Chapter 3

Thus it was that I stood here now, with the rain falling and my best friend finally gone. I wiped my tears and tried to pull myself back to a gray damp world without Mary. I waved at the attendants and shouted a thank you as I walked toward my family.

As always, life goes on. Mary had left everything to me as she said and the will was probated without contest. I was able to take care of all of her obligations and Jennifer, Angie and I continued to live and work in the place we had come to call home. Things continued this way until about 6 months later when Jennie asked me if we could go for a drive together just to talk. I agreed, wondering what she had to tell me.

Since Jennie had come back into my life, she had impressed me as a solid, dependable woman who worked hard to make a life for her daughter. She often spoke of the past where she had made such a mess of our lives before she finally left. She told me some of the story, the wild parties, living on the street, the drugs and the sex. She told me almost as if it had happened to someone else, but she never made any excuses and she apologized to me for the things she did to Al and I. Stealing money, clothes and lying to us about many things. We knew but were unable to do anything to help her. She left and we knew we had lost her.

But she was no longer that person. She learned and she survived and she met and married a wonderful man who she loved enough to want to change her life. She got her GED, she got a job and together they began a life. She was 3 months pregnant when he was called up for active duty from the Reserves. He went willingly since he felt it was his duty and she watched him go with pride. Her pride turned to grief 4 months later when she got word that he was killed in action. She went into labor and Angelina was born 6 weeks premature. She was weak and struggled at first but she continued to grow into a strong young girl.

We drove together out into the country and to a park that we sometimes went to for picnics. It was a beautiful day and we strolled together through the wooded paths until we came to a bench next to a small stream. Jennie moved to the bench and motioned for me to follow her. I sat next to her and reached for her hand. Whatever she wanted to tell me, I signaled that I was ready.

"Mom, I want to ask you something and I want you to answer me honestly. OK?"

"Of course, you can ask or tell me anything. I want only the best for you and Angie and I will do whatever I can to help you. Tell me."

"I think I am in love with Woody. Before you say anything, he and I have not had sex or anything like that but we have had some casual dates for lunch or dinner and he has asked me out officially for a date. I want to know what you think about it. Do you have feelings for him and do you want him for yourself? If you do, I will back away with no hard feelings. I do like him and I would like to consider a life with him, but it is up to you."

I admit I was taken by surprise. I knew Woody had taken Jennifer under his wing and trained her and made things easier for her while she was learning. I knew the man he was and I knew that whatever was going on, there was nothing untoward or clandestine about it. Woody would see what I saw in Jennie and he was the type of man that could offer her a life that she could count on. At first I was undecided. He was more than 20 years older than her. I knew he could certainly perform in the bedroom and I knew he still had a zest for life that was more appropriate to a younger man but I could find no real reason to so no.

"I think Woody is a wonderful man and I have no feelings other than loving friendship for him. If you think he might be the man for you, I say go for it. You know what I think of him and I know he would make a fine husband and stepfather for Angie. Does Angie know about him?"

"Angie loves him. We have been together several times in a casual way but she really thinks he is something else. That's one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. That and what you told me about him before. I want to tell him yes and see where it goes. I'm glad you approve. It has been worrying me for some time and I was afraid you would still have feelings for him."

"Go for it daughter and be happy. You deserve it."

And she did. She and Woody became a couple and it was fun to see her so happy. Angie loved it as well and began to refer to Woody as her almost daddy. She had never had a father figure and Mary and I were the only adults she had experience with so the addition of Woody to her world was a great plus. Especially since he was the man he was. They dated for almost a year before he finally asked her to marry him. He came to me first and asked for my blessing and I broke down and cried. He held me and let me go until finally I was able to wipe my eyes and give my blessings. He asked her that same day and she said yes.

I began to make plans for the wedding and we set the date for the middle of June. It was to be a small wedding since Jennifer and Woody wanted it that way. Both made a list of people they wanted to invite and it was finally set at 30 people. We were swamped in details and, with both of our jobs it was a real marvel that we were able to make it happen. There was only one issue that we had a problem with: who was going to give Jennifer away. As the mother of the bride, I was not the one to do that. Mary would have been the ideal person but she was gone. Jennifer and I talked about it for weeks but couldn't come up with one person we both agreed on. That gave me an idea.

It had been just about 5 years since I had seen or heard from Al. I knew only that he had received my letter about 4 years ago but he chose not to respond. I knew Mr. Green was still in contact with him but we had not spoken since I had him set up the trust fund for Angie. I decided to give him a call in the morning.

I also called Clive, my PI and told him what I was trying to do. I wanted to contact Al to see if I could get him to come to the wedding. I wasn't sure if Al even knew about Jennifer, Mary and Angie but I wanted to try anyway. I asked if he had any contacts from his sources or any idea of where Al may be. He listened for a while and then asked me to do something strange. He said that if I could do that, there was a very good chance that he could finally locate my husband. My ex-husband that is. I had finally signed the divorce papers so long ago when Henry said that he had given my letter to Al but that Al had declined to answer me. I knew then that it was too late. I listened to Clive and finally agreed to do as he asked.

The next morning I drove down to Henry Green's office and asked for some time to talk with him. His secretary told me she could fit me in sometime after lunch so I spent several pleasant hours just shopping for items for the wedding and I had a pleasant lunch in a small bistro that Woody and I had visited several times. It brought back some bittersweet memories. Over tea, I called Jennifer to see if she had thought any more about the choice for a photographer and some other details until it was time for me to see Mr. Green.

The office looked just the same as it had 5 years ago when I first talked with Mr. Green. We were now on a first name basis so we chatted for a while until I finally came to the point for this visit.

"Henry, as you know, my daughter Jennifer is getting married in three weeks. We are almost ready for the wedding and things are going well. By the way, you are invited if you would like to come. Anyway, the only problem we have is who will give the bride away. The only two people we would consider are either dead or part of the wedding. That leaves us with no one to ask. So, I want you to ask Al to give Jennifer away on her wedding day."

Henry looked as though I had hit him with a ball bat. The shock was almost funny. He tried several times to say something but finally just leaned back and looked at me.

"Say something Henry. You look silly sitting there with that stupid look on your face. It is just a question and it's no big deal except to his daughter and granddaughter. He may still hate me and I don't blame him, but he shouldn't take it out on his daughter. Just ask him. That's all you have to do."

With that, I got up relieving Henry of the need to say or do anything. I reached over to shake his hand and turned to leave.

"By the way, I'll see that you get an invitation. I hope to see you there. Goodbye Henry."

I left the office quickly and walked to my car. Once inside with the door closed, I called Clive and told him that I had just spoken with Henry and told him of my request. He listened and then told me to just hold on. He would call me as soon as he had something. He seemed excited and that in turn made me think that something might finally come of this. While I had no hopes about Al and I, I did want my granddaughter to know him and I really wanted him to give my daughter away. She had come so far and it would be a tragedy for Al not to see her today. I prayed that Clive could somehow come through.

I returned home, and for the next several days Angie and I worked on the details while Jennifer and Woody made their own plans for the honeymoon and a new home for the three of them after the wedding. Angie had mixed feelings about moving into a new place away from me but I assured her that I would always be close by and she could come stay with me anytime she wanted. That seemed to reassure her and she began to anticipate her new life. We were all decidedly happy but I still waited to see if anything was going to come from my search.

It was just a week from the day I called Clive that he called me back. He was quite excited and he wanted me to come down to his office as soon as possible. I asked what he had but he wouldn't say over the phone. I agreed to come in that very day. I called Henry Green first and asked him if he had heard from Al but he said that he hadn't. I thanked him and hung up, confused.

When I got to Clive's office, his secretary ushered me in with a huge smile. I had become rather a fixture in their office over the past few years. I also paid Clive a lot of money over the years that may have had something to do with their pleasure in seeing me.

"Come in, come in. I have great news for you. This you will really like. I'm sure, very sure!"

Clive was beside himself and the grin on his face was something to see. He waited until I sat down and then ran behind his desk to grab a sheet of paper. He flourished it in front of me and laid it down on the edge of the desk with the neatly typewritten name and address facing me. I looked at it in confusion. I didn't know the name of the person or the address. I looked up at him for an explanation.

"That's Al! That's the name he is going by and he lives just 15 minutes away from you. He has been living there for the past 3 months. He was in South America until just 3 months ago and he entered the US with false papers and a false passport. It was good enough to get him in without alerting the Feds. That's what he was doing. I told you he had money somewhere and that he would come back when he was sure things had died down."

"How did you track him down with a false name?" I was curious.

"When you contacted Henry Green, he sent a message by courier. I knew from someone who works in his office that was how he was in contact with Al. They said he was back in the US but only Henry knew how to contact him. No phone and no mail, just by courier. I waited and followed the courier and he dropped the note off at a Mailbox Etc. I planted myself outside and had to wait for over 10 hours but it paid off. I saw your husband himself pick up the note. I recognized him from the photos you gave me. I followed him back to his place and got the address as well as his license plate number. I'm able to access DMV records and found his name that way. Once I had his name, his address and his photo, I got a phone number as well. It's all there."

Clive was grinning like an idiot but I didn't care. With tears in my eyes, I went to him and hugged him. Still grinning, he hugged me back. His secretary was watching and she also had tears. We all just stood there grinning at each other.

As I left, I hadn't decided what to do but I wanted to talk it over with Jennifer and Woody first. Maybe Angie as well. I wasn't sure yet. I was just too overwhelmed to think clearly. Maybe tomorrow.

At breakfast, Jennifer and Angie both asked me why I was so cheerful. I guess I couldn't come down from my high having found Al. I decided to tell them the truth and see what they thought I should do. I did and they both were shocked almost speechless. Finally Jennifer spoke.

"Mom, you have to go see him. I would love to have him give me away but you need to see him alone first. Just you and him. Do this for you first. OK?" She smiled at me warmly and I realized again just how fortunate I was to have found her again.

"Grandma, you have to go see him. And you have to tell him to come back. I want so very much to meet him and have a grandpa of my very own. Please tell him that. Please?"

"OK for both of you I'll go see him tomorrow. I'll tell him what he is missing and that there are two beautiful ladies here just dying to meet him. If he is a man, that should do it, don't you think?"

We all laughed and cried together as women do and we loved every minute of it. But inside, I was so nervous at seeing him again that my stomach was rolling and burning. I needed to get my mind off of him and try to put it out of my mind for a while. I would think about what I was going to say later, when I was alone. I was terrified but excited at the same time. I had done without him for so long that I felt I could stand his refusal to come to the wedding but I didn't think I could take his rejection of me again. If he refused to see or talk to me, I didn't know what I would do.

Somehow the day passed and I went to bed that night so keyed up that I doubted that I would sleep at all. I took a long hot bath and just soaked until I started to prune. I got out and toweled myself dry and then, wrapped in a soft terrycloth robe, I lay down on my bed and tried to read for a while, but no such luck. I read the same page 6 times before I finally gave up and turned out the light. I thought back over my life with Al and remembered the good times and the bad times. We had been through a lot together but we always seemed to make it go forward. We worked as a team and we made a life together. Why had I destroyed it? Why had I finally given in to the temptation to sleep with Woody?

I went back to that time and even though Al had sunk into a deep depression and had essentially withdrawn from the world, I still stayed by him until that one night. I remembered that night so well; it was a beautiful night, warm and delightful and we had just watched a play that was romantic. I was filled with love that night and I had to give it to someone. The man I wanted to give it to was not available to me anymore so I turned to the one that was. I just wanted to give that pleasure that made me feel like a woman. That was all it was. It wasn't love, it wasn't making love, it was giving pleasure.

I wondered if I could ever make Al understand what I did that night? I had tried to put it into words in the letter I sent him but it had apparently not made any difference to him. I thought about it some more but knew that I knew of no other way to say it. I loved Al with all my heart and soul but when I really needed him, he wasn't there. He could say the same about me; when he looked for me, I wasn't there for him. How could that be a basis for reconciliation? It wasn't. With that thought, I finally fell into an exhausted asleep.

The next morning was almost impossible. I was so keyed up that I kept doing the same things over and over before realizing what I was doing. Since I had taken the day off, I had no schedule and I kept rationalizing what I was doing without making any sense. I finally went upstairs to get dressed and ready to go. I couldn't postpone this any longer. I dressed in my best dress; a soft full print that left my well tanned arms and shoulders bare and made me look my best. I liked the hint of cleavage and the open back. I put on a strand of pearls and some pearl studs and stepped back to view myself. I hated my hair. I spent the next 20 minutes playing with it until I finally let it fall free around my shoulders. The blonde highlights gave my dark brown hair some style and I finally accepted it. Ready on not, here I go.

A half hour later, I pulled up in front of a small garden style home with a postage stamp lawn and a short drive leading to a single garage. It was a very modest place, one that would never have suited the old Al. I sat there looking at the place, trying to get up the courage to go up to the entrance. I finally steeled myself and made the walk. I paused and talked to myself one more time before finally knocking three times on the door.

I was ready to rap again when the door opened and there he stood. It was really he. I had doubted it right up until this moment but it was really he. A little grayer, a lot thinner but it was really he. It had been five years, 3 months and 21 days since he had driven away to an interview. It had been that long since I had last spoken to him or touched him or heard his voice. But it was really him standing there looking at me.

"Hello Al. How have you been?" Stupid and inane but it was the first thing that came to my mind. So much for preparation.

"Hello Angie. You look absolutely wonderful. You grow more beautiful as the years go by. May I ask how you found me?"

"It doesn't matter. I did and that's all that counts. I was looking for you to ask you a question. May I ask you a question?"

"Of course. But I think I might know what you want to ask me." He stopped and moved back from the door.

"Please, come in first. This place isn't much but it is home for me now. Can I get you something? Coffee, a soft drink?'

I stepped past him into the small foyer. I looked around and was surprised by the Spartan appearance. If this was home, he didn't want much.

"No thank you. Your place is, well, interesting I guess is the word. But thanks anyway."

"You're just being kind. But about your question, is it about the wedding?"

"Yes it is. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you know about it. It has been in all the papers and Henry probably told you as well."

"You would be surprised at what I know about you. Just because I left you doesn't mean I never cared about you. I followed all of your successes and failures and losses over the years. I knew about Mary and I was happy for you then. I was happy that you found someone to share your life with. I was surprised, but happy."