I had had a long day doing some routine planned maintenance at the Aldi supermarket in Newark and now it was nearly nine o'clock as I drove to Mansfield tired and hungry. I knew I couldn't be bothered cooking when I got home so I headed towards the local pub for a bite to eat and a quick pint to finish off the day.
As I parked in the car park close to the pub I remembered that it was Trivial Pursuit night and the place would be packed, plus it would take ages to get served a beer let alone a meal.
'Ah fuck, ' I thought as I stood outside the pub hungry & thirsty but not wanting to go in. Turning around I headed over to Steve's Kebab Shop across the road and studied the menu board for a couple of minutes trying to decide what I fancied.
Five minutes later I was walking back out with a mixed kebab, chips and a bottle of Fanta. Just down from the shop there was a low wall around a flower planter and I sat there, across the road from my van and started to tuck into the chips, leaving the kebab wrapped in foil. I was hungry, and the chips didn't seem to last long as a starter, or entrée for the posh folks.
I was half way through enjoying my kebab when an Asian couple burst out through the pub doors. In the lead was a young lass in her early twenties shouting & ranting in some foreign language at her husband or boyfriend following her. I smiled to myself, Trivial Pursuit nights really seem to bring out the best in some people!!! She was really livid about something as she turned towards him and gave him a real gob full in her native language. The poor sod behind her really didn't seem to know what he had done wrong, if anything. He just followed behind with his hands & arms spread open in front trying to calm her down. That failed as she kicked out at his legs, then turned and walked across the front of the car park still ranting out loud. I smiled as I took another bite out of my kebab and chewed it slowly. Well this was free entertainment to go with my dinner as I sat there and watched her approach my van.
She got as far as the silver Mazda coupe parked next to my van when she turned back to him and spat forth another stream of Asian. He in turn said a couple of words in response before she turned and kicked the front of the car. For the first time there was anger in the tone of his voice so it was obviously his car and he wasn't too happy about it being kicked; well no man would be. I don't know what he had, or had not done, but he was sure taking some shit from his lady. She then walked to the passenger side and kicked the wheel as she yelled at him some more. Now it was getting interesting.
For the first time I could get a reasonable look at her and she stood between their car and my van directly across the road from me. She was about 5ft 6 tall with long black hair that tumbled down over her shoulders and down her back about 4 inches, and a beautiful smooth face that defines Asian features, even when angry. Her exposed shoulders were slightly tanned above the cotton vest that had a wide low neckline on her chest. Now Asian ladies are not renowned to be of the fuller figure in the breast stakes, but this lass looked to have a reasonable rack that moved under her vest as she took another swing at the car with her foot. She had a nice pair of legs & cute thighs projecting out of her short tan skirt. I laughed to myself as I watched her kick the car wearing some high heeled open shoes; so she either had tough toes or the kicking was just for show. The guy was starting to get pissed off with this and said some harsh words in reply judging by the tone of his voice. This only set her off again as this time she kicked the passenger door.
'Fuck, ' I thought, 'she needs a slap to bring her under control.' The guy triggered his car remote to let her into the car, which she did, slamming the door in the process. He climbed in and the car started to rock as she lashed out with her arms. Looking across and through the small back window of the car I couldn't tell if she was beating on him or still taking it out on his car. I laughed, "What a fucking fire brand she is," I said under my breath as I lowered my head to take another bite out of my kebab.
The car engine started and I could still hear her shouting from inside the car. The lass certainly had a set of lungs on her as she continued to abuse him. Suddenly the passenger door swung open, narrowly missing my van door, and her long legs emerged.
'They are nice pair of pins, ' I thought starting to take a little more interest in the events across the road as I had just about finished my kebab. As she rapidly climbed out of the low slung seat her short skirt rode up her long thighs and they looked very nice in the limited amount of street lighting available between the car and my van.
Boy was she still angry as she got fully upright and slammed the door hard before slamming her fist down onto car roof. The guy had obviously had enough of this and he revved the engine as he slammed it into reverse; just giving her enough time to step back against my van to prevent him running over her feet. As he pulled into the road she gave his car a final kick and stream of Asian vitriol.
Suddenly the street was all quiet and she was just left there shaking in anger as her bunched fists banged against her thighs. She turned towards the pub as she thought about what to do next, and I got a chance to see her side ways on & slightly from the back, "Nice arse," I said under my breath now totally focused on the lass left standing in the car park. She turned anti clockwise some more to look into the pub car park and this gave me a great view of her from the back. 'Real nice arse and legs, ' I thought as I screwed up the foil ready to throw it into the adjacent bin, 'maybe I should offer to give her a lift home and then I can admire her legs as I drive.'
I stood & tossed the foil in the bin as I started to cross the road towards her and my van. Just as I got to the back of my van, about 6 feet behind her, she suddenly let loose with another dose of her native language and then kicked my van door, hard.
'Fucking bitch, ' flashed through my mind as I quickly closed the distance between us and my hands came up reaching for her neck. In my anger I grabbed her hard in my right hand, my thumb and forefinger harshly gripping the back of her neck right at the base of her skull, and I used my momentum to push her forward off balance. As she drew level with the front wing of my van I swung her around to the left slamming her hard into the metal wing. She folded at the waist as he upper half was forcibly bent over the van bonnet.
"What the fuck do you think you are doing to my van you bitch?" I growled in a very angry but quiet threatening tone. Stepping past her legs I grabbed her left arm and bent it up behind her back to pin her hard against my van as I tightened my grip on her neck some more. Her mouth dropped open both in shock and pain as my grip immobilised her ability to cry out, all she could do was groan in intense pain.
"You can take your anger out on your man if you want; you sure as fuck don't do it on my van! Do you understand me?" I demanded angrily.
She stabbed a high heel into my shin in response.
"Fucking hell, that fucking hurt you bitch," I groaned in pain.
I bent her arm high towards her shoulder blades and forced her face down hard onto the bonnet. She was almost lifted off her feet in my anger. I wanted to slap the bitch for that... hard. Now she was spoiling the end of my long day when all I wanted to do was go home and sleep. Now I was angry, had a painful shin and some Asian bird pinned hard over the bonnet of my van outside my local pub. My anger did not decrease one iota with this knowledge; in fact it actually got worse, I wanted to make this lass suffer for kicking my van and spoiling the rest of my evening.
"I don't know where you have come from but we don't go kicking other people's vehicles, do you understand?"
I eased my grip ever so slightly on her neck so she could talk.
All I got in return was a gob full of her native language.
I gripped her neck hard again to shut her up and gain her attention through the induced pain that must be screaming through her head and twisted arm.
"We talk fucking English in Mansfield," I vehemently informed her.
She stamped her high heel into the top of my foot in reply; making me cringe in pain.
I gripped her neck even tighter, totally immobilising her as I released her arm and lifted my arm high into the air. My hand swung down hard, making a whishing sound through the air as it targeted straight on to her upturned arse. It landed with such a slap. Before she could even start to contemplate trying to scream my hand was back in orbit, and then it rained down twice more onto her arse.
I brought my anger under control long enough to realise where we were and that the pub would start closing soon, its customers spilling out onto the street to witness me tanning this young lass's arse in the middle of the road. Fortunately no cars had gone by in the last two minutes either.
Grabbing & twisting her arm again I bent over her and whispered in her ear, "Now I am going to teach you a lesson on how to behave young lady, and if you make so much as a whisper I will break your neck in an instance leaving you a cripple for the rest of your life pissing into a diaper. Do you understand me?"
She tried to nod, a bit hard though when your face is pressed into the bonnet of a van and unbelievable pain is radiating out from your neck right throughout your whole body.
"Walk across the road and don't even contemplate trying anything or you're be a cripple before you take two steps," I promised.
.... There is more of this story ...