Jana has been watching me ever since we have returned from Ben and Claire's. She could tell I was thinking of all that had happened and she was worried. Her plan to deny me sex, and that forever, was weighing on me. I was pretty sure she knew it too. I haven't said anything. I have been as obedient as before. But, I just couldn't help feeling—I don't know—maybe abandoned. I have a bad feeling.
I love Jana, but to never have sex with her again? My own wife? I am fast coming to the realization, that if I can't have her, that I will just have to leave her. I love her too much to end up a de facto eunuch. The scene with Ben that weekend will not leave me, and I cannot think why Jana and Claire thought it was so funny. I have to face facts: Jana apparently doesn't love me as much as I love her. It's only a matter of time before I get up the courage to confront her or maybe even just leave, save us all the hassle. But, I am still holding back waiting for her to say or do something that will make things okay again—hope springs eternal as said the ancient.
I am getting ready for work at my new job. I will be creating and modifying software for HardDrive Inc. Beginning today. I will be making in the mid six figures, and the benefits are fantastic. I love computers!
She is waiting for me in the kitchen.
"Morning, honey," she said. "Coffee?"
I smiled a plastic smile in her direction, "Sure, and some toast and jam too," I said.
"Got it," she said. She seemed pleased to be able to do something for me. Her words made me feel a little bit better about her.
"Thanks," I said.
We sipped our coffee and munched our toast making small talk as husbands and wives do at that early hour of the day.
"First day," she said, "excited?"
"Yes, kinda," I said. "But it's no biggee. I can do what they need done, so it'll go smooth I guess."
"I'm sure of that," she said.
"Honey? Is something bothering you?" she said. "You seem—"
"I'm okay." But my tone indicated that I was not okay. She winced.
"It's about the weekend we spent up north isn't it," she said, ignoring my 'okay' remark.
"No, really, I'm okay," I said. I looked at my watch. "I gotta go." I slurped another sip of coffee, rose, grabbed my briefcase, and left. I am still wimping out not wanting to do battle, at least not yet; I could just kick myself.
"Hi Claire ... yeah it's me ... fine ... yeah, it's about James ... uhuh ... he's despondent ... I think we may have made a mistake not letting them have us ... yeah, that's what I think too ... uhuh ... yeah it was a dirty trick ... you're coming down Saturday ... okay later ... yeah we've got a lot of mending to do ... yeah, okay, I'll let you get back to it," she hung up.
Something is wrong, and I know it. James won't admit to it, but it was the weekend that we were up to Ben and Claire's. Denying him and Ben sex was a mistake, maybe a big mistake. I knew when I looked into James eyes that night it had been a mistake, but I couldn't take it back, show weakness. The worst of it was that I have told him he could never have sex with a woman, any woman, again. It was bullshit of course. I know a man can't go forever without getting any. But, at the time it was part of the scene, just empty words. But, now I've got a problem. I have to take them back, the words, without losing control of the lifestyle that he says "he" wants, and yes, that I want.
But now, how to fix it without giving up all of the groundwork we have built up to now. I'm not ready to give up the men, and neither is Claire; we likely never will be ready. Our husbands are willing cuckolds and it's for their own good that we enjoy ourselves. In every way but intercourse they are being treated better and more lovingly than they ever have; certainly that's true of James. So, if I give in and let James dictate to me now, I know it will be the beginning of the end of what we have. But, on the other hand, could I lose him? That would be intolerable; I love him. No, I don't really think I'll lose him, but I do have to consider the possibility. If I had to make a choice—gawd! that would be the worst.
Claire and Ben will be coming down Saturday. We'll fix things then—somehow. I have the very strong feeling that Saturday and Sunday will be the mother of all weekends, and that in more ways than one.
"Let me help you with those bags, Ben," I said picking up one of the big ones.
"Thanks, brother," said Ben. We trailed behind the two women as they went into the house.
Lunch was buffet. Jana had put together the makings for tacos and had made sure there was plenty of beer and wine in the frig. Talk at lunch was animated and we laughed and ate and then adjourned to the sundeck at the rear of the house.
"Honey, I'm going to take Claire inside and show her the new clothes you bought me last week. You and Ben stay here and visit, okay?"
"Sure thing," I said. The ladies disappeared into the house. I knew that they were going to be talking about us, or at least me. I wanted them to. Besides, I wanted to talk to Ben anyway.
"I took a seat at the picnic table. The umbrella over it was no longer protecting us from the waning sun, but I had my sunglasses and my hat, so it was all right. Ben sat with his back to the sun, so he was okay too.
"They're talking about you," said Ben.
"Oh? And you know that how?" I said. "Maybe they're talking about you." I laughed.
"No, it's about you. Jana's worried that you're upset with her, with the whole deal," he said. He knew I knew what he was talking about.
I nodded taking on a more serious aspect.
"Jana called earlier in the week. She thinks they, the girls, may have gone too far," said Ben.
"What do you think, Ben?" he wasn't ready for me to pin him like that. "I mean, really?"
"I don't know. Sometimes the girls, well, they do go too far. They're women; it's their job to be unpredictable," he said.
"Are you okay with never having sex again with Claire?" I said. "because I'm not okay with never having it with Jana, and that's the long and the short of it as far as I'm concerned."
"I figured that. It's tough for me too," he said. "For now, I am going along with it. How about you? Whaddya thinking? Are you going to lay down the law? What? I mean if it's intolerable for you."
"Not sure yet. I am not happy with the way things are developing, like I say. I know I'm her cuckold and probably always will be. But, never to make love to her again while other men use her with no problem? No, it ain't gonna be that way. I am not happy with that. I don't know how long I can take it. I just know I won't be able to take it for long," I said.
"You saying it that way makes me wonder about the same things," he said. "I love Claire, but to never—"
"Exactly," I said. "I don't know, but I have a feeling that things will be coming to a head this weekend. I'm just not sure if that's going to be a good thing or a bad thing. I don't want to lose her; but, maybe I already have." I leaned back and waited for Ben to say something.
"Hmm," he said at last.
About half an hour later Jana called from the house. At that moment, I didn't know it but the moment of truth had arrived.
"Boys, come on and get yourselves in here, okay?"
Ben and I looked at each other. We tilted back the two dying Indians and put the empties on the table and strode back into the house.
What greeted us were two stunning women in stockings and high heels and nothing else. I stared. Ben stared. We were momentarily shocked. I looked around to see if some men had arrived. No sign of any. I was confused, and Jana could see it.
"Honey, this is for you and Ben. There are no other men going to be here tonight," she said. She was all bubbly. Clearly Claire and she had decided we needed some bucking up.
"You decided—" I was stopped, stupefied. But her words—my cock which had begun its rise, wilted in my pants. "I can't," I said. I walked quickly to the front door and out. I got in my car, which was parked at the curb, and drove off. Two stunned women and a confused brother-in-law went to the door after I'd passed through it and watched in surprise as I left.
"Oh shit, Claire, what have we done!" said Jana.
"I—I don't know," said Claire. "I mean we didn't do anything. I thought you said he needed to have sex with you? Could it be something else? Could you have missed the signals?"
"Ben!" they said at the same time.
"I'm not sure," said Ben. "Jim is confused. Confused as you are. He thinks you don't love him, at least not as much as he loves you."
"What are you talking about, you crazy oaf," said Claire. "Does this look like we don't love you two?" her hand swept down her body indicating her nakedness and Jana's and their clear willingness to be fucked."
Ben snickered. "For a couple of pretty smart babes you two are sure acting like idiots. You don't look like loving wives you look like a couple of cheap ass hookers!"
"What the fuck!" said Claire, smarting at the unexpected insult. "Ben, have you lost your mind!"
"No. Jana, where does James like to go if he wants to unwind, have a drink, whatever," said Ben.
"Uh, the Dog House. It's a sawdust joint about half a mile down the road. But why..."
"You two just stay here—and get dressed. Neither he nor I are interested in fucking a couple of sluts; we, both of us, are looking for love. Try and understand that before we get back," he said.
.... There is more of this story ...