Chapter 2

Julia and Beatrice were lying side by side in the Spring sunshine on the Hall's extensive lawn, whence they had just taken themselves. Each lay with her chin propped up by her cupped hand, and each was in a reflective mood. Mrs Jenkinson had just left the Hall after a long and persuasive sales-pitch in which that good lady had extolled the virtues of the new mooted communal facilities and the duties of those who are more fortunate in life's lottery towards those upon whom Lady Luck has smiled less kindly.

"A little bit of harmless fun" was how this good lady had described the forthcoming fete and carnival. The pair had heard about last year's "harmless fun" and were none too keen to be bracketed with the equine-faced and unintelligent Dorothy as a source of amusement to the village's drunken and lascivious youth.

"Aren't there any other local girls who would bare a bit of flesh?" Julia had asked at one point in the conversation. "There must surely be a few presentable girls, even amongst that lot of inbred turnip-headed grotesques."

Mrs Jenkinson was only partly able to conceal her amusement at this unkind, if broadly accurate description of so many of the townsfolk.

"Yes, my dear, there are several quite acceptable girls, but their fathers raised objections last year and would surely do so again. In fact we daren't even ask this time around - not with the elections coming up next month."

"Bloody hypocrites!" interjected Beatrice. "Quite happy to ogle other people's daughters just as long as their own are kept under wraps. Well, I don't choose to show myself (as you know), but I'm not ashamed of what I've got, and if you ever got to see it, you'd know why! I just don't see why there aren't less salacious ways of making money!"

"There are, my dear" replied the councillor, "But they all involve time, money and effort and we've always prided ourselves on making only a modest capital outlay in relation to the money raised. As the dear Colonel said, people will always pay to look at bare female flesh - a sad reflection on our debased culture, but there we are. And if they'll pay to look at poor simple Dorothy, who has a face that would curdle milk, they'll pay even more to look at you two!"

The good lady finished her exhortation by reminding them that they both clearly delighted in using their good looks to secure male admiration as a way of gratifying their own vanity, so why not use those physical charms to help raise money for a worthy and noble cause?