Chapter 1: How it all began

I'm divorcing my husband after many years of marriage. Please don't judge me till you have read my story.

I will distort a few of the facts so that anyone who might know me won't be sure if it's me. I think I'll call myself Linda. I always thought I looked like a Linda. I'm between forty-seven and fifty-five years old. I've been married for over twenty-seven years. I have two wonderful kids who are now grown-up with families of their own.

I'll start with what happened last year. I caught my husband cheating on me. He's been working over quite a lot and called me to tell me not to wait up for him because he was working over again. I decided to treat myself to dinner so I got in my car and headed to one of the family restaurants. As I was waiting at a light, I saw my husband's truck parked in front of a motel. I knew it was his truck because he had to have these flames of fire painted on the side doors. I guess he was living some kind of a teenage fantasy.

I pulled into the parking space next to his van and knocked on the door he was parked in front of. It didn't take a scientist to know something wasn't right here.

"Who is it?" came the reply from inside

"Room service, extra pillows. Please open up," I replied.

The door opened and there stood my husband, Don, in his undershorts.

"Linda, what are you doing here?" he said, very nervously.

I pushed open the door and in the middle of the bed was a young woman maybe thirty years old.

"You son of a bitch! You damn son of a bitch! If you wanted out of this poor excuse for a marriage, all you had to do was ask."

I turned around and with him saying something to me, I got into my car and headed for home. I began crying. Over twenty-seven years I put into this marriage. I was a good mother and tried to be a loving wife whenever he wanted. I never turned him down but in the last few years I could see he had lost sexual interest in me. Now I knew why. I went home and into my bedroom. As I was crying I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen area. I was nearly doubled over. I dialed 911 and they sent over an ambulance. As I was being carried out Don pulled up.

"What happened? What did you do?" Don asked.

I guess he thought I was so overwrought over his affair that I tried to take my own life. It was nowhere near the truth but he didn't know it. The paramedic told him he thought I had a gall bladder attack but wasn't sure till some tests could be run. I was put in the ambulance and taken to the hospital.

I was taken into the emergency room and it was my gall bladder. They removed it and my appendix. They told me when I recovered that I would be in the hospital for about four days. Don was in my room when I woke up. He started apologizing but I told him to just shut up. I didn't want to even talk to him right then. I told him I wasn't interested in his lame excuses.

Over the next few days I had a lot of time to think. I decided I was going to divorce Don. It's funny when I think back over my life. It was always do for the kids, make time for the husband. Do this with the kids. Do that with the family. It was as though my whole life was planned out to do for everyone but myself.

I'm not totally complaining because I love my kids and grandkids and it was my job to put them first in my life. It's what good mothers do. I guess it's just that a lot of my wants and needs were put on the back burner. Don and I got married very young. He had been the only man that I ever had intercourse with.

I had fantasies and thoughts of things that I would have liked to try too. Don went ahead and apparently lived out some of his. I could never cheat on him, so I decided to tell him I wanted a divorce.

When he came back to see me, I told him I didn't want to hear excuses. Either he was cheating on me or he wasn't.

"Linda, I'm sorry. It won't happen again, I promise."

How many woman have heard that before?

"Don, I'm going to help you keep that promise. I'm divorcing you. I'm not putting your wants and needs ahead of mine any longer."

Of course, the kids tried to tell me that their dad made a mistake and, of course, Don tried to convince me that was the first and only time he ever cheated on me. I told him I wasn't born yesterday.

I went ahead and moved out of the house. I decided to get myself an apartment and try to go it alone. Of course, the kids tried to convince me otherwise and Don told me he knew I'd be back and forgive him. What he didn't know was that I didn't care anymore about his affair. I wanted to go out on my own and maybe do and live out a few of my fantasies. I couldn't do it while we were married.

I wanted to have the freedom to examine my own sexuality, to do a lot of the things I heard other women do but never was able to live out.

I do have to admit I was somewhat scared. I've never been out on my own, ever. I worked at the local department store as a day floor manager. It gave me all my evenings free. I didn't have a lot of close friends. I was always too busy doing things for family. I never got out much to enjoy my life. Things were going to change.

I applied for a divorce and was told it would take a few months. I wanted half our net worth and the lawyer told me it shouldn't be a problem. I told Don he could have the house and all the furnishings. Of course he had to take out a loan and pay me half the value. The only other choice I gave him was we would just sell everything and split the money equally. I took my personal things and my computer. My computer was going to be my new entrance into the world.

When Don and I first got married, sex with him seemed like it was okay, but as I got older and smarter it seemed I missed a lot. Maybe it was me, maybe not. I knew I was going to find out. We never did anything but straight sex. Him on top or taking me from behind. I honestly don't remember riding him. My sex life sure must have been lacking.

I started to go to a few adult web sites and started reading stories. I read about all these things people did. Some sounded totally outrageous. But others sounded interesting. I knew about oral sex but Don would never do it to me. He said it was dirty. So of course I never had oral sex or gave it. The stories I read made me think about trying it. It was one of the things I knew I wanted to try at least once.

I have masturbated but it was more like just rubbing my clit. It felt good and I would have to think that if someone else did it to me and especially if they used their tongue, it had to feel even better. For the longest time I felt like I was committing a sin. How can rubbing ones own body be considered wrong? It sure felt right.

Another thought that I found interesting was being with a woman. I have often wondered what the thrill was and if I would try it. Most of my married friends kidded about the woman-on-woman that all their husbands seemed to hope for. What did men see in this? What did the women get out of it? It had to be the oral sex. I can see if you were getting eaten out and into it, you wouldn't care who was doing it as long as you were enjoying it.

Wow, I sure didn't know much about sex. A threesome was another thing I thought could be interesting. For a woman my age, I sure was a novice. Most any eighteen year old girl had probably more knowledge than me. Whenever I had these thoughts, I was always the one receiving the sexual pleasure. I really didn't want to try and please another woman but receiving pleasure sounded pretty good. Who knows? With time anything might be possible.

I really did want to experience new things. Was it wrong? I don't think so. I paid my dues and, even if some of these things were a mistake, I still wanted to do some experimenting. I felt I earned the right to live my life the way I saw fit.

Starting out was going to be rough. I wasn't a slut and didn't want to spread my legs for just anyone. I still had kids and grandkids to think about. I wasn't about to be caught in the local bars taking on all comers. That isn't what I wanted at all. I just wanted to be free and have some new sexual experiences. I wasn't getting any younger and ten years from now I wanted to be able to look at myself in the mirror and say it was a good ride.

I wasn't ready to totally put myself out there and, besides, I wasn't going to get involved with anyone till my divorce was final. I started by going on the computer in the evening and going to web sites and just talking to the different people. I was the newbie on the sites. Everyone wanted to know all about me. I didn't give away too much of the personal stuff where someone could locate me, but I did find myself talking sexy and sometimes a little slutty. It was fun and did seem a safe way to start out.

I registered online as Horny Grandma. I had everyone talking to me. I knew most of it was bullshit but no-one was getting hurt. I didn't give out my personal e-mail but started a new online one for my so-called friends on-line. The women were nice enough but most men always added a little slut talk to their emails.

I was saying things to these men that I couldn't believe I was saying.I guess I had become an online actress. I would say stuff like, "my pussy needs some attention. Do you like big breasts? What would you like to do to me if you were here?"

I found out very quickly that talk like that brought out the wrong kind of people for me.

I guess I was an online slut and it was sort of fun. I hardly ever went out. My evenings were spent with my online friends. I do have to tell you that I did masturbate. I did it the ways they did in the stories. I even bought myself a little vibrator. It made me feel better than Don ever did. I do have to admit that some of this slut talk really got to me.

Just so you know that it wasn't all about sex, I also found some real online friends. We kidded and joked and I looked forward to talking to most of them every night. My life was more about freedom and doing things that I wanted to do. Sex just happened to be where I really missed out.

I basically talked on two websites. One was more of a sex talk online and the other was more general where the talk was a lot of jokes and flirting. It was definitely a lot calmer and safer site.

I found it was tough to make friends at my age, hard to break into new groups, clubs, as an adult. It was like starting life over again, but as a grown up. I do have to admit it was scary. I didn't go out much because it was hard for me walking into a restaurant alone, thinking people are feeling bad for you, especially if they knew you. I found it much easier to just go to a drive-through or make something for myself at home. It was lonely; I didn't expect it to be that bad.

I decided to push my sexuality a little further on the sex site so, when one guy asked me what I looked like, I posted a picture of myself in a tight blouse and a short skirt. I thought I looked pretty good. So did the guys; at least that's what most of them said.

Now because of my age, gravity took its toll but my breasts did look pretty good even though they sagged a little. Not much I could do about that. The readers asked for more and I gave it to them. I never showed my face in my pictures and I didn't have any distinguishing marks like tattoos, so I felt pretty safe with my pictures.

I used my web cam and took a topless pic of myself. It went over big. I was somewhat of an online exhibitionist. I didn't mind showing my body. None of these people knew me. I got braver and showed myself with no bra, in see-through panties. It was a big hit. I had more fun doing this than all the sex I had with Don in the last ten years.

I wasn't looking for a boyfriend or a long term relationship. I just wanted to try a few new things. I got a lot of personal emails at the web site asking to see my naked pussy. I had to think long and hard if I was willing to do it. As I mentioned no-one has ever seen my face and I wanted to keep it that way. It's funny when I think about it that I have shown my bare breasts to thousands of men but no-one knows who they belonged to.

I decided against the bare pussy pics for the general public. Maybe if I got a few special friends I might send one to them. I took some and I do have to say I didn't look too bad. I just figured if I posted those types of pics I would generate a not so good clientele. I was getting plenty of email but I could tell most of it was just talk. I did receive a few that I decided to answer.

I got a letter from a young guy in his late twenties asking to meet me. I knew that meeting someone from online could be a dangerous thing. He asked me for more nude pics which I sent him. I showed him pics of me from my neck down to the top of my mound. He sent me a picture of himself with a hard-on. It was a turn-on seeing this young bloke's cock sticking out. He had a flat tummy and a jaunting cock.