Chapter 3

Maq:

The next morning I groaned out of bed, turned on the coffee and checked out the computer. I had an email from Jill. Here it is, in its entirety:

To: maquido@hotmail.com
From: Jill
Subject: Last Night

Maq:

I want to thank you, again, for being such a special friend. I confess, I've wondered how people enjoy "cyber sex" or phone sex, but now, I've indulged just a little bit and I enjoyed. There is a freedom that is exhilarating to someone like me (especially someone like me who is psycho about the privacy thing). I told you last night that I've always been extremely sexual. At times I've wondered if there was something wrong with me. That was part of what came up in therapy. The therapist ended up hitting on me. Then, I found out later, he'd not kept my confidence. I sicced the lawyers on everybody.

I ramble. I'm sorry.

The point is I am frustratingly sexual and really do feel it is impossible to act upon. I know some of my peers do not seem shy about acting on their desires, but if you notice, very few can transcend the stigma that attaches. Not if their artistic goals are similar to mine. Anyway, you, my dear friend, have allowed me to enjoy a little of what I cannot enjoy. Sex is best when shared, don't you agree. That's what it is all about.

I promised you I would tell you about my private response to our sexy conversation. I'm not sure how to do that. I find myself shy. I do not want you to think bad of me, but somehow, I don't think you will. Just please know I'm giving you more trust than I've ever given anybody. So, if you'll excuse my inexperience, I will try to put into words what I did after we signed off our chat.

I lay in bed for the longest, on top of the sheets, just thinking about all the things out there I am denied. I can't go into a sex-shop and buy those toys. I can't get wild in public. I can't have wild, mindless sex. And I really, really enjoy the idea of wild sex.

I really was in a robe and panties while we chatted. I lay in bed in just the panties. I imagined being able to surrender to urges without fear and decided that in the context of where I was-in my own bed, about to masturbate, thinking of you and things you said--I would surrender. I took off my panties.

I masturbate a lot. I lie under the sheets, usually curled up on my side and slip my hand between my legs and please myself.

Not last night.

Last night, the first thing I did was grab each breast in a hand and push them together (do you prefer the word tits?). My nipples were erect, and, I might add, had been since our chat. I licked one and then the other. (You know, don't you, that my breasts are all my own? I mean you've seen me on the screen, have you ever thought I'd been enhanced?) I'd left a small light on and it was extremely hot that I could see my nipples glistening.

Okay, I've finished this email and as I re-read I realized I am being shy and not fair to you. So, I'm adding the following. I started pretending that my nipples were wet from the tongue of a lover. Maq, I hope you realize how much I trust you when I say: I imagined that they were wet from a man's sperm and then I imagined that they were wet from where I'd pressed them into the pussy of Chloe Spencer. I don't even know if such a thing could be done in real life, but it could in my head.

Speaking of pussy. Mine was tingling. I was pressing my legs together, stimulating myself with the pressure.

Then, keeping with the theme of being wild, I spread my legs. I could feel that I was wet. I was leaking. I could feel my wetness.

Maq, I keep running into this civil shyness, but I've decided to go all out with you. I'm going to use words I'd never use with someone in person and tell you in sexy, graphic, nasty terms what I was feeling. I hope that's okay. I am blushing and just realized I was kind of hunched over the computer as I typed this, as if someone could read over my shoulder. I am home alone and there's nobody here. To reinforce my commitment to exploring all the details of this stuff with you, I just stripped and now, as I type this, I am not hunched over. I am on the edge of my chair with my legs spread a little and my breasts (tits?) proudly naked. So, on with what I really felt.

Last night, after I spread my legs, I could feel my wetness leaking and making me wet in the crack of my ass. That, my friend, is really wet.

I raised my knees. I tried to conjure up exactly what you look like (remind me--send me a picture). I imagined you on the end of my bed, on your knees, between my spread legs with your cock in your hand. As I thought of you getting closer and closer, I put my hand between my legs and rubbed myself. Two of my fingers were your cock as you pressed into me.

Maq, I came as soon as my fingers pressed inside my pussy. What have you done to me?

Your sticky fingered friend,

Jill

PS I'll leave you with this thought, as I sit here, naked with my legs spread, I can smell that I am aroused again. I'm about to finger myself, again.

PPS Attached is a picture of my cousin and me at her place last year.

To: Jill
From: Maq
Subject: re Last Night

Jill:

Wow. I am humbly aroused that I got a role in your fantasy.

First, to answer the questions you asked. I use the word breasts. I find tits to usually be vulgar and demeaning when used by men. Having said that, I find it terribly exciting and sexy when a lady uses the word and invites me to use the word with her in mind. Strange, no? It is an invitation to sexual abandonment and intimacy. Just like the mother of all words: cunt. Sadly, that word is often considered the worst of all possible words. Sadly, because it is the strongest, most powerful sounding word to refer to a lady's sexual organ. Comparable to "cock." There is a book written by a lady titled "Cunt." She addresses it as an empowering word. So, the connection to our topic? I would never use the word cunt or tits in the throes of sex. At least not until I knew she liked it or she said, "fuck my cunt" or "fuck my tits." Her inviting use of the word I consider to be trust and intimacy. She trusted me to appreciate the raw, mindless sexuality of the word without any connotation that she was "a cunt" as used badly by idiots.