A Log Truck Driver In Outer Space
Copyright© 2007 by cmsix
Science Fiction Sex Story: Chapter 5 - Billy Joe Stephens, a real life good ole boy from North East Texas, has an early morning encounter with Space Aliens. Anal probing is not what he is wishing for in this First Contact.
When I went to sleep the night before I'd been happier than any time since the spacemen took me away. In fact, Karen had made me as happy as I could ever remember being. That didn't keep me from waking up a couple of hours before sunrise.
Today was the day I was supposed to arrive according to the schedule Karen had pointed out. If the minor vultures had started showing up ahead of time, no doubt some serious vultures would come around today. I dressed in my sneaking around in the dark outfit, ate a couple of baloney sandwiches, and made like Frog. I went a courtin' all right, but I took the Remington 30-06 semi-automatic along with my pistol instead of the sword Frog used. I didn't do any riding either, dammit.
There were no glowing campfires to show me the way but it wasn't a bother. I smelled a fire that had burned out as soon as I entered the tree line. I crept toward the smell and lo and behold, I spotted two men asleep near it. These were older than any I'd run into yet and they were actually a little fat. The camp was well set up too and they weren't sleeping in their clothes, they had made themselves sleeping furs. No doubt they were snug as bugs. Man, what I would have given for a string of Black Cat firecrackers for their wakeup call.
I had to settle for popping my whip but I made up for it by stitching a long welt on the one that had thrown most of his covers off. I'm pretty sure his scream was louder than the Black Cats would have been.
"God damn. Motherfucker. That hurt. What the fuck was it?" he yelled, sitting up and looking around in the dark.
"It was my whip you dumb fat bastard. Did you think you were going to catch me running around in the woods and tie me up Lard Ass?" I asked.
"No, I'm not gonna tie you up, I'm gonna kill you for that," he said.
"You're gonna shit and fall back in it without knees if you don't watch your mouth," I said, jacking the slide on the Glock and knowing that no one could misunderstand what the sound was.
"Just wait until you run out of bullets," he said, still snarling.
"I'll still have my bullwhip," I said, giving him another dose of it and making him scream again.
While me and the first fat ass were jawing the other one was trying to slip away without me noticing. I let him see what the whip felt like so he wouldn't think I was ignoring him. Hell, he screamed even louder.
"Now that we understand each other, you two stand up and shuck the rest of your clothes. You're going back to where you belong naked and empty handed. You should be ashamed of yourselves, picking on the new arrivals.
"And you, the one slipping up behind me. I heard you when you got up and if you make me turn around and waste a bullet on you you're going to end up gut shot. It'll take you at least three or four days to die."
I heard something hit the ground back there and then he told me it was his spear and that he was going to walk in toward me. I told him to come ahead.
"What the fuck are you doing out here Johnson?" the first one I'd introduced to the whip asked.
"I came to see if I could warn the newbie about butt wipes like you," he said, and then introduced himself to me, so I returned the favor.
"Karen said something about you, I think she said you raised dogs."
"That's right, like this one. Come in Spot," he said, and damned if spot didn't come right up to him.
Spot was the biggest Rottweiler I'd ever seen, and I'd seen quite a few.
"Keep that damned dog away from me Johnson," the first big mouth said again.
"You ain't givin' the orders around here fatass. You two keep your traps shut unless you want some more of the whip. Your dog don't need a snack does it Carl?"
"I'd be afraid to let him eat shit even if it is standing up," he said.
"I was about to send them on their way anyhow, just as soon as they leave their clothes, and everything else," I said.
"You're gonna make 'em leave naked? Don't you know that's the honorable Mayor of Graveyard?" Carl asked.
"I might have guessed. He's just another fat, stupid, thieving politician to me. You two get naked and get gone. I'd shoot your lousy asses but I don't want to get blood on your stuff. I might be able to use it later, after Karen washes it good," I said, and started whirling the whip around again.
They took the hint and dropped the buckskin pants they had on. They wasted a little time begging to keep their moccasins but I didn't even consider it. I didn't have any use for the no doubt nasty footwear but that didn't mean I wanted them to forget the barefoot walk home.
"Looks like it was a needless trip to see if I could help you, or whoever came this time. You didn't need my help. Mostly I wanted to make sure those two, or some other asshole didn't make an early grab if it was some poor woman," Carl said.
"Well, I appreciate it anyway. If you don't mind helping me carry their things back to my truck I'll see if we can't find something I have you might need," I said.
"Oh, I'm pretty well set up here by now and you'll likely need anything you managed to bring along," he said.
"Maybe, but I'm telling you that it will be worth your time to come with me. Besides, Karen says I need to find something you need so I can trade you out of one of your pups," I said.
"It ain't like I have any pressing appointments I'll miss out on," he said.
I was impressed with Spot on the way back. He sniffed out two more little groups who were no doubt waiting for a chance at me. Both times Carl told him to sick 'em and Spot used a few low growls and a nip or two to send them flying. On the last bunch Spot found us a gold mine. A nearly worn out egg carton from earth with two eggs still in it. We didn't have to ask if we could have it because the bunch that brought it had left in a hurry.
It was even more impressive when we got to the barrier and Carl called Tootsie up to join us. He said she was one of his Mama dogs and that she'd been following us all the way but just staying out of sight.
I helped Carl, Spot, and Tootsie through the barrier and we walked toward my truck. I figured that Carl was dying to ask how I'd managed that trick but he didn't even look surprised.
Karen had already mended the fire and was making a pot of coffee when we reached her. When I asked, Carl said he'd love a cup.
"How's Jane, Carl," Karen asked, while she poured his coffee.
"She's doing good. Like always she was worried about me coming here tonight, but I just hate the Mayor and all these other assholes. Did you know Billy Joe from before?" he asked.
"No. He's smarter than he looks though, and a hell of a lot faster too. He caught me the very first day he got here. Snuck up on me while I was fishing and he just couldn't resist my charms," she said, and damned if she wasn't grinning.
"He must be smarter and faster than he looks if he caught you and you're still here. I still don't understand how he's already found and caught you. Didn't he just get here?" Carl asked.
"That was part of it, though I'd never have expected a newbie to be able to do squat. He came two days early and he managed to find and catch me before he'd been here half a day. I'm beginning to think I'd be better off staying with him, at least until he runs out of ammunition," Karen said.
"It is a lot easier to take care of yourself when you still have cartridges," Carl said.
"Do you trust Carl Karen?" I asked.
"Yes. Before you he was the only one here that was decent to me," she said.
"I've got fifty thousand rounds for my Remington and thirty thousand for my Glock," I said.
"Damn. Did they give you a days warning?" Carl asked.
"No, it was a lucky coincidence. I'd just been to an estate sale and cleaned the place out of the brass. Got a good bit of other reloading stuff from it too," I said.
"Do you have rounds in any other caliber?" Carl asked, hopefully.
"Twenty-two. I had plenty of other's at home but not with me."
"Would you trade some of the twenty-two stuff? I have a rifle and a pistol in twenty-two," Carl said.
"Sure, I'd be glad to trade."
"How many do you have?" Carl asked, and he looked excited even though he was trying not to.
"What about diesel fuel. I see you have big tanks, were they full? I have a diesel pickup and I would dearly like to have enough fuel to at least move from where I am but I'm afraid I don't have enough to even make it a mile," Carl said.
"Well I can stop your cryin' about that too. I've got more fuel than I'll ever need. Right now though I need to wake up my crew and escort them to the latrine."
"Yeh, I caught some early birds that came to take a shot at my poor new ass and they've agreed to help me make a way out of this clearing if I won't kill them," I said.
"I can see where that would be a good bargain, no matter how much they didn't like it."
"One of them wanted to argue about it and I had to explain things by hand, but he came around to my way of thinking," I said, and yes, I knew I was bragging.
"How many do you have?" Carl asked.
"Six so far. I'd have kept the first two this morning but I don't really need more and they looked like they'd make me kill them before the day was out."
"Buddy, have I got a deal for you," Carl said.
"Hell, I'm all ears."
"Spot is fully trained already, even if he isn't as good as Tootsie, his Mama. I'll trade you Spot and help him learn to mind you for two hundred twenty-two shells and fifty gallons of diesel," Carl said.
"Hell, I've got an even better deal for you. I'll take Spot and give you all the diesel fuel and all the twenty-two ammunition you could want if you'll give me a hand getting my trail cleared and move to the same place Karen and I are going," I said, and it floored him, nearly.
"Where are you planning to move?" he asked.
"Into that big clearing near Graveyard."
"I don't want to go there. It's a good place but I'm trying to get farther away from them, not closer," he said.
"I'm planning on getting farther away from the low lifes too, but I'm planning to make them do the long moving. Let me get a little demo going and then we'll wake the guys up and let them bleed their lizards. When we come back we'll feed 'em, chain up back up where they can't hear us, and we can talk about it."
"I can at least listen, but I ain't promising anything," he said.
I made sure he watched me put the raggedy egg carton in the Igloo and let him see exactly what was in there. We headed over to the boys then and of course Carl brought Spot and Tootsie with us.
My workers were very respectful this morning when they saw Carl and his dogs. There were no complaints about digging holes to shit and piss in and they were almost silent all through breakfast. After we chained them back up I showed Carl the Igloo again. There were now two eggs cartons in it, just like the one I'd put in except they looked new and they were both full of eggs.
"How in the fuck did that happen?" Carl asked, but Karen answered.
"I told you he was smarter than he looks. He got the spacemen arguing with each other somehow and then union men made it for him," she said, smiling at me and putting her arm around my waist.
I gave Carl most of the story and let Karen in on the important parts. It was the first time I'd explained so much of it. I was taking a chance with Carl but he seemed like a stand up guy and I didn't worry about it too much. He was thrilled when I gave him one of the twenty-two fixer-upper containers, but I could almost see him thinking about something else, and I figured it was some other caliber.
"You don't happen to have a different caliber or two that you need do you?" I asked.
"Yes. I've got six rifles and five pistols that I don't have any cartridges for. That doesn't mean I'm not happy as a pig in shit to get this," he said, holding up the twenty-two ammo maker.
"I'll bet we can figure out something with some heavy thinkin' about the Igloo. Hell, it seems like it's trying to do what we want it to somehow."
"We'd better see if I can explain to Spot that he's supposed to stay here with you. I need to go and tell Jane what's happening and see what she thinks about it," he said.
"If it's all right I'd like for Karen an me to come along. We'll give you privacy to talk things over, but we have to figure out a way to get the diesel to you," I said.
"I've got five gas cans at the place and they'll hold enough to get me moving. It would probably be better if y'all came along though. You can help me bring the cans back here and you and Jane should meet each other anyway," Carl said.
I went over and told the workers that we'd be gone for a few hours. Tom asked me right away if we'd please take the dogs with us. I didn't answer him.