Jackie was a stuck up bitch with an "I'm much better than you" demeanor. She looked down her nose at every one else in the family and I can honestly say that there wasn't anyone in the family that liked her with the possible exception of her husband Matt. I say possible because I'm not even sure he liked her after being married to her a while.
Matt, or Matthew as he preferred to be called, was my wife's brother. In a way he and Jackie deserved each other. Matt (I call him that because it pisses him off) is a smug, pompous asshole who thinks he is better that the rest of his family because he is the only one who went to college. He conveniently forgets that it was his parents whose scrimping and saving made it possible. Anyway, I disliked them both and avoided them as much as possible.
Believe it or not this posed a major hardship for me. As a confirmed cockhound and card carrying 'dirty old man' to deprive myself of being able to look at Jackie actually hurt. If you could overlook her personality the rest of her was stunning. Five foot seven inches tall and about one hundred and twenty pounds packed into a figure that was 36-22-34. Long black hair that fell to the middle of her back and legs to die for. She had the goods and she knew it and she always dressed to show it off. Blouses and dresses that showed plenty of upper boob and cleavage; hems always high enough to display her magnificent legs which she always emphasized by wearing high heels. I loved looking at her, but I just couldn't stand to be around her.
You can't always avoid the people that you want to. There are always family gatherings that you have to attend, be they weddings, funerals, birthday parties or anniversary parties. It was at one of these command performances that I finally got pissed off enough at Matt and Jackie to consider doing something to them. It was my wife's parents thirty-fifth wedding anniversary party and about two hours into it Jackie made some comment about the sad state of my in-laws furniture. It was a tacky comment to begin with, but what really pissed me off was the way Matt handled it. Instead of telling Jackie that they had spent all their money to get him a college education the asshole said:
"It's what they are comfortable with my dear and they are happy with it."
I got so mad that I almost went over and unloaded on the two of them, but my wife grabbed my arm and told me to let it go.
But I couldn't let it go and it ate at me until I promised myself that someday I would do something to those two snobs. Over time however I forgot about it until another one of those command performances. This time it was the wedding of my wife's cousin. My wife was in bed with the flu and so I went alone to represent our part of the family. Matt was out of town on business so Jackie came by herself. As usual she looked fantastic. I was sitting at a table sipping my drink when my wife's younger brother came over and sat down with me. He saw where I was looking and he said, "She sure is something, isn't she?"
I just nodded a yes.
"You don't like her anymore than I do, do you?"
I looked over at him and grinned, "You are pretty smart for someone your age."
He said, "What I would like to do is get her drunk, take her outside and fuck her and then just before cumming I'd pull out and shoot it all over her. Then I'd take a picture of her lying there, legs spread and with cum all over her and send it to Matt."
A light bulb went off over my head. "You think we could do it? I've got my digital camera in the car. We could take pictures of both of us doing her and crop out our faces. We could send Matt a whole album."
He laughed and said, "Why not? The poor dear is all alone since nobody likes her enough to sit with her. Let's join her and see if we can get her blitzed enough."
We worked out a plan. I would go over, make small talk and then ask her to dance. She would probably say yes if for no other reason than to get out on the dance floor where she could be admired. Then Jerry would join us and we would take turns dancing with her. While one of us had her on the dance floor the other would get her a fresh drink, always doubles or triples, and with any luck we could get her outside, fuck her on the back seat of her own car and take pictures of it. Then we could just go off and leave her there with the car door open and the dome light on so every one could see her.
Jackie greeted my approach with suspicion. Whatever else she might be, she wasn't dumb. "What no good reason brings you to this table?"
"Trying to make the best of a bad night. I'm alone and love to dance. You are alone and love to dance. I figure if we keep our hands where they belong and not on each other's throats we will be okay."
"You think, huh?"
On the dance floor she was a dream. She fit perfectly into my arms and she was a great dancer. We looked good together and we fit. If it was anyone else my wife might have reason to worry. We stayed on the floor until the band took a break and when we got back to the table Jerry was there with a fresh round of drinks.
"I wanted to cut in, but you two looked so good out there together I decided to wait and ask for the next set."
Jackie looked from Jerry to me and then back to Jerry, "All right you two, what's going on here."
Jerry threw up his hands and said, "For Christ's sake! What's wrong with trying to be nice." Jackie just looked at him. "Okay, okay. I just thought that maybe, just maybe you might be different when 'old stuffed shirt' wasn't around."
Jackie's face began to cloud over and fortunately the band started to play again and I drug her back out on the dance floor. For the next three hours Jerry and I fed her booze and danced with her. All of Jackie's drinks were doubles and triples, but I had long since switched from vodka tonics to plain tonic water with a twist of lime. As Jackie moved through the various stages of intoxication, from talkative, to silly, to woozy Jerry and I acted along with her. Finally we reached the point where I suggested that we go outside for some fresh air and I walked her out a side door into the parking lot with Jerry close behind.