Chapter 6

Johannes met her outside a restaurant, not far from the lake where the view of the Jet d'Eau dominated Geneva's views even more than Mont Blanc. Johannes returned her hug, but his kiss seemed somehow hesitant. Helen felt a frisson of something she couldn't identify.

The spring evening was cool, so they sat inside the wide glass windows where they could see the lake and the trees that lined the promenade. When they had ordered, Helen was sure there was something happening, and she took it head on. "What's up Johannes? You're all a mess. Tell me about it, so it won't get in the way when we get into bed. I'm really looking forward to that."

Johannes turned pale. "I should have known you'd notice, Helen. No one fools you for long. So, let's get it over with. I'm not going to take you to bed tonight."

Helen knew it wasn't because he didn't want to. His gaze had been skating over her face and her body just as always. There was something very wrong. She took a deep breath.

"All right, what is it? Have you got another lover? Have you fallen in love? Or have I done something?"

Johannes frowned, scrutinizing the tablecloth. Their food began to arrive, and he paused, raising a finger to indicate he couldn't respond just then.

When the waiter left them in privacy, he said, "None of those, Helen. At least not the way you mean it. I'm sure you know I've had other lovers, just as I know you do. So another lover wouldn't make a difference for us. And, you've done nothing at all that has to do with this."

"And, you haven't fallen in love, then?"

"No. I almost wish it were that."

"Well, then, what the hell is it?"

"Very simple, in an ugly sort of way. I've got HIV."

Helen managed to put her knife and fork down without a clatter, her face pale. "Oh, shit, Johannes." She put her hands to her face, covering her eyes, then looked at him, her face framed by her fingers. His expression was stricken. She reached for his hand. "Johannes, I'm so sorry. How did it happen, do you know?"

Johannes seemed to have lost his appetite as well. He looked across the table at her. He nodded slightly.

"It was another woman I know. I met her after you'd been here last fall, and we got friendly very quickly. It wasn't until I got sick around Christmas — I thought it was the flu — and went to the doctor, that I found out. I don't know what prompted him to give me a blood test, but it came back positive."

"So what happens now?" Helen asked him.

"So, I'm taking the medication, and I may never get AIDS. That's the good news."

"Is there more bad news? HIV positive is enough bad news for me."

"Not more bad news really, but it means I won't be making love to you again. And I can see you're upset and unhappy. That's pretty bad news for me."