Chapter 4

Carly awoke at 7 a.m., much later than usual for her. She was amazed to find herself flat on her back, in the exact position in which she fell asleep the night before, following her self-pleasuring session. Carly lay there taking in her environment and getting her bearings. Her husband Paul was already up and gone to work. She remembered trying to engage him in intimacy the night before when she was very horny. But he was asleep before she could get a finger into his boxer shorts. She then remembered that as her pleasure built, she wanted something inside her. She felt between her thighs and found the long rubber dildo she had used in place of a real penis the night before.

Then, Carly remembered that she had not been able to put her son Stephen out of her mind. And to her embarrassment, she realized that she had spoken aloud, albeit very softly, fantasies about the things he might do to to her. Even though she knew it was only a product of her over-active sexual imagination, Carly still felt it had been inappropriate for her to say those things, especially in bed next to her sleeping husband. And even to think them, really. But above all, Carly recalled the extremely intense orgasm she had amid all her naughtiness.

After rising and completing her morning routine, Carly headed for her office. She had several things to address before her lunch meeting with Stephen. She still held out hope he would cancel, so she wouldn't have to revisit their strange phone conversation when Stephen was in New Orleans, nor even consider the possibility that he would ever find out that she got titillated recalling the conversation while she herself masturbated the night before.

However, Stephen showed-up right on time for their lunch date. Carly thought her son seemed completely normal and she sensed no tension or weirdness from him. She hoped that her theory was right, that Stephen's call was the result of his loneliness, the distance he was from home and the alcohol he had consumed. The two spent more than half an hour discussing the deals Stephen was involved in. Carly also briefed her son on a few of her own situations. Stephen was a lawyer specializing in real estate law and at times Carly employed his firm and him personally to help negotiate and draw-up contracts. She felt very comfortable keeping their conversation in this realm. She thought she was going to get away without discussing much if anything of a personal nature. She soon found out she wouldn't be so lucky.

"Mom," Stephen began, "I've been wanting to talk with you about the other night."

"Oh shit," Carly said silently to herself. "I thought I was going to avoid this." Then aloud, "What do you mean, Stephen?"

"Mom, I was drunk, but I wasn't unconscious. I know I called you and I know what I did. I just want to apologize. I should never have done that." Carly felt relieved. She had no idea what her son might say about the incident. But an apology and a dose of regret she could deal with.

"Oh, Honey, it's o.k. I'll admit I was a little shocked and I didn't know what to say or do at the time. But I just figured you were so lonely and you missed Paige and you were far from home. I totally understand"

"Wow, you're being so nice about it. I thought you'd want to kill me."

"Stephen, I could never do that. I'd have someone else do it." She smiled sweetly and her son had to assess her look briefly to make sure she was kidding, then both laughed.

"Well, they do call you 'Killer Carly'."

"That's for how I do business, not for my leisure pursuits," Carly said, smiling broadly.

"But seriously, Mom, I was really out of my head. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."

"Really, Honey ... don't worry about it. I understand. I've barely given it another thought." Carly instantly thought of herself as a big fat liar.

"Well, thanks a lot, Mom" Stephen said. Carly wondered if he meant for being so understanding, or about her talking to him while he masturbated. "Nothing has changed with Paige, by the way. She was sound asleep when I got home. I actually tried to cuddle with her and touch her in bed, but she didn't budge.

"How incredibly ironic," Carly thought silently. "That sounds just like what happened in my bed. I wonder if he took care of business like I did. Stop it, Carly!"

"So, I had to take care of myself, again," Stephen said matter-of-factly. Carly stared at him.

"Stephen, why are you talking about that again?"

"I thought you didn't mind. It just feels so natural to talk about everything with you, Mom."

"Oh, Stephen. I don't know what I'm going to do with you. You really need to find some outlet, Sweetheart. You know ... there are, services you can call, to talk about those things."

"Are you suggesting phone sex?" Stephen was surprised at his mother's openness.

"Well, it's an option. I think a lot of people do it."

"I've done it, Mom."

"You have?" Carly thought for a moment, then said "And?"

"I don't know. It was o.k. You know, this really is hard for you to understand. You've been married to Dad for 28 years. You've never had to worry about your partner ignoring your needs; never cared for someone and wanted them so much, only to not have your returned." Stephen had no idea he had hit a nerve with his mother.

"And just how do you know that?" she asked indignantly. "What do you know about what goes on in my marriage and my bedroom, Stephen? You don't know a thing. You think you have it hard? You think you're lonely? Try logging as many lonely nights as I have, for years, and then we'll talk." Her son stared, wondering what he had said or done to trigger such strong feelings. "Oh, Stephen, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say all that to you. I didn't mean that what you're experiencing isn't hugely important to you and very painful. Please accept my apology."

"It's o.k., Mom. But..." He searched for words to say. "Mom, I had no idea. How long has it been that way with you and Dad?"

"Honey," Carly began. "Your father is a really good man. He's smart, accomplished, generous. He's cheered me on and helped me to find my own path to success. I do care very deeply for him. Please understand that."

"But still, it sounds like things aren't that great in some ways. What does that say about your relationship?"

"It means," Carly began, "That we get along a lot better outside the bedroom than in it."

"For how long, Mom?" he asked.