Chapter 9

At times, acting on his explicit directions could be challenging ... to say the least.

"Take this banana, and masturbate with it in your pussy while I watch. Then take it out and eat it."

"I'm going to cum all over your face, but don't wash it off. Just leave it there all day."

"I want you to write a poem about how you love my penis."

"Do you think that, with enough training, we could have anal sex?"

"It would be great if I sat down at my desk one day, and you were already there, waiting to take my cock in your mouth, even if I stayed at my desk for hours."

"Just how horny do you think you could get without climaxing? How long could we make that last, I wonder?"

But, in retrospect, all of that was easy. Sure, I could purchase a series of anal plugs, and with enough work, lubrication, and grunting, I could gradually learn to relax such that, whenever he wanted, Michael could just push me over the countertop, or couch, or table, or whatever, pull down my panties, and then work his penis into my anus for a really tight ass fuck. I was told to keep my anus lubricated at all times for his pleasure.

Painful, yes. Difficult, yes. But do-able and often exciting. A no-brainer.

What turned out to be the most challenging was to learn what Michael wanted when he couldn't express it. I had to be able to anticipate his needs, without having to ask him.

So many times I would kneel at his feet, open up his zipper and start sucking his penis, only to have nothing happen. Or worse, to have him brush me away. "Not now," he would say.

"When?" I would ask.

"I don't know, just not now."

It was frustrating, and the first thing I had to learn was how not to sulk. I was his, after all, and I was learning how to understand his moods and needs, not the other way around. So if it wasn't right for him, then that had to be okay with me, no matter what.

So fine. I learned to be calm and accepting of anything he wanted or didn't want. It took a while, but gradually Michael learned he could be honest with me without fear of some feminine backlash, and that I wouldn't be hurt if he was just 'not interested'.

I was quite tentative at first. I would cautiously approach Michael, give him a kiss or massage his neck, or something non-committal, and then would see if there was anything else I could do for him.

After a while, I began to understand him better, to learn his needs, and learn what he wanted, and when. After about six months, I felt I knew him completely.

And what I discovered just blew me away. Like all men, like I was when I was a man, Michael is full of weird conflicts and contradictions. First, he is incredibly hard working. He feels there are certain things he must do for his business, and if they don't get done then he can't sleep or concentrate until they're finished, even if it means working all night long. All I can do when he is like this is to stay up with him, occasionally get him a fresh cup of coffee, and sometimes sleep at his feet in his office while he works.

But when he is not obsessed by work, he is truly lazy. It's like he invests every ounce of energy in his work, and has absolutely none left for anything else. And so I find that he likes it better when I am the one to initiate sex when he is relaxing at home. He is more than happy to have me reach into his pants when he is laying in bed, reading a book, or something, and he'll respond nicely if I start to lick his penis and his balls. Eventually, hormones will take over and he'll throw me to the bed and fuck me silly, but sometimes it doesn't and that's fine too.

Similarly, he is so confident at work. Sometimes I hear him calling people from home and he has no problem yelling at them for their mistakes, or browbeating vendors into accepting the terms of his contracts.

But at home, he is so insecure. That's why he orders me around all the time. To build up his own self esteem. I think of it as charging his confidence batteries, so he can go into work and be the person he needs to be.

I think he is constantly amazed that someone loves him so much that they are willing to humiliate themselves at his request. For example, humiliate themselves by wearing just a bra and panties all day, or by wearing slutty clothing in public.

Once I learned this fact, I really had the key to making him supremely happy. The trick was to be a perfect wife. That is, to make him happy without being clingy or arousing uncomfortable feelings of dependence.

And so I began to think of myself as a tool, a tool for his pleasure, comfort, and ego. I had no will of my own, I reasoned, and so whatever was best for him I would strive to give him.

With absolutely no regard for my own needs or feelings.

"You could, you know," I whispered to Michael. We were together at a friend's party. "I saw you flirting with Janice, she's cute!"