Chapter 3

I searched for a better way to say this but I couldn't find one. I had thought about saying it the day before but I decided not on her birthday.

"You had sex with another man in three different affairs, you decided not to try to work on our relationship taking the easy way out, you lied to me and you denied me so you could have sex with him."

As I listed the first three things she looked sad but when I stated the last one she rapidly shook her head.

"No, I never denied you ... Well, I did but not for him. Yes I cheated, I lied and I took the chicken way out of dealing with our problems but I never ever said no to you so I could have sex with him. Sometimes I said no because I was angry or hurt but never for that reason."

I believed her but it didn't change what I was feeling all that much. I nodded, said I would be in touch and that I wasn't saying good bye because it wasn't good but I would be in touch.

I ended with "I have thinking to do to see what I feel and what I want." before I walked out the door.

I didn't call her that day or the day after or the month after. I did respond to some of her e-mails.

I listened to her new radio show. Evidently they wanted her to use two names because she was back to calling herself Shannon Passing. She was right; she did talk less. I wasn't sure if I liked all of the music she played but I wanted to listen to her.

One morning, a month after her birthday she said something that caught my attention. I looked up from the report I was typing and said, "What did she say?"

This morning my secretary, who was in my office, answered, "She said something about being pregnant."

I blinked thinking back over what I had heard but not listened to. Sure enough she had said, "As much as I'm enjoying this set I may have to take some time off in the mornings in the next few months because of morning sickness ... yes that means I'm preggers."

She then went to a song. I was shocked, wondering how far along she was and whose it was.

When the song was over she said whom the singer had been adding, "I'm about a month along. I know because I know I got knocked up on my birthday. My husband and I spent much of the day alone and naked ... I hope my husband will be happy with his child."

I don't know if any one else caught it but she sounded sad when she said that last sentence.

She went to a song and when it was over she added, "If it's a boy I hope it looks like him and if it's a girl I hope it looks like me, a girl would look funny with his face even though he's handsome."

She went to another song. I thought she was doing it that way on purpose more than because of that station's rules about talking.

Without thinking I said, "I thought she was having problems with her husband."

"She might be, she has been with another man, she lived with him for a while, but doesn't seem to be living with or seeing anyone right now."

I looked at Edith, my secretary, in surprise wondering if she had been following my wife around.

"How do you know that?"

"You know that local gossip columnist, she covers Passing every now and then."

"The gossip rags cover her?"

"Sometimes, but I'm surprised, since you're a fan of hers, that you don't look for gossip about her."

"I never thought she was big enough to have them following her exploits," I said a little bit shocked, "and I'm not that big a fan of hers."

I thought that would explain how some of her fans knew things about her.

She shrugged and said, "You may not be but you did follow her from her old station. But don't worry about it, I don't think you have anything to worry about, your wife has nothing to be jealous of."

I almost shouted at her to stay out of my personal business but I stopped myself. I looked at her wondering if she knew my wife and Passing were the same person. I hadn't told anyone about our separation or changed her status in my file, but Edith along with some coworkers might be curious about why she hadn't been around or why she had missed two parties.

I soon forgot about if she knew or not however as my wife came back on and said, "I hope there are some good sales on maternity clothes, I will be needing some soon even though I'm just a month along."

I wasn't sure if it was my imagination but I thought she placed some emphasis on "just a month along". I thought she might be sending me a message, but why hadn't she sent an E-mail telling me about it? In either case I decided to visit her that afternoon.

I went about my job and about three I left work early giving a family matter as my excuse. I was taking a chance not calling her but I thought she might be resting up. I knew she usually liked to spend the afternoon catching up on certain TV shows and doing housework.

On the way over I had made a couple of decisions. I knew she would more than likely not like one of them but I didn't care. I saw her car in the parking lot so I knew she was home. I hoped she was alone; it could be awkward if she wasn't and especially awkward if John was with her.

I knocked and it took her a minute to answer. I was just starting to sweat thinking she wasn't alone. She was as it turned out. She looked surprised to see me and quickly asked me to come in.

Even though I had promised myself I wouldn't say it the first thing out of my mouth was, "How are you feeling?"

Her eyes widen in surprise, "You know?"

So the message wasn't to me after all. Maybe it had been to her fans or to John if she had spoken the truth about not seeing him anymore.

"I heard the announcement on your show."

Her eyes widened again, "You still listen to me?"

"Yes, I never stopped."

"I thought you hated me. You never called like you promised and you're terse with your E-mails."

"No I don't hate you. I still love you. That is why it took so long for me to decide anything. If I hated you we would be divorced already. I don't know if my love is enough though."

She nodded and I continued, "I should add the reason I waited so long to decide is that I was acting like a coward. I've been avoiding that decision which wasn't right of me."

"But you never contacted with me."

"Nothing besides the E-mails."

She nodded acknowledging my point.

"Is that why you didn't tell me you were pregnant because you thought I hated you?"

She nodded again, maybe unable to speak.

"I came here today because I have three things to say. One of them you're not going to like. The first is: get your stuff we are going on a maternity clothes shopping spree. You can buy anything you want. If we don't find enough clothes that you think will fit later we can get a couple of cards that you can use when you get bigger."

"What are the other two things you want to say."

"Later, when we come back."

She nodded and got her purse. We went to six different stores. She was happy searching through all the cute maternity clothes. She tried on a bunch at each store. We ended up with four bags full of clothes and another three outfits on hangers I had to carry. Some of the outfits included a couple of shorter outfits with a contemporary cut that were probably for wearing around the radio station, I thought. In one store she stared at the maternity nightgowns. She turned back to look at me for a moment with a very sad look on her face. In my mind I marked the ones she had stared at.

On the way home she reached across her seat placing her hand on my arm and said, "Thank you."

I patted her hand, smiled at her for a second and said, "You're welcome."

Once back at her place she hung up the clothes on the hangers than sat down.

"What are the other two things you wanted to say?"

"On the way over here I was thinking that I could turn one of the guest rooms into a nursery."

She looked at me with a puzzled expression, which turned to shock then to anger. She came out of the chair with a furious look on her face.

"You're not going to take my baby."

I looked at her puzzled not sure if that was a question or a statement. I hadn't said anything about taking her baby, but as I thought back on what I said I realized that I had unintentionally said it.

"Calm down Joanne. I didn't mean it that way."

She calmed and sat back down so I continued. "I misspoke probably out of habit of living alone but I should have said we would remake the guest room into a nursery."

She looked puzzled again but this time hope replaced it.

"Yes, you will be coming too."

She made a squeal type of noise, jumped up, ran to me and threw her arms around me.

I looked her in the face as she looked up at me.

"I love you but, this is the part you won't like, there is one condition."

Her expression froze and she said, "What is it?" in a courteous sounding tone.

"As soon as the baby is born I want a DNA test."

She let go of me turned around took two steps, turned back and said, "It's your child. If you heard my announcement you know that."

"I know you said that you hoped it would look like me if it was a boy but that's not enough."

"What do you mean it's not enough? I have only had sex with you for over two months. We were together all day on my birthday. It has to be yours ... It IS yours!"

"Joanne, we weren't together all day. We met at 11:30; anything could have happened before then. And you confessed you lied to me twice and I know you lied more than that. I have to know for sure."

She still looked angry. I imagined that it was because I wouldn't take her word for it but for me this was non-negotiable.

Joanne opened her mouth then shut it, opened it again and shut it again. She saw the expression on my face and realized that no matter how angry she got I wasn't going to back down.

She sighed loudly. "You're right I lied to you ... but not about that. I would never lie about that."

I just looked at her until she relaxed a bit and said, "Ok. We can have the test done as soon as possible."

Gently I added, "You would not be the first wife who was guilty of infidelity to be mistaken about whose baby she was having."

She started to say "I can't be," but I continued, "We can still set up the nursery and if the child isn't mine we will deal with it then. And we will deal with it."

She looked unsure when she heard my tone with that last bit, like she wasn't positive what I meant by that statement. To tell you the truth I wasn't sure either but I knew that neither one of us would like it.

She nodded.

After a minute I said in a gentle voice. "If you still want to, we can go back to the house tonight. You can take a suitcase or two and we can get the rest of your belongings tomorrow and don't forget your rings."

She looked up at me and asked, "I can wear my rings again?"

"Yes," I said with a smile, "if we are to be living together again it would be proper."

She squealed and ran to me kissing me. When we got back to the house I made love to her in a way I hadn't for months, I meant for the months leading up to her statement on the radio that started all this. She wanted to make love to me but I told her she could do that next. When she tried to insist I ignored her, making love to her. When I was done she did make love to me. It felt very good but it was also good watching the enjoyment she took by loving me sexually.

We moved her belongings back to the house over the next three days.

The next few weeks went by slowly. I was surprised that I had gotten used to living by myself so fast and there were times I still wished I were living by myself. Most days, as I watched her belly grow, she looked so beautiful but there were times I couldn't get out of my mind, no matter how hard I tried, that there was a good chance that the baby growing and developing in her wasn't mine. Or I should say I felt like there was a good chance it wasn't mine. She kept insisting that it had to be mine. If she was telling the truth it was mine.

One day I would caress her belly, telling her how beautiful she looked, that I loved her and the next day I had to leave the house before I said something stupid. She knew why I would sometimes leave her alone all day. I tried to tell her I was busy at work that I had to make up for time I had missed. That was partly the truth but it didn't fool her. There were days I knew she had been crying, when I finally came home. At those times I would take her in my arms and hold her no matter what I was feeling.

We continued having sex almost to the end. It was fascinating making love to a pregnant woman. Toward the end of the nine months I could feel the baby kick at times while I was spooned against her front. I couldn't lie on top of her but we managed to arrange ourselves so that I could still be against her front as we had sex. A couple of those times it almost seemed like the baby was dancing. Later I found out why but for some reason she didn't tell me. She went to see her doctor on a regular basis so she must have known even though when the time came she seemed as surprised as I was.

She didn't suffer that much from morning sickness so she kept her job throughout must of her pregnancy. Toward the end she talked more then normal as she described each step of the pregnancy, and as she talked about the baby kicking. Every now and then while identifying a song she would interrupt herself with "Ouuu ... the baby just kicked".

That might be why she did something I almost forbade. She set it up so that she could give birth over the air. A technician would be there to record the birth process and it would be played during her time slot. I didn't like it at all. The equipment would be dirty and make the birth a circus. Plus some other man would be seeing her mostly naked. She explained why it was important to her. And that the only equipment actually in the birthing room would be a mic. They only needed a cordless mic and transmitter. It would send a signal to the On the Road van parked outside. The van would send the signal to the station or would record the event. The technician would be outside the room with the transmitter, a small black box the size of three car batteries.

I was shocked that her new station would do something like this. Her old one would have with no qualms, but this one usually didn't go for the same type of wild publicity stunts. I relented though and she smiled her radiant smile and kissed me.

As it turned out she went into labor almost on time for her morning show. I was of course home that early in the morning so after calling her doctor I drove her to the hospital.

There were two mics in the birthing room she was going to use but they were out of the way so I didn't say anything about it. The technician did stay outside with a small control board and the transmitter. I was surprised the hospital would allow even that but maybe they thought it was good free publicity. The tech tried to peek in on Joanne or Shannon as he knew her a few times, but he couldn't see much from the door. It might have been because he was concerned about her or concerned about the mics but I kept thinking he was one of her male fans who wanted a peek at her. I didn't say anything though.

She had a list of songs that were supposed to be playing that morning and in-between moans of pain she introduced the songs. I almost stopped her and it was obvious that her doctor didn't like it but she seemed to be coping well.

She amazed me by not only being able to name each song but to be able to say something about the song. During one introduction she added, along with some groans, that the male singer was getting married soon. In another song she added that the singer was in the studio for a long awaited next CD. At one point all she got out was "Uhhgg", followed quickly by the name of the song and the singer before another moan.

Finally though she threw the paper up in the air and said that was the last song. The baby was very close and she began to concentrate on just giving birth. We had taken classes on childbirth so we knew what to expect and I had learned some things to do that were supposed to make it easier on her. One thing was to rub the small of her back with a pop can. I didn't know how it was supposed to help but it did for a while. In the blink of an eye though it stopped working. One second she wanted it there, the next she was telling me to remove the blankty-blank thing. I hoped she wouldn't get into trouble for saying those words on the air, but it's possible they had a delay going and the technician would catch them.

Soon after I got rid of the can the baby started down the birth canal. It didn't take long for baby's head to show. I watched in amazement as the baby came out into the doctor's hands. That moment was so wonderful I was glad we were no longer separated. The doctor cut the cord and placed her in Joanne's hands. The baby, my daughter, was crying and making sucking motions with her mouth so Joanne bared a breast and placed our newborn next to her nipple. The girl started sucking in breast milk immediately.

Joanne smiled her most radiant smile as she looked at me but a second later she groaned in pain again. I looked at the doctor wondering what was going wrong when he placed his hands between her legs again. It looked like he was getting ready to help another one come into the world.

A nurse took the first baby from my wife who was following the doctor's orders to push again. She looked at me shrugging, looking concerned but a second later her expression changed to wonderment mixed with pain. After minute and a half of pushing another little head appeared.

I gasped as the doctor said, "And here's another one,"

Through gritted teeth my wife said, "Agggg, this one is tougher Ughhhh."

She let out a couple of more choice words through gritted teeth just before the whole body dropped into the doctor's hands. Joanne relaxed and sighed. The doctor again cut the cord and gave him to Joanne. The nurse gave her back the first one and Joanne looked at each one with wonderment and joy. She bared her other beast and soon both babies were sucking on her nipples. I watched in amazement before remembering my camera. I had brought it to save the moment in pictures but had gotten only a few. I did get one of each birth and now I took a shot of her nursing both of them. I took three shots.

She looked so beautiful tears almost came to my eyes.

She said, "Thank you."

"Hey, you did all the work. I should thank you."

In a soft voice she said, "I mean for being here and everything."

I nodded realizing what she meant.

I said, "They're beautiful just like their mother."

She smiled that radiant smile of hers.

A second later though she said, "That voice belongs to my husband the father of my two beautiful babies. One is a girl and one is a boy. They are healthy and are nursing already. And so beautiful ... That's all for now because I'm signing off, I've got other things to do right now ... be seeing you."

The last is the way she usually signed off. She made a cutting motion across her throat at the technician who was peeking in the doorway. He nodded and ducked back outside.

A minute later he shouted through the door, "The mics are off and unplugged. I'll just hurry and get my stuff packed and leave. I'll be seeing you back at the station."

True to his word he did hurry and in less then five minutes he was gone.

I wasn't sure when or how to say what I needed to say but once I knew he was gone I bent over Joanne and said softly, "Speaking of your husband being the father."

She surprised me by saying, "I know. I have it taken it care of already."

She must have seen the puzzled look on my face for she started to add something, but before she could say anything the nurse came to take both babies to be weighed.

I looked down at her chest at what were probably my children.

"I hope they both look like you."

She looked at me strangely like she wasn't sure how I meant that so I added, "You're so beautiful, especially right now."

She smiled again. About that time a nurse came in with a cotton swab. She told me to open my mouth.

I looked at her puzzled but Joanne spoke up "I talked to my doctor already. He was surprised and I think I shocked him by my request but he said it would not be the first time the hospital had to do that type of test."

I wasn't sure what to say so I said, "Thank you," with all the sincerity I could.

She smiled a sad smile and nodded.

The nurse made a motion with her hand and obediently I opened my mouth. She reached in with the swab and swiped the inside of one cheek. She withdrew it and said thank you. She walked out placing the swab in what looked like a test tube.

I know I looked puzzled and my wife said, "Doctor Roulf said that was all it would take for a test. It might take us a month to get the results."

"Oh. Ok, I guess I can cancel my appointment at the place I was going to get the test done."

We stayed the rest of the day and that night, yes I was allowed to spend the night. I say allowed but it was assumed that I would stay so I didn't have much a choice in the matter; not that I minded.

It was an interesting night with the babies crying to be fed every couple of hours but Joanne did all the work so I either watched her or fell back asleep. We took the children home the next day.

The next few days were a bit rough with two new babies in the house even with me helping as much as possible, but we survived. We finally got a routine going which seemed to help until three weeks later when the results came back from the DNA tests.

They were not what either one of us were hoping for. The girl was defiantly mine or as close as they could say but the test on the boy was inconclusive.

As I read the last I looked at Joanne. She must have seen something in my expression for she gasped. She gave her head a little shake and mouthed the words "They have to be his."

I said, "Well, as close as they can figure Judy is mine ... but."

As I said "but" an expression of unbelief mixed with fear appeared on her face.

I continued, "Their tests were inconclusive about the boy."

I didn't say his name on purpose. I know I had a hard expression on my face as I stared at her.

"What does that mean??"

"It means that something could have gone wrong with the test or his sample got contaminated or there's no way of knowing for sure."

"But ... but Jimmy has to be yours. Judy is yours so that means he has to be."

"No, it doesn't mean that. They are fraternal twins after all."

She nodded in a way that told me she didn't understand.

"If two men have sex with the same woman during a certain amount of time they can both impregnate her. I think it's a couple of hours but I'm not sure."

I paused and said, "Good thing you didn't have triplets. I don't know if it would work for three men."

She nodded then gasped as she got what I meant.

Her expression turned angry and after a moment she said, "That was uncalled for. Yes, I cheated but it was only with one man."

I relaxed a little and said, "You're right that was uncalled for. I'm sorry."

She stared at me for a long second then nodded and relaxed.

"But it still doesn't change that two men can father two different children with the same woman at the same time and we don't know about Jimmy."

"Yes, we do know. I know," she said with some heat.

"But I don't."

I tried to give it as much heat as was in her words, but it came out sounding sad to my ears.

In an angry tone she started to say "If you would believe me..." but she stopped probably remembering that she had lied to me.

Her expression softened and she said, "I swear to you that I only had sex with you during that time. I mean that whole two months not just my birthday."

She sounded sad almost like she might cry, but that might have been what I heard because of my emotions, or she was just acting. At that moment I didn't know. However I thought she sounded sincere.

At that moment though certain scenes came to mind. Hearing the splashes when she and John were in the tub together. Her telling me that she was going shopping the day the PI followed her home with John tagging along. She might have gone shopping but it was a very short spree. That was one of the times she admitted to lying. The time she said she was feeling ill and been sick in the car and needed a fast shower to clean herself up. I had come home wanting a little fun expecting her to keep a promise she had made to me the night before. I knew she was lying but it wasn't until she said that she had had an early morning quickie that I knew what she was lying about. I should have figured it out at the time but I guess I hadn't wanted to see it.

The memories included the time, during her second affair, that I almost caught her. At the time I hadn't realized what was going on even though I figured it out later. One afternoon I came home early and found her stretched out on our bed naked. Her legs were open but she shut them as I came into the room. Later when I thought about it I wondered if the guy was sneaking out of the house while I was walking into the bedroom, or if she had fallen asleep after he left or if she had come home afterwards and was laying there remembering what he had done. Whatever the reason she closed her legs suddenly as if I had startled her. At the time I thought she might have been masturbating, but as I talked to her I kept looking where her legs joined her body. I couldn't see much but at one point I thought I saw something white leaking out as she moved her legs a bit. I wasn't sure though, but after a minute she did say she had to go badly as she got off the bed and ran to the bathroom. That was one of the times we didn't have sex and I never knew why.

As I said, Joanne sounded sincere but all those memories were playing havoc with my emotions so I turned around and walked out of the room without saying a word. She said "What?" then called my name twice but I just kept walking not trusting what I might say.

We had a bad evening that night. She was hurt but my emotions were too much in an uproar for me to be able to comfort her or apologize. Part of me wanted to but I didn't feel like allowing that part preeminence.

The next day things seemed to have calmed down so I said, "We need to test Jimmy again. Maybe we can try the testing firm I was going to use."

She opened her mouth to say something and I said, "No, I'm not blaming you. Anyone can make a mistake ... I mean the hospital not you."

She nodded and we had breakfast. As the morning wore on I knew I needed to say something about the night before. I wasn't sure what I could say.

Finally I said, "I'm sorry I walked out on you last night. My mind chose that moment to remind me of various events ... I ... I wasn't sure of what I might say."

"What memories?"

That question surprised me. I hadn't wanted to describe them but even though I tried to change the subject she insisted. So I explained each of the memories.

She was shocked, she hadn't known that I knew she was lying or how it had affected me.

"When you found me on the bed I had fallen asleep after he left. We had had sex in the bathtub and on the floor. Afterwards I laid down for a moment and the next thing I knew you were walking into the bedroom."

I just stared at her for a moment.

She said, "It's true he and I never had sex on our bed. Remember the bed was still made. I laid down on the top of the covers afterwards."

She was right. I had wondered why she was sleeping nude on top of the blankets like that.

She looked at me in the face with a sad expression, "I'm sorry I put you though that- even though you made me angry and frustrated at times- I never intended for that to happen."

I relaxed but I wasn't sure what to say so I nodded.

After a moment or two of standing there in silence I said, "I think our marriage needs some help."

She nodded in agreement but a moment later she smiled.

"That means you still want to stay married to me?"

"I do ... right now."

I think she understood the implied qualifier that it depended on what the test for Jimmy revealed.

Neither one of us knew what to say next so we stood there for a moment in silence.

Finally changing the subject I said, "We need to plan a trip to show my parents Judy and Jimmy."

My parents lived in a town only an hour form the city where we lived. Her parents lived across the country. We had already E-mailed both sets of grandparents pictures of the delivery. We sent more pics to her parents after we got the children home. My parents wanted to see their grandchildren. We talked it over and the next weekend we called my parents and after making a date we took the children over.

We didn't talk much during the trip. I don't know if it was because Joanne kept checking on Judy and Jimmy in the back seat, this was their first trip not counting the trip home from the hospital, or if it had to do with what was hanging over our heads.