I sit here thinking of how over the years that I have become the way I am. Where did it all start? How did it all start? Is anyone to blame? Where would I be today if things would have been different? You know that movie "The Butterfly Effect" It got me thinking; what if my parents had not split up? Would I have found the things I found in my mother's bedroom?
I know I would most likely have been just as curious about things, but sex? Would I have been treated differently by my parents? Would I have had the freedom I had? So you see I have a lot to ponder. I have decided to tell you how it all started and I think I'll write it from the way I saw things then. After all at eleven years old when it came to sex I knew nothing at all. I did not know the words or anything of what they even meant.
I remember I was about to turn 11 when Dad moved out to be with his new girlfriend. It wasn't long after that when the divorce came. You know, before the divorce I seldom saw my father, but because of it, I was with him every other weekend. Before the divorce, I don't think he gave me anything other than what I needed, you know, school clothes, shoes, stuff like that. But after the divorce, both Mom and Dad seemed to go out of their way to give me things. Some things I would just say I like it and bam! I had it!
One weekend that Dad had me he took me to the mall and as we walked around, he had asked me what I wanted for my birthday. At that time we were in Radio Shack, and I was looking at the new laptop computers and I have no idea why I pointed to the one sitting there for $800, but I did, and I told him I wanted this new laptop.
He made a big deal out of it and the price. I had suspected that there was no way I was going to get him to spend that kind of money on me, but to my surprise when I opened my birthday present from him, it was the laptop. I used it for games and I looked up things for school, that was it.
One night about a week or two after my birthday, I woke up and had to pee. Our (my) bathroom was at the end of the hallway. I say my bathroom, because Mom had her own her bathroom off her bedroom. I walked down to the bathroom and I noticed that my mother's door was a tiny bit ajar. It was just open a crack; I saw a light reflecting off her wall-length closet doors and I knew the light was coming from her bathroom. Just as I was going to pass, I heard a noise coming from her room that I had never heard before.
I stopped and peeked in and the light from the bathroom lit up her bedroom. I saw my mother through the mirrored doors alongside her bed. I saw her with the sheets and covers off of her, lying on the floor in front of her bed. She was naked and on her back. Her feet were flat on the bed and she had her knees bent and very wide open.
I could see that she had her hands down between her legs and she was moving her wrist/hands, holding something with her fingers. And whatever it was that she was holding was going in and out of her body. You know, the place where we pee. (Of course, now I know what it is, but at the time I had just turned 11, and that was my pee-pee.) Now at school I heard kids talk about our special place down there and Mom had told me once that no one was allowed to touch that but me when I went to the bathroom. Watching her touch hers made me very curious.
I just stood there, peering, with my face as close as I dared to get it, looking in through the crack of the door. Mom was moaning and making all kinds of sounds. I watched as she stopped holding whatever it was with both hands and she reached behind her head, grabbing something else from the open compartment between her bookshelves.
She let go of the thing between her legs and, while holding this big white tube that looked bigger than any flashlight that I had ever seen, she twisted the bottom of it and whatever it was began to hum. She brought it down between her legs and after she again grabbed hold of the thing that was sticking out of her, she put the big white thing against herself and began moving the other one in and out of her hole again.
I watched as she began moving her hips up and down, rotating them as she moved that thing faster and faster. It kept getting smaller and smaller as it went inside of her. She stopped moaning and began saying things that I had never heard her say: "Fuck me, baby, fuck me, harder, harder, deeper, yea, that's it, honey, fuck your bitch, fuck me, give me that cock, you bastard, fuck that pussy, more, ohhh more, Oh My God, Oh my God, Jesus I'm coming, OH JESUS, OH JESUS, NOW, NOW OHHHHHH OH MY GODDDDDDDD I'M COMMMMMIIIINNNNGGGG!"
I watched as she raised her hips off the bed, lifting herself up, holding every bit of whatever it was that had been outside of her legs that was now all the way inside her. I could see her fingers holding the end or bottom of the thing as she pressed the big white thing so hard against herself it was surrounded by her skin.
I knew inside of me that I should not be watching her like this; I knew that whatever she was doing had to be private. But I could not move; I did not want to miss a thing. I watched as her whole body just shook and shook. She moaned as she held her hips high; the look on her face told me that whatever she was doing, she really liked doing.
It seemed like a very long time before she dropped her bottom down back onto the bed. When she did bring her bottom down, she kept her legs bent as she kept holding the white thing between her legs. I could hear the humming and Mom just lay there. I saw that she had let go of the thing that she had stuffed inside of herself and it was coming out. I was so amazed as it kept coming out of her. It was a little bit fatter than the big white thing humming, and geez, was it long.
I had forgotten all about having to pee. I just stood there, waiting to see what was going to happen next. It was a long time before Mom pulled that thing all the way out of herself. I watched as she dropped her legs flat on the bed, but kept the humming thing against her as she pulled the other fat pink thing up to her mouth where she began to lick it.
I even reached down between my own legs to see if I could touch myself like where she had those things. I wanted to see if there was something down there that I could touch and maybe feel something like what she had. I didn't have anything to stick into my pee hole and even if I did, I don't think I would have even tried it standing there in the hallway.
I watched as Mom brought the big fat pink thing that was inside of her between her legs to her lips. She lay on her back as she slowly lifted it up above her head. I heard her say, "Yea, I'll suck your cock, give me that prick." Opening her mouth, she brought the end of it down and began sucking on it. Her cheeks expanded as she put it in her mouth and, tilting her head back, she kept putting more of it inside.
She held it with one hand as she let go of the white thing and I watched as she reached down between her legs with her fingers. I watched as she began to rub herself down there. I put my hand down there like she had hers and I pressed in. I began rubbing in a circle as she was doing, and I sure liked the way it felt.
It wasn't long before she reached for the other thing that was still humming lying on the bed, raising her knees back up. I watched as that big white fat thing disappeared into her, right where the pink thing was that she was sucking had been. I watched as she moved it up and down then, pulling it inside herself.
She lay there, sliding it in and out of her body as she slid the pink thing in and out of her mouth. I was fascinated watching her doing that; I loved the way I was feeling down there between my own legs as I kept rubbing myself. I wondered if I could find my hole between my legs with my finger. It took some searching but I did. I had to work at getting my finger inside of it. It hurt a tiny bit at first, but I wanted to see if by doing the same thing with my finger could make me react the way Mom was.
I had my finger as far up inside of myself as I could get it. I stood there peering through the door watching her in the mirror. I had to squat just a little to get my finger all the way up inside of myself, standing there in the hallway. I kept my eyes fixed on Mom as her wrist really began moving that thing faster -- and I mean real fast. I could hear the sounds she made with the thing in her mouth. I could not believe my eyes as so much of it went inside her.
I watched as her whole body stiffened again and she was moaning so loud. I watched as she stuffed the white plastic thing all the way up inside of her. I stood there watching and it made me shiver with my own excitement. I know now what she was feeling but at the time I didn't. I just knew that I wanted to feel whatever it was she felt. At the time I just knew it was wrong, I also knew that I wanted to feel like her. I don't know why I knew it, but I did.
Mother finally stopped moaning and she pulled the thing out of her mouth. I watched as she pulled the thing out from between her legs and turned off the humming sound. She brought the white thing to her mouth and she licked it like she was licking a Popsicle. Finally, she turned around and put them both inside a hidden cabinet in between the bookshelves in her headboard. I have been in her bedroom all my life and in her bed but I never knew she had that thing with the secret door.
After she put those things away, she got up and went into her bathroom. I knew it was time for me to go use mine. As I sat there peeing, I could not help but wonder two things. I wondered if I would ever do what she did and if I would feel the way she felt. I also wondered if I would ever see her do that again.
.... There is more of this story ...