Chapter 1

Joanna usually liked to see snow on Christmas, but this sucked. When she had pulled into her parent's drive late on Christmas Eve she was exhausted from the drive. A trip that normally took six hours had been closer to ten, the roads were snow packed and slick, and the blowing snow made things worse.

She remembered winter storms like this when she was a kid, but it had been years since central Illinois had gotten this much snow all winter. This one storm had dropped 12 inches so far and showed no signs of letting up anytime soon. She looked out the window of her second story bedroom and felt like crying. Her mom's parents were gone, her dad's in bad health and everyone knew this might be the last Christmas they got to share with them. Her younger brother John had made it home yesterday morning, so all her immediate family was here at least.

But with the weather like it was making the hour drive to her Grandparent's was out of the question. The light her father had installed over the machine shed door showed as a faint glow, blotted out by the falling snow. She couldn't even see the outline of the barn. She remembered snow like this when she was a kid, storms that would strand the family on the farm for days, maybe a week, before the plows could get the roads open.

It was often that the power would go out, limbs burdened by snow breaking and taking out the lines. Then the family would gather round the roaring fireplace and play board games or read by the light of kerosene lamps. In those days they had kept candles and matches in every room, and Mom had kept the pantry stocked. They had nowhere to go and everything they needed. It was quality family time and she had loved it.

A soft tap on her door pulled her from the window and she opened the door to find her sleepy looking brother holding her sleeping son, Scottie.

"He couldn't find your room and came into mine," Johnny explained in a whisper. "I was going to take him back to his room and saw your light on. What are you doing up at five in the morning?" Joanna took Scottie from her brother and laid the three year old down on her bed. His Superman pajamas were getting small she thought as she pulled the sheets and down comforter over his shoulders.

"I couldn't sleep," she said to her brother. He leaned against the doorway, waiting. "It's this storm," she explained. "Grandpa and Grandma aren't doing too well and I really wanted to spend Christmas with them, but now we'll never make it. Johnny, it's nearly a blizzard out there." She wiped a tear from her eye as he wrapped her in a hug. At six foot six he towered over her, her face resting on his chest. He kissed the top of her head, assuring her that if it was at all possible they would make it to their Grandparents' house for Christmas.

"Go back to sleep, we're not leaving until ten or so. You had a rough day of travel yesterday and the rest will do you good." Joanna laughed at him as he pushed her into the bed and pulled the covers over her. He tucked her in like a child and she smiled at him. "Oh, playing like you're the big brother now?" she said with a giggle. He merely smiled before heading back to his own room, closing the door as he left.

Joanna looked at the sleeping face of her son in the dim light from the bedside lamp. She gently kissed his forehead, thinking of how her little man had come into her life.

It had been four years ago when she had stood outside Scott's door in a lightly falling snow. Tears had streamed down her face while his was a mask of iron, his grey eyes that normally twinkled with merriment turned hard as steel. They had been high school sweethearts, dating since their freshman year. They had shared so many things, their first date, first kiss, had even given their virginities to each other.

Scott had been so romantic for that night, even rented a posh suite in Springfield and taken her to an expensive restaurant. He had made the night everything a girl could wish for. It was a foregone conclusion by their friends and family that they were going to get married. Everyone thought so, even Scott, until that day she had stood in the snow and told him it was over.

She said she had met someone at college, Scott and she were going to different schools, and had fallen in love with them. She said she didn't love him anymore. Scott had gone white, told her he wished her the best, and turned and walked away. It was one week later she found out she was pregnant.

She knew when it had happened. Scott had made a surprise visit on a weekend, driving nearly four hundred miles to spend one day with her, before driving back on Sunday. She knew he had noticed something was different when they made love, as she was trying then to get up the courage to tell him she had been with someone else.

She had never told Scott he was a father. He had dropped out of college and joined the Navy, signing up as soon as the recruitment offices opened after the holiday. By the time she had worked up the courage to tell her parents she was pregnant he was away at basic training. When her parents asked about him she had shrugged it off, leaving them to draw the conclusion that he knew, but didn't want anything to do with her or her coming child.

The next year had been hard; she had worked diligently to keep her grades up, and had taken a semester off when Scottie was born. She and some girlfriends had rented a large five bedroom house not far from campus, and the girls had all pitched in to baby sit when she was in class. She still missed Scott horribly, and agonized over the decision she had made. But it had been for the best.

She had cheated on Scott and knew she had killed the love he had for her, she had seen it in his face that day. She had written him a letter a week later, but had never posted it. It was still in a shoebox on the shelf of the closet in this room, along with other mementos of her childhood.

She thought back to that night her freshman year. She had just begun to realize the freedom she had by not having her parents around, and by being away from the small community where she was raised. There everyone knew everyone and everything that happened. You couldn't keep a secret in a small farming community, but at college, she was just one more young girl in a sea of such pretty faces. You could do whatever you wanted and no one cared.

She had accepted an invitation from her roommate Danielle, another freshman, to go to a party off campus. It had been a thrill, oh she had drank beer before, but never to excess. Scott was a social drinker, and she had followed his lead. But that night she had gotten hammered. Her roommate had kept pushing her to drink more and more and before long she was feeling quite giddy.

They had finally called it a night, staggering out the front door of the house. They had stopped to watch two older girls making out on the front porch, the girls oblivious to their audience. One of the girls had her hand down the others pant's; obviously fingering her while they tried to tie their tongues in a knot.

There were no lesbians, or at least not open ones, in Joanna's home town and she was rather shocked, and to her surprise, turned on by the show. Danielle caught on to her arousal quickly, but just giggled and pulled her away. The two had staggered home in the autumn night air, discussing the two girls on the front porch, and struggled up the stairs to their small room.

It was a good thing the room was so small, for once the door was closed Joanna practically collapsed, landing half on the bed. Her roommate, who had a higher tolerance to alcohol, got Joanna undressed and under the covers. She had then struggled to climb into the upper bunk, but fell down twice. The noise had stirred Joanna and she had laughingly told Danielle to crawl in bed with her before she hurt herself.

The other girl had taken her up on the offer and the two lay on their sides facing each other giggling. Suddenly Danielle leaned in and kissed her, not a chaste kiss, but one filled with passion. Joanna was shocked, but being extremely horny from watching the two girls at the party, their subsequent discussion, and in her drunken state, just lay there.

After a moment she began to respond, and before going to sleep she had experienced three massive orgasms induced by Danielle's mouth on her breast and her fingers on her clit. The light of day changed nothing, and the two girls had spent all day together, getting each other off first with fingers, then as Joanna grew bolder, lips and tongues.

Joanna found her first taste of pussy intoxicating and couldn't get enough of it. She and Danielle had remained exclusive after Joanna and Scott had broken up, and Danielle had been there for her all through the pregnancy. After Scottie was born it had been Danielle who helped Joanna find the house she now shared with Danielle and two other girls, all now seniors. The other two were lovers also and having their own place away from prying eyes and nosy family was ideal.

It was a year later that Joanna had her first experience with a woman other that Danielle. Late one night after Scottie had been fed and put down the girls all gathered in the shared living room to watch a romantic comedy on DVD. Joanna, who was breast feeding, laughed so hard her breast started leaking.

Perhaps the wine the others had consumed helped, but when Danielle leaned over and pulled Joanna's top up to lick up the spilt milk, it started the other two to asking questions about what it tasted like. Joanna was embarrassed at first but was soon put at ease when the girls were neither judgmental nor disgusted by Danielle's actions.

This led to Danielle offering their roomies a taste, which both mortified and excited Joanna. Her raging hormones didn't help her in the least and when the two girls latched onto a breast each and began to suckle and giggle at the same time, she came immediately. Seeing this Danielle had dropped to her knees and pulled Joanna's sweats down around her ankles.

While the two girls continued to drain her engorged breast of milk, Scottie hadn't eaten much before falling asleep, Danielle had buried her tongue and two fingers into her lover, sending Joanna into orbit time after time. Joanna had gone down on each of them later that night, and found she liked pussy in general. She had only tasted one up to that point, and while she found each had a slightly different odor and taste, she liked them all.

For the most part they spent time as couples, but it wasn't unusual for the four of them to get together for a little fun. She and Danielle had also shared their bed with an occasional single girlfriend.

She had never gathered the courage to tell her parents, although Johnny knew about her lesbian lover. He also knew she was the one who broke it off with Scott, and why. He also knew that she had never told Scott he was a father, although he had urged her time and again to contact him, even going so far as to write down her ex-boyfriends cell phone number for her.

She had dialed it too many times to count, but could never hit the final button to place the call, always chickening out. The look on his face would pop up; its memory telling her he would never forgive her. She knew subconsciously that Scott had to know she was a mother, that kind of gossip flew through a small community, but figured he would think some other guy had fathered her son. After all, she had admitted to cheating on him.

With thoughts like that running through her head it took a while to fall asleep, and it seemed that she had just closed her eyes when Scottie woke her, anxious to get downstairs and see if Santa had come. Joanna was bleary eyed as she followed the toddler downstairs, knowing her Dad had been up early to play Santa.

She wasn't shocked to see quite a few more presents than she had brought along under the tree. Her parents had a knack for spoiling their only grandchild, and she didn't have the heart to rebuke them. She sipped a cup of coffee her brother brought her while munching on one of her mother's homemade cinnamon rolls. The things were the size of a dinner plate, and one of them made a great breakfast.

She gathered with the family as Scottie tore into his gifts, his delight at opening each new package was refreshing. He went through the pile of gifts like a mini tornado, paper flying everywhere. When she started to say something to him her father smiled and told her to let him be. She had to admit, he was a rather polite tornado, quickly and sincerely thanking someone who had gotten him a gift, when it was pointed out to him. Soon Scottie was done, and his mess cleaned up.

He rushed off to play with his new toys, and the adults sat down to open their gifts. Joanna thought about looking outside, to see if the snow had quit yet, but put it off. Pretending there was still a chance to make it to her Grandparents made it easier to enjoy the morning with her immediate family.

Soon all the gifts but those set aside for the trip were opened and Joanna finally made her way to the front door. She was happy to see the snow had stopped and the sun was shining. But when she stepped onto the covered porch, her robe pulled tight around her, she knew they were snowed in.

The whole world was white, as far as she could see. The lane out to the county road was blocked by drifts which buried all but the very tops of the fence posts, in some places even covering all of the woven wire stretched tight between them. She felt a tear trickle down her cheek and quickly wiped it away. She turned to go back inside and nearly ran into her brother.

Johnny was dressed for the cold, coveralls, heavy boots, and warm gloves.

"Hey sis, better get inside and get dressed," he said with a smile. "You don't want to make us late." Joanna met his eyes, the hope there brief, quickly smothered by tears.

"Johnny don't you dare get my hopes up, I remember winters like this and I know we're snowed in. We aren't going anywhere for several days. And I have to be back to work on Monday."

"Hey, don't cry," her brother said, hugging her to him. "I'll get you there, I promise. Now go inside and get dressed."

Joanna gave him a searching look before turning and going into the house. She saw Johnny step off the porch into snow that nearly reached his waist. He glanced back at her with a smile, and then begin making his way slowly around the house, busting a path through the loose powdery snow. She shook her head, and then pulled the door closed behind her.

Inside the house her father was dressed much like Johnny, getting ready to head out the back door, his arms full of presents. Her mother was digging through a box of old snowsuits, saved from when she and Johnny were little.

"I think one of Johnny's old suits will fit Scottie just fine, hurry and get dressed dear, I've already got one of my old suits laid out for you, it should fit. Put on some extra socks, it's going to be a cold ride." She bustled off with several suits in her hands, calling for Scottie.

By the time Joanna had taken a hurried shower, dressed, and made her way downstairs, still holding the old snowmobile suit her mother had laid out for her in her hands, the presents were all gone from the living room, and her father was waiting for her in the kitchen.

"Joanna, get dressed, we're all waiting for you," he said with a grin, his cheeks rosy from the cold. Joanna sat down and began feeding her legs into the suit. "Honey, we need to talk." Something in his tone made Joanna's heart leap into her throat but she forced herself to pull a boot on, tucking the leg of the down filled suit into the high top and lacing it up.

"I found the letter you wrote Scott after you broke it off with him." Her father's voice was soft, carrying no condemnation or anger. "I think you made a mistake in not telling him everything, and I hope you're mature enough to realize that. I know things haven't been easy the last three years, but you have done a wonderful job. Scottie couldn't ask for a better mother, but a boy needs a father too. I hope you don't hate me for it, but I did what you couldn't." Joanna's head snapped up, meeting her father's gaze. "Honey, I sent that letter to Scott." Joanna turned white, freezing with one arm half in the suit, her heart pounding.

"When?" she finally gasped out.

"About three weeks ago, he called when he got it, and wanted to contact you. I assumed he already had until Johnny told me this morning you weren't taking his calls.

Honey, Scott's home on leave and staying at his old house. Without his help we wouldn't be able to make the trip to Grandpa and Grandma's. When it became apparent that this storm was going to shut everything down Scott and Johnny dug out the old snowmobiles and started getting them going.

It was rough on short notice, and they had to take several sleds to make one running one, but we got enough to haul us all to my folk's. It will be a cold ride, but with the storm over, we'll be fine."

Joanna could tell he was building up to something but was only half listening. Her thoughts were a turmoil, 'Scott knew, how could her dad do this, oh my God, what if Scott tried to take Scottie from her, Oh God, he KNEW. Could he ever forgive her, could she forgive herself?

"Joanna, honey, listen to me. I said all that because, well, John and Scott could only get three sleds going. Your mom and I will take one, and we'll be pulling one of the trailers with the gifts. Johnny will drive the second and the back seat is piled high with the rest of the gifts and such. The third one has the small heated trailer I made when you kids were little, Scottie's in it.

Honey, Scott's going to have to drive that one, and well, you'll have to ride with him, there isn't room any where else."

This brought Joanna's racing thoughts to a screeching halt. She looked at her dad, his face smeared by the tears in her eyes. "How could you dad? You should have talked to me, let me make that decision. What am I going to say to him, good God Dad, let him drive the sled with the presents, Johnny can drive to one with Scottie and I." "Joanna," her Father's voice was firm, "you and Scott need to talk. He has agreed to drive you to Dad's and he'll drop you off and go home. But you need to talk to him and this will give you two time alone." Joanna was at a loss for what to do, she knew her father, and when he made up his mind that something was the RIGHT thing to do, nothing would sway him.

He'd planned this to put her and Scott together; she could either give in, or refuse to go. The later would ruin Christmas for everyone, and she decided she and her father were going to have a long talk later on.

Her father stepped behind her, helping her the rest of the way into her suit. She stood to her feet, pulling the zipper on the suit closed. Tugging on her gloves she gave a sigh of resignation. "Let's get this over with," she muttered as she headed out the back door.

Joanna strode out the door, determined to face what lay ahead. When she saw the broad shouldered figure standing beside the snowmobile her step faltered and she slipped, almost going down. Someone grabbed her, and she looked up into Scott's slate grey eyes, the same ones she had seen on his porch four years ago. She realized in that moment that the carefree young man she had loved was gone, driven away by her betrayal. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice cracking. "Oh Scott, I'm so sorry."

"Hush, we'll talk about it later." His voice was firm, but she detected something in it, some small tremor of emotion and for the briefest of moments, a flicker of the old flame in his eyes. It was over in a heartbeat, and he had pulled her to her feet, steadying her with a firm hand.

"Scottie's tucked in the trailer and the heater's working fine." Scott nodded to the small covered contraption her father had devised years ago. It was nothing more than a box on skis, designed to be pulled behind the snowmobile. It had clear plastic windows, yellowed a little with age, set into a canvas top. A small propane heater kept the interior warm as any house, and she knew Scottie would be safe inside it.