Chapter 23: Sammy's list

Classes ended early on Friday, December the twentieth and I chose to leave that afternoon rather than waiting to entertain Gladys as was our custom. I used the weather forecast as an excuse for taking off early. She accepted the news that I would be away until Sunday, January the fifth. I knew she would be happy to find the gift I left for her in my bedroom.

I stopped to have something to eat at the mid-way point and it was nine P.M. when I entered the back door at home. Suzanne met me and took my coat, which was covered with melting snow. She looked me over, patted my head and gave me a peck on the cheek.

"Stand right there. I'll get a towel," she said.

I took off my boots while I was waiting for her to come back with the towel.

"Why didn't you tell us you were coming home tonight? You must have told Kelley. She's called twice to see if you arrived yet."

"How was your European trip?" I asked, ignoring her assertion that I regarded Kelley more important than her and Mr. Oldham.

She watched me dry my face and hair. "Ask John about the trip. He recorded every hotel we stayed in, every cathedral, every plaza, every fountain, every museum we toured and every building he wants to duplicate."

"You sound like you resent competing with a camcorder."

I thought I saw her face redden as she took the towel. "He was very attentive, Sammy. It wasn't all sightseeing. We didn't leave the room until lunchtime. I haven't seen him so relaxed in years."

"I'm glad you had a good time," I said, heading for the sunroom to shake Mr. Oldham's hand. He really did look relaxed. The chessboard was set up and I saw that a game was in progress. While we were chatting about my trip home, the weather and my plans for the coming days, Suzanne stood behind him, stroking his cheek.

They really do love one another, I thought as I ran upstairs to unpack my bag and change clothes. How long had they been together? I remembered when Suzanne moved into the house, but how long had she spent weekends there before I came here to live?

I changed into sweatpants and shirt, intending to go back downstairs and watch the chess game after I spoke to Kelley.

"Hi, were the roads bad?" she asked.

"Not too bad, just slick. It's heavy snow."

"Are you coming over?"

"Tonight?"

"Don't you want to see me? I want to see you," she said, demurely.

"I just changed into sweats," I said, realizing how lame I sounded.

"Me too," she said in a hushed voice that tickled my ear.

"I'll see you soon."

She told me to enter through the mudroom so I wouldn't track snow into the house.

Mr. Oldham just shook his head when I said I was going out. Suzanne jumped out of her chair, but sank back into her seat when Mr. Oldham said something to her, probably, 'it's your move'.

Lights were burning at the entryway where I had seen her set the security system; otherwise, the front of the Harvey home was dark. Kelley opened the door and quickly backed away when she saw how much snow I had collected on the walk from my car to the house.

As she had told me, she was wearing sweats, pale green to match her eyes and monogrammed 'KAH' above her breasts.

I took off my coat and she showed me where to hang it up so the snow would drip onto a tiled area near the door. Only then did she leap into my arms, wrap her legs around my waist and pepper my face with kisses. Her body felt small and wiry. She smelled like the first day of spring.

After I took off my boots and placed them on the tiled area, she opened a door and led me downstairs to a basement playroom. In addition to a pool table, there was a seating area in one corner of the room. I heard jazz playing softly; sounding like it was coming from the ceiling. Kelley directed me to the couch. She took a seat in a rocking chair, several feet away.

We stared at each other for a few seconds, me giddy from being in her company and thinking of the contrast in our dress. My feet were covered with heavy, woolen socks; her sneakers were pale green to match her outfit, which looked new, while my sweats showed stains where sweat had actually resided.

"I lost my virginity where you're sitting," she said, pushing her toes down to make the rocker pitch to and fro.

I squirmed in my seat, trying to decide how to move without making it obvious. "What does the 'A' stand for?" I asked, hoping to change the subject.

She placed one foot squarely on the floor, bringing her chair to a stop. "I wanted to tell you about Danny," she said, disregarding my question about the 'A' I had seen in the monogram.

"Danny?"

"He was here the day you called. I know you heard him. I was telling him it was over between us."

"You told him it was over in the pool?" I asked, trying to picture the scene.

"Danny is a neighbor. I've been telling him it was over for years. I just happened to be in the pool when he dropped by. I was telling him when you called."

She began rocking again, watching me digest what she had said.

Suddenly, I rose to my feet and moved to my right, taking a seat at the end of the couch.

"And Danny had something to do with ... this?" I asked, patting the center cushion I had vacated.

Kelley stopped the rocker and nodded. "It was six years ago. I was senior in high school. He was home from college."

She was watching me closely for my reaction, something I was trying hard not to give her. Why was she telling me this? Why was she being so clinical? "What does the 'A' stand for?"

"Anne."

"Kelley Anne Harvey, will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?"

Her reaction was unexpected. I thought she would laugh or smile. She did neither. "I'm not finished," she said, sitting perfectly still in the rocker, her eyes unwavering.

"Okay, you want to talk. I'll listen."

"It's not that simple. You have to participate."

I patted the center cushion again and watched her chin quiver, like she was squelching a laugh. "I'll participate."

"Have you been in love?"

Why was she putting me through this? My inclination was to get up and walk out. Something was moving in the pit of my stomach, like it did when I was playing defense, trying to anticipate when the center would snap the ball. "Yes, twice, once when I was a sophomore in high school and again when I was a sophomore in college," I answered, giving her all the information I intended to share.

"Me too," she said, still immobile, sounding distant.

"Was one of them Danny?" I asked, mildly curious.

Kelley shook her head. "I was never in love with him."

Now I was really curious. "Do you want to tell me about them?"

"I will, but first I must know; are you over them?"

The question filled me with rage, not because she had asked it, but because it reminded me that Becky hadn't come to Trisha's wedding. "One of them, yes. I'll never be over the other one."

"Me too," she said before I finished my last sentence.

Kelley talked two hours about her two loves, the first time during the last three months of her sophomore year at college and the second one lasting most of her junior year. Both of the affairs ended badly and each time she was jilted. Meanwhile, Danny, the neighbor boy who took her virginity on the very couch where I was sitting, rode in on a white horse and consoled her. Danny, she said, was like the brother she'd never had.

As she talked, sparing no details, I became increasingly uneasy because I was concerned that my turn would come soon and I was not prepared to share my experience with Shirley, let alone the years of wondering what went wrong between Becky and me.

We heard hard, halting footsteps on the stairs. Kelley grinned at me. "She's giving us time to get untangled and put our clothes on," she laughed.

Mrs. Harvey cleared her throat before slowly swinging the door open and peering into the room. She took a deep breath when she saw us sitting several feet apart.

"Hello, Sammy," she greeted me. I rose to my feet and went to shake hands. Mrs. Harvey was well preserved with a strong jaw-line and had a pleasant, but stern personality. She was obviously protective and wanted the best for her adopted daughter.

"I came downstairs to remind you of our busy day tomorrow, dear. It's after midnight," she said, looking at Kelley, who was standing next to me.

"Sammy wants to take me to dinner tomorrow night, but I would like to invite him to dine with us if that's all right with you, mother? We have lots more to talk about, private things that aren't suitable to discuss in a restaurant."

Mrs. Harvey's face lit up enthusiastically. "It's going to be simple fare. I hope you like beef stew, Sammy?"

"It's the maid's day off," Kelley said, before I could say that I liked beef stew.

Mrs. Harvey told me that dinner would be served at seven and to dress casually.

"I suppose that means a sweater and tie," I said as we were saying goodnight at the door.

Kelley was watching me put my boots on. "No, it means casual. Wear anything you like."

Our goodnight kiss was tentative, changing to intense until she pulled away, breathless and smiling. I left without prolonging our farewell, already looking forward to having dinner with the Harveys the following night.

Heavy snow was accumulating on the roads and I was glad to make it home and get into bed because it had been a long, tiring day. The first thing I did when I got up the next morning was to look out the window and find that it had stopped snowing.

After breakfast I called Marcie. Her mother said she hadn't arrived home from school yet. Her flight had been delayed, but she would have Marcie call me the minute she came in.

Next, I phoned the Baldwin home and when Mr. Baldwin said none of the daughters had arrived yet I decided to call my mom to see if the package got there. Heather answered the phone.

"Sammy, did you forget your nephew's birthday? He's going to think you don't care about him."

"Heather, the kid is going to be two years old. I doubt if he even knows it's his birthday."

"Does that mean you're not going to send him a gift? K.O. is going to be so hurt that you don't care."

"Let him open one of the Christmas gifts I sent and tell him it's for his birthday."

"I can't do that, Sammy."

"Why not?" I asked, wondering how I could have forgotten the kid's birthday. He would be two on Monday, December the twenty-third. Almost a minute went by before she spoke.

"Freddy was here when the box came. He let K.O. open his gifts."

"Let me speak to mom," I said, fighting to control my temper.

"She's not here."

"Is Freddy there?" I could hear the sound of the remote control dune buggy I had sent K.O. It was too advanced for a two-year-old to operate on his own, but I had seen it and wanted him to enjoy it, even if an adult had to run the control.

"No."

"Don't lie to me, Heather. I hear him in the background."

"Sammy, we don't have extra money like you..."

I slammed the receiver down, cutting her off. Why did our conversations always have to be about money?"

I wrote a check to my mother and inserted a note asking her to buy something for K.O.'s birthday. Then I drove to the post office and mailed it to arrive on Monday. When I got back Suzanne was on the phone with Marcie. I ran upstairs to take her call.

"Suzanne said you left in a rush. Where were you?" she asked.

"I don't want to talk about that."

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Kelley. She told me about her romance history last night and I know she expects me to reciprocate tonight."

"Did she give you the reason she's being so forthcoming?"

"I guess its part of her getting-to-know-each-other campaign."

"And you have a problem with telling her all ... because?"

"Define all," I said.

"How much did she tell you?"

"She talked for over two hours and I don't believe she left anything out. She began by telling me how she lost her virginity and gave me detailed descriptions of two college affairs. She even admitted that she still pines for one of the guys."

"Oh my, Sammy, are you sure you want to go through with this?"

"Yes, I want this to work."

"In that case, honey, you must tell her about every conquest you've had."

"I can't do that." I said emphatically.

"You asked my advice and you don't want to take it. Why can't you?"

"Marcie ... Marcie, I haven't even been totally honest with you. I haven't told you everything."

"I see," she said, suddenly sounding callous. I knew I had hurt her; sorrow stabbed me through my heart.

"Does that explain why I can't tell Kelley everything?" I asked, thinking that I was making a valid argument. If there were things I couldn't tell my best friend how could I tell someone I had only known a few months?

Marcie bounced back exuberantly. "I can see it now. You manage to convince Kelley that you lost your virginity while riding a horse and your sexual experiences have been limited to Becky and Shirley. Now, fast forward to the year two thousand. You and Kelley are celebrating your seventh wedding anniversary and Cindy Baldwin happens by your table. What do you tell your wife when she accuses you of lying on December 21, 1991? What if Cindy wants to blackmail you? You're going to be looking over your shoulder the rest of your married days, Sammy. Do you want to live never knowing when your wife will find out you misled her?"

"I don't know if I can tell her everything she wants to know."

"It depends upon how important she is to you, doesn't it?"

I can always tell when Marcie becomes exasperated with me. I told her thanks for her help, promising to let her know what happened. I didn't keep my promise. She called me three days later on the twenty-fourth of December.

"What happened, Sammy? Why haven't you called? Suzanne's worried about you. She says you're holed-up in your room."

"Did I tell you I'm taking Philosophy this year? I've been reading some books I found on Mr. Oldham's bookshelves."

"What does that have to do with ... you could have called me."

"There was nothing to tell. I went to dinner at the Harvey home on Saturday night and after we had beef stew, Kelley took me downstairs again. She sat on the couch where she lost her virginity six years ago and she had me sit in the rocking chair. I knew what she wanted to hear so I started telling her about Ellen."

"The housemaid that you paid to have sex with you," Marcie interjected and I was somewhat surprised she would remember Ellen.

"Kelley was amused that my first sexual experience would provoke Ellen's boyfriend to leave a permanent scar on my face. Bolstered by the interest she was showing, I pulled the list out of my pocket and that's when..."

"You made a list?"

"Well, yes, you're the one that advised me to tell her everything if I didn't want to be embarrassed years from now."

"You had to make a list? How many names are there?"

"That's the same reaction I got from Kelley. She jumped up and snatched the paper out of my hand before I could hide it."

"How many names are there, Sammy?"

"Twenty-something."

"Oh, my God!"

The way she said it, 'Oh, my God!' concerned me. What she was really saying, 'I thought you were my friend. I thought you told me everything. Why do we have long telephone conversations if you're not being honest?'