Chapter 20

As we emerged from the bay into the open water of the Gulf, I saw Raymond Pryor talking with Geneva Franklin. Geneva was crying softly, but nodding her head in agreement with what Raymond was telling her. I let them be, and went to the radio room to talk to Martin Kazner.

"Ingmar says we're to maintain radio silence," Martin told me as I came in. "No more calls to ask people to join us. Not until further notice, he said."

"Sure. I agree... Anyway, where would we tell people to go, to join us?"

"Ingmar and the Doc are discussing the idea of making port somewhere -- maybe Galveston -- and then going overland to San Antonio."

"Yeah."

"What do you think, Carter?"

"The hospital building there -- it's pretty good. It's out in the open, tall. It's got beds, generators, medical supplies, a kitchen... And if somebody attacked us there, we'd have the advantage, instead of them -- the attackers -- having it."

"Yeah."

"It's awful -- not going after those fuckers. Just letting them have our people, like that -- without a fight."

"It was the right thing to do, though, Carter," Martin said. "You know our men are dead already. And Sandra -- I don't see how we could have hoped to save her. They could have taken her anywhere."

"We can't let it happen to us again, though," I said.

"No. But maybe, on land, we'd have a better tactical position."

"We'd still need to send out foragers."

"Yes. But we'll send out bigger groups -- better-armed. We'll take more precautions."

"We sure as hell had to learn the hard way!" I said.

"Don't kick yourself around, Carter. You recognized the need for caution right away -- right from the start. Some of us had barely even considered the possibility of trouble. When Emily and I joined you in Chicago, we hadn't even armed ourselves! OK, so we all got more complacent, after awhile, in our foraging expeditions. But we had still been going out with rifles in hand! Our people just got overwhelmed, that's all. Or picked off, maybe -- the same way you and Raymond and the Doc almost got it."

"I was hoping I would be wrong," I said.

"About... ?"

"... About people turning into savages, and attacking each other! Fuck, Martin! There's only a few dozen people left alive, far as we know, in the whole fucking country, and these cock-suckers have to come at us with rifles! It's insane!"

"But it's predictable, Carter. Hell, boy, you predicted it yourself!"

"I was cautious at first. But then, I got to feeling secure. I thought, with there being more than 20 of us, we were, y'know -- safer."

"It's going to be a while, Carter. Maybe a long while, before any of us are ever safe again."

Raymond Pryor found me, later that day, below decks. "Why don't you go and talk to Geneva?" he said. "She's pretty down. I did what I could. I think it would help, if you talked to her."

"OK, if you think so."

I looked around the ship for Geneva and didn't find her anywhere, so finally I just knocked on her cabin door. She opened the door and looked out at me. Her face was still wet with tears.

"I just came by to talk to you," I said.

She peered at me through the partially opened door for the longest time. Finally she stepped back, still not saying anything. But she opened the door wider, and I knew I was being invited inside.

I'd never stopped by Geneva's cabin before, or gone inside. I had always been afraid people would think I was trying to get to her. For sex. Well. I guess I was, sorta. I mean, I sure had done a lot of thinking about sex with Geneva. God! A day never went by I didn't think about it.

But not now. She was just a kid, anyway. And now, she'd just lost her father. And Raymond -- her only remaining friend from her home place -- Raymond had asked me to find her and talk to her. I wasn't thinking about sex, right that minute. I was trying to be a man. A friend.

"I'm... real sorry about your dad," I said.

"Yeah. Thanks... Raymond says it was the right thing to do -- for us not to go and try to get him."

"Yeah. I know it must have been awful hard for you. But there really wasn't any way we could..."

"I know. I understand. But. We just left them all -- back there!"

"Geneva. When me and Raymond and the Doc were getting shot at, there on the shore, all we could do was run. We had to jump into the water, and hide under the docks! We were helpless."

"Yeah."

"We didn't know... we still don't know -- how many of them there were, or where they were holed up. Where were they firing at us from, y'know?... We had weapons -- but nothing to shoot at. And, later, if we had gone back onshore, they could have just picked us off, one by one. You know they were just waiting for us to do that. They were hoping we'd do that."

"You think my Daddy's dead?"

I didn't answer her right away, but when I looked at her, I thought her eyes were going to stare right through me. "Yeah, Geneva. I just about know he's dead."

"But. Why? Just so they could get -- Sandra?"

"Yes. Probably."

"I feel so bad, about what I said, when we had the meeting."

"What? What did you say?"

"Don't you remember? I said how I was sorry so many people had died, but that I couldn't help it, that I was just -- happy -- being in this group, and having this new life. I knew -- even then -- that... what I said... it was an awful thing for me to say! It was so selfish! And now, my daddy's dead, and that other man. And Sandra's been captured by... them. Oh, God! I guess enough people 'been killed, now, maybe I'll know enough, not to be happy!"

"C'mon, Geneva! When you said that -- what you said at the meeting -- we all knew how you meant it! Even if other people didn't feel exactly that way, about... what happened, they understood what you were saying. I mean, nobody called you out on it, did they? Nobody said you were a heartless little freak, for saying that! They understood what you meant. Some of them, probably, felt the same way!"

"How about you, Carter? Did you ever feel that way? About what happened?"

I didn't hesitate. "Yes! Yes, Geneva, I have! I mean, seeing all the death, it was an awful downer, and it kept on, being that. And sometimes, still, in the middle of the night, I just feel awful about what happened, and how so much has been lost! And not just the people! We've lost... y'know... so much knowledge! And I guess, in the future, life for us is going to get a lot harder. Harder than now. We have all the left-overs of civilization, right now. But, years from now, we'll have to work harder. We'll have to struggle, just to feed ourselves!"