glass door, dropped to my knees and puked into the snow.

Wiping my lips with the back of my hand, I shut the door, slumped against the wall and closed my eyes. The things she had told me were far worse than I had ever imagined. What happened to the woman I thought I married?

As I sat there thinking about the past six years, I felt so stupid. I wondered how I ever got through a day. God, what a chump I'd been! My wife was not my wife and my friends were not my friends. I knew I there was no getting past this and that my entire life was going to change.

While I sat there thinking I heard the shower stop and Lisa go into the bedroom. Finally I pulled myself to my feet and walked down the hallway. Lisa was collapsed across the bed on her stomach naked, sound asleep.

A week ago the sight would have aroused me and I would have jumped in bed with her in a second. I admired her long legs and a few pubic hairs peeking out from between the cheeks of her ass. But the realization that I was just one of many she shared herself with made me turn away with disgust.

I walked back into the living room and threw myself on the couch. Within minutes I was asleep.

When I woke up a couple of hours later all was quiet. I got up and fixed myself something to eat. I was just finishing a sandwich when I heard Lisa get up and go into the bathroom. A few minutes later she appeared in the kitchen in her bathrobe. She looked at me with desperation. "Alan, please I love you. I always have."

Without emotion I said, "Then why, Lisa?" I asked. "You have hurt me in the worst possible way. I don't believe anyone could hate me enough to hurt me like this. How can you still say you love me?"

"I don't know, Alan. I don't understand it myself. It just never seemed really wrong to me. I guess I liked it when men paid attention to me. And when I was doing it, it was like I was someone else, just Lisa, not Lisa Baxter. And you never found out. And it didn't seem to hurt anyone. And it never changed how I felt about you, about us."

Wanting to hurt her I said harshly, "You know what a married woman is called who sleeps with other men?" She just looked at me blankly, "A slut!"

Lisa paled and put her hands in front of her face. "Not only a slut but a slut who screwed my best friends and my business partner!"

"Please Alan, don't say that. That happened almost two years ago and I regretted it"

"So, that was then and this was now? That's your excuse for John and Craig? What about Dan Burris? Do you regret that relationship too?"

Lisa looked down at the table and whispered, "It was more than just sex with Dan. We ... we are friends. Please Alan. Dan and I share a lot, music, dancing, things you were not part of and didn't seem to care about."

I just stared at her in disbelief, "That's your reason for betraying me and our marriage vows? Of course by the time you met Dan the point was moot." I drummed my fingers on the table thinking about what she had just said. "You want to continue your relationship with him? Is that what you are saying?" She didn't say anything just kept staring at the table. "And you think I should just sit back and accept it?"

Finally, she looked up at me hopefully, "Listen Alan, we could have an open marriage too, an open marriage like Dan and his wife. We would still have each other but we both could see other people!"

My God! This was just so surreal. "And whose idea was this?" I said slowly.

Again she wouldn't look at me, "Dan and I talked about it a couple of times but it never seemed to be the right time to bring it up."

I couldn't help myself then, I started shouting, "You have been screwing around on me for our entire marriage and when you get busted your solution is to turn me into a cheater too!

If that is what you wanted you should have told me before the very first time you fucked up! Then I could have made my own decision about what kind of marriage I wanted and how I wanted to live my life!"

Lisa just sat there shaking her head, tears running down her face.

I slumped back into my chair, "Everything that I believed to be true about you and our relationship has been destroyed. Everything I thought I learned over the last six years took just six days to be exposed as a lie! Either you have been incredibly clever or I have been incredibly stupid." I said in disgust. I suspected I knew which one it was.

I shook my head and sat up straight. "Lisa, you made the choices, but all of us will face the consequences, you, me, and Maddy. But you were too busy taking care of yourself to think about us weren't you? It was all about you."

"No, no, it wasn't like that," Lisa whimpered.

"Lisa, I don't know who you are. I still love the women I thought I married." I shook my head. "But maybe she existed only in my mind. I certainly don't love the women you have become."

We sat in silence for a few minutes as I gathered my thoughts and the courage to say what I had to say next.

"I intend to file for divorce. I have consulted an attorney. There should not be any issues on division of property or with alimony. I intend to file for joint custody. If you contest it, I will drag out everything you have done for the last six years for everyone to see. At the very least you have proven yourself not to be a fit role model for our daughter."

Lisa collapsed into the chair, crying. I just sat there staring at the wall, lost in my own thoughts, thinking about the last six years. Where we were going now and how everything was going to change. I had been in my comfort zone for too long. I had forgotten the first lesson in life, nothing stays the same.

I waited for Lisa to get herself together. Her crying finally slowed and I looked at her, "This can happen one of two ways Lisa."