With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore.

"Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring..."

except for me and I was getting more and more pissed as I went from room to room looking for what should have been there. There should have been a wife and three children in the house, but they weren't.

I had been away from home working on a project that was in trouble. We had a hard target deadline and a contract that called for sanctions if the job wasn't finished on time. We were behind and I had been informed by corporate that going home for the holidays was not an option. I was going to miss Christmas with my family and I had not been happy about it. My wife had been very understanding and said that we would have our family Christmas celebration when I got home on the 5^th of January. The kids of course would be able to open some presents on Christmas Day, but the major gift giving would take place when I got home.

I was resigned to eating my Christmas dinner at the Village Inn and spending a day in front of the TV watching one Christmas special after another when I got a phone call from my boss. The truck carrying the material we needed for the next four days work had slid off I-80 and had overturned. It would be three days before they could get another truck, transfer the load and get it to the job site so I could go home if I wanted as long as I made sure that I was back in three days.

I had gotten on the phone and started calling airlines to see if I could get a seat this close to the holiday. I got a "sorry" from all but one. They told me that they were booked solid, but had been experiencing a rash of cancellations and no-shows and that if I wanted to come out to the airport and get on the 'stand by list' I might be able to get on a flight. It was my lucky day - my Christmas present from the 'fates' - and I was able to get on a flight.

I had driven my car to the job site and since I wanted to surprise Shelly and the kids I didn't call for a ride and instead took a cab home.

"The stockings were hung..."

and the tree was set up in the corner of the family room and the kids had done a nice job of decorating it. There were presents under the tree and arranged around it and in my mind I could see the excitement on their faces as they looked at all the wrapped packages and tried to imagine what was inside.

"The children were nestled all snug in their beds..."

is what I found out when I called my parents house and talked to my mom to see if she knew where Shelly and the kids might be. Shelly had called her and asked if she could watch the kids for a while since I wasn't home she wanted to go out for dinner and drinks with some girls she went to college with. Since the plan had been to bring the kids over and open presents and have Christmas dinner there anyway my mom had suggested that the kids just go ahead and spend the night and Shelly had agreed. She had dropped them off at six and said she would see them in the morning.

I had my first bad thought of the day. Girls she had gone to college with? Shelly had dropped out half way into her sophomore year and in the twelve years we had been married not once had she mentioned or done anything with the "girls" she had gone to college with. Oh no; I was not thinking good thoughts.

"When out on..."

the driveway a car pulled in as evidenced by the headlights that swept across the living room window. I glanced at my watch and saw that it was ten after ten.

"I sprang up from..."

the couch and moved to the window and pulled the curtain aside and look out.

"The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow..."

showed quite clearly a man and a woman sitting in the car and making out like a couple of teenagers. The two held each other and swapped tongues for what seemed like an hour and while the windows of the car were not steaming up I was certainly becoming steamed. My jaw was clenching and my hands were curled so hard into fists that I was feeling pain in my forearms.

"When what to my wondering eyes should appear..."

but the man leaning back while the woman's head disappeared from view. It didn't take a brain surgeon or a rocket scientist to know what was going on.

"I knew in a moment..."

that the man was getting a blow job - a world class blow job as I well knew from all the ones Shelly had given me. I could see it in my mind. Her fingers plating with his balls as she licked his length and teased the head of his cock with her tongue before taking him in her mouth and working him until he was deep in her throat. I could imagine the thoughts that were roaring through his head

"as he whistled and shouted and called..."

on her to get him off and make him cum. I could almost feel the way he was going to feel when Shelly swallowed every last drop and then licked him clean.

"And then in a twinkling..."

I saw his head jerk back and I knew that he had just gotten his rocks off and a moment later her head came back up. Some words were exchanged and then I saw both the passenger and driver's door open and I knew that they were coming into the house. I left the window and headed for the basement where I kept all my sports gear. I debated using my nine iron or my putter, but then thought, "No, I'll bend the shafts for sure and ruin a perfectly good club." I decided instead to use my aluminum baseball bat - a little on the side of overkill - but the mood I was in right then overkill was good.