Chapter 33: 104' 33"

THE WEXFORD CONSERVATORY OF MUSIC

JOINT NON-DEGREE RECITAL

Tuesday, April 9, 1996

7:00 pm, Wexford Hall

Sandra d'Arcy, soprano

Emily Rathbourne, horn

Riccardo Mazzini, piano

PROGRAM

Drei Morike Lieder (1888) ... Hugo Wolf (1860 — 1903)

I. Auf ein altes Bild

Allison had gotten there early, wanting to take in the atmosphere of the conservatory. She had called to let Emily, Sandra, and Richard know that she had arrived safely, but she rejected the offer of lunch, not wanting to distract them before their recital. We'll have fun the rest of the week, Allison thought. Right now they should focus on themselves.

She wandered around on the lowest floor, passing by the practice rooms which were all full of students. Recitals and concerts must be happening nonstop at this time of year. She paused beside some of the doors when the music caught her attention. Amazing. The density of musicianship here is astounding...

This could have been me. Maybe...

She found herself in a seat ten minutes before seven. Already, there were a number of people in the concert hall. What a beautiful place... ! It must be amazing to get up there and play, she thought, looking at the dimly lit piano. It stood there on stage, waiting expectantly to be touched.

She imagined herself standing in front of the curve of the instrument, holding her flute as she looked out at a full house. What a thrill... !

She glanced around at the growing crowd, taking in the details. Many carried instruments. They've made some friends this year...

She turned. Here come more people. They look like random concert goers. Lots of older couples, music aficionados ... And why not? Free concerts almost every night ... It's a gift.

What an interesting crowd ... Then again, I came all the way from Australia for this...

She turned back to the stage as the lights dimmed in the hall, and people quieted and took their seats. The performance lights were raised, and then the hall settled into silence over the next few seconds as the air filled with expectancy.

Allison smiled a big smile as Sandra appeared from the left. She almost didn't see Richard behind her, so taken was she with Sandra's appearance and carriage. What a beautiful dress...

The audience applauded as the two of them took their places on stage.

She's a natural, up there. Captivating...

As the applause ended, Richard shared a smile with Sandra, and then he began. Allison listened to the first melancholy phrase of his playing, and it instantly set something new vibrating inside her. It's really begun...

Sandra entered soon after, with a delicate melody. I thought I remembered how she sang, but ... This is beautiful...

The mood she felt surprised Allison. She had been living on excited enthusiasm for the past week, waiting to fly across the globe and sit in this chair with almost pounding heart. Now, she was suddenly transported somewhere completely unexpected, as the haunting and subdued song that Sandra and Richard performed made her insides reach towards them in longing.

How quickly music can make us love ... And miss ... And cry...

Allison let herself be carried away by the sound of Sandra's voice and Richard's piano chords.

It's a world of art, and beauty, really. Nothing compares to this. Nothing.

When the song approached the end, Allison sat still, wishing for it to continue. She didn't want to let go of the place she now occupied. The song had been a little jewel, and she still wanted to hold it in her hand and feel its soft light on her.

No one coughed or even shifted as Richard damped the last chord in the piano and turned the page in his music.

Then Sandra smiled slightly, catching sight of Allison in the audience.

Allison realized there were more jewels to come. With a last pang of longing, she let the feelings go and looked forward to the next selection.

Sandra nodded at Richard, and he began the accompaniment for the second song.

She turned back to the audience to sing, and the first note caught in her throat.

Richard looked up at her, for a second pausing.

She had missed the entrance. He repeated the introductory figure, unsure of what else to do.

Allison watched nervously as Sandra stared out over the audience towards the back of the hall. For a moment, she seemed frozen still.

Then her face took on a serene quality, and she began to sing.

Allison relaxed, glad Sandra had recovered, and she let herself be drawn in by the music again.

II. Verborgenheit

Eugene sat perfectly still in his seat. He kept his face unmoving as he listened.

Here before him were two of his students performing. It's been over a year since I've attended a student recital, he realized with surprise.

He used to attend more of them, before he had become head of the theory department and paperwork had invaded his life. Usually when he was in the audience, he found himself working out the theory of the music, and critiquing the performance.

That part hasn't changed...

Did they analyze the piece? He found himself doing so at certain moments, sighing in satisfaction at the brilliant use of harmony by Herr Wolf.

"Seine Wonne, seine Pein."

A classic Romantic cadence...

They play well together, Eugene thought. There's a certain calmness to their playing that I don't remember hearing from many freshman students. Most are too nervous to play with anything approaching calmness. Most don't even do recitals, though.

He could tell Sandra had command of the performance. I can even follow her from the back row. He wasn't sure how much of the accompaniment was Richard's doing, and how much was just Sandra guiding him inevitably through it.

Richard seems to have a good touch on the piano, but he's obviously a concert pianist, he thought, when they reached the animated section of the song.

He overplayed there somewhat. Too much, for how Sandra chose to sing it. An understandable mistake, since he probably hasn't done much accompaniment. And they are first year students, after all...

But what students... He looked at each of them.

The piece ended quietly by repeating the classic Romantic cadence, and Dr. Dobra sighed deeply. It was his only outward show of emotion, but since he was in the last row, no one saw it.

III. Das verlassene Maegdlein

If Billy had been sitting in the audience, he would have been watching Sandra with wet eyes.

He had heard Sandra sing for most of his life. He knew how much it was a part of her. He could no more imagine her not singing than he could imagine his father not being out in the fields of their farm in the morning.

He would have been amazed, however, at seeing her on the stage at Wexford. In his mind, during lonely nights at his college, he would wonder what she was doing at school. He would always picture her practicing like she did at her house. Perhaps playing with a faceless man named Richard, or alone ... But it was nothing more than what he had seen countless times when they were together. The background had changed, but she was always ready to go out on the town with him after she was finished.

Now, she was elegantly and stunningly dressed, singing with her heart under the bright lights. This was real. She would be gaining more and more followers, as she collected people's hearts with her moving performances. No longer was she only Billy's to admire from afar. The brook they used to play in as children had swept her far away to the ocean, now.

Even with his untrained ear, Billy would have felt the musicality in what she did. It consumed anyone who was really listening and watching.

It was part of her. He could no more imagine her not playing music than he could imagine ... himself without her ... She was a part of him.

But Billy was not in the audience. Instead, he listened from somewhere immeasurably distant, yet also within her. With no time or air there, notes and sounds had no meaning in that place. But the emotions with which Sandra sang ... They vibrated and shook his entire existence.

He supported her, and through her memories he changed her. He imparted her with strength, grace and radiance. He at last succeeded in having her let go of him, even though he would never let go of her.

He listened.

Morgen! Opus 27, No. 4 ... Richard Strauss (1864 — 1949)

With Suzanne Wright, violin

As Suzanne walked out onto the stage, she smiled at Sandra.

She looks ... radiant, Suzanne thought.

As she did every time she looked at Sandra's eyes, Suzanne felt a spark inside of her. It was doubly pleasing tonight, since they were about to perform together.

After a last lingering look, she turned to Richard. She had met this interesting trio just two weeks ago, and yet it felt like she had known them forever. What would have happened had I met them earlier?

With a slight movement, she cued Richard for the start of the piece, and she projected the richly languorous notes of the opening melody out into the hall. Richard supported her with gentle chords and harp-like arpeggios.

She looked at Sandra several times during the introduction. Sandra kept her eyes on hers, and Suzanne again felt the musical connection she always did.

Suzanne used a heavy vibrato in her left hand, trying to draw the sweetest sound out of her violin. It wasn't enough for her, as she still found herself lamenting the limitations of her instrument. After meeting and playing music with Sandra, she knew she could do so much more.

Then Sandra entered with the first line of the song. Suzanne let out a shuddering breath as she intertwined her violin with Sandra's voice. Behind them, Richard continued his delicate accompaniment, increasing its intensity only slightly.

She followed Sandra closely through their duet, reveling in the sound of the notes they struck in harmony. Their lines moved separately, but like two perfect ballet dancers, completely together. Suzanne could feel her touch as they lifted each other through each graceful phrase.

All too soon their delicate and loving conversation was over. Suzanne was left alone for a moment, and she descended quietly and slowly through the end of her violin melody.

Richard held the uncertain chords as Sandra sang the last part of the text alone.

Suzanne thought back to that night in her apartment two weeks ago when Sandra had escaped out of her depression by singing this song with her. Even though the moment had been magical, that night Suzanne hadn't known what the German text said.

Sandra's voice turned fragile. She once again looked at Suzanne's eyes and finished the vocal melody with a hopeful cadence.

Now Suzanne knew the words, and knew Sandra, and it made her very soul resonate...

Suzanne gave everything she had to her last six notes. She hoped Richard would wait for her, since she held the second of each ascending pair of notes for what seemed like a minute each.

She yearned for Sandra's voice to return to sing with her, but like a sunrise, the unique moment of beauty had passed, unattainable ever again except in memory.

The final chord faded into silence before the audience broke out into enthusiastic applause.

"Brava!" came a man's deep voice.

Suzanne and Sandra moved closer and shared a smile. When Richard was beside them, they bowed twice. Suzanne stepped back, and she and Richard let Sandra take a bow on her own. After smiling at the appreciative audience for a few more moments, the three of them walked off the stage.

Once out of sight, Suzanne immediately turned and embraced Sandra, kissing her.

"Beautiful!" she said softly.

"Oh, you too!"

Suzanne felt Richard wrap his arms around them both.

"That was incredible," he said, breathing deeply. "You two must share the same brain, or something."

They laughed, but didn't dispute the idea.

Suzanne stepped back as Emily also gave them both hugs.

"That was unforgettable," Emily whispered, as the hall had quieted. "I was crying."

Sandra smiled emotionally and hugged her again. "Thanks. For everything. I love you so much, Em."

Suzanne watched as they shared a chaste but emotional kiss.

Emily sighed, and then shook loose her arms. "My turn, I guess." The nervousness was apparent in her voice.

"Go out there and just play, Emily," Suzanne said, giving her another hug. "Have fun. You won't have this day again."

"I know. I hope I can live up to that last song."

"You will, Emily. I know you will," she whispered.

Richard came up and put his hands on Emily's shoulders from behind.

"Are you ready?" he murmured.

"Almost. Just give me a second to calm down."

Sandra wrapped her arms around Richard's middle. "You were right there for me, Richard. Thanks."

He kissed the top of her head, and then her lips gently. Then he gave a little smile and went to wait with Emily. They stood near each other as they watched the stage manager walk back towards them. The stage was set.

"Good luck, both of you," Suzanne whispered. She gave them each a confident pat on the arm, and then she and Sandra moved deeper into the darkness of the side stage, finding some chairs.

Sandra took her hand and squeezed it gently. "Thanks, Suzanne, for playing."

"Any time. I love playing with you. I just wish I'd met you sooner."

"We'll play again, someday," Sandra said, searching her eyes.

"I hope so."

They quieted as applause started. Emily and Richard were walking out onto the stage.

Suzanne saw Sandra smiling as she silently sent support and love out to her two lovers.

Sonata for Horn in F and Piano (1939) ... Paul Hindemith (1895 — 1963)

I. Massig bewegt

Joel knew he would enjoy the Hindemith, as Emily and Richard confidently started the first movement. He knew from years of working with Emily in orchestras that she would give a good rendition of the cerebral piece. Besides, as a horn player, how could he not enjoy it... ?

She's always been into the details of the music, and this piece needs that.

It's such a contrast from what Sandra sang. Almost jarring ... And yet, so Emily.

He wondered how the audience was liking the piece. He looked around; everyone was focused on the stage.

Well, that's good. She's keeping them in it.

Joel looked back at Emily, watching her facial expressions as she shaped the phrases.

She's still a cutie ... It was almost three years ago that we got together. She was so young, then ... So was I, even though I was through my first year at Wexford.

Those were crazy summers...

She's changed, especially this year. She's still irreverent, but she's also found something new. There's a ... delicateness in there, that I never saw before. Maybe it's due to this Richard guy. Or her roommate...

He smiled, reminding himself that the rumors about her trio were probably true. Most things you hear around here are, he thought, grinning.

They stayed together, even after what happened between us at my place. I wonder if Richard and Sandra know what really happened...

Joel cringed slightly at the memory. Even though the police had never bothered him again, it was still a rough situation to deal with.

And I then had to go be a dick to Emily about it. Richard's been cool ever since we talked, though. So has Emily. Much better than the cold shoulder I got at the end of last semester...

The opening theme returned, played faster now. Joel leaned in, waiting expectantly for the powerful cadence. Emily delivered, sounding the final notes with a clear tone that filled the hall.

Nice job, Emily.

II. Ruhig bewegt

Kyle realized he was leaning forward in his chair.

This is strange music, he conceded, as Richard started playing the second part of the piece. Nothing like what I listen to.

But it's still cool to see Emily play ... She's so into it. I can't imagine concentrating that hard for so long.

He sat back some, calmed by the slower pace of this movement. At times Richard's playing reminded him of running water.

Emily's horn, like the breeze...

As the movement progressed and became more evocative, Kyle threw his thoughts back to the day Billy had died. He glanced at the empty seat next to him.

He would have been sitting here with me.

Kyle's throat momentarily grew tight, as grief suddenly flooded through him. But he allowed it to pass on without letting it consume him.

In those dark hours, it had been surprisingly comforting to have Emily there.

I hardly know her, really. But, it was like she knew me. She knew what I was feeling. I wonder who she lost, when she was younger.

It's strange how she ended up being there, that day. It had to be more than just a coincidence...

No, that's all it was. She's got her man, there, on stage with her.

Emily and Richard pressed into a more dramatic section, exchanging a glance for a cue. Richard smiled as they played together.

You're an idiot, Kyle, thinking you could come tonight and impress her with your stupid surprise.

Kyle thought the movement was ending, but he couldn't really tell with this music. Despite the general uneasiness he felt at the strange surroundings, he also felt hope and light when he looked at Emily.

The movement did end.

She's beautiful...

III. Lebhaft

Clark watched his daughter as she began the final movement of the Sonata. Her friend is a formidable pianist, he thought. It will be interesting to hear him play the Etudes. We'll have to move to the other side of the hall at the intermission, to watch his hands.

As the movement reached the pensive second section, Clark listened attentively. When he used to play the Sonata, long ago, he always enjoyed this section the most. There was a beauty to the horn lines that supported all that had come before, but also moved the piece in a new direction.

She really has grown into a strong musician... Clark felt a pang of remorse, wondering why he was noticing only now.

Years lost ... and now she's grown. I had very little part in shaping her musically. Even though he felt a resonance in her playing, knowing they had similar working styles, he also heard an approach to the music which was different than his. She plays smoother than I did, despite using the same instrument.

Perhaps tonight I can start to mend the rift between us.

He glanced at Audrey, sitting by his side and smiling as she watched Emily. She too watched her grow up. I hope she's right about tonight.

Even though I should have reached out to Emily years ago, perhaps it is not too late. What would it be like to talk of music with her now? When I last was close with Emily, the only music we could talk about were children's songs.

Look at her ... A woman, now. Interpreting some difficult music, and very well. That was wonderful phrasing...

Clark felt some long lost feelings welling up, as he began to realize that he could hear some of Emily's mother's playing in the performance. She also had smooth phrasing. Elizabeth played for her constantly. Emily still remembers her ... Maybe she still remembers what I told her back then...

Even though the Hindemith was not an overtly emotional piece, he still found himself feeling so.

He squeezed Audrey's hand as the piece came to a strong conclusion, and then was the first to applaud.