Chapter 6: Where do we go from here?

After I left six months ago I went to stay near where Vera lived in Canada. I needed time to get my thoughts together. I really loved Ray but because of what happened, I wasn't sure I could stay with him.

I kept in touch regularly with Bess. I was able to provide on-line financial advice through the computer. For those who still wanted to see a face, they could deal with Bess.

About once a month Bess and I met in New York to go over our work schedule. She told me about Ray coming to see her and eventually having to get a restraining order on him. I apologized to her. She didn't need to get in the middle of this personal dispute between Ray and me.

I never told her exactly what my problem with Ray was. The only person I told is Vera; she was still my only confidante. It wasn't only Ray's fault. I agreed to let it happen. I'm sure if we both had it to do all over again both of us would have put a stop to it. Too bad we can't live life's mistakes over.

Vera and I talked and talked about the situation. We agreed that I should give Ray a call. I honestly didn't know what to expect but I knew I had to talk to him.

I called his office and his secretary answered. When I asked to speak to Ray Boltan, I could hear her talking to him.

"Mr. Boltan, I have a call for you on line one. Do you want to take it or do you want to call the person back?" asked his secretary.

"Who is it, Marilyn?" I could hear Ray's voice in the background.

"A Sarah Horn," was her reply.

"Sarah! No, I'll take this call, Marilyn. Please close my door and I don't want to be disturbed by anyone," I heard Ray responded.

"Sarah, is it really you?" asked Ray.

"Yes, it's me. I decided that we needed to talk. I have a lot to tell you; do you have the time to talk now or would you like me to call you back later?" I asked.

"God, Sarah, I've wanted to hear your voice, it seems like forever. No, I want to talk to you too. I have so much I want to say to you. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I've been paying for it everyday not having you in my life."

"How is your new position?" I asked Ray.

"The job is fine, Sarah, but not worth the price that was paid for it. I would give anything to take it all back, but I know that is not possible."

"So, how's your friend, Mark. Been hanging out with him lately?" I asked.

"Please, Sarah, he's not my friend and I would kill him if he wasn't dead already," replied Ray.

I wanted to hear what happened after I left the airport. We didn't get the news in Canada like they did here.

"What do you mean dead? Did some woman's husband stand up for his wife?" I still wanted Ray to feel the hurt I was feeling.

"Remember I told you he called me and said he would take a later flight? Well, he never showed up. About a week later I was contacted by the company and then by the police. They told me he was found dead in the trunk of his rental car. I guess he was shot and beaten to death," replied Ray.

"I'm sorry, Ray, but I don't feel sorry for him in the least. Maybe I have a streak of cold blood running through my veins but I never liked the man and I think whoever killed him did the world a favor."

"It was a street gang. They found the gun that he was shot with as well as their fingerprints all over the car. They used his cell phone and his credit cards. They tried to deny it but there was just too much evidence. Speaking of guns, when was the last time you saw my revolver? You know the one I bought from that street kid," asked Ray.

"I threw it away a week after you brought it home. I told you we didn't need it in the house. What made you look for the gun?" I asked.

"I wasn't going to tell you but about a week after you left I really felt bad and kept drinking trying to drown out my sorrows. I drank way too much and wasn't thinking right and decided to try to take my own life. I couldn't find the damn gun. So I guess you saved my life by getting rid of it. I just passed out and realized the next day what I almost did. I would never have a chance to see you again if I would have gone through with it.

"Are you coming home, Sarah? I want so badly to try to make it up to you."

"Are you going to get me un-fucked? It's what it would take. Listen, you did me bad and I should have never gone along with it. It's partially my fault but I don't know if I could ever trust you again. I just don't know."

"Why are we talking now? Why did you call me if you didn't want to get back together?" asked Ray.

"I'm pregnant, Ray."

"God, oh, no, I want to die for what I did to you," replied Ray.

"Ray, the baby's yours. Remember when I told you I had a surprise for you when we got home? I was going to tell you that I was pregnant with our child. Unfortunately I never had the chance to tell you."

"I'm... I'm going to be a father. Oh, my God, that is so great. I always wanted to be a father. Especially if you're the mother." I could hear him crying lightly.

"Now you know my problem, Ray. I have my baby coming into this world within a month. She will be my pride and joy but I know that you are the father. I love you but don't feel I can trust you. Hence the problem."

"Sarah, I would do anything to be with you and my baby - make that our baby. You have to give me a chance. I'll do whatever it takes. You tell me what I need to do and I'll do it. I'll get rid of the car, I'll sell the house. Please tell me how I can prove myself to you. I'd kill that bastard Mark for you but that gang beat me to it."

"Ray, I thought about everything that came between us. First was the car that you had to have, to be the big shot. Next you wanted the house. You said for me but I think you wanted to show off some more."