Chapter 3

"Hello Jessica, Cindy. Beautiful wedding don't you think? Gretchen was stunning wasn't she? And Scotty, what a hunk."

"He's married now mother. But then that's not really an obstacle to some people is it?" Cindy's tone was drunkenly venomous.

"Oh, looks like I'm needed at the bar." Jessica felt the wave of anger boil off her friend. She marveled that the angers recipient seemed nonplussed by it - talk about being cool under pressure. "Nice to see you Mrs. B. Bye Cin."

"I'm sorry Cindy." Dorothy Barlow looked at her daughter with a mixture of sympathy and remorse. "I had hoped that the passage of time might temper you feelings about me and what happened last year."

"Don't bother..." Cindy leveled a glare as she turned to face her mother.

"I'm sorry you hate me so much. I'll leave you alone." Dorothy's face fell into undisguised anguish.

"I don't hate you. I just ... I mean..." Cindy struggled for the words that expressed the depth of her disappointment. "You have no idea how hurt daddy was - it just killed him what you did. How could to hurt someone you said you loved?"

"I know, I bet you want to slap some sense into me. Shake me and ask "What the hell were you thinking? Makes you wonder if I'm just crazy?" Dorothy Barlow wiped a tear from her cheek. "God, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't ask myself that very question. I really messed up big time didn't I?"

Cindy looked at her mother in amazement. By the tone of her voice, Dorothy wasn't trying to downplay her affair. "Yeah mom, you really messed up big time. How could you do that to Daddy? He loved you so much. What did he do to deserve that?"

"It wasn't about your Dad. He didn't do anything wrong and he certainly didn't do anything to deserve this. I guess you could say I had some kind of pathetic mid life crisis. If you really want to know what happened, I'll tell you, don't you want to know the truth?" Dorothy sat down with her daughter and told her everything. The dull routine of the marriage, the empty house once all the kids were gone "everyone seemed to be going forward in their life but me."

"Then came the excitement of flirting, of being pursued and swept off my feet." I felt alive again. I thought I was feeling the true me again. Oh honey I was so confused and conflicted. And then I made that fateful decision to leave my husband for another man. To just up and go, no talking, to counseling, pfft! - it was all a cliché straight out of some trashy romance novel."

Dorothy continued with how quickly the sizzle began to fizzle, the growing doubt, the fighting and finally her decision to leave her lover. "He wanted - actually he insisted - we go to a Halloween swingers party. I packed and left that same day."

"Halloween? Mom that was months ago - why didn't you say anything when we talked at Thanksgiving?" Cindy stared at her mother and shook her head.

"Partly because I was ashamed of myself, but partly because I wasn't sure I could return to what I'd left. At that moment I was on my own for the first time in my life. I was scared, but I also knew I had to find out who I was before I did anything else - especially if I chose to come back. The problem wasn't your father - it was me. For the first time in my entire life, all of a sudden, I was left with me ... and there wasn't much there. My life was defined by roles I inhabited, when those roles were no longer needed, instead of doing something for me, I looked for a new role. Unfortunately, that's when George contacted me.