Prologue

April 18, 2032

She ruined everything. I had everything worked out, come home from the funeral, change, wait a few hours till it was dark and drive back to the cemetery. I wasn't going to spend another night alone in our bed. Alone, alone, alone, I can't do alone. Pain, sure, pain and I were old friends; I can't remember the last time something didn't hurt. But the four days since the Doctor's said, "I'm sorry Mr. Campbell, we did everything we could" were filled with an unendurable pain of the spirit I can't begin to explain, an ALONE that that consumed every shred of my will to live. I knew I was going to hurt some people with my choice, but I just couldn't bring myself to care. The note I had prepared would be found with my body, it wouldn't ease the pain of those I was leaving behind but perhaps it would allow them to understand.

Stacey and John had come from Knoxville; their boys had made the trip with their wives and kids. Angie and Mick were there, Ella my Goddaughter was 8 months pregnant with her second child and couldn't travel but had called everyday to check on her "Bigmike". Lord only knows how Elly and Brian had made it from Wales or Joannie and Tam from North Dakota but there they were. There is no question I was loved, and I couldn't blame them for hating me for what I had planned, But like I said, I can't do ALONE.

Then she walked into the chapel, Elly would have said I was Gob smacked, we hadn't spoken in more than twenty years. I "knew" she had stayed in touch with Joannie and Elly I guess one of them told her about Janet. Mary, the only woman who ever made me wonder "what if", the only woman who ever was a threat to my marriage. Of course nobody but me knew that for sure, Joannie and Elly had their suspicions all those years ago I guess, but neither had ever said anything to me about it. Janet had never question why I "lost touch" with Mary.

God she looked great, her beautiful red hair was now a beautiful grey. Tall, elegant, sparkling eyes, she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I found my self wondering about her undies. It was harmless little game we had played on-line 20+ years before. I would ask what my favorite color was that day, she would reply with what color her scanties were. A thousand miles separated us and some innocent flirting seemed safe enough, especially when Janet's reaction to my efforts to flirt with her were laughter or a reminder that I was overdue for an eye exam. But then I found myself with that small crush that started to grow. The day Janet ask what had gotten into me after an exceptionally vigorous session of lovemaking and I lied and said she was looking extra hot rather than telling the truth which was that in my mind it was Mary there with me, I knew I couldn't have her as a part of my life any more. It was like carving out a piece of my heart, I loved Mary, but I loved Janet first. Worse, I couldn't make it a cold turkey break, I had to ease myself out, make it seem natural.

She walked down the aisle hugged me tight and whispered in my ear "I am so sorry". The rest of the day is a blur. The next clear memory I have is settling into the car for the drive home. Mary was with me, I don't know why but she hadn't let me out of her sight since she walked into the chapel, I ask if I could drop her off at her hotel or if she had left a car at the funeral home, she said she hadn't gotten one. I guess she was staying with me. So home we went.

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