Chapter 60

After the move back over to my own house I began to be more active. I wanted to put myself in as many different situations as I could, hoping to test the limits of my new personality.

I had already known I was less patient, and more apt to speak out about things that were troubling to me. I was also more confrontational with people. This was a wild departure from before, but it felt right to me. It wasn't that I was suddenly argumentative, or that I ended up fighting more with people to get what I wanted. It actually seemed more efficient.

The people surrounding me seemed to prefer knowing what I wanted and what I didn't want. I tended not to go along with things I didn't like as much as I had before, and certainly not for as long a time as I used to go along. My likes and dislikes were made clearer.

I had been back in the house for about a week when Emily decided to come back for a "visit" with the children. She avoided me, but she was doing her best to get Brenda to go off somewhere more private with her. They were in the kitchen, talking, while Brenda prepared lunches for all of us.

I was in my office, going over all the trading recaps, and the account reconciliations that Billy Ray had been making in my absence. I followed Eddie's trading progress, along with the ever increasing losses we incurred with our grain brokerage business during the period I was at the clinic. We'd ended up losing more than five and a half million net. Without Eddie's trading, the figure would have been another million higher.

My door was closed, but I still heard the raised voices coming from the kitchen. Emily and Brenda were not only having a loud argument, they were actually shouting at each other. It quieted down after I heard what sounded like a large metal object hitting the floor with a resounding crashing sound. Thirty seconds later, a crying Emily opened the door to my office and stormed inside.

"Why did you have to turn her against me? You knew how important to me she is."

"Hello, Em. I assume you're referring to Brenda when you say her. I know I haven't said or done anything to try to turn her against you. Since I've been back, the only thing I've said to Brenda concerning you is that I expected you to make sure I had frequent visits with Sissy and Tony. Other than that, I never mentioned you to her at all."

"If that's true, then why is she acting so uncomfortable around me? Why is she being so hostile towards me?"

"I have no idea. Did you ask her why yourself?"

"I tried asking her, and she threw a dough pan at me. She acts like she hates me now."

"Go tell her I'd like to speak with her. In private."

"I want to be here, to hear what you both are saying about me."

"We all want things, but we don't all get what we want all the time. This is one of those times you aren't going to get what you want. Either go do what I asked you to do, or else leave me alone and take care of this yourself. If you expect my assistance, you need to allow me to do things my way." Emily stared at me. I could see she was trying to rein in her anger. She didn't speak as she turned around and left my office. Two minutes later, Brenda came knocking on my door.

"Did you want to see me, Kenny?" I caught a glimpse of Emily behind her, obviously trying to eavesdrop on our conversation.

"Come in and close the door behind you, Brenda." She did as I'd asked. "Tell me what's going on between you and Emily. I heard the two of you yelling out in the kitchen, and Emily just accused me of trying to turn you against her."

"This is something we've been fighting about ever since I moved back to Ridgeline. I'm just tired of having her blame everything that happens on you. She's mad because I chose to come back to you."

"I don't like this fighting and arguing. I had Joyce tell Emily that she and the children were always welcome to come visit with us. I would appreciate it if you would treat her as a guest in our home. We don't throw pans at our guests, Brenda."

"She wants me to stop what I'm doing and go back to my bedroom with her." I didn't say anything in reply to that, waiting for her to continue. "I'm not in the mood for that with her right now, but she won't listen. She thinks you told me I couldn't do anything more with her."

"Open the door and ask Emily to come in here." Brenda went and opened the door. Emily was standing about three feet away from the door. It was quite obvious that she'd been trying to hear what we were saying. I signaled with my hand for her to come into my office. She did, shutting the door again behind herself.

"Emily, I have no objection at all to you having any kind of relationship you choose to have, with any of our other wives. This includes Brenda, of course. On the other hand, I don't appreciate you trying to force yourself on Brenda either. If she says no to you, then she must have her own reasons for saying it. Her reasons have nothing to do with me, or with anything I've said to her. You might be better served finding out from Brenda what her reasons for saying no might be."

"You know she's only doing what she thinks you want her to do."

"No, I don't know that. That isn't what she told me either. If that is the case though, she's completely misinterpreted what I would want from her. In the past few years we've all had our problems. I feel bad because it was my mental problems that created all the rest of it. I didn't get sick deliberately, and I would have recovered faster if I had known how to do so. Our family has suffered too much already. Anything that makes the situation worse, or which adds to that suffering, is the opposite of what I would want."

"We were doing just fine until you had your mother call to tell Brenda that you needed her."

"That isn't what happened, Emily. You knew I went to see Kenny and he put me off until his mother said it was all right. I had already told you that I was going back to Kenny, even before he got out of that place he was in." Brenda sounded belligerent, and far more confrontational than she usually was around Emily. She seldom sought out open conflicts, preferring instead to remove herself from the fray, and let them settle themselves on their own.

"Emily, you called me once to tell me that you and Brenda no longer considered yourselves my wives. At the time, I wasn't sure if I'd ever get out of that clinic. I was troubled by what you said, but I knew it wouldn't be right for me to try to talk you out of what you said was the two of you trying to make a new start. Brenda has apparently had second thoughts. She still loves me, and I still love her. Maybe, in her own mind, it would seem disloyal to her if she resumed a relationship with the both of us, given your stated choice. In spite of what you told me, I still consider you my wife, and I have no interest in seeing you deprived of any comforts with any of the other wives. You and I have some unresolved business, but I don't want it to interfere with your other family relationships."

"You never punished Eddie. She did the same thing I did."

"Eddie, Dale and I also have some unresolved business. For that matter, Joyce, Shirley and I do as well. Brenda and I have resolved any issues we might have had."

"I didn't do anything wrong. I had already left you when I moved to California. You can't punish me for what I did."

I knew that Emily wanted to come back, and I also knew she wasn't worried about being punished. Always before, when these types of things came up, I'd ask her to come back. This time I hadn't done that. In the past, I didn't mind doing it. I knew the important thing was to get her back, not just for me, but for the whole family. For some reason, this time I felt differently. I was going to make her ask to come back. That would be her punishment.

"I'm through talking with you about this. I already told you where I stood on this thing between you and my other wives. As far as that other thing, the punishment, it no longer matters to me. You don't consider yourself my wife any longer, so it isn't anything I need concern myself with. If you were my wife though, I'd beat your ass black and blue for what you did."

"Well, I'm not."

"I accept that. Please leave me alone right now. I have plans to make to try to get things back running the way they should be."

Brenda and Emily left. They were both quiet. I think Brenda was even more shocked than Emily that I had terminated the discussion the way I had. Now that I was out of the clinic, and all the reports from Brenda indicated that I wasn't some angry, brutal maniac, the expectation from all the wives was that we would all reunite relatively soon. I had put Eddie off and had made no new overtures to Shirley. Joyce and I hadn't slept together or even had a friendly conversation in the time I'd been back. We had business discussions, and we had spoken of my future business plans. We had discussed all the children, with Joyce bringing me up to date on a lot of the milestones I'd missed with them.

It wasn't that I had no sexual interest in all my other wives. I did. It was more a case of not having a workable plan on how to bring all of us back together in a way that would acknowledge the shift to my new leadership role within the family. I contented myself with only having Brenda in my bed.

My new trading results had been excellent. If anything, I felt more in touch with the way the markets moved than I ever had before. This was probably due to my having far fewer distractions. I was well on my way to having regained all of the money lost in the grain broker business while I was gone. The volatility of the various markets, and the greater amount of contracts now being traded by pure speculators was producing many more exciting trading opportunities than were present in the time before I had become unwell.

I was aware that Joyce, my parents, and Frank Clooney were watching my daily trading results with a close eye. Had I not been prospering in my trading, I was certain that steps would have been taken to curtail it. My success had led to greater freedom of movement, but Joyce still controlled all of my personal trading account balances. I had access to no money of my own. It wasn't that I really needed any money, but it was the principle of that condition that I found so objectionable. I didn't need a guardian. I had broached that subject with both my parents, and with Joyce. They had all told me, in various ways, just to be patient.

I had been in my own home for slightly less than a month. I usually hit golf balls every afternoon for my physical recreation. I played with my children, had sex with Brenda, and traded grains and other instruments every weekday. I ate mostly meals that Brenda had prepared, and spent at least one hour every day discussing business with either Joyce or my father. I decided after a month that I'd waited long enough.

Mama had decided that I needed to wait until after I had recovered my previous family situation before I would be allowed to resume my place again in the family business. I presumed this would also mean appearing in court somewhere along the way to have Joyce released from acting as my personal and financial guardian.

I had spent two hours hitting golf balls over at the club, and had decided to drive over to Mama's. It was a spur of the moment decision. I wanted to share my own thoughts with her about the guardianship, having my own money, and just about every other restriction being placed on me. I found her in the library, reading a golfing magazine that she subscribed to.

"Mama, I've given everything a lot of thought, and I think it would help my personal situation with my wives, and my own state of mind, if we petitioned the court to have Joyce removed as my guardian. I really don't believe it serves any good purpose to have her remaining in such a controlling position over me."

"Have you put your personal situation back in order, Kenny?"

"I've done everything I'm prepared to do under the present circumstances. I don't like the idea of Joyce thinking she can compel me to do anything, just because she happens to control all the purse strings. I want my freedom, and with it, my fortune. I won't be coerced into making personal decisions. Whatever decisions I do make, I want it to be because it's what I want, not what I needed to settle for in order to prove something to you."

"This is something your father, Joyce and I have all agreed on, Kenny. It would take all three of us to make any changes to that agreement."

"I've given this a lot of thought. If need be, I'll have Frank petition the court on my behalf, to have my guardianships vacated, including the one that had Dad become the trustee over the children's main trust account. It is my belief that I would prevail if it were to come to a legal showdown between us. I believe I've demonstrated my competence to you enough. It chafes me to continue to be put in the position I'm in."

"This is beginning to sound more like a threat than a request, Kenny. Are you quite certain that this is how you wish to present it to us?"

"I'm presenting nothing to "us". I could have chosen to tell this to Joyce, Dad, or you. I chose you for a reason. I'm no longer ill, but I'm not the old Kenny, and I won't ever be. I'm different, and Joyce and Dad probably won't appreciate that difference. I thought you might. A lot of the difference in me takes away from my previous softness about things. I believe most of my old values are still intact, but, I look at many things differently now. I won't be pushed around, not by Joyce, not by anyone. Believing as I do isn't a sign of illness, and I hoped you could appreciate that and convince the others. If you can't though, I still believe I would prevail if we took it into court. I'd like to avoid that, but not enough to forego what I believe is my due. I am well again, and it's important that all of you recognize that fact, and that you do so by returning all the rights that were taken away from me."

"What of your family?"

"Having my competence under a cloud prevents me from being as active as I might otherwise be. Restoring my family the way I want it, requires that I be able to point to the complete restoration of what I had previously lost. Part of my attractiveness and the respect I had from others came from the wealth and power I possessed. Not having these things reduces me in my own eyes. I had to conclude that some of the others have had similar reactions."

"Can you assure me that you do plan to gather your family back to you? All the original wives, and the children at least?"

"I could, but I won't do that. I'll do whatever I think best. It may turn out just as you'd wish it to, but that is my decision to make, not yours. It will turn out like I want it to, and that should be enough for you."

"Very well. I will speak to Joyce and your father later tonight. For what it's worth, you'll have my vote."

"Your vote is really the only one I was uncertain of. Joyce and Dad will do whatever you suggest. Try to set things up as soon as possible. I'm tired of waiting. I want to be in Birmingham no later than Monday of next week. I've looked at what Joyce has accomplished down there, and there was so much more we might have done. The first thing I'm going to do is get that vending product sales project going again. We've lost millions in annual sales by not following through with that program. We could have funded most of the rest of the Southern expansion with the sales profits and the borrowing opportunity that program would have presented to us."

"Your father seemed undecided after you became ill. I believe he kept hoping you'd have a quick recovery. He was saving it for you."

I needed to take a new physical and appear before a three man board to get my flying privileges back again. It took a month from the time I first applied. I had to accept restrictions in order to even get my privileges back as soon as I did. I wouldn't be flying solo for awhile. I didn't mind too much. The main thing different was the expense of another pilot. I still did all the flying myself. It was like having a babysitter, but it was only for a limited duration.

By the first of August, I was fully restored, and in the same independent position I'd been in before the illness.

Emily had been making weekly visits to our home with the children. Sissy and Tony said they really missed all their brothers and sisters. Emily managed to talk Brenda into letting her spend the night with her. Brenda came to me first, leaning towards refusing Emily, but I told her I thought it would help all of us to ease the tensions that had built up between us.

Joyce knew that Emily was spending the night with Brenda, and came to me to ask if I'd let her sleep with me, since Brenda wouldn't be available. I refused her offer, saying that I still didn't feel like sleeping with her again.

I really didn't either. I loved her, and I still wanted the two of us to be married and together, but I saw her as the architect of my downfall. She had botched her task of holding the family together, and she had done nothing more than act as a passive caretaker with our Southern division. I held what had happened with Cindy against her too.

The following morning, Emily made it a point to stop by my office before she left, supposedly to thank me for helping her out with Brenda. I was in the middle of a delicate series of trades when she stopped by, so I didn't have a chance to do more than acknowledge her thanks, and wish her a safe trip back to Lawrence. Later, at lunch, Brenda started sounding me out about how I'd feel if Emily and the children wanted to move back in with us.

Joyce looked up from her sandwich when Brenda began talking to me about it. Before, Joyce would have been the one that Emily would have needed to go to for something like this. Her not doing so in this instance was very telling, to Joyce, and to me. I was gratified that it had happened on its own. I would have reacted differently if Emily had gone to Joyce with her plans.

"I think I'll leave it up to you, Brenda. If you think she can move back without disrupting things too much here, then tell her it's all right. This doesn't change anything between Emily and me though. Make sure you explain to her that we're a separate matter, and that I won't put up with any problems she might want to create here. This isn't like it was before. This isn't a democracy. This is my house, and we live here under my rules."

"I'll tell her no if that's what you want, Kenny."

"It's your decision, Brenda, whatever you decide you want. I have no problem as long as she behaves herself. I'm happy to know that Sissy and Tony might be coming home again."

"I'll tell her she can move back in again then. Will I still get to sleep in your bedroom?"

"I think I'm going to start back to making that invitational only again. You'll be getting regular invitations though."

"When am I going to get invited back in to sleep with you?" Joyce's face was not even trying to hide the anger she was feeling.

"When I start wanting to sleep with you again."

"When will that be, never?"

"No, not never. It definitely won't be before all my children are back living under my roof though, and it probably won't be before all my wives are living here too."

"Including Cindy?"

"Including all the wives I had on the day I got sick, and you took over running things. I told you I was going to get everything back, and that's what I meant. Until I do, every time I look at you I'm reminded of all that I lost."

"It wasn't only you that lost, Kenny. I lost too. I tried my best to keep things together."

"I don't believe that. In all the time I've known you, for all those years, you always managed to get whatever you really wanted, including me. I don't believe for a minute that you didn't deliberately let things get to the point they were when I finally started getting better. You messed things up, and I'm not going to forgive you until after I put them all back to how they were."

"If you don't start treating me like your wife, I'm going to take the children and leave you. This is so stupid, Kenny."

"Do it then. Never threaten me unless you're really willing to do what you threaten. If you leave me, you'll be leaving everything, not just me. I'm talking about your place in the business, everything. If you do leave, since you're the person who allowed this whole family mess to happen, I won't ever let you return again. Think about that before you start packing up any of the kid's clothes. I'm cleaning up your mess, but don't you dare go and make it any bigger for me."

"You really are crazy if you believe any of what you're saying. Why would I do any of what you claim I'm responsible for?"

"If I knew that, I'd be a lot closer to getting the rest of my problems solved. If I had to take a guess, I'd say it had something to do with your ambitions as far as taking over the company after Dad gives it up. That's the only thing that begins to explain some of the things that went on while I was sick. No matter how things end up with us, I'm going to make sure you never get the opportunity to ever run the company."

"Wait until I tell your parents what you're saying to me. I knew this was going to happen. I wish you'd come out and talked like this before they gave everything back to you. When your father hears what you're saying, he'll never let you back inside the company. You can't possibly believe I'd let all this happen just so I could take your place in the company."

"I said it was my best guess, not that I was certain of it. I've always let you have your own way with the business. I don't know why that wouldn't have satisfied you."

"You aren't certain, but you're still punishing me for it anyway."

"I want you to stop right now, Joyce, before we both say things we can't ever take back. You're my wife, but you aren't going to dictate to me. I already told you when I'm going to sleep with you again. If you don't like it, you're free to leave like you threatened. Just remember what I told you about never coming back. I'm stuck waiting too. You act like its only you that is doing without."

"You have Brenda. How is that doing without?"

"Who else do I have? Who else don't I have? When my house is full again, things will get back to normal for us. Until then, you'll just have to wait."

"I'm not going to just sit quietly and let you do this to me, Kenny. I've got needs too. If you have somebody, I can have someone too."

"Go ahead Joyce, but make sure you've moved out first."

We sat there at the kitchen table, staring at each other. Joyce was glaring, but I had an even expression on my face. Let her try to do what she was threatening to do.

"I want a divorce."

"Get a lawyer. I won't even fight it as long as I get joint custody of the children. There isn't anything you can threaten me with that is going to change my mind about this, Joyce. Instead of continually trying to get your way, you should be out there trying to get me what I told you I needed to have before I can forgive you."

She got up and left the kitchen. She didn't go start packing though. I knew how stubborn and determined she was. I'd outlined for her where our game could be played out. I was expecting a lot of quick activity as a consequence of our little set to there in the kitchen.

"She's really mad now, Kenny. Is that what you wanted?"

"I don't know what I wanted, Brenda. Most of it I made up as we went along in our argument. My main goal was to continue frustrating her. She needs to find out that she can't push me around like she used to. If she doesn't learn that, then none of the rest of my plan is liable to work either."