Chapter 11: Hold Me

"Rachael?" Gail called over the intercom.

"Yeah"

"There's a Mr. McElroy here to see you."

She stared at the phone.

"Rachael? Rachael?"

"Uh, yeah." Her hand was shaking, "Uh, I'll be down in just a second."

It had been more than three months since she any contact with the family — she did not count the card at graduation. Maybe it was not him. She almost called the front desk to ask for a first name but paused. If it was JD, he was here for a reason. If it was not JD, then something was wrong. That thought got her out of her seat and rushing down the hallway. 'Calm down, nothing's wrong.' She told herself but did not believe it until she saw him — before he saw her — in the lobby wearing the navy pinstriped suit that they had bought together and holding the battered old fedora his insisted on wearing on cold days.

He had gained a little weight, and he had skipped a haircut or two. But when he looked at her, her heart stopped. She froze to keep from throwing herself into his arms. He smiled and she felt her knees shake.

He cleared his throat, "Good afternoon, Miss Sullivan."

It took her a moment to gather herself enough to answer, "Good afternoon, Mr. McElroy. You're looking well."

"Thank you." He looked away, "You are looking lovely as always."

"Thank you."

They stood in silence for a while and finally the receptionist spoke up, "Hey, Rachael, you know the meeting room is free if you need somewhere to speak in private."

Rachael shot the woman a panicked look but JD spoke up quickly. "No, no. I was not intending to take up that much of your time. I was ... in the area ... I thought I'd see..." he shrugged, "I wanted to see how you were doing at your new job."

"Well. Everything's going just fine."

"Good, good." He hesitated, "Well, I didn't want to hold you up, I just wanted to — uh — well, anyway, I'm glad all is well."

They looked at each other. He cleared his throat again, "I don't suppose you are free for lunch at this late hour?" She opened her mouth but no words came out and he continued before she could think of anything to say. "Of course not, what I'm I thinking. You have things to do — other than fool with an old man like me — I'd best be on my way. I'd just wanted to say hello. And..." He stopped and looked away again, " ... well."

"Dinner?" She asked tentatively.

"Dinner?" he repeated and when she nodded, he smiled again, "Dinner would be right nice, Miss Sullivan. Shall I call for you here or at your home?"

"Uh," she was shaking again, "Here is fine."

They stared at each other for a few more minutes. Then JD gave himself a shake and cleared his throat again, "Well, then, I guess I will be seeing you later this afternoon." He tipped his head to her and the receptionist. "Miss Sullivan. Ma'am." And pushed the elevator button. He looked down at the floor, she noticed, not back at her — not even at her reflection in the elevator door. But she saw his hand shake as he pushed the lobby button to go down.

"Well that was awkward." Gail exclaimed, "Who was grandpa?"

Rachael bristled at the reference to his age but did not comment. It was not the first, and would not be the last, "'Grandpa' is my fiancé." She frowned and sighed, "Ex-fiancé. We broke up a few months ago."

Gail's face registered several different emotions before she looked pained, "Oh. Uh. Sorry, I didn't mean -"

"Don't worry," Rachael waved the comment off, "he's a little older than me, so it's a common reaction. We just ... it was a ... he dumped me and I deserved it and I haven't seen him since so I just..." She shrugged and bit her lip. She though she was past crying over this but she could feel the tears, "I just really miss him ... and..."

Gail handed her a box of tissues then answered a call. When she finished, she looked back at Rachael, "Hey he came to see you. Maybe he's over it and wants you back."

Rachael shook her head, "Not what I did. He won't get over that." The phone rang again and Gail rolled her eyes as she answered it. Rachael waved goodbye and went back to her desk. She tried to concentrate on her work but after the third time she typed JD's name into the forms she was completing, she gave up and called Helen.

"Guess who came to see me today?"

"Good." Helen purred, "Bright boy."

"Helen, what did you do?"

"I had a brief discussion with a co-worker."

"Helen..."

"Oh, stop. You don't really care what I said so long as he makes up with you, do you?"

"Yes, actually I do." Rachael shook her head, "I was wrong, not him. I should have told him everything. I should have called him as soon as it happened. I should have been honest and trusted him. Instead I lied."

"Yes and if the prick had ever taken the time to listen to you, he'd know all that."

"Be fair, Helen."

"Look, the only reason I care about him moping around like his dog died is because I know you're doing the same thing. Really; if I'm going to lose one of my favorite fuck buddies, I'd like it to be for a reason!"

"Oh," Rachael could not help laughing, "you are such a self-serving bitch."

"I never claimed otherwise. Oh, another call. Call me when you get home and tell me what he said."

"It might be late. He's taking me to dinner."

"Oooh! Well in that case, call me with the juicy details."

She was able to clear her mind somewhat after that — although she kept returning to the idea that he really just stopped by to see her. Helen said 'moping like his dog died'. It gave her hope that maybe he could forgive her. Maybe they could try again. She was imagining the conversation where he says 'I still love you' when Gail buzzed.

"You know he's still waiting, right?"

"Who's waiting?"

"You're ex. He's been here since four-thirty."

Rachael looked at the clock; it was 5:15. Ordinarily, she did not leave until 5:30. "Why didn't you call me?"

"He said not to. Said you knew he was here. He's been reading the journal but I thought maybe you forgot about him."

"Of course I didn't forget him!" She snapped, "I gotta tell Steve I'm leaving. Don't let him go anywhere." She hung up, cleared her desk by dropping everything into a drawer and called her boss. She turned off, locked up, grabbed her coat and purse and tried to fly down to the reception area.

She entered panting, "Oh, JD, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make you wait! I don't usually clock out until 5:30 and I-"

He stood to greet her and stroked her shoulders, "Miss Sullivan, it's ok. I arrived early an' didn't want to disturb you. After all, I can't approve your hours any more if-n you leave a bit early." His chin lifted slightly then stopped. He pulled away from her, suddenly serious, and called the elevator, "'Sides, you have waited patiently for me frequently in the past; I imagine I can wait once or twice for you. Ya'll have a nice evening, Ma'am." He called out to Gail. As they stepped on to the elevator, Rachael realized that he had started to kiss her but stopped. She felt a warm shiver run through her.

He opened the car door for her and drove to Friendship Heights — to her favorite Italian restaurant. Neither said much as they waited for a table. Once seated, they ordered drinks and pursued the menu.

"Alright," JD finally said, "how is he?"

Rachael looked up at him, "How is who?"

JD did not look away from the menu, "My son. I presume he's with you. You can tell him to come on back to work when he wants to."

She stared at him opened mouthed, "You think I would let him near me after..." she stopped, remembering the JD did not know what truly happened; how close to rape it was. "JD," she tried to stay calm, "I have not seen him since that day. I don't want to ever see him again." She sipped her wine and tried to breathe normally.

He did not respond, just waved to the waiter and gave his order. She ordered her favorite ravioli and found herself fascinated by the light striking her wine glass. Strains of "When Somebody Loves You" in the background did not help her feel any less stressed. Dinner had not been a good idea. She looked up when he spoke again.