Chapter 79

Dale, Cindy, and I left to go back to Birmingham that next Sunday. I hadn't seen Emily at all since she had returned to Kansas. I could have seen her and my children, but only if I'd been willing to meet with all of them over at Brenda's house.

Joyce had tried everything to convince me to go there and work things out with Emily. From things she had let drop in her conversations with me about the whole Emily situation, I knew it was really Emily who was dictating the terms of any future meetings we might have. In spite of what Brenda and Joyce had said to me about Emily being willing to do almost anything in order to be forgiven and allowed to rejoin the family, actual events hadn't worked out in quite that way.

As soon as Emily and the children were picked up at the airport by Brenda and Joyce, Emily's sole interest had been centered around Brenda. When Joyce had proposed that all of them drive back to our house, Emily suggested that she was too keyed up to be able to have a face to face meeting with me right away. She was the one who suggested that it would be better if she had a day or two to recuperate from all the stress from her sudden decision to leave California.

It had then been decided that her going to stay for awhile in Brenda's new house would be the best option for her. After that was all agreed to, Emily then announced that she had expected that Brenda would stay there with her too. Brenda said she didn't want to take Dwightee and April away from the other children at my house. This had led to a new argument breaking out between Emily and Brenda.

By the time all of them got to Brenda's house, Joyce had convinced Brenda to stay at her own house and help get Emily and the children settled in. She promised Brenda that she'd drive back and pick her up again later that evening.

When Joyce came into my home office afterwards, it was easy for me to see that she was troubled by something. She tried to make Emily's reluctance to come see me seem like it was because she had wanted an opportunity to rest up so that she would look her best when she and I got together to try to work things out.

I hadn't been anticipating that Emily would want to postpone our getting together to clear the way for her to be forgiven and then welcomed back to our family. I had already told both Brenda and Joyce to let Emily know I wasn't too upset with what had happened out in California this time. Joyce assured me that Emily had been repeatedly informed of this fact. In spite of that, Emily was hesitating to meet with me again. Joyce attributed it to her being tired, and, perhaps, being worried about all the changes she was making in her life by picking up and moving back to Kansas so suddenly like she had.

I tried to reassure Joyce by telling her that I wasn't troubled by the fact that Emily hadn't hurried right over to get things straightened out with me. We talked about how Tony and Sissy had looked. I was most disappointed in not seeing either of them.

I knew that Emily and I would work out some kind of understanding eventually. I suspected that her primary interest and focus was on Brenda, and on resolving their situation. I began hoping that they could get that done soon, so that Emily and I would be able to work something out for ourselves.

When Brenda called Joyce at eight o'clock to say she was going to spend the night over at her house, I don't think any of us were surprised. When she came over to the house the next morning to get Dwightee and April, to take them back to her house, all she said to Joyce was that Emily still needed some more time.

Nothing else changed before it was time for the three of us to fly back to Birmingham. I could see the frustration that Joyce was having to deal with. I tried to reassure her that I was in no hurry, and that a few days, weeks, or even months wouldn't be a problem for me. All the children were back living in Ridgeline now. Brenda had spoken to Joyce on Saturday, telling her that Emily wanted me to go over there to see the kids, and so I could have a first meeting with her.

Joyce was really upset when I declined to go. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't my place to act like the supplicant. To me, what was going to happen at this first meeting with Emily was the beginning of a long negotiation process. I didn't want to get it started with her dictating any of the terms.

By the time I left on Sunday, Joyce and I were barely on speaking terms. She still thought I should do whatever I could to make this as easy on Emily as possible. I knew, from years of dealing with Emily, that this was the exact opposite of the negotiation posture that was needed. Emily didn't respect any kind of weakness. What was needed was for her to see that she wasn't in any position to start dictating any terms to me.

It was Tuesday before I heard directly from Emily. She called me from Brenda's house to find out if I had received the wire transfer of her money from the bank in California.

"Kenny, did you get that money I sent to you?"

"Hello, Emily. Yes, I had Frank deposit it back into a new trading account I had him set up. As soon as I get things set up with some of my brokers, I'll start trading your account again."

"I need to get one hundred thousand out of it. My mother called, and she said they're going to need to borrow that much from me. My father doesn't have anything he's working on right now, and they still need to keep up their lifestyle so that the people who give out the writing jobs don't think my father is desperate. If they thought that, they'd get him working on their scripts for a lot less money. That's how they do things in Hollywood."

"It's your money, Emily. Go see Frank this afternoon. He'll give you a check."

"Brenda and I are back together now. Would you be mad if we stay living where we are?"

I knew she was feeling me out. I really doubted Brenda had agreed to doing that. I thought it much more likely that Emily wanted me to tell her I didn't mind, so that she could use that to strengthen her case in trying to talk Brenda into living there with her.

"I wouldn't care, no. Joyce would care though. As far as I'm concerned, you can live at Brenda's for as long as you want. The same goes for Brenda. I do want all the children at my house whenever I'm back in town though."

"You can come over and get them anytime, Kenny. I never said you couldn't see the children."

"I'll send Joyce to get them on Friday then. She'll bring them back on Sunday night, after I leave. Tell Brenda I want Dwightee and April at the house too."

"Don't you even want to see me, Kenny?"

"Not particularly, Emily. I've been willing to try to get something worked out, for Joyce's sake, but I can't really say that I've missed having you around. I do miss Brenda though. Tell her to come over on Saturday morning. Tell her to plan on spending the night."

I laughed when Emily hung up on me. I felt better now that the battle lines had been drawn. Each of us now knew, if anything was ever going to be worked out, it wasn't because either of us had any particular burning need to be back with the other.

She might need to reconcile with me to have continued access to Brenda, while I might need to take her back in order to fulfill Joyce's hopes. I was approaching this like it was a reluctant merger or a hostile takeover in business.

Everything I'd ever experienced with Emily was telling me that I needed to force her to accept my terms, to surrender herself to my will. Emily hated any weakness, so I was determined to show her none in me.

I had been thinking about this situation ever since my meeting with Hans the week before. I knew that Emily would take my forgiveness of her as another sign of weakness. I had worked out a different strategy, one I really had hopes for. I wouldn't forgive her. Instead, I'd pretend I didn't care that much about anything she did, in the past, present, or future.

I hoped, the less important she believed she was to me, the harder she'd try to change that. I'd seen her in the beginning with Brenda, and also those times when I tried to stay away from her when we both were young. It was only when I chased after her that she caused me any problems.

I'd been thinking too about the fact that Emily had behaved much better through both of her pregnancies. At first, I thought it might be a body chemistry reaction she'd had. Later, after thinking about some of the things Emily had said while she was pregnant, I had realized what it really had been. She'd gotten very insecure about her looks while she was pregnant. That insecurity had led to her acting sweeter and less unreasonable around all of us.

It was only a theory, but one I was starting to place a lot of faith in. I was going to see if I could bring Emily back by playing on her insecurities. One of her main insecurities had been in believing she could never successfully compete with Brenda for my affections. I was going to take advantage of that.

I called Joyce that afternoon, telling her a little about what I had said to Emily. I told her that it was important that she go along with what I was planning. I was going to have a talk with Brenda too, but I would be doing it when Emily wasn't anywhere close by.

As I'd anticipated, Joyce did her best to try to get me to reverse my course, to help her implement the plan she'd come up with. Her plan mostly was to keep giving Emily whatever she asked for, in order to make her feel good and decide, on her own, to come back to the family. We'd been using this same type of tactic with her from the very beginning. Joyce believed it had worked well enough. For many years, Emily and Brenda had been with us. All of us had been together. This was all Joyce had cared about.

I couldn't explain to Joyce how Emily and Brenda's actions had impacted on me. Joyce only felt the impact of them leaving, not the part about them having sex with other men. She had nothing she needed to forgive them for. All she wanted was a return to happier days, and a family totally reunited. Those women hadn't betrayed and then left Joyce. They had left me, betrayed me. In some ways, Joyce and the two other women were more like sisters than lovers. Joyce was missing that part of it too. She wanted her family reunited. She wasn't interested in how it happened, just that it did.

"Joyce, you need to listen to me on this. I know what I'm doing. You can be as friendly with Brenda and Emily as you want to be. If you can manage it, you're welcome to sleep with either or both of them, any time you want to. This last part has to be between Emily and me. I'm really trying to get her back in our family, but I need to do this my way. You haven't listened to me about the way I needed to do this. All you want is to get it done, and as soon as possible. I'm not worried about Brenda. I'm certain she'll end up doing what I tell her to do. This last part is about Emily. I can't just give into her to give you what you want. I can't do it. It wouldn't last, even if I did do it."

"You always have a reason for doing whatever you want, Kenny. Why don't you do what I want this time and just get them back here? After they're both back here, then you can try whatever you want to try. Once they're back here again, they probably won't leave if you don't deliberately go out of your way to make Emily mad."

"You just refuse to learn any lessons from these things, Joyce. If I bring her back the way you want me to, I'll end up giving Emily just what she wants. She'll have gotten away with everything she's done. I wouldn't mind that so much, not if that was all it was, but it would be bad for Emily, and it would almost certainly lead to a future incident that would mean her leaving us again. She'd be the same way she always was, and I don't want to keep needing to go through that with her. My way may not work, but we'd still end up with Brenda. I don't want Emily back if it has to be like it was before. If I end up forgiving her, she'll just find another way to try to take Brenda away from us again. I need to force her to give up on the idea of ever being able to keep Brenda for herself. I almost did it once, but I took pity on her, because I didn't want her suffering. If I'd stuck with my guns, a lot of this wouldn't have happened. Emily wants me to not forgive her. She thinks I'll end up letting her have Brenda like I've always done before."

"Maybe you will this time too, Kenny. That's how it looks to me. This was all your idea, telling Brenda it was all right for her to stay at her house with Emily. If you hadn't said that, Emily would have had to come stay here with us."

"Stop trying to use me to get what you want, Joyce. I'm really sick of you doing that. You weren't able to keep them together or to get them to come back. I'm almost there. As soon as I get Brenda and Emily back, I'll make one phone call and Eddie will come back home too. The way I look at this, you're pretty much dependent on me when it comes to getting our family back together. It only makes sense, if this is true, for you to let me do it my way."

"We end up getting things done better when we both work on them together, Kenny. My way got Brenda and Emily to come back to Ridgeline. I had Mama's help, but a lot of things that happened, they were mostly my ideas."

"You always needed me if you wanted to get them back in the family, Joyce. Don't try to fool me about that. I was always the most critical part of your plan. I've gone along with you for a lot of this, but I'm not doing that with Emily. If you won't let me do it my way, I'm not going to help you with Brenda, Eddie, or Emily."

"I don't need your help with Eddie. She already wants to come back."

"Okay, Joyce. Do it your way. I won't be coming home for a few weeks. Let's try to keep in touch though, because I'll be real curious to see how this all turns out. Feel free to get in touch with Cindy and Dale and invite them to come stay with you without me too."

"I didn't mean with everything, Kenny. I just meant Eddie. She was already planning on coming back. That's all I meant when I said that."

"You can't have it both ways, Joyce. I know you really believe your plan is the best, but you're wrong. I know that, because I know I couldn't live with it. The only reason for me doing anything to get Brenda and Emily back is because I know how much it would mean to you. Even when they do come back, it will be more for you, and for having all the children back together again. Things won't ever be the same between Emily, Brenda, Eddie, and me. I'm sorry for that, but it's true. I plan on trying to make them be as good as they can be, but they won't be the same. I've changed. I hope I'm growing up, but whether that's it or not, I've changed."

"You never planned on forgiving them, did you?"

"It isn't about forgiveness. It never was. It's always been about what was best for this family. You believe all of us being back together is what's best. Some of the other wives just want to go back to living the happy lifestyle we had before. Eddie and Cindy are the ones who care more for the lifestyle than they do about all of us being together. All of us want to be happy again, even Emily. We just have different things we need to make us happy."

"You're doing this your way just so you'll be happy?"

"Of course. I'll only be happy when all the children are back together, and you're happy, Shirley's happy, and all the other wives are happy too. Even Emily. Emily doesn't need me forgiving her to be happy. Brenda probably does though. Plus, Brenda needs Emily, and Emily needs Brenda, for either of them to be happy."

"That doesn't answer my question, Kenny. Is that why you're doing this your way?"

"What answer do you expect me to give? This isn't just me being selfish. You think Emily will come back to us just to be with Brenda. I can almost guarantee you that, if I didn't interfere, Emily would do her best to make sure that none of the other wives got to have sex with Brenda again. The only way she won't try to make it that way is if she's convinced she might be the one left out and not having any contact with Brenda. Every single time Emily wins one fight, she immediately picks another. She wants what she wants, just like you do. What she wants doesn't include you, Joyce. It doesn't include any of the other wives except Brenda. She put up with that before, because I'd convinced her that she had to. She got Brenda back all to herself the other times she convinced Brenda to leave. She isn't going to be easy to convince that it shouldn't be like that now too. She'll keep trying to make it like that if you do what you were planning."

"I don't agree."

"Well, I'm not going to do what you want, just to prove that you're wrong. I'll stick with my own plan, because I know I'm right. I'm not telling you that you can't try to get them to come live at the house. The only thing I'm saying is that you need to let me deal with Emily my own way."

"You promised me we'd all be together."

"I know what I promised, Joyce. I didn't say we'd all be together the way you wanted it to happen, just that it would happen. Emily might take awhile, but if you really want me to do it, I'll tell Brenda she needs to move back to our house, and bring our children with her."

"If you do that, Emily might go back to California."

"You know something, Joyce? For being so smart, you sure do think stupid when it comes to Emily. She came here because Brenda was here. Why would she leave again without her? She wants Brenda. Like anyone else, she wants to make the best deal she possibly can. Some people, you can let them have any deal they want, but not Emily. The better the deal is that you give her, the more she wants it improved. What you want to do just plays into her hands. Right now, she thinks she can get you to let her live alone with Brenda, and have me come over a few nights a month to have sex with her and Brenda. She thinks she's going to get this deal too, as long as she can negotiate it through you."

"I wouldn't agree to us doing it like that on any long term basis."

"Emily doesn't know that. She probably thinks doing it once is enough to establish the precedent for doing it forever. She doesn't want you and Shirley. She doesn't want Eddie and Dale. She doesn't want Cindy. I know she wants Brenda, because she always has wanted her. I think she wants me. Maybe this is because she loves me, but maybe it's only because Brenda wants me, and she needs me there to keep Brenda happy. I'm not sure how much Brenda wants some of the other wives, but I know she wants you, and I know she has always wanted me. She needs Emily too though. Because of what you want, and because of what Brenda needs, we need Emily too."

"Emily knows we all love her."

"No, she thinks we all do. She thinks we need her. My job is going to be to convince her I'm serious about taking Brenda away from her and then letting Emily go wherever she wants to. If she really believes that, she'll start wanting to please me. She'll start loving me again, and will end up being as reasonable as Emily ever gets. She first needs to see that she has no other way to get any of what she wants and needs."

"My old Kenny wouldn't even think of doing that to her."

"Well, that just shows how little you know. I did do it to her before, when we were kids. It worked too, until I stopped doing it, and let her off the hook. I made a mistake by relenting, and I've been paying for that mistake ever since. We've all been paying, because, if I hadn't relented, Emily would have stayed sweet, and tried her best to get all of us to love her."

"Was this when Emily told you about Brenda sleeping with her brother?"

"That was when I started being mean to her, but it was later, when I forgave her, that all my troubles with her started. Later it became the whole family's troubles. She was very sweet to me, until I forgave her."

"You were what, fifteen years old? That was a long time ago, Kenny. We've all changed since then."

"Call over to Brenda's house and tell Brenda I want her and the children back living at our house. Tell her if she has any questions, she needs to call me here."

"I don't want you using me to hurt Emily, Kenny. That's how she'll see things if I went and did what you want."

"If you don't do it, I might have to make my own deal with Emily. I could tell her that she and Brenda can stay monogamous with each other if they move back in with us. I wouldn't really mind if two of my wives didn't want to have to sleep with any of the rest."

"If that would bring them both back, Kenny, I could live with our doing that."

I knew she was bluffing. I could tell she didn't believe those words, even as she spoke them. She was reacting to what she saw as me threatening her. In our past, she had been the main one doing most of the threatening. Whenever I'd made threats to her, I usually didn't end up following through with them. I wanted Joyce to know that the way she'd chosen to bring Emily and Brenda back would give Emily all the choices. I wanted her to see and understand that without me needing to threaten her.

"Even without my making it part of any deal, Joyce, with the way you seem determined to give Emily all that she asks for, that's how it will end up being. Emily only shared Brenda with the other wives before because she had to. If no one else objects to what Emily will start demanding, Brenda will probably go along with whatever Emily asks for. She isn't into doing things with girls as much as you are. I know Shirley wouldn't object either. If you could really live with it, why don't we just go ahead and do that then?"

"You're forgetting about Eddie and Dale. You're forgetting about Cindy too."

"I'm not worried about Eddie. I don't really care about what she'd think. Cindy won't care, and Dale probably wouldn't either, not as long as none of the other wives were sleeping with Emily and Brenda. You're the only one I'm worried about as far as being upset if you aren't able to sleep with either Brenda or Emily. You say you could live with it, so I say why not let Emily have what she wants?"

"Brenda wouldn't go along with Emily telling her not to sleep with me."

"Suit yourself. Remember later who it was that said you were making a big mistake."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to tell Emily that she can move back in, and that it will just be her and me that get to fuck Brenda. That's what she wants. She won't mind living with all of us as long as you girls stay away from her woman."

"Tell me again about this other plan you have. How long do you think it would take?"

"It wouldn't take that long if you would call Brenda and tell her what I said to tell her. The reason Emily dropped everything and rushed back to Ridgeline was because Brenda was telling her about all the things she was doing with us. With Brenda back at our house, she'll know it will be continuing. She'll know then that she needs to try to get things settled so she gets to spend her share of time with Brenda too."

"Are you sure Brenda will come back to the house if I tell her you said she should?"

"No, I'm not sure. That's why I told you to have her call me if she has any questions. I'm sure I can talk her into doing it if I talk to her about it."

"The only reason I'm going to do it is because I know things wouldn't work the other way you said. There is only one of you, Kenny. That isn't enough for all of us."

"Maybe I could bring in another guy to help me with Eddie, Dale, Emily, Brenda and Cindy. I know I wouldn't ever be able to share you and Shirley. Maybe just Eddie, Brenda and Emily. I think I could take care of all the rest of you if you were doing things with each other."

"Would you really let another man fuck the three of them?"

"I might. I told you things have changed, Joyce. If it wasn't for you, I'm pretty sure I could live without all three of them. I know I could if I could get custody of those children."

I heard a sharp intake of breath over the phone line. When Joyce spoke again, she kind of sounded like she might be crying.

"Don't say that. Never say that around any of them, Kenny. God, don't even think that way. You can't just write them off like that."

"You're doing it again, Joyce. You keep contradicting what I'm saying. I just told you I thought I could do that. The situation has changed since I first got sick. I couldn't have done it before that, and I didn't have any reason why I'd want to. Now I have some reasons."

"You can't tear our family apart just because you're mad at those girls. You promised me you'd bring us all back together again."

"I was willing to do that, but it needs to be done my way. You aren't in charge of negotiating with them, I am. What you want to happen will only come about when I'm ready for it to do so."

"You're taking away one of the most important things we had together, Kenny. You never stopped me from helping make decisions that concerned me before you got sick."

"That isn't really true, Joyce. What you really mean was, when I tried to do that, you always found a way to get around me and have it your way. It isn't going to be like that with us anymore. I'm not going to live with making myself unhappy just so you can get what you want. If I can give you what you want, without making myself too upset and unhappy, I will. I know doing it your way with Emily and Brenda will upset me. I'm not going to do that."

"Suppose I can make a deal with them, one where they come back to us and we all still get to sleep together? Just like we did before."

"Make your deal for you, Joyce. Leave me out of it. I'll make my own deal with them. Eddie too. If you can make a deal with them that doesn't include me, then go right ahead."

"I wouldn't make that kind of deal. Why would I?"

"I have no idea why you would. I don't have any idea why you would believe you can negotiate with Emily better than I can. You have absolutely nothing she wants or needs. Why would she make any concessions for you? She wants to negotiate with me through you. She knows you want her back more than I do."

We spent another hour going back and forth. Nothing got changed. She still believed her way of doing things was the best, and had the highest probability of getting Emily and Brenda to move back in with us. She wouldn't believe me when I told her it would only be temporary.

After we ended the call, my own mind was still made up. I'd meant what I told her. It was my decision, and I'd make it in a way that satisfied me.

I wasn't afraid of losing Emily or Brenda. Even if they both took off and moved thousands of miles away, it wouldn't have been that hard of a blow for me to absorb. I was still dealing with the fact that we were already separated. I had grown used to it, had accepted the fact of it. If I was going to lose them, I wanted it to be over something worthwhile I was trying to get from them both.

I knew they both wanted more from me. I wanted more from them too, but on my terms, not theirs. If it couldn't be on my terms, then I knew it would never be on Emily's. The stumbling block for me was with the problems me compromising with her would create. I couldn't do that, compromise directly with Emily, but I might be able to grant concessions to Joyce, or to some of my other wives. It just couldn't be me giving in to Emily.

I flew to Bolling on Friday afternoon. Joyce and I had talked more, but neither of us brought up Emily or Brenda. When I got to the house at seven thirty, the first person we saw was Eddie. She was standing in the doorway with a big happy smile on her face. Dale saw her before I did, and was out of the limo in a hurry, running over to greet her sister as quickly as she could manage to do so.

Cindy and I got out of the back, then I went around to the front to tell Hans that we'd need another ride on Sunday, at around three in the afternoon. When he drove off, I went over and greeted Eddie too. Joyce and Shirley had joined all of us out on the front porch, and everybody was excited, trying to talk over the other conversations taking place. I got tired of carrying my suitcase and went inside to drop it off. Everyone followed me into the house.

We were all in the living room as Joyce told us the story of how Eddie had decided to come for a surprise visit. I was glad to see her, but I didn't believe it had been a spontaneous decision on her part. I knew Joyce was worried about what I'd said about being willing to do without Eddie, Emily, and Brenda.

We were all still talking at about ten o'clock when I announced I was tired and was going to turn in. I think they were all surprised when I failed to invite any of them to join me. I was halfway to the staircase before Joyce spoke up.

"Who do you want to sleep with you tonight, Kenny?"

"No one tonight, Joyce. I've got some thinking to do, and I'd prefer to do it alone." I saw her frowning as I said that, but I turned and resumed heading over to the staircase. I knew they'd all sit around talking to each other, trying to find out why I was acting like I was. I knew that Eddie being there was a sure sign that Joyce hadn't given up on trying to put the family back together her way. I would have bet that she had been talking quite a bit to Brenda and Emily.