Chapter 2: Brenda Speaks

I need to let everyone know how stupid I was. I had a wonderful man that I truly loved, in fact, I still love him but I know I'll never have him again. We've been divorced nine years now. It all happened because I thought I could go back in time and live a couple of college days over again. I'm such a stupid woman.

To began I should tell you I was a normal teenager. My parents were somewhat strict and kept a close eye on me. When I finally graduated from high school, I decided that I was going to live the wild college life I always saw in the movies.

To be honest with you it was a fun life. The problem is sometime in our life we have to pay for our mistakes or experiences. I've been paying for mine for the last nine years. I lost the only man I have ever loved. Life does go on and I'm doing the best I can. I have two wonderful married daughters and three grandchildren that I love.

I'll go back to my college life, that's where I became promiscuous. I started doing the party scene. I had brains so I didn't need to study a lot. My grades were always good so I'd had no problem academically. I started to party heavily in my sophomore year. I didn't drink a lot and didn't need to. I decided to hell with my moral side, I was going to party. I lost my virginity at the first party I went to. I was told it would hurt like hell but it didn't. Maybe because I wanted it to happen so badly.

I lost it to a junior at the time named Brian Cooter. He played football and was kind of sexy. He started kissing me and we were dancing when he put his hands on my ass. I just let him do it. There was sex going on all around us but I wasn't ready to get nude in front of everyone so Brian took me up to one of the rooms.

He didn't take long to take off my jeans and panties. When I told him it was my first time, he acted shocked and told me he would be gentle. He laid me in the middle of the bed and mounted me. I felt his cock enter me. There was a slight sting and then I felt a flood of emotions. I was now a woman.

I should mention that I was on the pill but I also made my partners wear condoms. I didn't want any STD's, but I did want to have sex. It was okay for the first time but I actually thought it would be better. I did come and, of course, it made Brian feel like some kind of hero. I never could understand that about men. We went back downstairs and socialized with the other people. I thought that was enough sex for my first time. I went to parties almost every week. I was with Brian for about three weeks. After that, I went with other guys. Sex with Brian wasn't that big of a deal. I don't want to even guess how many men I have been with. To be honest, I have done a couple of three ways and even have been with a couple of women.

I just wanted to say I tried it all. One time I drank a little more than usual and a guy took my ass. I have to say, I hated it. It just hurt too much and I wasn't into pain. The only person to ever have my ass after that was my husband, Rob. He was so gentle and he used KY Jelly and took his time. He made it at least bearable, even though it still wasn't my thing. Every once in awhile, we did the anal thing; maybe love had something to do with it. I have to say I never loved any man but Rob.

The first time I met him, a friend of his told me it was his twenty-first birthday. I danced with him and he just felt so good. I don't know why I did it but I took him up the stairs and had sex with him. He was so different from most other guys. It was more like he was doing it for me than for himself. I guess more like lovers than just two people having sex. I never had anyone like that in my life before. It was always someone just wanting sex. We'd do it and then go our separate ways. With Rob, it just seemed so different.

I was somewhat disappointed when I didn't see him at the parties. I saw his friend Jerry; he told me Rob was a coal miner and had to work a lot of weekends. I was happy when he finally showed up at a party a month or so later. I forgot who I was with, but I know I jumped off his lap so I could be with Rob. After that, we started dating when I moved back to my hometown.

Once I got my own apartment, he would come over at least twice a week and we would make love. I mean it; we made love, not just screwed. I knew I was falling for him in a big way. Once we started dating, I quit going out with anyone else. I had many chances but I didn't want anyone but Rob.

I know he was worried about my past but I was just a woman exploring her life. I knew I could settle down with the right man and Rob was that man. We got married and within a few years our daughters were born. They made us a total family. We did everything together. It seemed that we had the perfect life. I do have to admit that I wondered about other men. I flirted a little, like most women do. I wasn't a nun, but I wasn't a slut either.

I never cheated on Rob. That was until our daughters started high school and I went back to work in the office. Rob was working these long hours and we weren't doing much of anything together. After a while, I was getting bored with being home all the time and started going out with my two best friends on Saturdays when Rob had to work.

We would take in a movie or go to a lounge and have a couple of drinks. Once in a while, we were asked to dance and we did. It was all done in fun until Brian Cooter came into the picture.

As I mentioned earlier, Brian was my first sexual encounter. He was a salesman for our firm and would come into town at least twice a month. We began to kid each other and talked about what we used to do. I would be lying if I said I wasn't affected by our conversations. He asked me out a couple of times and I declined, telling him that I was a very happily married woman. Besides, he was a married man himself.

He always laughed it off and said maybe some day we could reminisce. Well, that someday happened; he heard us girls talking about our girls' night out and showed up at our table. He danced with all of us and when Joyce said she had to get home, we got up to leave since she was our driver. Brian asked me to stay and have one more drink with him and he promised to take me straight home.

Why I said yes, I don't know. Sally kind of gave me a look but didn't say anything. After all, we've been friends for years and she knew I never cheated on Rob.

After she left, Brian ordered more drinks and I know I had too many. We were on the dance floor and he said it was just like old times and slid his hands down to my ass. God, why didn't I stop it then and there, and put an end to it? One thing led to another and we kissed. When we went to his car, he kissed me some more. He drove over to his motel room and we went in.

It was so wrong but it was just like in the old days and we had sex. It was good and I wanted it. He told me it felt so much better without a condom as he let loose in me. It was after he came that I felt remorse set in. I had cheated on Rob. After Brian dropped me off at home, I cried. I thought I was a better woman than that.

Joyce asked me about staying at the lounge the next day and I just told her that Brian was an old friend from college and that he took me right home. I even lied to my best friend about the affair. Something told me she knew better but didn't push the issue. Now I wish she would have. Maybe, just maybe it would have made a difference.

Brian started calling me at home every once in a while, asking me to meet him again. I kept telling him no, that the last time was a mistake. I avoided him at work whenever he came in. I wasn't dealing with the situation very well. I should have ended it but I guess I liked the idea of being wanted by an old boyfriend.

Our company had a retirement party for one of our vice-presidents. I wanted Rob to go with me but he said he wasn't going to take a day off for someone he didn't even know. It really aggravated me because we didn't argue very often. Well, I guess you can figure out what happened. I went alone. I hung around with Joyce and Ellen but Brian was there. I can't blame it on the drinking this time. As the party broke up, Brian came up to me and started his flirting with me.