She's A Woman

by Harddaysknight

Caution: This Humor Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa, Romantic, Heterosexual, Humor, Exhibitionism, .

Desc: Humor Sex Story: A husband and wife play dangerous game of one-upmanship. The husband finally manages to get the upper hand.

I had just arrived home after five days on a business trip to Vegas. I walked through the front door around 9 AM. I knew that Debbie, my wife, would have left for work an hour prior to my arrival. I went to the kitchen and rummaged around in the refrigerator, found a cold slice of pizza and washed it down with a Pepsi. It always amazed Debbie that I could eat, and enjoy, cold pizza, even in the morning.

As I walked through the living room, I saw a sheet of red construction paper taped to the television. We always used the bright paper for notes, to be certain any messages we left would be found. I pulled the paper off the TV and read it. It was from Debbie and simply told me to watch the video already in the VCR.

I sat down on the couch and clicked on the TV and then hit 'play' on the VCR. Debbie had never done this before and I was curious. I had a faint hope she was going to model some skimpy lingerie or something. Whenever I had suggested taping anything even remotely risqué before, she would turn me down flat.

The picture finally materialized and there was Debbie, fully clothed. She was sitting on the very sofa my ass was occupying at the moment. She had several letters and papers in front of her on the coffee table.

"I happened to open the MasterCard bill and I found some interesting expenses," she began. "There are several charges from an expensive hotel, and the dates fall into the same time frame as when I went up to Mom's to help take care of Dad for ten days. There are also several rather expensive meals charged to your account, at restaurants you have never taken me, Dan."

Where the hell was she going with this? Debbie never looked at our accounts. She wasn't good with numbers. The checkbook and credit card accounts were my domain. Now she was trying to decipher them?

"I took the liberty of calling your office, Dan," continued Debbie. "I asked for that little slut, Barb. Surprise! Surprise! She has been out for a few days and the girl on the phone had no idea why! I know it is just a coincidence, my loving husband. That little whore has been after you for years, you had to go to Las Vegas on business, and she has not been to work all week."

I was starting to see where Debbie was headed with her somewhat flawed logic. We had been married 19 years and had two daughters in high school. Debbie had mentioned in the past that she didn't like Barb, but this was the first time she resorted to such unpleasant expressions. It seemed that Debbie was a tad upset.

"When you get home, you'll have some 'splainin' to do, as Ricky always told Lucy. I suggest you assemble reasons for your actions, and have proof of those reasons; as well as proof that damn tramp wasn't in Vegas this week. Have them ready when I get home this evening, or your ass is grass!" warned Debbie. "Have a nice day, Darling!"

The picture went fuzzy so I began considering my options. Debbie seemed pretty serious. I was mentally forming my response when the screen lit back up and Debbie was speaking again. She was now taping from our downstairs bathroom.

"I almost forgot to warn you, Dan. Do not eat the slice of pizza in the refrigerator," Debbie smirked and smiled a really evil smile. "It seems I dropped it into the toilet by accident, Darling."

She was wearing rubber gloves and dunking the slice of pizza in the toilet bowl like a goddamn doughnut in a cup of coffee! I began to get a little queasy. Then she wrapped the shit pizza in plastic wrap.

"I hate to waste this food, so I will just save it and give it to the squirrels in the park in a few days," chuckled Debbie. "I'll just put it in the refrigerator until then."

I sprinted to the bathroom and leaned over the bowl. Nothing happened! My mind was grossed out, but my stomach was well along in digesting the pizza and sending it on. When I realized I wasn't going to be bringing the pizza back up for another vote, I spun around, dropped my pants, and tried to take a dump. I thought I might as well hasten its journey back to the very bowl from whence it came!

An hour and a half later, I had assembled all my proof and had decided to tape it, just as my accuser had done. I placed the camera on the tripod and began recording.

"If you had opened the rest of my mail, you would have seen a letter from the company bookkeeper stating that I was being reimbursed to the tune of $968.72 for charges I placed on my credit card in the line of duty, so to speak. The company brought in some possible buyers for our new line and I wined and dined them. I also reserved rooms for them while they were in town. I don't have a company credit card, so the boss assured me he would see that I was reimbursed, which he did do. I did not sleep, or even have sex, with any of the three guys that I was schmoozing. I mentioned them to you briefly on the phone at the time. You were understandably too concerned about your dad to pay much attention to what I was telling you. I do have a picture of them at the office, if it is required," I told the camera. "Barb wasn't in this week because she had a miscarriage Sunday. The secretary was asked to not give out personal information.

This was a great way to communicate! There were no interruptions or arguments. I decided Debbie might have stumbled on something with the camera thing! Then I pulled out my ace-in-the-hole! I removed two airline tickets from my shirt pocket and held them up to the camera. I hoped they would be clear enough to read.

"These are tickets for two to Hawaii for next month. By some strange coincidence, our 20th anniversary falls just two days after we were scheduled to depart. However, you seem to have no faith in me. I have the definite impression you wouldn't ride with me to the goddamn morgue, let alone spend ten days on Maui with me. I guess we won't need them," I reasoned.

I swung around to the coffee table to pick up a pair of scissors I had placed there. As I did that, I switched the valid tickets with some old ones I had hidden in my pocket. I turned to the camera and made a big production of cutting the tickets into little pieces, as I smiled at the lens.

"I'm going out to the driving range to hit a few balls. Then I am going to stop in at O'Malley's and have a few beers and some SANITARY food," I emphasized. "I may be home late. You'll have time to tape an apology for me."

I had just been shown a table when Debbie strode across the floor. She was wearing a short black dress and looked fantastic. I stood as she approached the table.

"Do you have room for me, or are you angry?" she asked.

"I am a trifle pissed, but I can see from the way you are dressed, I won't be able to keep my mad very long," I smiled. "Would you care to join me for dinner?"

Debbie leaned to me and I gave her a quick kiss. To my surprise, she stayed glued to me and gave me a rather long, passionate kiss. She was not one to normally show too much affection in public.

"That will serve as my apology, at least until I get you home," she laughed. "I am so excited about Hawaii, Dan! You are the best husband ever!"

"Perhaps you weren't paying attention, Debbie. I cut those tickets to pieces," I corrected her. "You had me so livid, I had to do something for revenge."

"Yes, and tossed the pieces in the garbage," Debbie grinned. "You had better be careful about identity theft, Dan. I dug those pieces from the trash and saw they were some old tickets you had. You know I can always tell when you are trying to play a trick on me."

"Well, I may still have the valid ones," I admitted. "Why would I take a woman that doesn't trust me and is trying to give me some horrible disease, like dysentery, or even diarrhea? "

Debbie broke into laughter as she responded, "Dysentery or diarrhea? I don't think you can get the former without the latter, Dan."

"Whatever! Your revenge was pretty cruel," I shot back. "I could catch something and you know it!"

"Dan, you are so naïve. I didn't keep that slice of pizza. If you had looked in the trash you would have found it. If I really thought you were having an affair, I would have done something far worse than that! I just had a few questions I felt should be cleared up before I reached the point of no return."

"What the hell could be worse than poisoning me, Debbie," I asked.

"I have heard where some women make videos of some man making love to them just to get revenge on a cheating husband. Then they send it to the husband to watch. Some men would think that was a lot worse," suggested Debbie.

I didn't say a word for a minute. I had read stories about things like that. They always went the same way.

"Would the guy's cock be bigger than mine?" I questioned.

"Absolutely!" Debbie responded.

. "Would he be black?"

"Of course," Debbie assured me.

"Any chance he'd knock you up?"

"I'd say just about 100%," agreed Debbie

"Would I be expected to support him, give him my room, bed, and wife? Would you humiliate me in front of our family, friends and neighbors?" I asked.

"That goes without saying, Dan," answered my wife.

I nodded my head a few times and appeared to be thinking.

"Well that gives me some ideas of what I will have to do if I catch you being less than faithful," I suggested. "You would not be allowed to wear underwear ever again."

"Would you make me service your cock all the time? Suck you off on command?"

"Definitely," I admitted.

"Would you make me dress provocatively and be a hostess for any card games you had with your friends?"

"You can rest assured I would."

"Would I wind up naked and on display by the end of the evening?" Debbie wondered.

.... There is more of this story ...

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Story tagged with:
Ma/Fa / Romantic / Heterosexual / Humor / Exhibitionism /