Chapter 3

Penny was still sleeping when I left the house in the morning. I thought about her and our marriage all the way to work. I kept going back to the ease with which Penny let every thing happen and wondering if that was the real Penny. In all of our years of marriage I'd never had any reason to doubt Penny. I'd never seen one thing to make me believe that she wasn't faithful. She had always been loving and affectionate so why was I thinking the thoughts of her that I was thinking?

The answer of course was the ease with which Penny gave it up. It was circular thinking at it's worst. No matter the question, no matter the doubts, no matter the "why am I" it always came back to how quickly Penny had spread her legs and given in to those two men. How could a faithful wife do that?

I didn't get much done at work that day. I sat in my office and stared out the window and cursed the day that I'd heard the guys talking about Steve and Marsha. I thought about my marriage and Penny. I thought about her final comment when I left the bedroom about working out the details of the separation. I didn't want a separation! I loved her. There had been some major changes for both of us over the last several months, but none of that made me love her any less. Granted, I was pretty fucked up in the head right then what with all the suspiciousness that the previous night had generated and I wasn't sure how I would take it if I found out for sure that she was cheating on me, but separation followed by a divorce was not an option for me. I loved Penny and I would find some way to work things out.

When I got home that night Penny was sitting at the kitchen table sipping a beer and waiting for me. As soon as I walked into the kitchen she pushed a pad of paper over toward me and said:

"The top two pages are what I'm taking with me. The rest of the pages list what I would also like to have. Look them over and then come and get me so we can discuss it."

I picked up the pad, tore off the pages that had writing on them and said:

"No need for that" and I tore the pages in half and dropped them in the garbage pail. "You aren't going anywhere so you don't need a list of what to take."

"I'm not staying here; not with the way you feel about me after last night and certainly not after what you accused me of."

"What the hell did you expect when you took off with those two bozos and left me behind?"

"You got left behind because I needed to set the stage for you to come watch. It took me fifteen minutes to convince them that I was serious about wanting my husband to watch and when we came looking for you we couldn't find you. You should have known that I wasn't going to leave you out of it. How was I supposed to be able to come home and face you otherwise? When you gave me the nod and then weren't there when we came looking for you I thought you had given me the go ahead. That's the god's honest truth and if you don't believe it I'm sorry, but I can't change it."

"Why would I give you the go ahead if I wasn't there? This was supposed to be about us remember?"

"How was I supposed to know what you were thinking. You have change so much over the last couple of months that I have no clue where you are coming from or what you are thinking. You saw how far I had gone with them and you made no move to stop it. You had to know by the time you nodded at me that I was hot enough to melt the booth I was sitting in and you still didn't get up and leave. That was the only signal we had for getting me to stop. If you wanted me to stop all you had to do was get up and walk out the door and wait a couple of minutes and I would have followed you out. But you didn't leave. All you did was give me a nod that I took for a yes, go for it.

"I was hot enough by that time they could have set me on that table and fucked me in front of god and very one. I was hot enough to fuck every man in that lounge and you had to know that. You could also have just walked up to the booth and said, "Come on honey, let's go home" instead of walking by and nodding. But none of that means shit Roger. What does mean something is your saying that I have been doing it all along — that I've been cheating on you behind your back."

"Just what the hell am I supposed to think Penny? There wasn't any hesitation on your part, no timidity, no nervousness, just straight from housewife to slut in no time. They didn't have to work at talking you into anything. They pointed you in a direction and you went. Another thing — you have been the driving force behind this entire situation. You have been on it like a duck on a june bug since the day I told you about Steve and Marsha. You initiated the role playing. You were the one who drug the chair over to the bed, started using a dildo as a mystery lover and it was you who asked me if I was ready to try it for real. You were the one who had the plan ready when I asked how we could do it. You picked out the lounge we went to and given the ease with which you gave in to those two men why wouldn't I wonder if maybe you already knew them and had arranged for them to be there? What better way to hide cheating from your husband than to get him involved with you and your lover.

"And one more time; this was supposed to be about me watching you. Not you getting gangbanged by two guys while I sat at home for five hours waiting for you. Even if I accept that it took you time to talk them into letting me watch, when you came looking for me and couldn't find me you should have been on the phone to me, either at home or on my cell, to tell me to come watch or come pick you up if I didn't want to watch. If you couldn't have reached me on the phone you should have been in a cab on your way home. Shrugging your shoulders and saying "Oh well, can't find him so let's go fuck" just doesn't cut it. Doing it with out me is the same as cheating Penny. Put it all together Penny, roll it over in your mind, look at it from all sides and then tell me why I shouldn't have the thoughts I've had. Once you have done that if you want to talk I'll be down in the basement."

I tried to work on the china cabinet I was building, but I just couldn't seem to concentrate on things and using power tools when your mind isn't on what you are doing is not a smart thing so I gave up and just sat there staring at the plans. Maybe an hour later I heard Penny come down the steps. A couple of minutes went by and when she didn't come over to where I was I turned and saw her sitting on the bottom step and looking at me. We looked at each other for several moments and then she said:

"I have never cheated on you Roger, not once. You might consider last night cheating and after doing as you suggested and looking at it from every angle I can see that from your point of view it might have been. But I can't go back and change it Roger. I honestly thought I had your blessing. That said I want to talk about the rest of what you said. You were right on most of it. I did everything you said I did, except for the cheating part, and my reason for doing it was so you would let me fuck other men. But only Roger, only if you were a part of it. If you were a part of it in my mind I wouldn't be cheating.

"I'm a slut Roger and I have been one since my early teens. I loved cock Roger. I craved it and I took as much of it as I could get. I did gangbangs at frat houses, went to drive-in moves in a van with five guys and never saw one minute of the film. Threesomes were normal for me and I never went on a date that the guy didn't get a piece of ass or a blow job. Then I met you and knew that if I was going to have any chance at all with you I was going to have to clean up my act. I packed my slut half away, became a good girl and did my absolute best to land you. I got lucky, you proposed and we got married. My slut half was packed away Roger, but she was still there and I have suppressed her all these years. You have no idea how bad I've wanted to unlock her cage and let her out, but I never did because I knew if I did you would eventually find out and my marriage would be toast

"I love you Roger and I do not want to lose you so I have been good. Then the Steve and Marsha thing happened and you seemed interested so I saw it as a chance to let my slut half out of confinement. If I could get you interested in doing what Steve and Marsha were doing I could fuck other men with your blessings. I could have the best of both worlds — have my husband and other studs to play with from time to time — I could have my cake and eat it to.

"You were right about last night. It was preplanned. Mark was supposed to be waiting for us when we got there. I wanted someone I liked and thought I could trust. He has been hitting on me at work for over a year now. I like him and I told him if he were to be at the lounge he just might get lucky. I didn't tell him about you because I didn't want to scare him away. I thought with some drinks and some close dances he would be wanting to bed me and then I would tell him the price. I was pretty sure that he would be willing to go through with it. I didn't know that he would bring his roommate with him. He told me that he thought I'd been bullshitting him about the possibility of getting lucky and so he brought Dave with him to have some one to shoot pool with when I didn't show.

"The slut in me was overjoyed at the thought of two men instead of just one and my only worry was how you would react to two instead of one, but you didn't seem to mind. You gave me no sign that you disapproved and as I let the two of them go farther and farther I kept one eye on you looking for a sign that it was time to quit. I am not exaggerating one bit Roger when I say that when you got up and walked past the booth I was hot enough to fuck every man in that room on that table. I thought for sure that you were coming over to break things up and when you walked by and nodded I said, "Thank God, he's going to let me do it." I asked Mark if he had a room and he said he'd get one. By the time he got the room and we went up to it and I talked them into doing it while you watched and we came back down to get you you were gone.