The Last Letter
Chapter 2

Copyright© 2006 by BanditIRA

24, July 2000

Dear Isabelle,

Maybe I should tell you how damned tired I am. I can barely sleep. I can barely think straight sometimes. The talk is of how they break you down before they build you back up. What the hell do I need to be broken down to a single cell organism for? Shaved head, new boots and a weapon. That is what I have been molded into, move left, protect your flank! Move right, watch your ass soldier! Ugh, one thing I knew would happen was this conditioning, but am I becoming a robot? Point, shoot, hide, point, shoot, run?

Scratch is my best friend I guess, I have mentioned him in my previous letters. But I think it is official now that he has seen my worst moments. Last night I was thinking about that summer when we first met, and you just smiled like the little imp that you are, when I stood there dumbfounded looking at ... well, you. But mostly I was looking at your eyes and how they seemed to make your smile perfect, the small dimples in your cheeks, slightly enhancing your smile and beauty even more ... Ugh cheesy I know. Anyways, God it was so hot that summer, I thought I would die of dehydration. I guess the swimming helped, huh? Anyways, he kept asking me about the letters. So I told him about just who I was writing to every day. Whenever I had a moment of free time, whether it was because I couldn't sleep or I had a free moment during the day to just sit and stare into the distance, I made sure to first write to you in my mind, then faithfully write it down word for word when I got the chance.

Who indeed am I writing? Are you my priest like I had thought you might be? Perhaps. Are you my waiting, blushing bride at home? Hardly! What about my friend? Of course. But exactly why I am writing you every day even I don't know. I mean think about how we almost never saw each other for the last year. But now I can't get you out of my head, it's like some habit I learned as a child and now it cannot be broken, because it's been far too long to rid myself of it.

So what did I tell him? I told him everything. From the dimples to the thousands of love letters I wrote but never sent. That last part made him laugh so hard that he farted. I am not kidding, he actually farted! When he finally calmed down he said, "So are you actually going to send any of the huge stack in your footlocker?"

God, how was I supposed to answer that question? Was I supposed to tell him that, "No, I can't send them to her"? Or, "No, she is just too perfect", "she's my unicorn"? I tried explaining that you are like that mythical figure, the one that no matter how close you come to touching it, you never can, because you're not pure enough, nor are you fast enough. Maybe not even good enough ... actually you're not good enough to touch that mythical unicorn. I don't think he understood, but he nodded his head and mumbled something about needing a stiff drink after hearing that. That's Scratch for ya, whenever he thinks something is too 'deep' or 'intense' he needs a stiff drink.

Something about Scratch reminds me of a bear, I am not sure if you will understand this but I will try to explain. Here's a good example, when he rolls off the bottom bunk and stands, he literally looks like some angry bear: fuzzy, red eyed, surly as an old sailor ... He really looks like a bear. He even growls when he yawns in the mornings, and I mean a deep, rumbling growl. He also has the temperament of a bear. For example on the obstacle course there is this wall we have to climb over. Well we also have this short guy called Spark, cause he can barely contain himself I guess? Anyways, Scratch was watching this little guy try and try to get over, and us getting yelled at to hurry up, so he walks up all mild mannered like and says "Scuse me ... But you gotta get over." So Scratch just picks the guy up and tosses him over, then clambers his own self over. And me? I just stood there in awe, then hurried over myself. Like they say, the Army is just a bunch of 'hurry up and wait' crap. Even in the training.

I miss you. I love you. I hate myself you know; I can't even send all these letters. I am up to, what's this one make, the twenty-eighth? Ugh I don't know anymore. Saying goodbye always did hurt when we were children. I remember each and every single time I had to say goodbye when we had to return home after the camp, or from the Mackenzie's house, or say goodbye after you all had come up to visit. Every time you left, or I did, if felt like the whole world came crashing down around me, but no one else seemed to realize that the world itself was coming to an end. How can it be that you brought so much light to my eyes and so much pain to my heart? Did you know you are the reason I look at the stars? Hoping one day we will both be sitting on some blanket in the backyard of our home watching the sky and speaking to each other of love and happiness?

I have to go, it's getting close to bed time ... Bed time. How old am I? All of a sudden I have a bed time again...

Private,

Joseph


Stepping out of the car, he hauled his bags out and looked directly at the other car and saw Emily's smiling face. She shut the door of the Civic, then rushed over giving Joseph one of those hugs that felt as if his ribs were about to crack.

"Unhhhff!" Joseph grunted out as he tried sucking air into his now almost deflated lungs. Loudly he said, "Lady, I swear when they say dry cleaning only, it does not mean you have to squeeze it till it pops."

"Oh stop it you." Emily laughed as she let up slightly on her bear hug, and quickly stepped to his side, lifting Josephs arm around her shoulders as she held onto his torso.

Looking over to the other side of the Civic he smiled to Marge Jones, and said "Thank you for coming to see me off, ma'am."

"Oh Scout, I couldn't stand the thought..." Shaking her head, she quickly rounded the car and hugged Joseph as if her very life depended on it. Her arms tightly around his torso, and squeezed between Emily and Joseph, she stood on her tip-toes and kissed him quickly on the cheek, a small tear spoiling her cheeks as it spilled from her eyes.

"I..." Joseph quietly tried to say, but his voice failed him as if it too was sad to have to speak the words they were about to speak. He quickly hugged Marge Jones around the shoulders and then released her just as quickly. When he pulled away she went to her husband's side and glued herself to him just like her daughter had done to Joseph.

Slowly the group walked into the airbase's terminal and although looking and sounding almost happy, they still had a somber air around them that could not be mistaken for an easy parting. With his duffel bag hanging on his right shoulder, and his pack hanging from his right hand, his entire left side, it seemed to Joseph, was taken up by his wondrous, and beautiful best friend. God it would be weird not meeting her for lunch, or taking her to the latest horror movie. What would he do for lunch next week, he pondered? It would be a very lonely event he supposed, although he would be seeing his extended family for a week or two when he got back. He even had a basic outline of how he would be spending his time in Louisville during those two weeks, but no set plans at all. He would get a hotel room near some of his relatives, but that was hardly a plan of action. This was his one fear when he got there and was done with the wedding. What am I going to do?

"Scout ... are you in there? Or did you turn all robot on us again?" Captain Jones asked again for the third time. His voice, while quiet, was full of concern as he saw the young man still off in a place that was not with them, even if his body was walking and moving right beside them.

"Sorry sir, just thinking. Hey Em, did I ever tell you about this little place called Burma..." Joseph said trying to lift the mood that seemed to be settling down on them all like a thick fog.

"Yard-arm boy, yard-arm." Marge tried saying gruffly, as she imitated her husband's voice. With that the spirits of the whole group seemed to lift, and they all broke into laughter. Captain Jones laughing most of all, smiling at his wife, hugging her all the tighter.

With that they all just looked to themselves, and slowly each pulled out of their own deep thoughts and looked at the massive dark green plane in front of them. It was only a short flight on this one, Joseph thought, then onto one of the commercial airliners straight to Chicago, then another to Louisville.

"Ugh! That plane about matches how I feel when I think of boarding it." Joseph exclaimed loudly to the small group around him.

"Scout, you do know soldiers don't show fear, right?" Emily intoned as she looked up at his face, and saw the slight frown he was making at the plane, as if wishing it would just go away.

"Erm ... Sir, didn't you tell her it was all an act? I mean I know I am ruining our reputation but ... It's a plane!" Joseph said quietly to Captain Jones.

"Scout it is perfectly safe to fly in a plane, they have been doing it for how many years now. It's not as if you won't have a parachute in this one in case it gets shot at or something like that." Captain Jones snickered quietly as he spoke to Joseph, it was always like this for him when he saw the young soldier boarding or even going near a plane.

"Oh hun, don't tease the poor boy." Marge chided Jones, as she shook her head with sympathy.

Slowly they all came to a stop inside the terminal, close to the exit to the plane. Joseph became noticeably quieter as he looked out the window at the demon that would provide him with plenty of torture for the next hour, but then his face seemed to take an even sadder, grimmer smile as he turned to the family that had all but adopted him.

Marge saw the young man's face and barely remained in control of her tears as she left her husband's side and again hugged the young soldier to her and kissed his cheek one last time. "You take care of yourself Scout, god knows you will be missed by us all." she said in a cracked voice.

"I will ma'am, I promise you." Joseph hugged the woman back as tightly as he dared, feeling her shoulders moving up and down slightly as she pressed her face against his chest. Looking over at the Captain for help, or something he only could begin to express with his eyes to the man, the Captain slowly came over and gently took his wife from Joseph's arms and pulled her into a tight hug. Marge buried her eyes into the Captains chest, her shoulders moving even harder in their up and down motion.

"Come on Em, I need to talk to you for a moment." Joseph said to the young woman beside him. She looked up into his face and nodded slightly, not even sure if she could maintain herself as well as her mother had. She grabbed Joseph's hand tightly into hers as she followed him a few feet away from the others and closer to the door that would lead Joseph away from her.

"I'm sorry Em." Joseph said as he turned slightly towards the window looking out of it, at the plane.

"For leaving me, or never giving your heart to me?" Emily asked honestly, she knew Joseph was trying to apologize for one of those things, perhaps both.

"I'm not sure." Joseph replied his shoulders slouching just slightly. "I hope you will forgive me someday." he turned fully towards Emily now, "I just can't..." was all he was able to say before the young woman plastered herself against his chest and stood on her toes, pulling his head down towards her. Her hands latched behind his neck, she pressed her soft delicate lips tightly against his as she kissed him with all the anger, love, sadness, acceptance, and finally passion she could give to him.

At first Joseph just stood there in shock. Sure, they had kissed once in awhile, usually after their dates. Neither of them pure or chaste, but in front of her parents he almost feared it. Then his body melted against hers as he returned the kiss with all the words and meanings he could never speak to her, but the kiss perhaps explained it better than words ever could.

Slowly pulling back away from him she looked sadly at Joseph, "It is a good thing she doesn't live anywhere near me. I don't think I could control myself if I ever saw her." She pulled him down for one quick peck. Then pulled away sharply saying, "Goodbye Joseph, I love you." she ran to her mother's side and the women walked quickly away from the building out towards their car and the existence that was about to lose a person so close to them.

"Well, son. I guess it's a sad goodbye for us all." Jones quietly said to Joseph as he walked to the young man's side and stared out the window that Joseph was looking through. He raised his hand and rested it gently on his shoulder. "Remember you always have a place to come to if you ever need an ear or a shoulder son." Squeezing his shoulder tightly he quickly released his grip.

Joseph, still in a daze and fog from the kiss that broke his heart for a second time in his life, turned slowly towards the man and quietly says "Thank you sir. I..."

"Sergeant. You need to begin boarding the plane." said a Corporal from behind the desk in the terminal.

"Well Scout, time for you to get a move on while you can still catch your flight," Jones said gruffly, his arms circling around the young soldier and quickly hugging him. Just as quickly Jones released him and executed a perfect about-face and walked towards the parking lot doors. Joseph's mind was running a thousand miles a minute as he tried to will himself into speaking, moving, something. Anything but just standing there.

Slowly the door swung shut on its rusty hinges as the Captain walked away from the terminal. The gruff middle aged man walked slowly towards the wall beside the door and leaned back against it. His shoulders slumping as they began to show their almost fifty years.

Inside the small terminal Joseph still stood rooted to the spot. Unable to comprehend what exactly his mind was trying to make him do at that exact moment, he did the one thing he knew to do. Just as Captain Jones said to him just last night, squaring his shoulders he bent down to pick up the bags by his feet. Standing back up, he fell back onto his training and walked towards the door. The thought, "You don't have to like it, you just have to do it" running heatedly in his mind.

"Sergeant. Your flight is boarding." A corporal said to him quietly.

"Thanks Corporal."

Walking out the door Joseph was again hit in the face with the loud noise coming from the military transport. It was a huge hulking ugly green behemoth of a plane. Joseph's first reaction to seeing it warming up on the tarmac was one of fear and just a slight bit of trepidation.

The plane's rear was still open and he saw about ten guys loading up a few crates at last minute. Walking towards the end he smiled to himself as he ran over the last time he flew in a plane somewhat like this, and thought of how he had to jump out of it on purpose in mid flight. That always brought a smile to his face, even if he hated flying he loved jumping from the ungodly machines. There was truly something peaceful, almost Zen-like in falling through the sky and watching the slight curvature of the horizon.

Part of Joseph knew that jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft was a bit insane. But then again, he was just happy to be out of the plane in the first place no longer having to fear crashing into some mountain. Descending through the air he knew he was the only one he had to rely on to live. Well that and a silken canopy to catch the wind. But at least up there he had knowledge of what to do when something went wrong. His canopy didn't come out correctly, and his lines started twisting in a slight circle. Kick his legs while reaching up and trying to spread the thick cords with his hands. Pulling outward in both directions with his hands, and then kicking in a hard circular motion would usually pull your lines straight. Or when the chute would not deploy at all or ended up in a nasty ball of wires, silk, and a devils prayer. In those cases he had two options, die or do something about it. Simple to Joseph, just release your main and pull the reserve rip cord. Either way it was still a gamble, but the instructors had drilled Joseph so many times on the actual mathematical improbabilities of both parachutes failing- It was not even worth calculating.

As Joseph looked past the loading crates and into the belly of the great plane, he started walking up the loading ramp and asked one of the guys where he should stow himself away for the short connecting flight. Getting his spot in the plane was easy as Captain Jones had promised. This was just a short hop over to a civilian airport where he would get onto the real flight and fly into the States via Chicago, and then into Louisville. "With hope." Joseph thought to himself. Something Isabelle had told him a very long time ago, never pray to God for something. It was much easier to simply hope than to pray to some mythical figure-head that you would be safe. Like his Isabelle, he said "With hope" quietly as he looked down through the plane's belly and saw the loading ramp closing up.

As promised the flight was short, and landing in the god forsaken airport was a relief. Joseph had sat in his seat with sweat pouring down his brow, his face shining with a cold sweat. The turbulence was not long or actually all that bad. Even when a door would open in a plane for a planned jump, there was more shaking than the turbulence he had just gone through. But that was different, that wasn't his last day in this country and he sure hadn't been on his way to see her.

Shaking the hand of the smiling loading ramp attendant was an exercise in control, Joseph felt. It may not have been him flying but he sure didn't have to smile in such a way after seeing Joseph looking as if he had just seen a ghost.

 
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