Chapter 5

I stopped by her apartment to see her. Her mother had taken Sara somewhere and wouldn't be back for a good hour or two.

We'd been dating for over three months now. I asked Angel if I could take her out dancing and to a dinner. Sue and her husband agreed to go with us if she wanted to go.

"Brad, I'm scared. I'm falling in love with you and it's scaring me. I haven't been with a man in nearly five years. Since I became pregnant with Sara."

"Angel, you know I'm crazy about you. I have been since the day I met you. I know you know that. Besides, I know you've talked with Sue. She must have told you all about me being a playboy and vowing never to get married. I am no longer that man. I'm a man that fell in love with the nicest woman on God's green earth. I love you, Angel, and I would never do anything to hurt you. I want to be with you, Angel."

She began to cry. I don't know why she was crying. I put my arms around her and held her tight. She felt so soft. I kept my arms around her with her head on my shoulder. I hated seeing her cry; it was tearing me apart.

"Angel, what did I say or do to make you cry? Please share your grief and trust me," I asked.

"Brad, there is something about me that very few people know. It's a dark secret that only my mom and dad know. My brother doesn't even know."

"What is it? Angel, you can trust in me."

"Brad, I'm not falling in love with you."

"What? But you just said you were a minute ago."

"I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you ever since you brought over the movies. That is why I kissed you the first time. That's when I felt it. The mystical miss of the heart beat."

"What is it, Angel? Share it with me. I know everything will be alright."

"Brad, promise me that after I tell you this deep dark secret that you will never tell anyone. Not your sister, your mom or your dad. Promise me on all their lives that you will never mention it after today."

"I promise, Honey, I promise till the day I die, I will never reveal your secret. After you tell me, it will be our secret. Never to be mentioned again."

Angel told me her secret:

"Brad, I have to tell you the whole story if we are to be together. I can't hold this secret from you. Please don't interrupt me; I have to get it all out. It's taken me three months to get up the courage to tell you. I hope I don't lose you over it.

"It all began when I was in high school. I was popular and dated a lot. When I started college in Michigan I was a virgin. I thought I loved this one guy and, after we dated for a year, I gave up my virginity to him. "We dated until I was a senior in college. He found a new girlfriend and I went on with my life. I continued dating but the sex did not go beyond the feeling up and so on - no oral, no penetration. I guess I was what everyone in college called a tease, or a goody two shoes. I wasn't a tease. I was just trying to be polite and nice to everyone. Just because a girl talks to a guy doesn't make her a tease.

"I graduated with honors, along with one of my girlfriends, Sidney. We double dated and always watched each other's back. She knew I wasn't a virgin and I knew she wasn't one either. Neither of us had a boyfriend at graduation time.

"There was a big party planned for all the seniors. It was going to be held at the Ramada Inn. We knew there would be a lot of drinking and partying, so we got a room to share for the night. That way we wouldn't have to drive or have to depend on someone to get us home. We wanted to play it safe.

"The party started and we were having a good time. We danced with anyone who asked. We knew we were getting drunk, but that's what we expected to do. It was our graduation party, we wanted to have fun. We earned it.

"The next morning we - Sidney and me - woke up in our room. We were hurting, down below. We knew we had sex but had no idea with who or how many. I have no memory of any of it. I just woke up a total mess. I staggered into the shower to get rid of the filth. It was fine for the outside of my body but my stomach still ached. When I came out of the shower, Sidney took hers. When she came out of the shower, we held each other and cried.

"Should we call the police? Were we drugged? Were we raped, maybe both? We didn't know. If we called the police, who would we blame? We didn't know who or even how many. All we knew was that it hurt. It may be a good thing we have no recollection. If we did, we would have killed the bastards. We decided not to report it. School was over and we would be heading home in two days. Of course I came back to Ohio and Sidney was from Indiana.

"I remember Sidney saying 'Good thing we're on contraceptives.' She was but I never told her that I wasn't. It was a hard two days for us. We didn't trust any guy we talked to. Each time we would say goodbye to someone, we wondered if he might have been one of them. What should have been a couple of our happiest days turned out to be the worst because of our not knowing.

"I had this job waiting for me at the clinic. As you know, my brother Barry was a doctor there already. It made me a shoe-in for the nursing position. I started working the following week. It helped me get my mind off of the rape. I call it rape, because I didn't give willingly of myself. I know myself too well to think I would have jumped into a group scene.

"I missed my first period and it bothered me a little. When I missed my second one, I was scared. The only people I could talk to were my parents. I told them the whole story about the rape. We sat and cried together. Now, we had to decide what to do about the pregnancy.

"I basically had three choices. Abort the pregnancy, have the baby and give it up for adoption, or have the baby and keep it. I'm a nurse and we try to save lives. I decided against abortion. That made it between giving it up for adoption or keeping it. I must have changed my mind a hundred times while I was pregnant with Sara. About the seventh month I told my parents I was going to keep the baby. She - I knew it was a girl by then - was my daughter. No matter who the son-of a-bitch was that left the sperm, she was still my daughter.

"Brad, to this day, I don't regret my decision. We tell people that I got pregnant to a boyfriend in college and that he was killed in an auto accident before we got married. No one knows the true story but Mom and Dad and now you. I'll understand if you have second thoughts about me. I had to tell you the truth if we were to go any further. All I ask is you not tell anyone."

Needless to say, Angel had tears in her eyes when she finish telling me the story. I know I had to reply. I looked deep into her eyes and said, "Are you going out to dinner and dancing with me Saturday night?"

She started crying while I reached out and held her ever so close. I put a finger under her chin and pushed up lightly till our lips met. We kissed with a subtle passion. My nerves were on end.

"I love you, Angel. I love you even more now if that is possible. My dad said, 'The main things in a relationship are trust and communication.' I believe we have both of those qualities."

As we were kissing, her door buzzer went off. It was her mother back with Sara. They came up and we all talked about where they had gone. Then Angel asked her mom if she would watch Sara overnight on Saturday.

Her mom looked over at me and I quickly looked away. She looked back at Angel and said, "Overnight, Angel?"

"Yes, Mom, overnight. We're going to the big city for some dinner and dancing."

"Okay, honey, we'll take good care of Sara. Anything for my little girl."

I decided it was time for me to leave. I said my goodbyes to Sara and Angel's mom and gave Angel a quick kiss and told her I would see her Saturday and if she had any questions she should call Sue.

We went out on Saturday night, Sue and Bill, Angel and I. We had a fantastic dinner and then went to the lounge and had a few drinks. That is all of us but Sue. She was only a month or so from having her baby. She drank tea. As far as dancing goes, Angel and I danced every slow dance and a few fast ones. Sue and Bill danced a few slow ones. After a slow number the leader of the band asked for our attention. He said a gentleman had an announcement to make. Angel said she wondered what on earth this was about. We were standing near the stage at the time.